Chapter 60
Chapter Sixty
Mal
Get set
Right now, my mind is one big fucking mess. I’m glad I have work to do because it’ll allow me to focus on that, something I don’t need to devote actual brainpower to, instead of obsessing over what’s supposed to happen.
And what’s already happened.
I guess I have myself a mate.
That thought is the only thing that helps settle my soul and gives me a modicum of comfort—Todd and I are mates, and he’s determined to do whatever it takes to make sure I’m safe.
Thankfully, the guys don’t question why I’m late. I’ve almost forgotten about the morning’s secondary developments when Todd shows up at the barn in the ATV.
His gaze immediately meets mine and it takes every single ounce of willpower I have—and some I didn’t even realize I had—not to run to him and fling myself into his arms.
He drops me a wink from across the barn before he heads into one of the storerooms. I do my best not to sploot flat on my face in cow shit while I work, because all I can think of now is that morning, of what it felt like closing that gap between us, and then my short-lived bliss because of what Jax and Shawn revealed.
Oh, yeah. Look at that. The news my dad’s still hunting me—and that others are and will hunt me—can kill my chub.
Nice.
He piles several things into the ATV’s bed and then catches my eye and tips his head toward the storeroom, his meaning clear.
I’m not pitiful enough to think he’ll actually fuck me right there, but I won’t deny this bitch power-walks the length of the barn to catch up with him.
I follow him into the storeroom, and he takes my hands in his, staring down at me with those gorgeous brown eyes. “There is a plan,” he starts. “But I can’t tell you any details or even a timeframe. Okay?”
I nod, sensing from his tone this is going somewhere I won’t like. “Okay.”
He squeezes my hands. “Do you trust me?” he quietly asks.
“Of course I do.”
“Do you trust me to protect you, and to keep you safe?”
I nod. “Absolutely. Without question or hesitation.”
He takes a deep breath. “For now, I need to take safewording off the table. I don’t like doing it, but with the logistical discussions that happened, it’s agreed that it’ll help give… everything a better chance of success.”
Lots of thoughts spin through my brain so fast I can’t even grab any of them to make sense of them. But one thought drills through me, through the darkest depths of my soul.
And it’s a concrete truth.
“I trust you, Todd,” I say, squeezing back. “If you can’t keep me safe then I’m not safe anywhere. I don’t know Jax or Shawn the way you do, obviously, but if you trust them, then I trust them, too.”
A sudden prickle in my nose catches me off guard and I desperately blink back tears. “I have no other options,” I finally choke out. “I can’t lose you. And if I leave here, I’m certain it’s not if, but when, someone catches me. Not that I want to leave here.”
He pulls me into a tight embrace, not even caring I smell like cow shit, his chin rubbing the top of my head. The force of his love for me pulses through me like a supernova.
“I love you, baby,” he whispers. “The other thing is I can’t control you not reading my thoughts right now. While I was given the okay for us to keep doing what we’re doing, even before everything else happens, it was suggested I shouldn’t sleep in bed with you, and I have to agree.”
That slightly stings, but I totally get it. “I understand. I’m not used to sleeping with someone anyway, so it’s not like that’ll be difficult to get used to.”
He hugs me tighter. “We’ve got to make this happen in less than a week. Once we’re through that, you and I can finally sit down and have an actual discussion, with clothes on, about the two of us. I don’t want you to feel pressured—”
I look up at him. “I want to be with you, Todd. Period. I get that there will be an adjustment period for both of us. We’re both used to living alone. It’s not like we’re across the country from each other, okay? I’m fine living in the apartment for now.”
He looks nearly distraught. “I don’t want you to think I’m banishing you, or that I don’t want you—”
I grab the big oaf’s head and drag his lips down to mine so I can kiss him. “Shut up,” I silently tell him, and he starts laughing.
When I finally release him from the kiss, he keeps his forehead pressed against mine. “This is not how I wanted you to join the pack,” he whispers. “I wanted it to be like we usually do, a celebration, and then you’d feel welcomed and loved.”
“I do feel welcomed and loved—by you. Not like I’m not used to my life being anything but normal, dude.
I’m pretty good at compartmentalizing after all these years of having to live in secrecy.
Once we’re through this shit and I have a found family I can finally be my authentic self with?
Man, that’s my dream. I don’t care how I have to get there, as long as the end result is you and me. ”
That finally earns me a smile. “Once we’re through all this, on the other side of it, we can start introducing you around properly. You’re gonna love meeting the omega house guys.”
I return his smile. “I am going to get my slut on sooo hard—no pun intended—you have no idea.”
His smile transforms into a beaming grin. “I hope to hell so, baby.
“Well, I have a lot of time to make up and slutting to catch up on.”
He cups my face in his hands and kisses me, and somehow we keep it from devolving into sex right there on the dusty concrete floor. “Love you.”
“Love you, too.”
He finally releases me, even though it’s obvious he doesn’t want to. “I have a bunch of stuff to get done. I don’t even know if I’ll be eating dinner at the house tonight, much less what time I’ll get home, but please feel free to make yourself at home in the kitchen and living room and stuff.”
“I can feed myself, don’t worry. And how about I wash the sheets for you?” I smile, but I know he didn’t put them in yet, because he doesn’t smell like I know those sheets smelled like.
That earns me another laugh. “Greatly appreciated, baby.”
I follow him to the ATV and see he’s tossed stuff in the short bed, including a case of neon pink spray paint, one of those marker sticks to draw lines on the ground with them, a stack of battered safety cones, and several rolls of plastic tape used to rope things off, or tie around trees, things like that.
“Do I even want to know?” I nod at the bed.
He glances back and shakes his head. “All I can tell you, but you already know some of this, is that it’ll be a mating hunt. Fortunately, we have a good system for running those so no one gets hurt.”
“Like I said, I trust you.”
I think he’s going to climb into the ATV, but he grabs me and plants one last kiss on me. “This’ll be okay,” he whispers. At that he departs, leaving me standing there watching him drive off toward the woods.
I shake myself as a ripple of trepidation tries to gain a foothold in my brain. I do trust him.
Frankly, I don’t see a future for myself that doesn’t involve Todd and living here with him.
I don’t see any future for myself without him in it.
I wouldn’t want one, either.
Thank the Goddess for hard, shitty—literally—work. Not to give you the wrong impression, because not everything I do involves cow shit.
But… Well, for fuck’s sake, they are cows.
I’m learning not only the barn operations, but they’re going to ease me into learning the milking and processing procedures.
The common SOP for new guys is to train them from the ground up so they understand the entire operation and how everything fits together, and I’m fine with that.
If the dairy processing part of things gets fucked up, people can literally get sick, so I don’t feel slighted in the least that I’m not hands-on in that yet.
Over the past several years, I’ve done my fair share of hard, dirty, even gross work. I’m not currently climbing through sewers, so I consider this a win.
I do get to apply my plumbing skills later that afternoon, though, when there’s a problem with the piping for the water supply to the milking barn.
I quickly suss the problem, make the foreman a list of supplies, and resume my other tasks to wait for him to return with everything I need for the job.
“You don’t want to go to town with me?” he asks.
I don’t know how to handle this, so I opt for a modicum of honesty. “Jax told me to stay on the property, for now. You know, with all the other stuff going on. I’m not about to disobey him.”
“Ah! Sorry. Okay, let me make sure I have your cell in case I need to ask you questions.” We quickly exchange numbers, and I realize my burner phone’s address book is finally gathering something other than electronic dust.
One minuscule baby step toward building a new life. Or maybe a better analogy is laying a wafer-thin brick in place for the foundation.
He returns an hour later, and I work through lunch to finish the repairs, the guys bringing me a sandwich and soda so I don’t go hungry. Fortunately, it’s not a complicated repair, and I receive a slap on the back when the water’s turned on again and the operation is once again up and running.
I haven’t spotted Todd or the ATV as I work until after 6:00 and head to the house. His truck’s not parked there, but the ATV is in its covered spot. I take a long shower, resisting the urge to jerk off as I finally allow my mind to focus on the crazy start to our morning.
I hate my father for many things, but cutting me off from information about my basic physiology and the ability to talk to people like me—other male omegas—about it is pretty close to the top of the list. I bet this is similar to what people who grow up trapped in religious cults with no sex education feel like when they finally escape and realize there’s a larger world full of information that isn’t coated in shame.
Never again.