Chapter 14 #2
“No, you wouldn’t have… The point is that Collin knew how to reach me without trying to force down my throat a situation that was unacceptable to me.
It was very hard and painful. Even so, he managed to show me that things weren’t as bad as I thought, you know?
Maybe because he was who he was, or because he was outside of it, I don’t know…
The fact is, I didn’t see him as an opponent, even when I tried to. ”
“And you saw me as one.”
“I’m not saying you were, but at that moment, I could only see you that way. Besides, the fact that you were, in a way, trying at all costs to make me swallow reality raw didn’t help.”
He gave me a sad look.
“We were only trying to make you see the mistake you were making. Your actions gave us no alternative but to act the way we did.”
I touched his face, softening my own expression.
“I’m sorry. I know I didn’t give you any other alternative, and today I also know that everyone’s intention was good, but the way you went about it wasn’t, understand?”
Heithor turned his face and kissed the inside of my wrist. “Perfectly.”
“Collin was the compass I needed.”
“Then I have a lot to thank him for.”
“He helped me see things clearly and consider new possibilities even while I had my reservations. I was too hurt and confused… It was hard as hell and very painful at times, so much that I thought about giving up and throwing everything away. But then I thought about the good things our conversations had brought me. Session after session, I felt less and less confused, although at some point it seemed to increase, but it wasn’t all bad, and in the end I was able to name my demons, you know? That was what didn’t let me give up.”
“I’m so fucking proud of you.”
“Grazie.”
“Don’t thank me. You earned my pride.”
“I didn’t do anything alone, Thor. Collin is mostly to blame.”
“He helped you because you allowed him to. You took the first step, love. If it hadn’t been for that, he could have been the best therapist in the world and had the best ways to approach you, but none of it would have mattered if you hadn’t given yourself the chance to allow yourself to be helped.
” His hand cleared a lock of hair from my face and tucked it behind my ear.
“And the mere fact that you aren’t taking all the credit for yourself, as you would have done months ago, is worthy and honorable.
For that, and for trying to improve, you deserve every gram of my pride.
” I was sure I was redder than a ripe tomato.
I wasn’t just happy; I was bursting, my heart jumping in circles.
“We made mistakes, in smaller and larger proportions, but despite that, they didn’t bring only pain and sadness.
They also brought learning, and we both learned.
That’s so true that we’re here talking like this, something we never would have done before, at least not without a fucking headache, and even then we probably wouldn’t have gotten anywhere. ”
He kissed me slowly. Made me tremble all over and melt at the same time.
I stopped the kiss with other little kisses. His forehead pressed against mine, and I opened my eyes, finding his, and then we smiled like two idiots in love.
I never thought feeling like an idiot would make me happy, but it did. “We’re okay, right? I know we aren’t one hundred percent, but we will be, right?”
“Talk to me, let me know what’s bothering you and what you think I did wrong before you turn your face away from me.
That’s how we’ll solve our problems. By talking.
I’m not psychic enough to guess things, and neither are you.
Lack of dialogue creates misunderstandings that wear down any relationship.
Let’s always be honest with each other, okay? ”
“Okay.”
“Then we’re more than okay. We wouldn’t be okay only if one of us wasn’t willing to give a little for the sake of our relationship.”
I played with the buttons of his shirt. “But I won’t promise anything, because all of this is new to me. I’ve never been in a relationship before…”
“No?”
“It wasn’t the same thing, Thor. But I swear I’ll try.”
His eyes gleamed. “So now we’re…?”
“I don’t like labels. It’s enough for us to know that you’re mine and I’m yours.”
“Boyfriends. Friends. Lovers. Partners. The label doesn’t matter. It won’t lessen or devalue what we feel for each other. We belong to each other until the end.”
“I like that.”
“But if you want, I can ask you to be my girlfriend.” I smiled, biting my lower lip and shaking my head. “Just so I know…” he said as he lifted me off his lap and made me sit on the bed. “What would you say if I knelt in front of you… took your hand like this… looked into your eyes and asked you…”
Right. It was time to die, I thought, as my breath caught, my heart beating like crazy, waiting for his final words.
“…Antonella, would you give me the honor of being your boyfriend?”
“Welllll… This is a very important decision, and as such, it should be thought over calmly and with time… But I’d be a tremendous idiot if I didn’t accept.”
His eyebrows wagged suggestively.
“Does that mean yes?”
“Yes, I accept,” I answered, suddenly shy.
He smiled wide and brilliant, and then kissed me.
“You’re making me a very happy man. I used to think that even before, when you didn’t love me, you were a potential danger to my balance, but I was so damn wrong, because now that I’ve tasted the sweetness of having you the way I always wanted, now I’m absolutely certain you have total control over me. And woman, don’t break me.”
“Never… And don’t do that to me.”
“You are my woman, Antonella. My lover. My girlfriend. My everything. No labels. It’s just you and me and our baby.”
“I’m fine with that.”
“That means there’s no reason now for you not to accept my help. Your argument is no longer valid,” he said slyly.
I stood, placing myself in front of him.
“Grazie, again.”
“Ella…”
“No.”
Thor pulled me between his legs. “We’re together. You’re my woman, and I, as your man and the father of your child, can and have the right to provide for you.”
“I talked to Aunt Gio.”
“Really?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Is everything okay?”
“Sì. She said everyone is excited about the baby’s arrival, although Mamma still doesn’t want to speak to me, and Rocco, well, he…” I shrugged.
Thor rubbed the side of my hip.
“Everything will settle in its own time, sweetheart.”
“Yeah, maybe.”
“It will. Believe it. It’s only a matter of time.”
“But then, as I was saying, Giovanna told me that, in agreement with my uncles and my grandparents, they’re going to send me a monthly allowance. So there’s no reason for you to support me. And another thing, I’ve already decided to look for a job when the postpartum recovery period is over.”
“See how things are falling into place little by little? I think their gesture and yours are very dignified, but there’s no need when you have me.”
“Scusa, I can’t accept…”
“Why can’t you accept that I take care of you?”
“Dio, you can be annoying when you want to, huh?”
“Is it wrong to want to take care of my girl?”
“And what do you suggest I do about my aunt and the others?”
“Tell them you’re grateful, but your man is going to take care of you.”
“Gio won’t accept that, and even if she does, she’ll be upset with me. She’s a very dear person, and I don’t want to hurt her more than I already have.”
“Then don’t say anything. Keep the money saved, and later, together, we’ll find a way to return it to her without offending her… Come on, Ella, make me happy.”
“I don’t like this…”
“God, woman! Stop being so stubborn. I want to take care of you, Ella. It will make me calm and happy. Don’t you want to make me happy?”
“Yes, but…”
“Then let me do this. Indulge me.”
“You know that’s a low blow, right?”
“Is it working?” he asked, shameless.
“Va bene. I accept.”
“You’re loving this, aren’t you?”
I left his arms and lifted the card he’d given me.
“I’ll put it in my bag, and while I do that, you could call the mansion and let them know we’re here. Pietra must be going crazy by now. Actually, how long are we staying here?”
“As long as you want.”
“Call.”
“That brat can wait.”