Chapter 30
Chapter Thirty
Mal
Tentative Peace
I haven’t even been here three full days yet and I feel like I’m “home.” It’s no lie to say that despite how hard and dirty the work is, if I had to spend the rest of my life doing what I’m doing now, with the people I’m doing it with, and living where I am?
Worth it.
I’m certain I have PTSD, but while working my ass off alongside a bunch of great guys who respect me and seem to enjoy my company, I’ve never been happier.
Low bar, I know.
Not to mention my boss is a fucking hunk. I can’t help that I fantasize about what it’d be like getting rutted by him. On the regular, and not just for initiation. I’d gladly give it up to him any time and anywhere.
But so far, other than the joking around, he hasn’t made any serious passes at me and I’m not stupid enough to jeopardize this situation by making one at him.
I wish Shawn would start introducing me around, though. The faster I can get through the initiation process, the better I’ll feel.
I mean, yeah, I’m obviously looking forward to the process itself.
Especially the slutting around part.
Because it’ll be damned nice cutting loose and not giving a shit what my father or anyone else thinks.
Once I get it out of my system I might feel differently, but even while working my ass off in the summer heat and surrounded by the smell of cow shit I still chub up thinking about spreading my ass for all comers.
When I finish work for the day, I say goodbye to my coworkers and walk back to the house despite being offered rides. If Todd’s around he usually gives me a lift in the ATV but I like the walk. Enjoy it.
I’m free to walk. Outside of respecting the rules I agreed to upon my arrival, I’m free to do whatever the fuck I want to do whenever the fuck I want to do it.
There is no way to describe how that feels if you didn’t grow up hopelessly pinned beneath the violently controlling paw of Randolph Sterling.
Besides, despite the heat today I’m enjoying getting to know the new scents of my adopted home. Walking allows me to slow, pause, stand there with my nose up and my eyes closed, and just…breathe.
I hope I’m allowed to stay. My father would never stand for it if he knew where I was. If he didn’t order me killed, he’d order me dragged back.
The stupid thing is, he doesn’t want me! It costs him literally nothing to just let me go and do my own thing and pretend I don’t exist. But because I didn’t turn out to be a creepy cookie-cutter version of him that he can mold into whatever he wants, that’s somehow a personal affront to his soul.
Even in the few of short days I’ve been here, without being stuck in literal survival mode, I realize how my father isn’t capable of love and has no desire to be.
I’ve just opened the apartment door when Todd walks around the end of the house and spots me there.
My cock chubs.
Dammit. I can’t help it—he’s gorgeous!
He walks toward me and it takes every ounce of strength in my soul not to reach down and adjust myself.
Yep. I’m stroking one out in the shower.
“Feel like joining me for dinner?” he asks.
Can I be your dinner?
But no, I don’t say that. Duh.
“Yeah, sure!”
He rubs at his chin and I spot the late-day stubble there. “Plenty of time to grab a shower first,” he says. “I need one, too. I’ll grill us some steaks and we can eat outside and enjoy the evening.”
“Sounds good,” I say.
He claps me on the shoulder as he passes me to head to the back door. I manage to force myself not to stand there watching him walk away and head inside.
Yep.
I’m not even in there thirty seconds before I’m naked, standing in my shower, and fisting my cock so I can frantically pound out the first of at least two orgasms I know I’ll have before dinner.
It’s soooo easy, so tempting to spin out countless fantasies of Todd bending me over anywhere he wants and rutting with me.
Meaning it’s maybe only a dozen strokes before I’m painting the shower wall with my cum, and I’m shaky, breathing hard.
I grab the lube this time, brace my free arm against the wall, rest my forehead on it, close my eyes while the water beats down on me, and squeeze my cock.
Yeah, I’m already chubbing again.
I take more time with this one, savoring it, slowly stroking up my shaft and twisting around the head and back again.
I bet he’s huge.
If I don’t get myself fucked real soon, I’ll need to make a run somewhere close for dildos and a butt plug because fucking my own hand would not be satisfying for very long.
It’s the third orgasm I stroke out that finally allows me to once again think reasonably clearly. The water’s almost cold so I quickly finish scrubbing and rinse off.
Because I don’t have a huge wardrobe, I opt for jeans and a button-up bowling-type shirt that was one of the few things I brought with me from Atlanta.
It’s got dinosaurs on it, and I think it’s downright hysterical. They’re wearing little Hawaiian shirts and doing things like surfing, drinking from coconut-shaped cups, and other activities. I can buy T-shirts or work shirts any-damned-where, but let me have my dinos, for fuck’s sake.
I head over and Todd’s already in the kitchen, shirtless and barefoot but wearing jeans, with his back to the door.
“Hello?” I call out.
“Come on—” He turns, his jaw dropping as he processes what I’m wearing.
Then comes the laughter, braying out of him, and he sets down the plate of steaks he’d been seasoning.
“That … that shirt … that’s fucking AMAZING!”
I allow myself to relax and smile. “Yeah, I’m kind of fond of it.
” I couldn’t wear it at home around my father—or my brothers—because they would have metaphorically eviscerated me for daring to wear something fun.
Mom bought it for me, because we were in the shop and I saw it, and when we got home, there it was with the rest of the things.
God, that memory makes me miss Mom.
Todd walks over and circles me, looking at the design. “That’s the best shirt I think I’ve ever seen. Where’d you get it?”
“A shop in Atlanta,” I say. “But I think they can be ordered online.”
“Well, remind me after dinner to go looking for that, because I want one.”
Yes, my cock is already chubbing again, happy? “Sure.”
He goes out to light the grill while I start helping prep things like a salad and veggies he plans to roast along with the meat. I know it’s stupid to let my imagination spin up little scenarios, like me walking around here naked and taking care of him, but I can’t help it.
Except I do want to support myself. I never again want to be completely dependent upon someone else to take care of me. In fantasies, it’s fun to dream of being a happy little house hubby omega, taking care of my pups and my mate.
Then reality slaps me across the face and reminds me my father is a fucking vengeful asshole, and who in their goddamned right mind would ever want to be mates with someone like me?
Fuck-buddies will likely be my only relationship statuses for the foreseeable future.
Realistically, I cannot in good conscience spend the rest of my life living in Todd’s apartment. This is finally my chance to make my own way and live life on my terms.
To have a place to call my very own, and that I’m responsible for. Where I can totally be me.
That belongs to me.
I hope returning to work as a plumber becomes my future once I go through initiation. I don’t mind that—plumbers make decent money. I trained for it, I’m good at it, and I don’t mind 90% of the work involved.
We grab beers and move everything out onto the screened porch so Todd can supervise the grill while we chat.
He also, unfortunately, dons a T-shirt.
Boo.
“Jax stopped by again today,” he says.
There’s just… something in his tone that completely kills my chub. “Yeah?”
“A couple of complications have arisen.”
My blood chills. “What kind of complications?”
“I’m not at liberty to say. But it will likely delay your initiation.”
Heavy knots twist in my guts. “Is someone objecting to me?”
“No, nothing like that. It’s not because of you; it’s a separate but tangentially related issue.”
I’m not sure if I should relax or not. “Having to do with my father?”
“It’s a wider issue. There may be a little overlap with your personal situation, but this larger situation is not because of you.”
I take a long pull from my beer. “He’d better not fuck this up for me,” I grumble. “Then he’ll have to kill me, because I refuse to go back to the way things were.”
Todd looks like he wants to say something, but then gets up to check the food on the grill. A few minutes later, we’re sitting down to delicious grub.
He speaks. “I will not break my oath of silence to my friend, much less to my pack Alpha.” He’s picking his words carefully as he spears pieces of chopped, roasted carrot with his fork.
“Things are on hold with you right now until Jax gets more information. And that’s nothing you’ve done wrong,” he quickly adds.
“But combined with this other recent development, which I can’t talk about, he’s worried for everyone’s safety if he moves too quickly without gathering more intel first.”
Yes, I’m certain he was trying to put me at ease, help me relax, but…
Nope.
“Would it be easier on everyone if I leave?” I quietly ask.
“No!” he says, eyes wide before he composes himself.
“Please, no. You’re safe here, at least for the immediate future.
But do me a favor and don’t go into town without either clearing it with me first or asking me to go with you.
There isn’t any obvious danger right now, but we need to initiate safety protocols so we don’t fuck up when there is danger. If there’s danger,” he adds.
It’s hard to keep my mind on the meal and the conversation between my stupid cock’s attraction to Todd and my mind mulling over what potential dangers are out there that have Jax slowing things down.
We spend over an hour eating and chatting, and I help him clean up the kitchen afterward.
“You all right?” he asks, the concern in his brown gaze nearly driving me to tears.
“I don’t want people to get hurt because of me,” I admit, then bitterly laugh. “I can’t even go get laid to distract me.”
He sucks his teeth. “When I talked to Jax, he gave me revised guidelines.”
“Guidelines?”
“He would prefer we don’t fuck-fuck, but nearly anything else is on the table. As long as you’re willing, obviously.”
His intense gaze burns into mine, and I watch him watching me lick my lips because now my mouth is dry. “Like what?” I ask, barely able to speak.
He smiles and, yes, that chubs me again. “Would you like to see the fun room?”