Chapter 72
Chapter Seventy-Two
Mal
Fairy Godmother
Alizée’s words constantly swirl through my mind like static interference on a radio station that I can’t clear no matter how hard I try dialing it in.
Her prediction that Mom will be here before the baby arrives, and before we’re married.
Along with that, I think about Jax’s promise, although I know damned well that, ultimately, it is something beyond his control.
I attempt to tune out all of this mental noise while Todd helps with the refugees, taking turns as a sentry and transporting supplies, including housing some of their cattle in one of our pastures and assisting the familiars in handling the…
Well, whatever it is they do to bleed them.
I’m not squeamish, and I’m glad we can help, but I’ll pass on that, thank you very much.
It also feels odd to think of it as “our” pasture, but I’ve given up trying to say “Todd’s” anything, because he immediately corrects me and says “ours.” Like it’s a reflex he can’t control.
Gotta admit, it also feels pretty damned good.
I had a private talk with Dr. Williams over the phone one day while I was up at the house and Todd was down at the barn.
I couldn’t bring myself to go there in person.
For starters, it was embarrassing enough—to me, anyway—to ask the questions, much less have Todd sitting there intently listening to every word.
With my anatomical questions answered—it’s similar to how women give birth, except omega males obviously do it through the rear exit—and now with more knowledge about what to expect, I try to focus on enjoying this time as much as I can.
With my frame, she estimates I won’t start showing until somewhere in month three.
Omegas, males and females, are different from humans in that we have heats instead of periods.
Even omega females don’t have periods. I asked for the tl;dr version of the explanation, and she said it’s due to how our hormones and bodies work.
The origins aren’t certain, but most likely can be traced back to a shifter race in the distant past. She also said not to be surprised, or panic, if I’m…
Well, frequently slick. That with my first heat out of the way it will happen during my pregnancy and during my heats. Not as much between them, but I might find myself needing far less lube, if you get my drift.
I guess that’s convenient.
What might become inconvenient is as the baby grows and gravity still rules the world, and my internal anatomy rearranges itself, it’s not uncommon for there to be growing pressure on my prostate.
Apparently, that’s not a bad thing as long as I’m not having any other issues, because the more hormones I have gumming up my brain, the easier the delivery usually is.
And the closer my due date grows, and once the baby is fully developed, frequent orgasms are a good way to kickstart the labor and delivery part of the festivities, as well as help with natural pain relief.
“Kind of like getting the baby out the same way it got in there,” she jokes.
I must have audibly gulped because she kindly laughed and assured me that, as with female births, I can opt for a chemical assist in the form of an epidural.
Whew.
And to be prepared to likely nurse no more than six months, if that. Between the baby’s faster development and the whole omega stuff, even female omegas nurse a far shorter time than their human counterparts.
It’s overwhelming, but at least now I’m less hesitant to research online. I was afraid to start there out of fear I’d only find the most salacious—and fake—information designed solely as clickbait.
Todd won’t let me work in the barn or in the fields, so I convince him to teach me the business end and set me up in the office.
It’s not difficult work. I’m soon handling the bill paying and logging receipts, as well as sending customer invoices and managing inventory and supplies.
I don’t know much about the medical end of stuff, so Todd and Terry are still handling the direct contact with the vet until I’m up to speed.
Again, I’ve done far worse work for far less pay. It feels weird handling payroll when I’m no longer one of the guys out there, but I also take care of the lunch runs, so that’s another task off Todd’s plate.
The guys have been great about my status change—both as Todd’s mate and as a pregnant omega. They all act genuinely happy for us, not that they have any say in the situation, of course. I’d worried it might be weird for them, but that seems to be one more unfounded anxiety thanks to my CPTSD.
Thanks, Dad.
One more entry on the growing list of things for me to tackle in therapy.
It’s easy to forget that a lot of people didn’t grow up the way I did.
That they had loving families and supportive packs.
Or if they joined the pack instead of being born into it, they’ve been used to the supportive atmosphere of the Ocala Pack.
I’ve been pregnant for nine days now—something I’m honestly still trying to wrap my head around because other than not requiring coffee like I usually do, and needing to nap every afternoon, I haven’t noticed anything different.
Well, besides being hornier than hell because Dr. Williams hasn’t cleared me to fool around, and won’t for nearly three more weeks, if she clears me then.
Poor Todd won’t even let me blow him, and he won’t jerk off, adorably sticking to some imaginary chivalric code that exists only in his mind, that he doesn’t want to satisfy himself while I do without.
Meaning more than one morning we’ve awakened to discover we were grinding against each other in our sleep.
I’m seriously considering asking Shawn for Sam’s phone number so I can contact him and talk him into coming over for dinner and maybe convince him and Todd to do something.
Todd’s not there that morning when Alizée rides over with the familiars to care for their cattle. I’m in the office, and she walks in and sits down like she’s always belonged there.
And she wears a playful smile. “How you feeling, Daddy?”
“Terrified.”
Her smile widens. That’s natural, no matter how many you have.”
“Is this a social visit or work?”
She shrugs in that easy way she has. “Little of both, actually. Remember what I said when I first met you?”
“Can’t forget that.”
“Things are moving, and will move quickly from this point on. Trust Todd, trust Jax, and go with the plan. Okay? Don’t try to overthink stuff.”
“This sounds…bad.”
“It’s not.” Her smile fades. “It’s a necessary step toward ending this bullshit. It’s okay for you to worry or be scared, but don’t let fear overwhelm you or dictate your life. All right?”
“Hot news flash for you—my entire life’s been dictated by fear. Even the past several weeks. Just a different kind of fear now.”
Hell, that’s when it hits me I haven’t been here a full month yet, and already I have the hot dream guy/baby daddy, the happily-ever-after locked and loaded, and I’m still terrified I’ll hear my father’s voice screaming outside our front door demanding I come out before he kills us both.
Yeah, I haven’t told Todd about that nightmare.
She cocks her head, studying me with hazel eyes that dreamily shift between green and grey and baby blue even as I stare into them.
“I know you have no reason to believe me beyond what others have told you,” she says, “but please try to focus on the reality in front of you instead of the nightmares behind and inside you. I don’t claim to see everything, but I know when something feels true.
And what feels true is you and Todd having a long, happy life together.
No, I can’t tell you how many years. My sight doesn’t work like that.
But there is nothing to make me think your time is short, or will be prematurely shortened. Especially not in the near future.”
“And our baby?” I struggle not to think of it as “her” yet.
That would make all of this too damned real, meaning it would hurt that much worse if it’s ripped from me.
When.
That’s the silent beat that pulses through me. When not if.
She stands and rounds the desk, and that’s when I realize I’m crying.
Okay, add that to the list of new things—I now cry at the drop of a hat. Who knows if it’s due to hormones or because of my CPTSD.
“But you didn’t see your family being murdered, did you?” I whisper, hating to question her, hating to ask it, but I need to know.
Alizée wraps herself around me, holding me, rocking me.
“I’m not saying it’s impossible. What I’ve learned is my future sight regarding the long-term—years ahead—is based on the here and now.
The next year or two. I had not seen my parents in person in over four months, and I need physical contact to see like that.
My guess is the plans to attack the coven fomented after my last visit with them.
And when I was with them, I didn’t deliberately tune in to the long-term future.
I spend more time deliberately shielding myself from information than I do seeking it. Otherwise, it’d drive me mad.”
I sniffle. “So you think we’ll be okay for now?”
“I do,” she gently says. “I think you and Todd and your baby will be safe.”
“My mom?”
“I can’t read her because I’ve never met her. What I see, now, is her being here, just as I told you. I saw that in both you and in Todd.”
“I wish I could believe that. It seems like my father ruins everything.”
“You really need to talk to a counselor. If you don’t want to yet, let me send you information about guided meditations to help.”
“This is just so… much!”
“I know, honey.”
I feel safe wrapped in her arms, like the big sister I always wanted and never got. Even my sisters-in-law acted distant and cold, whether by choice or out of fear of my father, I don’t know.
It makes no difference. Same result. Even Mom held back if Dad and my brothers were around. Only when it was just the two of us could she openly express love and affection with me.
“I wish you could snap your fingers and bring her here,” I sniffle.
She stands, smiling down at me. “Me, too, kiddo.” She ruffles my hair, and the sister image coalesces even more solidly in my heart. “Oh, and by the way”—she pulls out her phone and texts me—“that’s Sam’s number.” She drops me a wink.
“How did you—”
“Wiiiiiitch, little pup.” Her smile widens as she points at her face and circles her finger.
“You’re fucking spooky.”
She bursts out laughing and lays a hand on my shoulder. “I’m sorry, that was mean of me. When I saw Sam this morning, he asked me to give you his number in case you want to reach out. He keeps missing Todd to ask him.”
Now I’m confused. “Why didn’t he just text Todd?”
“Sweetie, he’s neurodivergent, an introvert, and being pulled in multiple directions between teaching at the pack school and teaching the refugee kids.
He was adorably afraid of cold-texting Todd without talking about it in person because he desperately doesn’t want you to think he’s disrespecting you even just by contacting him.
And yes, he asked me to tell you that.” She shrugs.
“Better said aloud to prevent misunderstandings. He’s really happy for both of you and says sorry he hasn’t reached out sooner.
But with his extra responsibilities, he keeps forgetting. ”
She drops a kiss on the top of my head, ruffles my hair again, and heads for the office door. “Text or call me if you need me, sweetie. I’ll send you some info later today.”
Her energy swirls behind her like a wake and leaves me slightly melancholy.
If I were into girls and not already mated to Todd, she might actually be the one woman who could flip my switch to experiment on the het side.
The irony that if I brought her home as a girlfriend it would still send my father into an apoplectic fury because she’s a witch does not escape me.
I immediately open a text to Sam. Overthinking it, agonizing over the perfect wording, I rewrite it several times until I finally force myself to hit send.
Hi, Sam! This is Mal. I’m looking forward to meeting you! Can we have you over for dinner? Maybe this weekend?
Hopefully, I can nudge them into doing something and alleviate my guilt. I meant it when I told Todd I didn’t want him to give up his time with Sam. The thought of maybe being able to be part of it is…
Well, it’s hot, and frankly, I shouldn’t be thinking about it because now I’m fucking hard again and struggling not to whip it out and jerk off.
I lightly poke myself in the stomach. “Tempted to nickname you ‘Bad Timing.’”
I forgot I’d texted Sam when my phone buzzes in my back pocket later that afternoon. It’s his reply.
Possibly this weekend, unless the kids need me.
I reply I’ll leave it to him to let me know what works. By the time Todd returns home late that night, I’ve forgotten about it again. Tonight I don’t feel guilty about no sexy time because he looks exhausted and we both fall asleep early.
The next morning, I mention it over breakfast. “Sam might come over for dinner this weekend.”
He sets his fork down and sits back. “Baby, we’ve talked about this. I don’t want to—”
“Alizée stopped by yesterday morning and gave me his number. He asked her to.” I explain, and his scowl lessens.
“If you’re trying to push me and him together for sex, it won’t work.”
“Why not?”
“Well, for starters, unlike us, he doesn’t get horny in a stiff breeze. He has to be in the mood. Secondly, I’m not in the mood to be with anyone but you right now.” He reaches over and takes my hand. “Baby, I’m not ‘suffering’.”
Time for me to play the arched eyebrow. “So that wasn’t you grinding against me this morning?”
“I can’t help it what my cock does when I’m asleep.
” He smiles. “Take me at my word, okay? Ask him over for dinner this weekend, sure, but it’ll just be dinner.
Nothing else.” He winces. “Actually, it’d just be the two of you.
I told Chaz I’ll take night shifts this weekend to relieve one of the other guys. ”
“Oh.”
He easily hooks an arm around me and pulls me into his lap. “You two should get to know each other. I think you’ll get along well. You need to make more friends around here anyway, and I know he’ll be happy to be that for you. He never has problems just hanging out with friends.”
He isn’t wrong about me needing more friends. “Okay.”
Todd brushes a kiss across my lips and eases me back into my chair. “Not to mention I’ve got a lot on my mind right now.”
His reluctant tone grabs my attention.
“What’s going on?”
He thinks about it for a moment. “I can’t tell you yet.”
My guts churn. “Is it about Mom?”
He kisses me again. “Trust me?”
I stare into his brown eyes, forever eyes, mahogany and oak and sweet promises. “I do.”
The only answer I can utter. Because I absolutely trust him.
“You’ll know when it’s time. Until then, all you need to do is trust me.”