4. Dillon
FOUR
DILLON
The house is dark when I pull in. It’s late, I expect Anna and Hollis to be asleep, therefore, I enter making sure to be quiet. Being on the road for the last twelve hours, doing a transport, I’m wiped out. I don’t mind these runs, it’s a side business the club has. I even went to the local community college to obtain my CDL endorsement so I can drive the trucks for some of these. It means a few days away from home, sometimes a week at the most. Tripp makes sure no matter who is on a transport we get extra pay. The money is enticing, but also, I love to travel and see new places. It’s one of the reasons why I joined the Marines. I didn’t get to see nearly as much as I wanted. The Hellions give me a second chance at that.
Honestly, I think Anna has this love/hate relationship with the runs. She seems to do better when I’m away, as far as her temperament goes. Her mood is lighter. Sure, Anna still gives me shit about everything, it’s become her normal, but it’s not nearly like it is when I’m home. She wouldn’t know how to have a good, peaceful day with me if her life depended on it. Most of what she says and does I ignore. It’s the best way for me to get by. We don’t have a marriage anymore. We haven’t for a long damn time. I don’t even remember the last time I kissed her, or she even had something nice to say to me.
I wish I could find a better way. This is all toxic for us both, but mostly for Hollis. If I leave, I will only see him every other weekend. She’s made it clear she won’t give me extra time. Anna talks a lot of shit about it ending, but she won’t leave because frankly, I’m her damn meal ticket. We are on this hamster wheel of fighting and co-existing. There seems to be no way out.
I take the runs, come home, make sure my son is secure, and then sleep on the couch or the floor in Hollis’s room. The occasions I sleep beside her are few and far between the more time goes on. It is far from perfect, but it’s all I can figure out right now.
Walking in our home, I quietly close and lock the front door behind me. Coding our alarm, I turn it on finding it strange that Anna hadn’t already done so. She loves to scream at me that leaving her home alone leaves her vulnerable to someone hurting her. It’s why I got the damn alarm in the first place. Why not set the alarm when I’m not home? Dropping my duffel bag on the loveseat that is by our front door, I gaze the space. Why didn’t she have the alarm on? Is she home? Where is Hollis?
Our home is a typical three-bedroom, two-bathroom, cookie-cutter, average house. The front door enters into the living room that flows into our kitchen with an eat-in dining area. There is a hallway off the space where the living room and kitchen meet to the right. The first door on the right down that hallway is our guest bedroom, the next door is on the left to the second bathroom. At the end of the hall, it splits with Hollis’ bedroom to the right and our master bedroom and bathroom to the left. From the kitchen there is a door out to our laundry room that leads to our one car garage. Since I didn’t want Anna bringing groceries in the rain, I always parked my bike outside under the small overhang I built to the side of the garage. One day I plan to close it in and make it a bike garage. Well, that was my initial thought. Now, I don’t know that this home will be my forever home … or Anna’s for that matter.
Since getting out of the Marines it has taken a lot for me to keep this house paid for. Until I came to work for Danza and the Hellions that is. Between my full-time work at the shop and these transports I don’t have to worry about which bills to skip this month to keep the lights on. I almost have enough saved to build my bike garage addition and get a second car. Once I get that I’ll just start bringing Hollis to work with me. It’s become a common thing for Anna to drop him off anyway.
The house is silent, too quiet , I think as I move down the hall. At the end of the hallway, I pause and look to my right into my son’s bedroom. His toddler bed sits against the far wall. The car shaped bed is empty.
Instantly, I go on alert.
Anna has been adamant from before he was born that Hollis would always sleep in his own space. It drove her insane the many nights I let him sleep against my chest. She needs quiet for her sleep. If I roll over in the middle of the night, she will wake me up and tell me to sleep on the couch because I am keeping her up. A toddler in her bed is not going to happen. He should be sound asleep in his bed and he’s not.
Where is my son?
As the fear climbs, I go to the left and enter our bedroom. Our queen size bed is against the far-right wall from the door. The bed is completely made with the hunter green comforter in place covered in our pillows and the many throw pillows she loves. The shit has been one of those things I swear she does to irritate me.
I don’t understand why anyone wants all those pillows and they aren’t even comfortable. They are for looks she says, well, who the fuck is looking at our bed other than us? I don’t give a shit about the damn pillows. Shit, I don’t care really if the bed is actually made or not. Naturally, I get up and make the bed, but it isn’t something that will anger me if it doesn’t get done. I prefer to pick my battles and pillows isn’t one I care to bring up.
My bedroom is empty.
Where the hell is my son? Where is Anna? I rush to the garage to find Anna’s car in the garage. How did they leave if her car is here?
Where are they? While she doesn’t have him most days, when it comes to bedtime, she’s been firm on his routine. A routine that has him in his bed by seven and asleep by eight.
Immediately, I pick up my phone and call her.
She doesn’t answer.
I call again.
Another set of rings ignored and voicemail picking up.
When she first asked me to share location with her, I didn’t want to. Not because I want to keep my location from her, but because I didn’t feel like it was necessary. Why do we need to track each other? I’m not going to do anything to risk our marriage, and I know she won’t either.
Right now, I’m thankful for her suggestion we do it.
I look at the little green and blue map on my phone trying to study it narrowing down where she is. If someone had been in the house with me right this moment, they would see me with my mouth literally hanging open. This is not my reality.
My wife who is the most unsocial person I’ve ever met is at a local bar. One right up the road. Not thinking clearly and wanting to get to Hollis, I grab her car keys watching the dot on the map unmoving. There is no way I’m going to leave my son in a bar. And I don’t want him being taken all over town with God knows who driving them since Anna clearly didn’t take herself out of here.
While I prefer my bike, if Hollis is with her, I need the car seat to get him home. My son will not spend his evenings at a bar. What she does for herself, while I don’t think a married woman should frequent a bar in the middle of the night, alone, I won’t argue with her. What she won’t do though is have my son out with her on these escapades. My thoughts are racing as I get in her car and adjust the seat to take off.
I don’t think as I drive. There is only one focus for me and it’s my son.
Pulling into the dive bar, there are three cars in the parking lot. It’s a small building made out of cement blocks that have been painted Caribbean blue with a mural of the sea on the outside wall. It’s not a popular hangout like some of the bars for tourists, but rather a local spot. I walk in on a mission. My eyes focused on the bar, I see my target and nothing else. As I approach, she pats the man beside her on the lap.
“Anna,” I greet fighting back a growl.
“Scott, meet my husband, Dillon,” she introduces me to her new friend. “Apparently, he cares to find me after all,” she laughs, “I guess my bet was wrong. Next round on me, pal.”
It’s clear she is fucking wasted. I don’t like fighting with sober Anna, drunk Anna is a whole different beast.
“Anna,” I repeat.
She looks to me and her eyes are void of anything. “That’s the name my mother gave me, Dillon.”
“Where is Hollis?”
She turns to the man beside her, “ahhh, there it is Scott. He wants to know where his son is. I don’t know why he’s even asking me. He’s replaced me with his gang and all their women. It’s a like a harem of barflies waiting for any of the guys to give them a second glance.” She glares at me, “Where else should I put the spawn of the biker but at the biker bitch’s house.”
She’s drunk and I know better than to engage her in this state. There is no doubt she will escalate this and soon she will put her hands on me. It’s happened before and I learned, don’t engage her when she’s been drinking. It doesn’t go well. Turning to walk away, she jumps off the stool, grabbing me. I spin around to look at her, but don’t speak.
She glares at me with her lips pursed together tightly. “Running off to get him, are ya?”
“Yeah, I am. It’s not Vida’s place to have our son overnight.”
She laughs, “oh now you want to be an upstanding citizen. Hollis isn’t with Vida. He’s with the daughter. He went happily to his Zizi.” Her voice is laced in disdain.
How can she be hateful to the women who have stepped up for her? I don’t understand any of her thoughts or actions since having Hollis.
“It’s not her place, Anna. You’re his mother, you should try being that for him.”
I watch in slow motion as she pulls her hand back and swings slapping me in the left cheek. I take the hit and don’t bunch. Gritting my teeth, I remain in place not giving into her physical attack.
“You fucking bastard. You think you’re fit to be a dad. You’re in a fucking gang. She’s part of that life. Go ahead, tell me how any court is going to give him to you.”
Her words hit me like a punch in the gut. “Anna, we’re fucking married. Why would I need to worry about a court and my son?”
She laughs, “I’m leaving you and I’m taking Hollis and all your money. The house, the car, it will all be mine. Mom’s always get the kids and you’re gonna pay me child support too.”
Reaching out, I grab her arm which she instantly yanks away. “Go get your son. Enjoy the time you have. I already saw an attorney. Your affiliation with the Hellions gang, this,” she uses air quotes, “ family , you love so much is going to cost you the family you created with me.”
“Anna, you’re drunk. I’m going to forget you even saying any of this shit. Let’s go home and sleep this shit off.”
“My friend Scott drove me and he’s gonna take me home when I’m ready.” She turns her head to look at her companion. “I don’t need you. Go get your son. It will be the last night you spend in our home with him.”
My ears ring as the anger and hurt build inside me. “Why are you doing this?”
She pats my cut, “go on, now, go to your family.” She gives me a small push that doesn’t move me at all before she turns and saunters back to her friend signaling the bartender for a drink.
My mind spins. The only thing I can think to do is get to my son. Whatever is going on with Anna, I’ll deal with in the light of a new day. It is time to face this and get the process started. We can’t continue to live like this. Although, talking about divorce while she’s drunk isn’t a good idea, it is a conversation we will have. The drive to Maritza’s I can’t figure out what to say other than I’m sorry. How much more can we keep invading her life? It’s not fair to her.
It’s late.
I should probably leave her alone.
But my son needs to be home, in his own bed. She isn’t the one responsible for him. I appreciate that she takes him for Anna, but this is truly too much to ask of her.
Parking and walking to her door, my mind races. I don’t want to disturb her, but I want to pick up Hollis. I should have called.
With everything Anna dumped on me, I can’t talk to anyone right now. Is she really leaving me? Will a court give her my son? I want him to know his mother, sure, but I want equal time with him. He’s my son too.
All these thoughts and emotions swirl around in my head as I ring the doorbell. It takes a few minutes before the light of the camera doorbell illuminates. Moments later, Maritza opens the door extending her arm to wave me.
Her hair is braided down her back. She’s covered in a red robe down to her ankles and red slippers.
“Dillon, are you okay?”
I nod, “sorry to wake you. I got home and Anna said Hollis is here.”
She smiles at the mention of his name, “yeah, he’s sleeping,” she whispers as her sister Mariella comes from her room down the hall. She turns to face her, “go back to bed, I got this.”
Mariella waves and turns around returning to bed.
It is almost two in the morning; I wouldn’t speak either.
“I’m sorry for coming this late. Just figured it would be easier for me to get him now since I’m off tomorrow. This way you can head to work without dealing with getting him home.”
She shuts the door behind me. “He’s fine. You don’t look fine though.”
“I’m just tired. Long drive,” I lie while inside I’m shattered.
She turns to look at me raising an eyebrow, so I know she’s not really buying what I’m telling her. “How about this? It’s late, you’re tired, Hollis is asleep, and Anna needs a time out any way. Crash on the couch. Whenever Hollis wakes up in the morning, then y’all go home. I can leave for work without waking him.”
“Nah, I’ll just get him and go on home. Thank you though.”
She pops her right hip out putting her hand on it, “Dillon, I don’t know what is going on. Tonight, though, when Anna showed up, I was in the parking lot from the worst dinner I’ve ever been to. She didn’t call, but she was clearly in need of some time away from Hollis. She needed a break, and I needed a solid escape plan from my Mister Rogers date. I don’t know if you’ve been home yet or not, but sometimes a woman likes to have time alone. It’s like a recharge, reset of sorts. Let Anna have this window of time to rest and tomorrow she will be ready to be fully engaged with her son. If you go home with him and wake her up, she’s getting broken sleep. All she’s going to do is bring Hollis to the office.” I start to speak, and she pulls her hand up putting a finger over my lips, “not that I mind. Mom and I love having Hollis around. You’re tired though, so sleep here. Let Anna rest, let Hollis rest. Tomorrow bring him to the office if you want or take him home. It doesn’t matter to me, but he’s asleep in my room and doing fine. There is no reason to disturb him.”
I think about her invitation. Anna is drunk and on a tirade. She might come home and wake Hollis to be spiteful or just from being loud. This isn’t the first time she’s wanted a divorce. If I go home and she’s already there, well, the state she’s in we will fight. It will get loud, possibly physical on her side, and it will wake Hollis, there is no doubt about that. If I stay here, on the couch, my son sleeps, I sleep, and I can face tomorrow when we both are a little more rested.
“Okay,” I concede, “sorry to barge in on your night and your space.”
Maritza smiles at me the sweet smile that is all her. “Stop apologizing. I’ll grab a blanket and pillow. You can crash on the couch.”
I nod as she goes about getting the linens. Meeting her at her bedroom door, I glance at my son who is sleeping soundly in Maritza’s bed. His face relaxed and breathing even, my baby boy doesn’t have a care in the world.
“Goodnight, Dillon,” Maritza tells me handing me the blankets and a pillow from her closet.
“Night, Maritza,” I whisper before heading back to her living room.
Taking off my boots, cut, and shirt, I strip down to my boxers and settle in on the couch.
This is not the homecoming I was expecting from this transport.
Thank fuck for the Hellions, at least I have people around me who care and put my son first.
This is family and I won’t take that away from Hollis no matter what Anna says or threatens me with.