Chapter 27
The annoying, uninterrupted beep hammering inside my head woke me from what felt like a drunken binge mixed with deliberate torture.
I tried to open my eyes, but they were heavy and sluggish. Still, I didn’t give up, blinking slowly, squeezing my eyes shut, then opening them wide.
Still dazed, I became aware of a subtle brush against my skin. It was warm. Very comforting. Soft, almost imperceptible, but real. I forced my mind to focus again, and little by little, I realized the brushing was on one of my hands…
…Left, right… Left, right…
My eyes widened, and I felt a wave of panic rise in my chest. It grew slowly because I couldn’t tell for sure which damn hand was “right” and which was “left,” until my gaze fell on Thor.
I felt instant relief. I wasn’t completely in control of my actions and mental faculties, but I didn’t panic, mostly because I felt more drugged than I had ever been and too sore to let myself go.
Besides, Thor was there, and if he was by my side, I knew nothing bad would happen to me.
I forced myself to relax and focused on his face.
He looked tense, anxious. I couldn’t say anything for certain.
I managed a smile, exhausted.
“Hey, you,” I whispered in a voice so low I would have been surprised if he heard me, yet his wide, honest smile told me he had.
“Hi, my love… I’m so glad you woke up. You have no idea how happy I am to see those beautiful eyes open for me. I love you so much.” I felt his fingers gently stroking my head. “How are you feeling?”
“Strange.”
I let the air out and pulled in a deep breath, and in the next instant, a sharp stab of pain sliced through my spine. It felt as if I were being cut from one end to the other. Startled, I wheezed, cursed, and grimaced in pain.
“Are you in pain?” His voice sounded worried, but I didn’t look at him to be sure. I was more concerned with the Sahara-dryness in my mouth. “The nurse said if you woke up and felt pain, I should call her.”
“I just feel… Give me a little water, please.” He brought the cup to my lips. “Grazie.” I breathed more shallowly. “I’m okay. I’m not in pain, I just felt a stab when I breathed deeply…”
I cut myself off, reality crashing over me, my senses waking up. I narrowed my eyes as my head began to work more clearly.
The regular beep in my head; the bed that wasn’t mine; that room that wasn’t mine; the hospital smell, the nurse he’d mentioned…
My eyes filled with tears in an instant while my lips formed an “oh, Dio mio” and I dragged my gaze down… Eyes wide, I moved as if to bring my hands down, managing to move only my right hand. I didn’t analyze it. I just needed to confirm the emptiness I felt, what my deceiving eyes were seeing.
Nothing. Not a thing.
No…
I didn’t feel… Lucca.
Dio Santo!
My breath came in fast, painful bursts as I tried to get up. A cutting pain tore through my body from head to toe, and I began to pant and cry, but I didn’t care. However, two big hands held my shoulders in a firm but careful grip and easily kept me on the bed.
“Calm down, love. You can’t move like that. You’ll hurt yourself even more.”
“Lucca? Where is he, Thor? My belly… Where is my baby?”
The hellish beep sounded louder and a little uneven, pounding through my brain. My belly… there was swelling, but it wasn’t my belly… The baby… he wasn’t… Shit. Shit. Shit…
“Antonella, look at me.” I looked, clenching my teeth because of the unbearable pain tearing through me. “You need to calm down. Try not to move, please.”
“I DON’T WANT TO CALM DOWN, DAMN IT! I WANT TO KNOW WHERE MY BABY IS!” I shouted, fighting him so I could get up. The stab of pain cut me harder, making me throb from head to toe. “AH, HELL! SHIT!”
“Lucca is fine, sweetheart,” he said more firmly. “Now don’t move.”
Fine? Then why the hell was there fear in his voice, or was it a reflection of my own?
“Come on, Ella, calm down…”
I was more than ready to scream at him and tell him to shove calm up his ass when I felt my body begin to relax without me trying.
I fought it, without success.
My eyes began to grow heavy, and I felt myself being dragged into unconsciousness. But before I blacked out completely, I saw a white figure on the opposite side of Thor.
He held my face and made me look at him.
“Lucca is fine. He was born.”
I blacked out.
***
I didn’t know how much time had passed before I opened my eyes again.
Thor was there. And I was pissed at him.
I fought the wave of panic, forcing myself to breathe shallowly. I didn’t want to be drugged again. I needed to know what had happened.
“Where is my baby?”
Thor lifted his head quickly. “How are you?” I was trying to keep calm, but like this it was hard. I waited in a silence that cost me dearly. “He’s fine. He’s already been born.”
That wasn’t the answer to my question… wait.
Born? What did he mean, born?
“How long ago? Have you seen him?”
“A day. Almost two in a few hours. And yes, I saw him.”
I blinked, dazed by the news, my smile wavering uncertainly. I didn’t know what to think, but I was undeniably relieved and happy too.
“How are you feeling?”
“I’m okay… I feel like I’m a little high. I’d even say a little hungover, and my body feels strange… It’s strange not having Lucca inside my belly or all that circumference anymore, although God knows why, I don’t feel like myself and… Does that make any sense to you?”
He laughed softly, kissed my forehead and my mouth.
“It’s normal to feel that way after what you went through, but don’t worry. Soon everything will go back to normal.” I kept my eyes on him, not fully understanding what he was talking about. “Now, I want to know how you are. Do you feel any pain?”
“A little… It’s bearable.”
“I’m going to call the nurse.”
“No, please,” I rushed ahead. “I don’t want them to drug me.”
“I don’t like you feeling pain, even a little.
You don’t have to play strong when there’s no need to suffer, love.
If you’re hurting, you need to tell me. You’ve had your dose of bravery.
Now let the professionals take care of you.
The nurse won’t drug you. She’ll only give you something to ease the pain. ”
“I don’t want… Listen, it isn’t exactly pain…” I smiled and wet my lips. “…It’s more of a discomfort that can be ignored for a few minutes. I want to talk to you, get my bearings, and if they give me more medicine, I’ll probably sleep, and I don’t want to sleep now.”
He twisted his lips and sighed, nodding.
“All right. But if the discomfort intensifies, you have to tell me. You won’t play strong when you can have the ‘discomfort’ eased and not have it at all, okay?”
I agreed, a little unwillingly. I didn’t like feeling pain, but I felt as if I had slept for years, and despite the strangeness in my body and the discomfort it caused me, I wanted to orient myself better and know about our baby.
“What is he like?”
Heithor gifted me his biggest and best smile.
I smiled with him, anxious for the words. I was about to call his attention when he began to speak in a foolish tone until:
“Lucca is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.
He’s a perfect mix of the two of us. He has your fair skin, your mouth, and his little ears too.
” My eyes opened wide, emotional. “But the eyes and hair are mine. Martha said he may still get my sexy tone. She said I was also very fair when I was a newborn, but as time passed, I gained this sinful color.” He winked at me, and I laughed softly at his lack of modesty. “Lucca has a lot of hair.”
I was feeling… I don’t know. I couldn’t quite distinguish what I felt. Only that it was immense relief blended with other overwhelming feelings.
“The boy could make a wig and still have plenty of hair.”
“You aren’t hairy.”
“But I was. I was born with a handful, just like Lucca.” He said it laughing, paused briefly, then continued. “Lucca was born twenty-one and a quarter inches long and weighing six pounds, thirteen ounces.”
“Wow! He’s big.”
“Very big for a baby who’s still a little premature. But that’s no surprise either. He’s my son. He inherited my greatness. Girls will like it.”
“I hope he doesn’t inherit your modesty too,” I muttered. “And I don’t think now is the time to talk about girls when he’s barely born and barely has a dick…” I went silent as a grimace of distaste twisted my face.
Thor laughed with pleasure, choking on a louder laugh.
“Believe me, sweetheart, he may be a newborn, but he already has a much bigger dick than many babies months ahead of him.” He joked and added with obvious pride, “The nurses were impressed with our boy.”
I rolled my eyes and stayed silent for a moment.
I was a mother. Now, at this very instant, I was truly a mother, with the right to have my baby in my arms and smell him… kiss him… caress him… look at him…
Then I was invaded by this sensation that was a little of everything. Fear. Expectation. Anxiety. Curiosity. Everything bubbling inside me.
“I want to see him.”
“Not yet, love.”
“Why?”
“You still aren’t in any condition to get up.”
“I’ll make an effort. Or they can bring him here, can’t they?” Thor only looked at me in silence, and I saw a feeling in his eyes I definitely didn’t like. “He’s okay, isn’t he? You said he was okay.”
“He is… Calm down. There’s no reason to get nervous.”
“Your silence makes me nervous,” I snapped.
“All right, all right. I’m going to tell you what happened while you were sleeping…”
“Sedated,” I corrected sourly.
“But first you need to know everything is fine now and promise me you’ll listen without getting upset, okay? You’re recovering from a… difficult situation.”
I was already anxious.
“What aren’t you telling me?”
“Promise me.”
I pursed my lips, my eyes narrow, suspicious.
“I promise.”