Chapter 78 #2
Taking my time in New York City felt like I’d gotten placed on the set of a major action scene, but instead of being expected to take part, I was allowed to mill about and walk casually.
Around us, men in suits answered phones and moved hurriedly; women in heels and sunglasses moved with purpose, their heads slightly lowered or looking straight ahead.
The pace of everyone moving could best be described as “purposeful”—careful strolling seemed light and easy.
This was how we moved until the sun began to set. I couldn’t think of a better indicator that our date was going great than that I didn’t check my phone once in the time that we were together.
“So what’s next?” Layla said as we sat on a park bench near the water on the far southwest side of Manhattan. Ahead of us, we could see the sun beginning its initial disappearance behind the horizon.
“I don’t know,” I said. “And I think that’s part of the fun, right? Unless you had something in mind?”
“Well…” Layla said, her voice trailing off, replaced by a smile.
She put her hand on my knee. I turned to her, propping up my right elbow and turning to her with my head resting on my hand. I was sure my face was one of utter contentment.
“We could go and grab drinks. See what happens from there.”
I chuckled lightly at the thought.
“That would be kind of fun, huh?”
I immediately regretted the words. I got snapped back to reality was I remembered my two rules for the first few dates—no drinking and no sex.
The latter would be easy to avoid for now, but the former was being put to the test. And no one who spoke the words I did would have said them if they weren’t also intending to have some drinks.
“But you know we can’t,” I said.
If you want to break the old patterns, you need to stop following them.
“Chance, why?” she said, and her voice was not just pleading.
It was annoyed. Disappointed. Almost hurt.
“Why what, we can’t have drinks?” I said, trying to be empathic. “It was one of the rules we made in agreement. We—”
“Do you still find me attractive?”
All of these rules and moving away… it’s making her insecure. She’s scared. Comfort her.
“Of course I find you attractive,” I said, squeezing her hand.
“I’m very attracted to you, Layla. There’s no one else I’m trying this with.
It’s not like this is a test where I’m seeing four other people and then I pick whomever I like.
This isn’t The Bachelor, you know? I’m trying to make this work. ”
“I know,” Layla said, experiencing a feeling I knew too well.
It was very easy to understand something from a rational, logical perspective.
It was much harder to process it and accept it as the full truth from an emotional perspective.
That disparity had caused me a lot of heartaches over the last few months, and that Layla was suffering from it right now was something I had an enormous amount of sympathy for.
“I just worry that you leaving the apartment, just so shortly after we’d had sex for the first time in a long time, and now these rules… I agreed to them because I wanted to go out with you, but I worry this is your way of softening the blows.”
I hadn’t looked at it like that before, but damn… put from that perspective, it really did look like a fucking hit and run of sorts. A prolonged one, but a hit and run nevertheless. It was small wonder that Layla’s emotions were starting to get the best of her.
“Here’s my vow to you, Layla,” I said, pulling her head in close to my chest, a cuddle she took without hesitation.
“I am going slow because I am scared of my old habits ultimately tearing us apart. I want to make this work with you, but I need to go against my own worst instincts and take my time. I, frankly, want to go back to the apartment right now with you and do all sorts of dirty things. But…”
Layla sighed, and the look in her eyes scared me. It wasn’t a look of disappointment. It was almost a look of resignation.
“I know you have to do what you have to do, Chance,” she said softly. “But I can’t be waiting forever.”
“I know,” I quickly said.
The words, though, sounded like some sort of very quiet, very hidden warning.
Was it a warning that she was dating someone else she was going to move on with?
Maybe that job she interviewed for in Chicago was much more promising than she had let on.
Maybe there was something else; maybe she just needed to move and start over elsewhere, regardless of what job or male prospects she had.
“Let me walk you back to your apartment,” I said, standing up and offering my hand. “I won’t sleep with you tonight. But I’ll treat you right.”
Layla got a hint of a smile as she took my hand.
I lifted her up and began the slow walk back to her place.
It was going to be another half hour of walking, but that was the point; an Uber or even the subway would have gotten her back in half the time, but I didn’t want to cut our time.
I wanted us to expand it as long as we could.
I don’t think our hands separated the entire time that we walked. Verbally, we might have kept some distance, but that didn’t mean there weren’t some gestures that I could literally hold on to as proof that I was serious about this girl.
When we got to her apartment, I twirled her around and held her arms with mine.
“I had a great time tonight, er, today, Layla.”
She snorted and laughed.
“It went so long it’s well beyond tonight,” she said, still laughing. “And hopefully, you’ll ask to see me again.”
“Can I prove myself?”
She nodded. I closed my eyes and leaned in.
I knew the rhythm of her kissing. I knew how her lips tasted. I knew how much pressure she liked to have and to receive.
But damn if the magic and the tension of this first kiss was still the kind of thing that sent my heart fluttering, my stomach on fire, and my skin crawling with nerves. In some sense, there was perhaps no greater sign that I had accomplished my mission than this.
When I pulled back, Layla’s huge smile and narrowed eyes showed me I’d proved myself quite fine.
“I’ll be in touch, OK?” I said.
She batted her eyes upstairs. I shook my head.
“Soon, though.”
Let’s be honest. It’s hard enough to resist it right now. I’m hard as hell in my pants, and I haven’t had sex since our last time. Just… get out of here before you change your mind.
With that, I gave her one more kiss, wished her well, and then departed for the evening. I told myself that, in due time, we’d be right where we wanted to be.
I just wished that Layla hadn’t made that comment before.
Now, I was left wondering if “in due time” would be enough time for Layla.