18. Addie
Chapter eighteen
Addie
I’m in Abuelo’s old office, trying to get some work done. There were just a few things that didn’t sit well with me when it came to the Ivory Shores plans, so I’m putting my own touches on them on my computer.
First, I added the chapel near the swimming pool that we promised to Randall. It was a giant pain in the ass, but I finally got it to a place where it not only fit but also kind of made sense. Now, I am just rounding out some edges that I find harsh and unnecessary.
“Perfect.” I sit back and admire my work once I’m finished.
Shortly after that, my phone buzzes on the desk next to me. I don’t need to flip it over to know that it’s Hayden.
God, you’re such a coward.
I bury my face in my hands.
I just can’t face him. Not yet.
Was the kiss amazing? Yes. Honestly, I felt like I was being projected towards the moon as soon as our lips touched. And it was even more affirming when he rested his hand near my lower back and brought me even closer to him.
However, it just ended after that.
There were no goodbyes or anything. He just stopped, wiped at his mouth, and then stormed out the door.
It was humiliating, and I’ve been wondering ever since if I made a ginormous mistake for ever kissing him in the first place.
Why the hell did I do that? I’ve asked myself that question over and over again, but I still can’t think of a reasonable explanation. Well, other than the fact that he’s devastatingly gorgeous and was just doting on how much he liked my kid. Okay, perhaps that’s reason enough. Is it?
“Ugh!” I groan out loud. My mind has been going around in circles like this ever since it happened, and I fear if I don’t get off this tilt-a-whirl of conflicting feelings, I might make myself physically ill.
Then there’s also the matter of why he’s taken such an interest in Luna. It’s undeniable that they have a strong connection and bond, but he still hasn’t mentioned getting a paternity test.
Part of me wonders if he just doesn’t want to know—either out of placid ignorance or prolonged resentment towards me.
If it’s the former, he might not want the legal and “official” responsibilities that come with being a father. And if it’s the latter, he’s holding onto the anger he felt towards me after that stupid article was released, which his father allegedly died after reading it.
Feeling like I’m going to explode and leave bloody goo all over the antique furniture if I don’t get some of these emotions out in the open, I place a call to Sam.
“Hey, Flores. How’s The City of Angels treating you?”
“I don’t know. I feel like I’m floundering.”
“Oh.” Her tone was jovial at first, but now it’s turned more serious. “I’m so sorry. What’s going on?”
“Well, this stupid landowner, Errol—”
She chuckles and interrupts me. “Sorry, but what kind of name is that?”
“I don’t know!” I lift my arm up into the air and smack it down on my thigh in frustration. “But he’s older than a bag of rocks, I swear to God. I’m pretty sure his liver spots have liver spots, Sam. And then if he isn’t bad enough, he has to bring in his mega-religious son-in-law, Randall.”
“Another classic name for a fuddy-duddy.”
“Exactly! Yes. Thank you.” That’s one reason why I love her so much. She just always seems to get me. “Oh, and I didn’t tell you this yet. We had to go over to his cottage for a weird barbecue-Bible study event.”
“I’m sorry, what? That’s a thing?”
“Apparently! So, Hayden and I were there, and they all of a sudden started praying for us but like in a not-so-subtle way as to shame and basically condemn us for having a child before wedlock.”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa! Slow your roll there, girlfriend. Hayden knows about Luna?”
Shoot. I realize I forgot to tell her about our secret relationship.
“No, not exactly. Well, at least not really.”
“Hold on. I need to sit down. You’re making my head spin.”
I know the feeling all too well.
“I’m sorry.” Of course, it wasn’t my intention to spread my carousel of a mind onto her. “Basically, all you need to know is that Hayden and I pretending to be a couple to appeal to Randall and his wife’s strict, Christian sensibilities.”
She’s quiet for a few moments.
“I know it’s crazy. Trust me, I do. But it seemed like a good idea when it was presented to me. After all—”
“After all, he is your daughter’s father, and you do have a big crush on him.”
My goodness, she loves interjecting.
Through grated teeth, I say, “Only one of those statements is true.”
“Mhmm. Whatever helps you sleep at night, Adds.”
But then I realize that my next confession is only going to prove her right. “And there is this one teeny tiny detail about me randomly kissing him in my foyer the other night after we had dinner, and he insisted upon seeing Luna while she was fast asleep.”
“Oh, my God!” I’m grateful that she pulled the phone away from her mouth as she shouted that. “See? What did I tell you!”
“I know. But it turns out that it was a huge mistake. He just walked out of my house after that.”
“Hold up. He didn’t even kiss you back?”
“Well, no. I wouldn’t exactly say that.” The memories are now flooding back, and I can feel his mouth parting against mine.
“Earth to Addie?”
“Sorry.” I’m not sure how many times it’s taken for her to get my attention again.
“So, he did kiss you.”
“For a bit. Yes. But that’s not the point. I was stupid to fall for his protective nature again. You should’ve seen him at dinner. He was playing with my hair, trying to hold my hand, and just ah! It was so nice.” I acted annoyed at the moment, but I actually loved every minute of it. “But it wasn’t for me,” I clarify. “It was all for show for Randall. Hayden wants one thing and one thing only. The land for his and my abuelo’s new hotel.”
“I—I really don’t know what to say here, Adds. I don’t know this Hayden guy. But to me, it sounds like you’re both straight-up tripping. You obviously have a convoluted past, that much I know. Plus, you have this unspoken bond through your shared child.”
“Which he doesn’t know about yet. Well, at least in not so many words. I think he can sense something, though.”
“I would sure hope so. Otherwise, he’s just a flat-out creep who likes to watch children sleep.”
Fair enough. She’s absolutely right, and my flags would have been raised after that if I hadn’t experienced this chemistry between the two of them.
“And I’m just guessing here, but I’d put money on the fact that Hayden is just as confused by all of this as you are—if not, even more so. As you said, you’ve never come right out and said he was Luna’s dad. Can you imagine how weird that must be for him then? Having that father-daughter connection with a child you just met, but not knowing why?”
She’s right again.
“I’m thinking, when you feel the time is right, you should tell him the truth, give him some space to process that, and then see how things progress as he adjusts to fatherhood.”
“But what if he doesn’t want anything to do with us?”
“I think he’s already proven that that isn’t the case here, Addie.”
“And another thing . . .”
Oh, okay. I was about to open my mouth, but I shut it again.
“Please don’t feel stupid for kissing him. I think you should take it as a sign that maybe, it’s time for you to start thinking about what you want.”
What I want? What a preposterous notion, I think sarcastically. Except in all reality, what I want hasn’t been a priority ever since Luna was born. Instead, my entire life has revolved around her and whatever it will take for her to live her best life.
“Okay, let’s decipher this for a moment, shall we? Let’s suppose the best-case scenario were to come true, and you, Hayden, and Luna could all be one big, happy family. Would that really be the worst thing in the world?”
Obviously, she’s asking that rhetorically, but I answer anyway, “I guess not. But—”
“But nothing! All the ‘buts’ and ‘what ifs’ in the world are just a waste of time and energy until you actually find out what you’re dealing with.”
As I’m pondering her wise words, I hear some commotion outside, which is weird because there aren’t neighbors around for miles. But when I see Hayden come around the backyard in a light blue suit and talking to someone on his phone, my heart sinks.
Oh, God! My first instinct is to stop, drop, and roll.
“This isn’t a fire, dummy!” I scold myself after realizing the error in my thinking.
“Huh?”
Shoot. I forgot I was also on the phone. “Sorry, Sam,” I whisper while covering my mouth like that will be to affect anything. “I’ve gotta go. I will call you back later. Thank you for all of your advice. I love you!”
I hang up, and then frantically look for somewhere to hide.
Under the desk? Yeah, I can fit in there.
Pulling out the chair, I start diving underneath into the black abyss.
But then I hear a light rapping on the glass door.
By this point, my lower half is already covered, leaving my ass stuck up in the air.
“Addie?” he asks in a muffled voice.
Thankfully, either I or Abuelo left a pen down there, and I’m able to grab it and use it as the scapegoat for my odd behavior.
“Right.” With it in my hand, I sit up and use the other to flick hairs out of my face and then straighten out my outfit. “Oh!” I suddenly look over and act as if I hadn’t heard any of the evidence of his presence before that very moment.
He smiles shyly at me and waves. “Mind if I come in?”
As usual, his dashing looks make my heart swoon, but his lips look even poutier and smoother than normal.
To think, those babies were just pressed tightly against mine. While swinging his head from one side to the other, he let out a little moan. And I’ve been replaying that sound over and over again in my mind.
“Hey,” I try to say as nonchalantly as possible after finally opening the doors.
“Hey.” He takes one arm and rests it above his head and against the frame.
I think I see a flicker of fire or something else behind his green eyes, but I can’t be sure.
“What can I do for you, Hayden?”
He flashes a crooked smile at me, but then stiffens his face and body after seeing my computer screen.
“The plans. Of course, the plans. That’s why I’m here. I’ve been calling to ask if you’ve had a chance to go over the plans.”
Okay? That seemed a bit forced.
But since it’s the path of least resistance and the least amount of awkwardness, I take a stroll down it with him.
“Ah, yes. I have, in fact.”
He steps inside and claps his hands. “That’s great. I want to show the new and improved version to Randall. I’m hoping this will finally be the linchpin that will get him to sign the land over to us.”
“How do you know they’ll be new and improved?”
“Well, because you worked on them, of course.”
I blush. His faith in me means the world, especially since I have minimal real-life experience in the field of architecture outside of school.
“Come on. Please show me what you’ve come up with.”
I then shuffle him over to the computer, and I sit in the chair while he leans over me with one hand behind my body and the other on the desk.
This close, I’m able to smell his familiar, intoxicating cologne.
“Anyways.” I take care in explaining each modification I made, and I even show him the before and after imaging for each design.
When I’m finished, he doesn’t say anything, but he stands up and folds his arms across his chest.
Shit. I’m worried I’ve blown all of his previous confidence in me right out of the water.
However, after taking a minute to scrub at the sprouting facial hair he has, he announces, “I love it.”
There’s an immediate weight off my chest as I look back at him again.
“Really?”
“Yes.” He grins from ear to ear. “I think your revisions are perfect. But it isn’t just that.”
“It’s not?”
He bends down so that his face is only a few inches away from mine.
“No. I also just love seeing the way your face lights up when you talk about something you’re passionate about.”
There’s tension hanging in the air that could be cut with a knife. However, I’m already so confused about where we stand after that first kiss that I freak out and practically jump out of my seat.
“Great! Well, I’ll just go ahead and make a 3D model of this new design then.”
He looks a bit shell-shocked, but he eventually comes to with a shake of the head. “Yeah, right.” His eyes blink slowly. “Grea—great idea. You do that.”
“I will.”
While I’m busy making sure all the necessary documents have been saved onto the cloud, he walks into the opposite corner of the room and makes a call.
“Randall? This is Hayden Cohen again. How’s it going?”
I’m too far away, and I can’t hear what Randall is saying back.
“Great. Glad to hear it. Listen, Addie and I have some changes to the plans that we’d like to share with you. Are you available to meet with us on the land to discuss them? In two days?”
He peers over his shoulder at me, and I give him a thumbs up.
“Two days it is. Wonderful. See you then.”
A few moments later, an alarm goes off on my phone, and I see that it’s the alarm I set to remind me to go pick up Luna.
“Where are you off to?” he asks after checking his flashy, gold watch.
“I have to get Luna from school.”
“Oh.”
“Yep.”
I’m hoping that statement is enough to get him off on his merry way. But instead, he requests to come with me.
I pause just before leaving the room but respond, “No. I’m sorry. Just not right now. I mean, not yet.”