Chapter 33
Chapter Thirty-Three
Jax
Naming his fears
It’s nearly nine when I pull into our driveway and shut off the truck. My stomach’s growling like a motherfucker, but I didn’t want to delay my return home any longer than necessary.
I suspect this will already be bad enough.
When I walk in, I find Shawn curled up on the couch and watching TV. He doesn’t sit up or acknowledge my presence, and I shove down my goddamned Alpha wolf and smack him on the snout with a rolled-up newspaper because Father’s absolutely right.
I was an asshole.
Maybe not deliberately, but I hurt my mate and that’s not acceptable.
Rounding the end of the couch, I kneel next to him and silently, patiently wait for him to finally meet my gaze.
“I’m sorry,” I say. “We will still try for a baby.”
He blinks, his lips parting like he was going to say something, then scowls as he stares at me. “Huh?”
“I should’ve gone after you this morning and told you that we’re still trying for a baby.”
He snorts. “You mean ‘after this shit’s over’?” He uses finger quotes around it.
“No. Good-faith effort. You’re right—everyone’s right. I’m terrified, but delaying won’t make it any easier.”
His expression softens as he studies me. “You mean it?”
“Yeah. Even Pops called me an asshole.”
That finally earns me the hint of a smile. “Yeah? Well, you are. Were.” He lifts his head so he can kiss me. “But you’re my asshole, asshole.” He plays with my shirt collar. “Sorry I flounced.”
I capture his hand and feather my lips over it. “You don’t owe me an apology. I’ve dropped the ball on this, repeatedly, and I’m sorry.”
His gaze narrows again. “Not just saying that to get laid, are you?”
I snort. “No. I fucked up and I’m admitting I fucked up.”
“Oh. Well, darn, because self-awareness like that is kinda hot. Could get you laid.” The corners of his lips quirk in a sexy smirk that finally makes me laugh.
I lean in and kiss him, cupping the back of his head and holding him in place while I slant my lips over his and savor this kiss, this man.
My man.
My mate.
We’re both gasping for breath when I end our kiss and press my forehead to his. “I need a shower. Want to join me?”
He’s about to reply when my asshole stomach lets out a loud and ghastly growl that raises Shawn’s eyebrows.
He bursts out laughing. “Yes, but let’s get some sushi in you first.” He sits up.
“Sushi?”
“I hit the grocery store because I was in no mood to cook dinner and I don’t need your stomach trying to out-growl me while you’re fucking me.”
I catch his hand before he stands and steal another kiss. “Love you, baby.”
Finally, a real smile. “Love you too, asshole.”
Obviously, I’ll allow him to call me that because I was an asshole.
I stuff myself with sushi, then head to the shower with Shawn. Before he can do anything, I spin him around, press his back against the wall, and kneel in front of him to swallow his cock.
He instantly hardens and when his hands settle on my head and he tries to rock his hips, I know I have his full attention.
He deserves as much of my attention as I can give him, and more.
I just hope on the other side of whatever we’re about to wade into that we both still have plenty of time and attention for each other.
That we’re both alive to have time and attention for each other.
Shoving that thought out of my head, I press in, shouldering his thighs apart while swallowing him as deeply as I can. Every pleasured groan rumbling from him vibrates straight through to my cock, which is hard and eager to be planted deep inside my mate.
Except this is for Shawn. About him.
I can wait.
I grab his hips and dig my fingers in the way he loves, pinning him in place and disengaging his brain so his only thoughts are of the pleasure I’m building him up to.
I am still as in love with this man as I was that night so many years ago when we first met, and I damned sure need to step up my game to remind him of that.
I lightly graze my teeth along the length of his shaft, all the way to the head, where I take slow, circular swipes around the crown and pull more moans from him before pressing forward again. After so many years together, I know what turns his crank and I’m happy to give it to him.
Dragging this out, I pull off so I can lick up and down his erection. When I cup his balls and lightly tug on them the way he loves, he sucks in a sharp breath.
“Fuuuck that’s good!”
I swallow him again, all the way to the root. When I look up, I meet his brown gaze and see how gone he is in this moment.
I own him, heart and soul and body, the same way he owns me.
After a few minutes, he’s mindlessly begging for relief and I finally grant it, moaning with him as his cum hits my tongue and I swallow every drop with my forehead pressed against his abs.
Even after he softens in my mouth I still don’t release him. I gently lick, suck, while his grip in my hair relaxes and his fingers play along my scalp. When I finally release him, I smile.
“Better?”
He chuffs, his eyes dropping closed. A sexy, sated smile curls his lips. “Always.”
I climb to my feet and kiss him, pulling him into my arms. As much as I’d like to get some tonight, the fact that I hurt my mate’s feelings chills my ardor.
“What about you?” he mumbles against my shoulder, sounding come-drunk and sleepy.
I kiss the top of his head. “What about me?” I close my eyes and deeply inhale. “I have you. That’s what I need.”
He snorts. “You’re a horrible liar, Jax.”
“That’s not a lie. If I want to jerk off, I know how. I need to know you’re happy. I’ve fucked that part up too many times over the past couple of days.”
He softly sighs and tilts his head back to meet my gaze. “If we need to hold off—”
I slant my lips over his, effectively silencing him. “We’ll let nature take its course,” I say. Your next heat might not come until after we have this shit dealt with. I only hope you don’t mind having a chickenshit asshole husband.”
He smiles. “Yeah, well, as long as you don’t mind having a petty, flouncing one.”
I nuzzle his nose. “I think we’re a perfect pair.”
“So do I.” He starts to say something else when a yawn hits him, and that settles the matter for me. Shutting down his sleepy protests, I quickly soap us both up, we rinse, then we head to bed.
I pull him into my arms and he almost immediately crashes into sleep. Now I can close my eyes and breathe in his scent.
I pray that we have many peaceful nights ahead of us.
Just hope that doesn’t jinx us.