Chapter 17
Two days later
Everything was ready for the surprise dinner I’d prepared for Thor.
I couldn’t have been more anxious to see his reaction and, at last, have that conversation.
It wouldn’t go past today. The doubts and fears would end, no matter what.
I couldn’t sustain this situation any longer.
Besides, it was better to suffer in the clarity of certainty than in the darkness of doubt.
I looked at my phone. There were still five minutes before Thor arrived. I put on my earrings, then slipped into the kitchen, rummaging around for a serving platter.
“Aha! Here it is,” I celebrated when I found a few platters stacked in a corner of the lower cabinets. I grabbed one and transferred the roast onto it.
Bzzzz! Bzzzz! Bzzzz!
My phone chose that moment to start ringing.
“Hi, love,” I answered, a little breathless, propping the device between my shoulder and my ear while I finished arranging the platter. “Are you almost here?”
“Ella, love, I’m sorry. I’m calling to let you know I’m tied up here, so I’m going to be another half hour late, forty minutes at most.”
I put the dirty roasting pan in the sink and filled it with water.
“But you’re coming, right?”
“Yes. Listen, order something for us to eat in the meantime. I know I told you we could go out to dinner, but that’s impossible today.”
“No, it’s fine.”
“Forgive me. I really wanted to take you to dinner, but I honestly can’t think of anything except getting there, taking a shower, eating, and resting.
I promise I’ll make it up to you later. I…
” There was a pause, and an unfamiliar female voice in the background made my heart drop.
“I’m coming, damn it! …Don’t do that. Just give me a minute…
Listen, sweetheart, I need to go now. I’ll be there soon. ”
I stared at the phone through narrowed eyes, telling myself it was nothing. That my suspicions were only a malicious little act put on by my jealousy.
That voice meant nothing, right?
But the damn thing belonged to a woman! A WOMAN!
A slut who was with Thor now and who, possibly, had been with him all those days he came home late.
I flattened my hands on the counter and closed my eyes for a moment, and when I opened them again, I focused on a blind spot. I was lost in my own head.
It’s nothing. You’re getting even crazier than you already are, Antonella. Thor wouldn’t be capable of it, and even if he were, he isn’t stupid. He wouldn’t be that obvious.
Maybe it was just work.
Then why not tell me? Why hide it?
I let out a hard sigh and shoved my thoughts down before they drove me insane. Thor would be here soon, and all of this would be clarified, for better or for worse.
I put the platter in the oven to keep the roast warm and only took it out when there were five minutes left until the half hour Thor had stipulated.
I set it on the table, which I had arranged for the occasion.
The candles would be lit once he was here.
And then I waited, with my phone beside me, checking the time minute by minute.
Exactly half an hour… and nothing.
Thirty-five minutes.
Forty.
Forty-five.
Fifty.
Fifty-five.
Sixty, and I huffed in irritation, glaring at the phone in my hands.
I wasn’t furious yet, but I was almost there.
I served myself and started eating.
I wasn’t going to starve while I waited for Heithor because he hadn’t had the decency to warn me his delay would drag on longer, when I had gone out of my way to make dinner for the two of us.
He could eat cold food. I ate slowly, paying attention to the flavor of the food in my mouth so I wouldn’t look at my phone.
I stuffed myself with dessert.
Satisfied, I checked my phone just to make sure Heithor wouldn’t have a lioness waiting for him, but the devil himself.
No calls, no text messages, no smoke signals… NOTHING!
He hadn’t even answered my calls.
An hour and a half later, my fury peaked, then retreated, giving way to a vast space of humiliation and the pain of rejection.
I was on the verge of exploding into tears and screams of rage.
My fingers shook over the touchscreen. One tap was enough.
“Sean, come pick me up now!”
A short time later, I was entering my bedroom.
I locked the door with the key.
Thor didn’t show up until the next morning.
I unlocked and opened the door. My gaze filled with the sight of Heithor, looking back at me with exaggerated caution, his expression a deliberate blend of guilt and regret.
Everything came to the surface. The anger, humiliation, and rejection.
Burning through me slowly. Building gradually as we stared at each other.
Heithor broke the silence.
“Can I come in?”
Heithor stepped inside. He filled the space with his presence and the emptiness in my chest, despite the fact that I hated him. I didn’t move from the door.
“I brought the suitcase you forgot in the car.”
Was that all he had to say?
“If that’s all, you may leave.”
“Forgive me…”
“For what? For knocking on my door so early to bring me my suitcase? Or for standing me up yesterday? Which one are your apologies for? The first or the second?” I lifted a finger.
“You know what? Forget it! Don’t waste your breath or your time, and especially don’t make me waste mine.
I’m not interested in your apologies. So I suggest you turn around and take your arrogant ass out of my bedroom. ”
Heithor took a step toward me, ignoring my words.
“I’m sorry, love. I know you’re upset, and you have every right to want to kick my ass. There’s no excuse for what I did, even if I didn’t do it on purpose.”
“If you know that, why do it?”
Heithor exhaled hard. He stepped toward me, and when he spoke, his voice was tired and a little angry. Hard lines marked his expression. And for the first time, breaking through the black cloud of rage in my eyes, I saw the exhaustion in his.
“Could you put the sarcasm aside for one moment so we can talk like two adults?”
I pushed the doorknob, the door shutting with a loud thud as I spoke to him and waved my hands in the air at the same time, distancing myself from him.
“It was very ‘adult’ of you to leave me standing there yesterday. And judging by the time you decided to show your face, if it had been up to you, I’d still be there waiting for you and growing roots.
And as for the sarcasm, I can’t do without it.
As you well know, it’s my best quality. At least it will never stand me up the way you did. ”
I was not going to cry, even if my eyes burned.
Heithor ran a hand through his hair. “Damn it, Antonella! I went to the penthouse when I could, but you weren’t there anymore.
I came here and found out you’d locked me out of our room.
I knew you were nervous because I was late, and I didn’t want to make things worse by knocking on the door.
Demanding you open it and listen to me.”
My jaw dropped.
“Late? Two and a half hours is late?”
“Antonella, I didn’t know you were making dinner for us. You didn’t tell me anything. I’m not a fucking psychic.”
“Because it was a surprise? And surprises aren’t supposed to be announced, otherwise they wouldn’t be surprises?
Or am I wrong? And the problem here isn’t the dinner.
It’s your lack of consideration and respect for me!
…You know what? It doesn’t matter. It was just dinner like any other, and I’m not going to fight over it.
I refuse. Especially at the start of a packed day.
I don’t need this extra. I really don’t. ”
With incredible speed, Heithor crossed the distance between us and pulled me into the warm circle of his arms. The anger began to fade, and in the next second, I found myself starving for some kind of comfort that would end or soften that whole mix of feelings I could feel shadowing my heart.
Heithor held me tight against him, and I fought to hold back the tears.
“Love, I’m so sorry. Forgive me. It wasn’t intentional.”
“You didn’t even call to tell me you weren’t coming anymore or answer when I called you,” I cried. “You could have called to… to let me know you’d be late or weren’t coming anymore. Anything, Heithor. I’m not a psychic either, damn it.”
My tears came hard. Sobbing. Trembling. A mess.
Thor comforted me, and I cried harder.
Damn hormones!
“My phone died. I had no way to let you know, baby. Believe me… God, don’t cry. It kills me to see you like this.”
“Then don’t hurt me anymore.”
“Forgive me, please. I promise this won’t happen again.”
I tipped my head back to look into his eyes. “Don’t make promises… Just don’t lie to me anymore. You said for this thing between us to work, we’d have to be honest with each other. So don’t make any more promises and don’t lie to me.”
A part of me wanted to beg Thor to lie, to deceive me, if it meant we could stay together. But I couldn’t allow myself to.
I didn’t want the happiness of an illusion, living in the shadow of doubts, with the fear that my perfect world would come crashing down at any moment. I needed the solidity of the truth, even if it broke my bones.
“I’m not lying to you, Ella.”
“Va bene!” I barked, pulling away and heading toward the bathroom.
“Antonella, I’m not lying, damn it! I’m sorry I left you waiting and that I had no way to call you. It wasn’t my fault. I’m telling the truth.”
I stopped in the doorway, my hand raised toward him. “All right, Heithor. I believe you. But I’ll warn you right now, I’m at my limit here. Don’t push me any further. Neither of us will like the result. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to shower.”
I slammed the door before he could answer.
I wasn’t crazy. Something was happening. Heithor might not be lying, but I knew he was hiding something from me. And it probably wasn’t anything good.
He grabbed me when I returned to the bedroom, wrapping an arm around my waist and dragging me back, holding my back against his chest.
“Love, please, I didn’t mean to hurt you. I love you. Please, Ella…”
“I already understand that, Heithor. Consider yourself forgiven. In fact, there’s nothing to forgive here when you didn’t act in bad faith and didn’t do anything wrong.
You said yourself there was no way to contact me.
You explained it, and I understood. I didn’t like it, but I understood.
Now, please excuse me. I need to change,” I murmured in a neutral voice.
I disentangled myself from his arms and went to the closet.
He followed me.
“You’re determined to make this harder than it is.”
I searched the drawers for panties and a bra.
“What do you expect, Heithor?” I asked, tired of that conversation while I shed the robe and put on the underwear. “You wanted my forgiveness, and I already gave it. Now, not wanting me to be angry when I have every right to be is a little much even for you, don’t you think?”
A second later, Heithor was in front of me.
“What do I need to do for you to stop being angry with me? Tell me, baby, please. I’ll do anything.”
“Give me some time to digest this, Heithor.”
“Don’t call me Heithor.”
“That’s your name.”
“You only call me that when you’re pissed at me.”
“And I am!” I assured him. “So much that I could kick your ass right now and not feel a single bit of remorse.”
“Then do it, love. Hit me. Kick me. Scratch me. Anything. I won’t try to defend myself. I’ll take it all quietly.” I still tried, but a shy smile drew across my lips a moment before Heithor kissed me hard. “Just don’t be angry with me. I can’t stand it when you’re upset with me. It hurts.”
I licked my lips, wet with his saliva. I tried to keep up my offended pose, but it was very hard when I had him like this and talking to me this way.
“I don’t control my emotions and feelings. Even less with these crazy hormones. But it will pass. Just give me a little space.”
“I’ll give you the space you’re asking for, but don’t ask me to stay away or forbid me from being here with you, in our room, in our bed. I won’t accept that.”
I pushed back. “Thor, I’m only asking you not to force a situation. Don’t ask me not to be angry when I have no control over my emotions.”
We established a strange understanding. Words were overrated. The truth was, we didn’t exchange many after that episode. But the words missing between us were abundant in our looks. I didn’t like that situation, but I also couldn’t erase it and act as if nothing had happened.
Heithor respected that.
One afternoon, he gave me tickets to an Adele concert, an exclusive charity event for a handful of guests…
We were walking toward normal.
…Until he was late for the concert too.
I lost my head completely.
I took off the dress, all the makeup, put on my floral robe, and then went back to my room. I refused to cry. It was too much humiliation for one night.
My life was on a wild ride through the endless tunnel of shit, with occasional stops at the stations of illusions and brief moments of truth. The only good thing in the middle of all of it was that my mother had started speaking to me again a couple of days ago.
Back in the bedroom, Heithor entered and came to me.
He gave me a little kiss, very naturally, while I stood there, paralyzed.
“Baby, forgive me for being late. I took a little longer than I expected, but you shouldn’t have come back, especially not by taxi and alone. I was going to meet you there.”
“Excuse me?”
“You didn’t answer me, so I called Pietra, and she told me you’d come back to the mansion. She also said they announced the show will be delayed another forty minutes. That’s enough time for me to shower…”
What the hell?
“N-No… No!”
He stopped, then nodded with a sharp movement.
“Right, right. I’ll just shower, and I’ll be right back.”
Heithor rushed toward the door. His audacity slapped me out of my shock at his nerve. It made my rage lick slowly over my skin.
“No.”
Heithor stopped, holding the door open. “What?”
I fought the tears and the abyss opening in my chest. And I armed myself with the little pride I had left when I released the words.
“Don’t ever come back. From this moment on, our relationship is limited to our son. Father and mother. Nothing more, nothing less.”