Chapter Ten
Calli
The party is still going strong when I come back from the bathroom. What the hell am I thinking? Not only did I make out with a guy who made it plain as day he doesn’t like me, I don’t like him either!
As if it was just ‘making out’. That was more than making out. He was seconds away from slipping his fingers inside of me.
The mortification rears up again and my cheeks burn. First, he ran off and left me there, wanting more. Second, I finished myself off, like some wanton woman unable to control herself. Worse still, I cried out his name when I came.
Now that I’m washed up and back in the store front, my eyes are everywhere. Where did he go? Did he leave? It was that bad he completely left his apprentice’s party.
“Where’ve you been?” Sin pops up next to me. “You missed Shane blowing out his candles.”
“I did?” I tug on my ponytail, looking around for Shane.
It reminds me of how Garrett grabbed my hair and pulled my head back with it.
“What is the matter with you?” Sin moves in front of me, peering at my face.
There is no way she knows. I mean, it’s so out of character, she would never imagine I could do something so risky, in public.
I’ve never felt anything like the way Garrett made me feel. He didn’t kiss me, he devoured me. He didn’t hold back, our teeth clashing, hands everywhere. God, I even bit his lip at one point. The passion that exploded between us is the only explanation I have for what I did after.
I’ve heard of hate fucking. I’ve never done it. I mean, sex with Jared was nice, good, just… not like that. And all that was, was a kiss. What would it be like to hate fuck Garrett?
I don’t even know his last name. I finger fucked myself to a virtual stranger. Let him put his tongue in my mouth, and press his hard, sexy body against me.
My cheeks burn hotter. Sin is standing in front of me watching the whole time I’ve been going through this crisis.
“Nothing. Well, my stomach is upset. I was in the bathroom.”
“Oh,” she takes a step back. “It’s not contagious is it?”
“No,” I move past her and head for the drinks table. “I’m fine now, it was just a little stomach cramp. I must be getting my period.”
“You’re rambling,” Sin says, following behind me. She watches as I pour myself a hefty glass of tequila, then throw it back. “You’re doing very non-Calli like things. I know I said get out of your comfort zone, but throwing back shots?”
“When are we going to the club?” My eyes dart around the room again. Still no sign of Garrett.
“You want to leave already? Calli, who are you looking for?” She turns her head too.
“Nobody,” I shrug and pour another shot. “It’s time to go to the club, don’t you think?”
“It’s up to Lucky, and Shane, I guess. Do you want to leave before everyone else?”
“Um,” I lick my lips. It’s my imagination but I swear I can taste him. “Could we?”
“Sure. I don’t think Jericho will mind. I’ll ask Ruby too, yeah?”
“Good, yes. Let’s do that.”
Sin is still staring like I’ve lost the plot. She leaves me to round people up. I move further into the corner, out of the way. Shane is dancing in the middle of the room. He has a party hat on, tilted to the side and is holding two bottles of champagne, yelling out, ‘who wants a drink?’
As people come over, he makes them tilt back so he can pour the drink into their mouths. It’s messy and there are a lot of girls queueing up but he’s having fun.
I chew on the inside of my cheek alternately watching what Sin is doing and keeping an eye out for Garrett. How will I face him? Now that I’m getting over the shame of what I did, my anger is growing.
Why would he kiss me like that, then pull away? Saying it was a mistake. That shit hurts. He was so into it and then stopped. Like a switch flipped.
His prickish behavior is back in full force.
And what is the big deal about me looking at his drawings? I mean, it was a bad idea. Most of the images were of one woman. She was beautiful, her hair, the lines of her body and the poses, were so lifelike it was incredible.
They weren’t nude, she was clothed in all of them. The drawings displayed raw sadness in their beauty. Garrett has a real attachment to that woman. As an artist myself I couldn’t help but be drawn to it. Damn, I shouldn’t have looked.
The painting on the wall intrigued me when I was last in there. When I wasn’t freaking out about Garrett touching me, I was staring at the painting. How is he capable of something so beautiful, when he can be so cruel?
“You ready?”
Ruby, Jericho and a couple of others are ready to head to the club. Lucky says they’ll follow soon, she needs to wrangle the champagne off Shane first.
I’ve never been more grateful to leave a building in my life. Garrett coming to a nightclub seems out of character. It doesn’t strike me as his vibe. I’m not sure what his vibe is.
Apart from getting me so worked up I could have jumped on his dick without a second thought.
Then he tossed me aside. Again.
Only this time it is so much worse. I’m never coming back here. I’ll never be able to look him in the eye.
At the club, it’s so loud Sin doesn’t get a chance to ask questions. She wants to, I can see it in her eyes. I reassure her by letting myself go, mingling with the crowd, joining in with drinking games, and dancing with Shane.
Everyone makes a big deal of him being legal. He’s kind of cute when he’s drunk. Happy and smiley and wanting to hug everyone.
For the first time in years, I let go and get drunk. After some initial scrutiny, Sin lightens up and gets drunk with me.
Garrett doesn’t show up.
Even drunk, I’m eternally grateful for that.
I’ve avoided Friday happy hour for three weeks. It’s getting harder to come up with excuses, especially to Ruby, who sees me every day and knows there is nothing wrong with me.
They’re not the people I want to avoid. Well, Sin maybe. Because my best friend is very astute. She’s let me get away with it so far. That won’t go on much longer.
“Calli, you in there?”
“What? Oh, sorry,” I straighten up and turn to Ruby. Expecting a customer, I’m surprised to see it’s only her. It’s been slow the nearer it gets to closing time. Not unusual for a Tuesday.
“Your head has been in the clouds all day,” she remarks.
“Sorry, I’ve got some things on my mind.”
“Anything I can help with?” Ruby straightens up from the counter.
She’s a good friend, the kind who will do anything for you. I never had that in San Antonio. The longer I’m here, the more I’m learning how much I was missing out.
I’d like to say it offsets the fact I can no longer do the job I love, but there is still an ache in my chest when I think of it.
It’s not like it will never be possible again. In a new state, the stigma that is attached to my name will never be far removed. It’s a small industry and the controversy that surrounded the downfall of my company is fresh.
Potential clients researching which architect to use will unearth the whole shit storm. My name changed after the divorce, but if I share my credentials with anyone, they’ll find out who I am.
Ruby is talking to me, and I’ve zoned out again.
“Are you sure you’re alright Calli?”
“I’m fine, honestly.”
“Okay,” she says slowly. “If you’re sure. Are you going to come to the festival on Saturday?”
“The festival?”
“Yeah, the Harbor Harvest Festival. There will be market stalls, food and crafts, entertainment, music and artists. It’s usually a blast. We’re allowed to shut up for the day because the owner’s wife opens a coffee stall on the day, so it offsets any loss here.”
Vaguely I remember her telling me about it a week or so ago.
“Yeah, sounds good,” I say with a smile.
“It’s close to your apartment. And the guys from Blackhawk will be there. Feels like it’s been ages since we saw them.”
My back stiffens at the mention of the tattoo shop. Someone might as well have pushed a cardboard cutout of Garrett’s face right in front of me the way the memories come rushing back. Ruby carries on as if I’m not having yet another flashback right in front of her.
This has got to stop. Putting my life on hold and avoiding people I care about, on the off chance I’ll run into him, is stupid. I swore I’d never let anyone, especially a man, influence me again. We had a… moment, so what? It means nothing. We can go back to ignoring one another.
Easy.
When I pull the bike to a stop at my apartment building after I leave the coffee shop, Sin is sitting on the low wall outside. I give her a rueful smile as I guide the bike up the path. The only saving grace, she has two huge takeout cups. I can already smell the hot chocolate.
“Why aren’t you in work?” I ask, unclipping the strap under my chin and removing the helmet. Ever since the accident with Garrett, I wear one.
And there I go thinking of Garrett again.
“Took the afternoon off,” she says. Something wrong withing spend more time with my best friend?” She side-eyes me.
“Yeah, yeah,” I mutter under my breath.
I store the bike in the small entryway. There is a place on the ground floor for bikes, but this was a big layout money wise, I don’t want to risk it.
I change my top before coming back into the living room. Sin hands me a cup and sits down, patting the seat beside her before I can move to the chair. It’s serious if she wants me right next to her.
“What’s going on?”
No preamble or pleasantries then. I twist my lips and stare down at the cup.
“Is this about Jared?”
“No,” I shake my head. “I don’t think about that asshole anymore.”
“Your mom?” she asks gently.
I heave out a long breath. Jared might be far from my mind but I do think of mom.
I’ve thought a lot about why I threw myself at Garrett. Maybe it has something to do with what those closest to me did. I’m settled here now and as infuriating as I find Garrett, I am attracted to him.
“She’s messaged me twice.”
What? “Why didn’t you tell me?”
Sin shrugs. “She doesn’t deserve to know where you are. The one time I answered, I told her to leave you alone. Then I blocked her.”
My stomach twists and I close my eyes. The warmth of Sin’s hand on my arm grounds me and gives me the strength to open my eyes again.
“Taking his side is something she should never be forgiven for,” Sin says.
Needlessly really. My mom is no longer part of my life.
“Thanks for dealing with that,” I say.
“Hey, you know I’m here for you,” she takes my empty hand and gives it a squeeze. “So, what’s going on? You’ve been great for the last couple of months, settling in. I’m worried.”
“Don’t worry,” I say, trying to find the right words. “It’s more embarrassing than anything.”
“What do you mean?”
Gathering my thoughts I decide to tell the truth.
“At Shane’s party, I went into the back room. I was nosing around, which I shouldn’t have been,” I add. “The door was ajar, so I went in. I was looking through a sketch book I found. Garrett came in, saw what I was doing and got mad. I guess he doesn’t like people looking at his drawings.”
“Shit, Cal. Why did you do that?”
“He’s an amazing artist. You know what I’m like about artists.”
“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean you can go snooping.”
“Trust me, I know that.”
“What happened? Did he hurt you?” she shrieks.
“No,” I hold up a hand. “God no, he’s not like that.”
“Better not have.”
“He was angry, but it was more like… he was worried I’d seen his drawings.”
“What where they?”
I shake my head. I may have invaded his privacy, I’m not about to share it.
“How does this have you acting the way you have for the last few weeks?”
“He said get out, stop going through his shit. I tripped, and he grabbed me to stop me falling…”
“And what?” she asks.
“And… I kind of…”
“Holy shit, do I have to choke this out of you?”
“He kissed me. I kissed him.”
Sin’s mouth drops open. Then she presses her lips together with her cheeks blown out. “Wait, he kissed you, or you kissed him?”
“I kind of pulled him in,” I cringe and get up, walking to the window to avoid her.
“Well, I wasn’t expecting that,” Sin says. “And it was bad?”
“No. God no. It was the best kiss of my life. He’s as volatile in the way he kisses as he is with about everything else.”
“Hot,” Sin smirks.
“Yeah, not so much,” I turn. “He had his hand up my skirt and I thought things were going to go… there. He pulled away. Then he got angry again, told me to leave. He stormed out before I could wrap my head around what happened.”
“That’s weird. Did you have granny panties on, and it turned him off?”
“This isn’t funny, Sin. I’m so embarrassed. How the hell will I ever look at him again?”
“With your chin held high, that’s how. It’s his loss, babe. His hang up, whatever made him run away, it wasn’t you. That is what you’re thinking right?”
Silence is the only answer. The woman in his sketch pad means something to him.
“Look, I don’t know Garrett that well, but the guy has issues. So you kissed, he ran off. It’s no big deal.” She stares a moment, then pushes her tongue into her cheek. “What else?”
“Nothing.”
“Calliope don’t lie to me. What else? Did you go after him?”
“You think I’m gonna go chasing after some guy who rejected me?”
“That’s the spirit,” she nods. “What are you still so freaked about then?”
I cover my face with my hands. Sin waits. Then I tell her, keeping my eyes covered. It’s met with total silence. When I lower my hands, a slow smile spreads across her face, and she bursts into laughter.
“Not funny,” I cross my arms over my chest.
“Oh, it’s not funny at all,” her face straightens out. “Girl, I hate to be the one to say this.”
Oh God, what? The blood runs out of my face. “What?”
“Garrett has cameras all around the building. Inside and out.”
Not sure how I end up on the floor, but Sin is beside me in a heartbeat, taking my hand and asking if I’m okay.
Okay? Shit. I was wrong thinking I’d never be able to face him.
I’ll never leave this apartment again.