Chapter 11
THOR
My mind spun completely.
My body felt weak and paralyzed. It was as if someone had cracked open my skull, thrown my brain into a blender, then shoved it back into my head.
I fought my way out of the stupor and tried to process everything Antonella had said, even though my hearing had started to fail the instant those three words were spoken, leaving me deaf to everything else.
I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.
Had she really said she loved me? Or had I lost my sanity in the middle of the argument?
I rubbed my face, dragged a hand through my hair, and exhaled in a harsh breath.
I needed to get this straight, and that was exactly what I did.
I walked into her room without knocking, throwing the door wide open. Ella was lying down and startled, sitting up in bed and wiping her face with the backs of her hands.
“What did you say? What did you say, Antonella?”
“Please, just leave. I…”
“Is what you said true? You love me?”
I wanted to shake her by the shoulders when she stayed silent.
“Sì.”
“You love me?”
“Ti amo così tanto. I love you more than I can say. So much more than I ever thought I’d be capable of loving anyone…
Maybe I realized it too late, and you don’t love me anymore.
I know it’s hard for you to believe. Trust me, I don’t blame you for that, Heithor…
” She broke off, looking down at her hands in her lap, then gave a low laugh.
“How ironic does that sound?” She looked at me.
“But this is the only truth, ironic or not, whether you believe it or not. I really do love you.”
The next minute, I found myself even more stunned, this time by my completely unreasonable reaction. Fucking unable to control myself.
I laughed. I laughed so damn loud.
My whole body shook.
I simply couldn’t stop, even as Antonella stared at me in shock.
Then I laughed harder, like a complete idiot.
I hadn’t expected anything anymore, except arguments and a cordial coexistence because of our parental bond. I love you wasn’t on the list.
The urge to laugh only grew.
“You… you son of a bitch!” Ella marched toward me. I tried to calm down and failed. Laughing harder. Antonella slapped me. “I want you out of here right now!”
Man, this was insanity on my part, wasn’t it?
I should have had her in my arms, telling her how much I still loved her. That I was dying to be with her again. That we would get past our mistakes and that I forgave her.
I could have been doing anything except behaving like a fucking bastard.
Under her curses, I fought to stop my madness while she attacked my chest with her small hands clenched into fists. I grabbed her wrists once I was more in control. Antonella fought harder, swearing and cursing… I loved it.
This was the Antonella I knew, full of fire, temperamental and impossible.
My proud Antonella.
“Quiet!”
“Why are you doing this? Ridiculing me like this? I know I’m not at the top of your list of benefactors, but you don’t have to do this to me… If you don’t believe me or… don’t want me anymore, just leave and pretend none of this ever happened…”
I would never do that.
“Dio, this really is the worst day of my life.”
Did I trust her? No. Did I believe her? Yes.
Risks came with the love package.
And fuck, I deserved to live this the right way, the way I should have lived it from the start: both of us loving and wanting each other openly. No masks, tricks, or bullshit games. Just two people in love wanting to make it work.
How many times had I imagined this moment in my head?
How many times had I thought about what it would be like to hear her declare herself to me?
What kind of feelings would take over me in that moment?
What would my reactions be?
Dying for her and to tear those wrong conclusions out of her head, I held the back of her neck and her waist, and kissed her.
Hungrily. Deeply. Passionately. Ella, still angry, tried to push me away.
I didn’t move an inch away from her and kept her exactly where I wanted her.
I conquered her mouth with fury, with longing, with love.
The sweet taste of her lips mixed with the salt of her tears.
Our mouths dueled stubbornly. Hers refusing.
Mine demanding her surrender. I won. And almost fell to my knees at her feet.
Fuck, I loved her mouth, her tongue… her.
Her body and lips relaxed against me. Her passionate surrender filled my eyes with water, blending into the kiss when Ella grabbed my hair.
The taste, the sensation, the feeling were completely, absolutely different from the kisses before.
It carried a very distinct and singular meaning.
This was a kiss that laid bare everything we had been through, what we felt, and how we wanted to move forward from now on.
Aching. Longing. Greedy. Happy. And above all, in love.
It was the promise of a better future for us both.
A true kiss of love. And now it wasn’t only from my side. Ella was giving it back to me.
I held her face, pressing my forehead to hers.
Ella was panting. So was I.
“I don’t want your pity, or your crumbs,” she whispered hoarsely.
I pulled back to look into her eyes. “You silly girl. I’ve always loved you.” I kissed the trail of tears. “Never, not even for a single second, did I stop loving you.”
“I… I don’t understand… Why were you mocking me?”
“I wasn’t.”
Ella huffed, flattening her hands against my chest.
“Va bene. Then I’m crazy. I imagined you laughing like a stronzo.”
“Forgive me for that. I wasn’t laughing at you, but at the situation and at myself. Mostly at myself. I would never make light of you or your words, especially when they represent everything I have always wanted from you. You know that, baby.”
“So you still want me? You still love me, Thor?”
“There is no other woman for me. It has always been you. Only you.”
Her smile blinded me with love. I wanted to give her the fucking world in that exact moment. Ella wound her arms around my neck, and I wrapped mine around her waist, bowing my head until we shared the same air. My gaze inside hers.
“I don’t just want you. I need you.”
“Dio, I missed you so much, Thor. I still do, so, so, so much…” She pressed her head against my chest, her crying soaking my shirt, and I had to struggle to hold back my own tears.
“…I thought I’d lost you forever. I thought we’d never have another chance.
I was so afraid… Christ, just the thought that you might have forgotten me, that you hated me, was killing me.
I couldn’t stand the idea that you would never be mine again… ”
I rubbed her back.
“Shhhh… We don’t need to talk about that right now, my love.”
“You don’t understand,” she whimpered.
“I understand that you’ve had more than enough agitation for one day, and now you need to calm down.
I’ll never forgive myself if something happens to you or our baby because of me.
So do that for the three of us, okay?” She nodded.
And I added, wiping her face with my thumbs, “I love you, Antonella. My love for you never diminished for a single moment. On the contrary, it only grew. It seems impossible, but the truth is I love you much more than before. You claimed my heart in an irreversible way. Undeniable. I could never hate you, even when your actions drive me insane with anger, but that’s all it is.
It’s never permanent. You have me in the palm of your hand.
You always have, and you know that better than I do. ”
“Even… even if I spoke every language in existence fluently, not a single word among all of them would be enough to say how much I feel about what I did to the three of us, especially to you two… All I can do is say it and hope you believe me when I tell you it’s a lot.
Much more than I can bear. I regret it so much, and I hope that someday you can forgive me. ”
“I already forgave you, Ella… And you know something? You can say one word to me, or better, three little words in that same language, and that will be enough.”
She smiled shyly, her cheeks pink. So beautiful. So mine.
“I love you.”
“Say it again.”
Ella rose onto her toes and brushed her mouth against my ear.
“I love you, Heithor Castellammare.”
“Again.”
Ella looked into my eyes.
“I love you, Heithor. I am completely, truly, terrifyingly in love with you. You have always been and will always be the only one for me.”
Impatient and drunk on her words, I covered her sensual mouth with mine and devoured her. Fed on her. Her mouth answered me with equal need.
I was in ecstasy. Insanely happy.
The kiss deepened, consuming me with our desire. Need burned a path down to my groin. I wanted to possess every inch of her.
Ella was pure lust. My lust.
I wanted to claim her. Mark her. Possess her in every possible way.
Half-dead from missing her.
My cock thickened at the prospect.
The desperation to possess her fucked with my mind, and we turned into a delicious mess of kisses, sucking, hands everywhere, moans…
I found the zipper of her dress and started lowering it.
…She stiffened, tense.
Confused and worried, I stopped and stared at her.
“Ella, what is it? Am I going too fast?”
“No.”
“You don’t want this? Is that it?”
“Dio, no! Of course I want it.”
“But?”
“I… um… I…”
“Is the baby okay?”
Ella placed her hands on her belly, nodded, and smiled shyly.
“I’m sorry. It’s just…”
“It’s all right, sweetheart. You don’t have to justify yourself.” I held her chin. “I’m the one who needs to apologize for rushing. I thought you wanted it. Well, I should go slower. I’m dying for you, but I’ll wait until you…”
“I want it.”
“I don’t understand.”
“It’s just… I’m not the same as before.”
“I’m much more into this version, Antonella. If there was any part of me that hadn’t already surrendered to your charms, there isn’t anymore.”
“I’m not perfect, Thor.”
“I have news for you, baby. I never wanted perfection. I always wanted you. Only you. And you have always been perfect to me.”
“Thank you.”
I tipped my head back and searched for her gaze.
“That’s not it, is it? I mean, that isn’t what’s worrying you?”
“No.”
“Antonella, how many times am I going to have to tell you you’re perfect to me? Do you want it in writing and notarized? I’ll do it.”
She smiled, looking away. “That would be nice.”
I touched beneath her chin and waited for her to look at me, demanding an answer, which she gave me reluctantly and with a huff.
“I’m not that Antonella. I mean… Damn it! I’m different. My… my body is different from the one you knew.”
“I know, love.”
I kissed her, and then locked the door.
“Do you want to take off your sandals?”