Chapter Thirty
Calli
After three weeks back in San Antonio, it still doesn’t feel like home.
The day after what happened in my apartment with Caleb, and everything else, I made the choice to look out for myself. It took a lot of soul searching and I barely slept but my only decision that day was to return to San Antonio and find out what my next steps were.
I had to talk to Vaquero about what they want from me, that was the first step. I would take it from there. Whether that meant staying in Texas or going back to Baltimore, I was going in with an open mind.
Most of the flight here, I stared out the window, running over the night before. Everything that happened, all the things I found out about Garrett and his declaration before he drove off. Was it too little too late? Or too much after what I went through the night before.
Trying to figure out how things could be different. Knowing in my heart they never will be.
Sin listened to everything, and she was furious. She didn’t know who she was madder with, Caleb and the shit he brought through my door. Or Garrett for his part in it all.
Garrett doesn’t know how to express himself. He has his demons, and I understand that. I don’t know how to feel about his declaration. If it’s enough to convince me something more could grow.
He said he was going to give me a day, it’s been three weeks. I didn’t tell him I was leaving, he hasn’t reached out. Not that he can. My phone broke, I got a new one, with a different number. Wrong, maybe, but I’m doing what I told myself to do. Putting me first.
Sin doesn’t tell me anything about him. I can’t help but wonder what he thinks about me leaving Baltimore.
The only saving grace is the work. I met Tim Vasquez, and we discussed what they wanted from me. Which was to complete what I started. They were willing to pay more for my time. I’d be a fool to turn it down, that was what I thought about as I lay in bed the night after the meeting.
Tim never asked questions about where I’ve been. He only cared I was back.
This job is all that is keeping me going right now. My thoughts inevitably return to the life I made in Baltimore. To my friends, even my apartment.
Nothing came from the incident, no police. I can only assume it was the bikers who did that.
As much as I try not to, I miss him. I believe everything he said to me. In his own way he declared how he felt. I didn’t need pretty words from him. With a man like Garrett, actions do speak louder than words.
The silence over the last three weeks is deafening. Defeating.
The terror from that night still lives in my head. The thought of being hurt, or worse. If he wasn’t so focused on Caleb, he could have turned that knife on me.
I should blame Garrett, but it wasn’t his fault. It was happenstance. Me living in the same building as Caleb. Him being involved with the man who killed Garrett’s sister. The coincidences weren't his fault.
It hurts my heart thinking about Gwen. And what he gave up for me that night. He’s been desperate to find out what happened to his sister. I can’t forget that Garrett stayed with me. He chose me over that long-term need.
It’s not getting any easier to put it out of my head, to stop seeing his face. But I’m doing my best and spend the day at the site where they broke ground a couple of weeks ago. Being around these people keeps my mind occupied.
This isn’t permanent. This building was my dream, having the chance to see it become reality is something I need to do. What does the future hold in terms of my career? I am enjoying this, it's lit a fire in me again but part of me misses Swirl and Grinds.
Who’d have thought serving coffee would feel more like me, than doing what I trained to be for years?
Garrett asked me once if I woke up in the morning desperate to get to work as a barista. He worked hard to convince me that my true heart lay in architecture. I can go crazy trying to figure it all out. One thing is for sure, the people I met in Baltimore, the friends I surrounded myself with, became family.
Here, surrounded by people, I still feel alone. Empty inside.
On the drive home, I find myself in my old neighborhood. It’s like muscle memory taking all the turns to arrive at my house and I park opposite the driveway. I didn’t know what happened after I left. It was another thing I told the lawyer to deal with. A casualty to the bankruptcy.
The last time I saw this place was around the back of the U-Haul I hired to drive across the country.
I’ve not forgotten how beautiful it is. How perfect. My dream home that I designed and oversaw the building of. It’s completely different to where I live now.
A small laugh escapes as I think about the day I moved into that apartment. Not about Garrett, I’m not facing up to that part of meeting him yet. About how I walked through that small space and had a panic attack, thinking I’d never be happy there.
It’s tainted after the events of that night but oddly, I miss it. Looking at this house, I don’t miss living here. It’s got too many bad memories. Worse than the ones from Baltimore.
The house is vacant, with a For Sale sign at the end of the driveway. Which means it’s okay to go check something. There is a lock box at the side of the front door, I input the code and am surprised when it pops open, revealing the key.
Inside, I close the door and listen to the silence. It feels and smells empty. Void of any kind of life. Moving through the rooms, I picture how it all looked before. Echoes of my life with Jared are in every corner of every room.
I avoid the bedroom. My last memory of that room was finding my mother in bed with my husband.
My laugh echoes around the room. It gets a little maniacal, and borders on turning into tears, it’s time to leave.
As if she can sense something is awry, my phone rings in my purse.
“Hi Sin.”
“Hey, babe. How are things?”
I fill her in on the latest with the construction as I lock the key away.
“That all sounds great.”
“Definitely.”
“How do you feel?”
She asks every time she calls. “Good. Things are going great.” It sounds hollow.
“What’s happening Calli? Really?”
“I came to the house. It’s empty and the key safe still has the same code.”
“Oh, babe, you shouldn’t be wandering around there on your own.”
“No, it’s fine,” I say, turning to look back at the house. “It’s cathartic. I needed to let go. It all happened so fast when I left.”
“And have you done that? Let it go?”
“I think so.”
“I’m glad. Are you any closer to deciding?”
She always asks this too. I’ve not committed beyond this job. Nothing is left for me here. Garrett said I could continue my job from Baltimore. He’s right. If I’m determined enough to go back to being an architect, I can do it there. This could be the steppingstone.
“Does this have anything to do with metal dick?” Sin asks when I don’t respond.
This is her new name for Garrett. Literal and metaphorical is how she explains it. I get into the rental and lock the door.
“I don’t know, Sin. Have you spoken to him?”
“No,” she scoffs. “Lucky talks about him. The girls from the shop send their love, by the way. Everyone misses you. Oh, she also said Garrett looks like shit.”
“I don’t want to hear that.”
“Which part?”
“Any of it?” I say it like a question.
Sin blows out a heavy sigh. “You gave away how you feel at margarita night. Not to mention how he looked at you that last night. The question is, is it his metal dick alone that got you all dreamy eyed?”
“Shut up,” I laugh. “There is more to him than that.”
“Like what?”
“I know what you’re doing. I thought you were in your ‘we hate Garrett’ phase.”
“That hasn’t changed. Much.”
I cover my face with my hand. If Sin is bringing up how bad he looks, things must be bad. I can’t afford to worry about that. I’m trying to figure myself out. The whole point of this was to step away, get myself straight.
How am I supposed to do that when thoughts of Garrett are never far from my mind?
“Do you want to hear me say I miss him? How can I miss him when he was never really mine?”
“Calliope, you told me what he said. In Garrett world, that’s like blasting it all over social media.”
“He doesn’t have social media.”
“You’re missing the point. All I’m saying is, there’s another reason for you to come back.”
“Other than what?”
“Me of course. Duh. Anyway, I don’t like the thought of you sitting outside that house of horror. Get yourself home, Calli.”
My back straightens at those words. Does she mean that?
“You don’t need the bad memories. Go to your place, have a few glasses of wine and focus on tomorrow.”
Oh, she meant my place here. Why does that thought leave me feeling so shit?
Instead of letting on how my heart felt hearing her say ‘go home’, I tell her I love her and drive away from my old house without looking back.
There is a knock on the side of the doorframe to the office. Beckett, the foreman is holding a drawing. I get along well with Beckett. He understands the construction industry inside and out.
“We got a problem,” he says.
“Another one?” I push the laptop aside.
“It’s not a biggie. I wanted to run it by you before you head out.”
“Sure, bring it over.”
It’s late, the sun almost setting. We’ve been based at the site for the last week, going over everything before construction gets fully started.
“This plan we got drawn up today, there is a wall on the right elevation that doesn’t match up with the original construction documents.”
“That can’t be right.”
I get up and Beckett spreads the plan on the table, pointing at the discrepancy. Huh, how did this happen? The original plan is on the laptop, so I pull it up and bend down to compare the two.
“If the discrepancy is minor and doesn’t affect code compliance or room function, we can likely issue a site revision,” Beckett says.
“If it interferes with door clearance, we’ll need to correct it. There is also the issue of the fitted furniture layout. It’s been custom ordered from Italy. It will be a huge ball ache if it gets messed up.”
“That’s what I thought.”
“Thanks Beck. I’ll go over it tonight and document the change. If I need to, I’ll follow up with a new sketch.”
“Great, thanks. It can wait till tomorrow though Calli. You’ve worked late every day this week.”
“It’s fine.” I’m not interested in continuing that line of conversation. “Have a good one.”
“You too. Give me a shout if you need any help with the plans.”
He leaves and I stand over the table staring at the plan. It’s an easy fix, and finding it now is better than after construction starts. It’s going to be another long night. But that is what the last couple of weeks have merged into. Keeping busy.
Another hour later the correct plans are mocked up on the software program. It’s time to call it a night. After switching everything off, I head out of the job site trailer. There is security at the site, so I’m not concerned leaving late.
I head toward my car. My steps slow when I see someone beside it. My feet stop completely when I see who it is.
He’s leaning against his motorcycle, watching me. My first thought is how long it must have taken him to ride here. Get a grip, Calli. But it’s Garrett, here. In San Antonio. He came.
“Everything ok, Miss Barton?”
The voice makes me jump. Garrett straightens up, his eyes going to the guard and back to me.
“Oh, yeah, thanks Joe, it’s okay. I know who this is.”
Garrett’s brow lifts. Ass. Joe double checks, gives Garrett the stink eye, then heads back to his post.
I want to ask what he is doing here, but that’s a pointless question.
“How did you know where to find me?”
“Surveillance expert, remember?”
“Have you been spying on me?” I take an angry step toward him.
“No. When I stopped at Baton Rouge, figured I should find out where I was going to end up.”
“You rode all the way here?”
“Couldn’t leave my bike.”
Are we really having this mundane conversation? My heart is nearly beating out of my chest as I take in his features. A face I’ve traced so many times inside my head, memories of the few times it happened in real life.
He’s wearing his leather jacket over a white T-shirt. He can still fill out those jeans, enough I have to take a few breaths to control the reaction my body has.
The whole time I check him out, Garrett remains quiet, watching me. I can’t believe he rode his bike here. Well, he’s by my car, so I need to go over there. Which I do. All the while watching him. He glances at the site behind me, his gaze contemplative.
“You didn’t drive all this way to stare at me, did you?”
“Maybe,” he puts his gloves on the bike seat and takes a few steps toward me. “It’s been a while since I saw your face. I thought we agreed on a day to think about it.”
“No, you said it, I didn’t agree.” I walk to the car, feeling around in my pocket for the keys.
“Semantics,” he moves in behind me.
I have no choice but to turn around. Garrett backs me up against the car. What does he think he’s doing? He can’t come here and crowd me like this. He puts one hand on the roof of the car at the side of my head, the other hovers near my hip, but he doesn’t touch me, with either hand.
He’s in my space and the scent of him is all around me. Memories assault me as emotions swirl to the surface. It’s been over a month since I saw him and yet he still does something to me. My breath is erratic as I lock eyes with him.
The cocky ass knows what he’s doing to me. Even if I tell myself not to let it happen, my body isn’t listening. In fact, it’s arching toward him.
“Calliope,” he breathes my full name, and goosebumps scatter across my skin. “I’m done waiting.”
“You don’t get-”
I’m cut off by his lips crashing down on mine. His hand grips the back of my head, making it impossible to pull away. I don’t want to. I grab his waist and pull him flush against me, our tongues tangling, teeth clashing.
A fleeting thought of Joe watching enters my head, but it flies right back out when Garrett presses against my stomach.
He pulls back before I’m ready to let go but his grip on me stops me falling forward.
“I don’t get to what?” he smirks.
I’m pretty sure I’ve forgotten my name right now. And all he did was kiss me.
“The last month has been fucking hell,” he murmurs. “I kept telling myself you need this. I’ve never wanted you to give up on your dream. But I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t come here and tell you that you can have both.”
“Both of what?”
“This,” he tilts his head back toward the site, then runs his finger over my lower lip, gently dragging down the center of my chin, gliding down my neck.
It is becoming increasingly difficult not to make a sound as his hand moves lower. Especially when his finger moves over the slope of my breast and across my nipple. He makes a sound as he feels the bar. Of course I haven’t removed them.
And I won’t have anyone else ever touch them. Only him. A whimper escapes me. I’m desperate for more, and he obliges, his hand trailing lower, but it diverts, instead of going south, where I thought he was taking this.
Instead, his fingers tangle in mine and he raises our clasped hands between our bodies.
I watch closely as he turns my hand and puts my palm flat on his chest.
His heartbeat is steady. Nothing like mine, a wild animal thrashing in a cage. Garrett presses his forehead to mine, the tips of our noses touching. Our eyes are still locked together. The warmth of his hand over mine, holding it against his chest makes me weak-kneed.
“And this,” he breathes against my lips.
“Are these your pretty words?” I whisper.
“No Vixen, this is a promise.”
“Garrett,” I shake my head of the lust from his touch. “You can’t just come here and expect me to fall into your arms.”
“I know. We have a lot to talk about. This whole time you’ve been gone, I’ve made some changes because I want you to know that I’m serious.”
“What kind of changes?”
“Cutting ties with the MC firstly. It was sucking the life out of me, being controlled by them. And it brought that horror to your door. I’ll never forgive myself for that. I don’t expect you to either.”
My lips squeeze tight, I’m not sure what to say. I didn’t expect this.
“You don’t have to give me another chance, to be a better man for you. I’m here, asking, Calli. Let me show you who I am with all the demons lifted. Let me show you that all I want is you. If you don’t want that…” he trails off, with a frown. “Then I’ll back off,” he adds the last part with difficulty.
My heart can’t possibly beat any faster without me passing out. He said he didn’t have pretty words, but these are kind of perfect. The things I’ve wanted to hear from him.
“You do still have to explain everything,” I tell him.
He nods, his face so sincere it’s impossible to believe he won’t do it.
“Calli,” he runs his fingertips over my jaw. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”
He’s going to abide by whatever I say, it’s written all over his face, in his body language, the hesitation but the need to touch me. I hate lying to myself. His coming here has made my heart lighter, made my choice easier.
Yes, I should make this choice for myself. Truth is, I want him. I want the life back in Baltimore, with him in it.
“Things need to be different,” I whisper.
“They will, I’ve already changed a lot. I’m still me,” he shrugs a shoulder. “The thought of going back without you really isn’t an option.”
“What does that mean?” I arch a brow.
“It means whatever it takes, or how long it takes, I’m going to convince you where you belong. Bring all this with you,” he tips his head in the direction of the building site. “Make your name in Baltimore.” Garrett touches his hand to my chest, right over the tattoo he gave me. “Come home.”
That familiar pull in my chest makes my nose itch and my eyes burn. Garrett wipes away the one tear that forms. It is too easy to give in right now.
It’s not giving in though. He’s right, about all of it. I want to go back to the place that was beginning to feel like home. Being here only proves it even more.
Swallowing down the emotion, I nod my head. His brow smooths out and that cocky look returns. I don’t even want to take it back because he knows he’s getting what he came here for. I want it too.
“Good,” he leans in and captures my lips again.
My arms wind around his neck and we kiss gently this time, it’s sweet and carnal at the same time. This man does things to my heart, and my body I’ll never be able to deny.
He whispers against my lips. “I can’t stand being this close to you a second more without sinking my cock into that perfect, tight, wet pussy of yours. I can already smell you and it’s driving me fucking wild.
“If I didn’t know there were cameras everywhere, I’d be on my knees with my tongue inside of you. What’s it gonna be, Vixen? We can go talk some more, or ride my bike back to your place, and you ride my face until you can’t think straight?”
“Uh, the second one.”
Garrett takes my hand and lowers it to his dick, pressing my palm to it. Actions speak louder than words. That is Garrett all over.
“What are you waiting for?” I arch a brow.
The grin is sex personified. How have I managed so long without this?
He helps me on the seat and takes my thigh, spreading my legs and lifting one, so I’m straddling the bike.
I’m not convinced I’m going to make it home. Garrett hands me the helmet, which he had waiting by his before I even got out here and saw him. He stands before me, his brow creased.
Sexy Garrett has gone away.
“I never meant for you to get hurt,” he says. “That was the last thing I wanted.”
All I can do is nod. He means every word he says. He’s right, we can figure all of that out later. My heart knew it would go back to Baltimore. To Blackhawk Ink. To him. It needed a gentle push.
Or the promise of a sexy, tattooed grumpy asshole pushing inside of me until I lose all control of my body. Yes, I like that idea better.
And I love the idea of having both.