Chapter 15 #2
“What are you doing?” he asked with too much caution, which irritated me more as I went to my suitcase for some clothes. “Are you going to break your word less than three hours after giving it to me? Is that it? Was everything we talked about for nothing?”
I found a nightgown and panties, then went to the bathroom.
Heithor moved.
“Antonella, we’re talking, damn it.”
I looked at him, taking a deep breath so I wouldn’t scream or cry in front of him.
“I need to use the bathroom. May I?”
It was the bathroom or going back to the mansion.
I confess, I wanted to tell him to go to hell in every possible way and slap his face before going back to the mansion on my own two feet, and it took every fiber of me not to.
But I couldn’t act like that, no matter how much I wanted to, and although he had irritated me like crazy, a part of me wanted to be okay with him.
I found Heithor sitting on the edge of the bed, wearing underwear, his elbows on his thighs and his palms pressed together near his mouth. He looked at me, expressionless. I went to my toiletry bag, then walked to the dresser.
“Ella?” I didn’t answer. I was hurt and working on my breathing so I wouldn’t say shit while I put cream on my hands. “I’m sorry, I didn’t…”
“Where is my brush?”
“You’re not going to talk to me? I don’t want to sleep fighting with you.”
I took a deep breath and turned around.
“Listen, I didn’t ask for this. Actually, I don’t even know how a stupid joke turned into this infernal snowball. I never said at any point that I wanted to fuck anyone just because you screwed that bitch.”
“That isn’t what it sounded like,” he said, hurt.
“I’m sorry if my tone expressed regret, but I really didn’t mean that.
By the way, I’m very surprised that you’d reach that conclusion when you say you know me so well.
I’ve changed, but not to the point of becoming an idiot.
If I’d wanted to fuck anyone, even John, nothing and no one would have stopped me, and you know that better than I do, don’t you? ”
“Why couldn’t I know who he was?”
“That isn’t the point. Pietra had no right to say anything about it.
That is—or was—my business, and it was only up to me to decide whether to tell you or not.
I also have no idea who you fucked the first time.
And to be frank, I don’t give a fuck about her or any other woman who passed through your bed.
What interests me is now. I’m not a saint.
I never was. You know that. I’ve had my own share.
But if you can’t deal with that, if you can’t forget the past to live the present, honestly, I don’t see why we’re here.
And more than that, why the hell can you feel offended and irritated by the idea that I slept with someone else, and I can’t feel the same way when you actually did? ”
I turned to face the dresser and placed my hands on top, fighting not to shed any more tears. I stiffened at Heithor’s embrace.
“Forgive me. I chose my words poorly. I lost it at the thought of you being sorry. It won’t happen again. I promise. Forgive me.”
“I’m not sorry. Shit!”
“I understood. I swear I did,” he said against my hair. “I understand your position because I feel the same way. I go insane just at the idea of you fucking someone else… I’m sorry you heard me with another woman.”
“I don’t want to talk about it because we’ll fight again. You always seem blind when it comes to Norah and don’t see what she does against us.”
“I can’t see anyone but you. I can’t. I’m sorry.
” I confess his words softened my irritation and made my knees weak.
“I wasn’t angry or thinking only I get to act like a caveman because I’m sexist…
” I huffed and turned to face him. “…I know the weight of carrying a death on your shoulders, even when the bastard deserves that fate.”
“I wasn’t serious.”
“I know you weren’t. But hearing you say it, even as a joke, unsettles me. I have killed, not because I wanted to. It was me or the bastard. And even so, it’s too heavy a weight. One I never want you to feel. I don’t want you joking about it. This is too serious a subject to be treated lightly.”
“You’re contradicting yourself.”
“I would kill for you and for our baby. But you have no reason to stain your hands for me. If there has to be a killer in the relationship, let it be me and never you, understood? One more in my life won’t make a difference, but in yours it would change everything.”
“You aren’t a killer. You did what you did because it was the only way. Choosing between you and another person who threatens your life doesn’t make you a killer.”
“No one has the right to take another person’s life. The fact that it was me or those sons of bitches doesn’t pretty up what I am or make me any nicer.”
“It doesn’t matter. To me, you will always be good and far more decent than many people who have never killed. And for the record, you are a little more than nice-looking.”
“You’re not so bad yourself.”
“Wow! Thanks,” I teased.
Thor grew serious. “Forgive me. I didn’t mean to insult you and ruin the mood between us with my jealousy. We barely started dating, and we already had our first argument. That shouldn’t have happened.”
“Va bene. I owe you an apology too. I overreacted.” I linked my arms around his neck, smiling. “And, well, we wouldn’t be us if we didn’t have an argument.”
He laughed and kissed me.
“We aren’t normal.”
“You wouldn’t have fallen in love with me if I offered you ordinary.”
“You know what they say about a couple’s fight?”
“What?”
“That makeup sex is the best.”