Chapter 64
The Softie
Killian
“How are you feeling?” Dad asks, probably reading my perplexed emotions in my not-so-calm breaths and strained expression.
I huff a laugh. “Scared out of my mind.”
Expression firm, he repeats the words that made me freak out a few weeks ago. “She’s not your mother. She’s not going to leave you.”
I close my eyes and draw a couple of long, shuddery breaths, fighting off the squeezing sensation that threatens to steal my breath altogether.
I’m stronger than it, I tell myself. I can be strong for her.
The determination calms me somewhat, and I decide to finally face the fear head-on, for the first time in my life. “How do you know?”
I tighten my arms around Jenna, only realizing how hard when she lets out a small mewl. “Shh,” I reassure. “You’re safe.” I lean down and press a kiss to her head, then watch her until I’m sure she has settled again.
When I look up, Dad is smiling. It’s the same smile he wore the first time I mastered a Liszt étude. A smile that used to be rare but has become more frequent since Jenna came here.
“I know she won’t leave for the same reason I know you won’t leave her. She couldn’t bear to bring that pain on somebody else.”
Dropping my head back, I rake a hand through my hair. “Comparing her to me is not much of a reassurance.”
“There’s a crucial difference.” He reaches out to stroke her arm. “Unlike you, Jenna has faced her fears. There’s nothing suppressed. What you see is what you get. She’s honest to a fault. That’s what makes her so precious, but also what makes her vulnerable.”
“It’s beautiful,” I say, stroking her hairline, her lips, and the curve of her cute nose. Jenna’s soft vulnerability is so fucking beautiful. I can’t believe it took me so long to see it.
Dad places a hand on mine, bringing my attention back to him. “Don’t beat yourself up,” he says, reading my reaction with scary precision. “What you did, raising those walls and shutting her out, was a defense mechanism. It wasn’t a choice. It was necessary.”
“But—”
“No, Killian. You were eight. The person who was supposed to protect you and love you unconditionally left. Be mad at her—not you—or it will swallow you whole. All you can do now is move forward and make sure you don’t repeat the pattern. Being stuck in the past or your fears won’t help anyone.”
Closing my eyes, I focus on breathing deeply—taking in his words. He’s right. I can’t keep beating myself up and wallowing in the past. It won’t do anyone good. All I can do is try to make up for all my shortcomings and prove to Jenna, every day, that I’m here.
“Do you think she’ll ever truly trust me?” I ask when I straighten again.
“I do. It will take time and a lot of work. But if you do the work, you’ll get there—she’ll get there.”
“I’ll do the work.” I heave a hard sigh, finally accepting the solution I’ve been refusing since I was eight. “I-I think I need to s-see a therapist. For real this time.”
Dad gives a firm nod. He doesn’t say more, and I’m grateful for it. It’s hard enough to admit it out loud. Hell, in one night, I’ve admitted more than I have in thirteen years. And I know there’s a lot more honesty to come in the foreseeable future.
We’re both quiet for a while, stroking Jenna and enjoying the warm peace that has finally settled over this house.
Ginny comes and hops onto the couch, cuddling up against my thigh.
She’s just as adorable and difficult to resist as Jenna, and I take turns stroking them both, enjoying Ginny’s eager purring and Jenna’s warmth.
“So, now we’re fucking her together…” I say on a whim.
Dad breaks out into a laugh that makes Jenna stir.
“What’s so funny?” she murmurs, slowly repositioning herself to reach Ginny.
“We’re officially good and well outside all bounds of morality,” Dad says.
“How so?” she asks sleepily.
“We just fucked you at the same,” I say and huff a laugh. “Did you forget that we’re related?”
Her cheeks turn a deep red, and she straightens on my lap, leaning her head into her hands. “I guess I kind of did.” When she looks up again, her lips are pressed together, and her eyes have this cute, embarrassed, but also happy expression.
“How far are we taking this?” I ask Dad, rubbing Jenna’s back.
She lifts a hand to stroke the lines of my face, and fuck if it isn’t the best sensation ever.
Her inhibitions might be weakened by the subspace she’s coming out of, but the impulse is natural, showing me her true affection.
We might have a long way to go, but little by little, she’s coming around, learning to trust me and lean into our dynamic.
“I don’t know,” Dad says. “I think we should see how things go. But for now, let’s avoid crossing swords.”
“Crossing swords,” Jenna parrots with a chuckle, like a little girl.
I smile and lean to the side to see her face better. “You don’t know that expression?”
“Well, now I do. And now it’s all I can think of.”
I tut. “Such a dirty girl. Would you like that? Me in your ass, Dad in your pussy?”
She lifts her shoulders. “Maybe. I don’t know. I think for now, let’s do what Ian says. Take things as they come.”
“Sounds good to me. Two cocks at a time, but different ends.”
She pushes air through rounded lips, giving me a wide-eyed expression. “We’re crazy.”
“We are,” I confirm. “And you love it.”
She hides her revealing smile behind her hand for a moment, then looks from me to Dad. “How is this gonna work when we’re in public?”
I expect this to be a problem we all have to consider carefully, but Dad replies as if there’s only one right answer. “To the public, you two are a couple. I’m Killian’s Dad, your piano teacher. Family. That’s all.”
“I hate that,” she says.
“Me too,” I agree. It feels wrong to get more than he does, having them hide.
“It’s the way it has to be,” Dad says. “The only way that makes sense. The two of you are gonna be together in the spotlight, all eyes on you. It will be difficult to hide, and people will more readily accept the two of you as a couple. It’s more natural.”
“I don’t care what people think,” I say.
“But you care about your career?” Dad asks, rhetorically.
Silence descends, serious expressions tightening all our faces.
Dad continues, “I don’t mind being discreet. I don’t have the need for public displays of affection.”
“How about we all just keep it private?” I suggest, wanting this to be fair.
Dad shakes his head. “I don’t want you two to miss out on anything. Dinner dates, going to the movies, holding hands on stage. And you’ll be able to use it as an advantage, driving your careers.”
“How?” I ask.
“You’ll see.”
“It doesn’t seem fair,” I say. “Me getting all that and you don’t.”
“You’re gonna be touring a lot, Killian. I’m sure Jenna and I will join you sometimes, but there will also be times when Jenna can’t go with you. I’ll have her to myself then. So let’s just say that makes us even.”
I sigh. “I hate that.”
“Compromises are necessary. You can’t have both the career and this threesome in public. And I don’t mind. I have everything I need right here. As long as the two of you are happy, I’m happy.” He fixes his gaze on Jenna. “Can you be happy like this?”
Jenna looks between us, expression open and honest. “I don’t care how I get you, as long as I get both of you. As long as you both feel good about this.”
“I know, sweetheart,” Dad says, and the two share an intimate moment of familiar eye contact.
“Is it okay if I go sit with Ian for a while?” Jenna asks, a tentative expression knitting her brows. “I enjoy sitting here very much, but—”
“Kitten,” I cut her off. “There’s no need to explain. I won’t ever get jealous if you kiss, hug, or fuck Dad. You’re ours. Not just mine. I want it like that. I like it that way.”
“Why?” she asks, an open, honest question.
I push air through rounded lips. “I have no idea how to answer that. I guess it just feels natural.” I shrug.
“I trust him not to take you away from me.” I haven’t really thought about that before, but it’s true.
Despite repeatedly accusing him of keeping her to himself, I trust him not to do so.
It was just my insecurities speaking. Dad might be selfish and controlling—just like I am—but not when it comes to me.
He has given me everything. He gave up his career and his marriage for me, and he crossed all the lines to make me win and then get me the girl I wanted in the fucked-up way I wanted her.
He’s put up with my temperament and all my issues that would have gotten me in severe trouble if he hadn’t been around to pick up the pieces.
He’ll do everything for the people he cares about.
That used to be just me, but now Jenna is part of that equation as well.
But instead of stirring jealousy, it makes me feel calm.
Because that means she’s safe. That means we once again have the same goal in life.
That goal used to be making me win all the competitions, but now it’s her. And that feels good.
“She’s ours,” Dad agrees, opening his arms to invite Jenna into them. She crawls into his lap and melts into him with a satisfied sigh.
I smile and lift Ginny into my lap. “It’s good we have two kittens,” I say.
“He’s becoming a softie, just like you,” Jenna whispers with a mischievous edge, leaning her head into Dad’s neck.
He grabs her jaw. “I’m not a softie.”
Jenna snickers. “Soft like a furball.”
Dad rolls his eyes, and then all three of us laugh. It’s good to see her like this, happy and playful.