Chapter 28
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
K ate
Ronan holds the steering wheel so tightly his knuckles turn white, but I don’t want to say anything to him about it. He doesn’t need caution now. If he’s ever going to truly be himself again, he has to conquer any fears he has about driving.
He could have chosen anyone to do this with. I’m sure his brothers have been hoping he’d try driving again, so they would have jumped at the chance to be sitting beside him as he gets behind the wheel for the first time.
But he chose me to accompany him, so I want to support that decision as best as I can.
We’ve only driven on side roads until this point, but I see him look at the sign for the Taconic as we pass it. I don’t know if he’s ready to tackle that yet. He needs to know I’m here for him for that too.
“Feel free to drive wherever you want to, Ronan.”
He pulls the car off to the side of the road and puts it in park. I can’t tell if what I said upset him, but it can’t be good that we’ve stopped.
As much as I want to ask if he’s okay, I don’t. I just give him time to say what he needs to. If that means sitting here all day in silence, then that’s fine.
Whatever he needs, I’m here for him.
Finally after a minute or so of complete silence, he turns to look at me. His voice low and unsure, he winces like he’s in pain when he says, “I don’t know if I’m ready to drive on that road yet.”
I smile and lean over to kiss him softly on the cheek. “It’s your call. Wherever you want to go, I’m good.”
“I’m just not sure…”
He stops and takes a deep breath before continuing. “What if I screw it up? I’d never forgive myself if you got hurt, Kate.”
Fear fills his dark eyes, making me wish I knew what to say to make that disappear. I can only imagine the terror he experiences whenever he remembers that horrible night that changed his life forever. I want to help, but I don’t know what to do.
“It’s okay, Ronan. I don’t think I’m going to get hurt, but if this isn’t something you want to do, then we don’t have to do it.”
A slow smile lifts the corners of his mouth, and he leans over to kiss me. Against my lips, he whispers, “Okay, I think it’s time. I want to do it.”
My heart starts racing at the thought that he’s about to try to conquer his biggest fear. I know he can do it. Ronan can do anything he puts his mind to. I know I won’t get hurt either. I’m just worried it will be too much for him. Returning to the very place where you nearly lost your life and where your dreams ended has to be the hardest thing in the world.
“Okay, I’m right here with you.”
He turns back to face the road ahead of us, and I slide my arm around his right arm. Waves of fear radiate off him, but he sets his jaw and leans over to shift the car with his left hand.
Once we’re in drive, he takes his foot off the brake. At first, we’re barely rolling down the road, but then he steps on the gas, and we’re off!
I don’t think I’ve ever been this nervous or excited all at the same time. Even when I was walking into that job interview for my teaching position I didn’t feel this way.
Ronan’s right arm tenses as we move up the on-ramp to the highway, so I gently pat his shoulder and say, “It’s all good, Ronan. You’ve got this.”
He tries to smile, but it never really materializes into much more than another bout of cringing for him. His left hand tightly grips the steering wheel so his knuckles turn white again, but he’s determined to overcome his fear of the highway where he lost so much.
Cars stream by us going seventy and eighty miles an hour, and for a few seconds, I’m not sure we’re going fast enough to merge onto the highway. Normally, I’d say something to warn the person driving that we need more speed, but I bite my tongue and let him handle this. I can’t overcome what he’s feeling for him. He has to do that all on his own.
I look back as he gets into the lane, and I swear it’s like some higher power has cleared the road for him so he could get on at a slow speed. Ronan nervously checks the rearview mirror and then focuses his attention on the road ahead of us.
“Never in my life have I ever seen the Taconic look like that when I came onto this highway.”
“I was thinking the same thing!” I say excitedly. “It’s like someone up there is watching out for you.”
He turns his head to look at me with a strange expression, causing the car to veer toward the breakdown lane. When he moves to get the car back into the right lane, he overcompensates, jerking the car and us, and for a few seconds, it feels touch and go.
But he gains control again, and it’s like I see the fear drain away from him. I don’t think I could be happier.
“Sorry about that. I’ve got to get used to things. I didn’t mean to scare you. It’s just what you said about someone up there. That’s what I wanted to tell you about Sabrina.”
As much as I don’t want to be miserable whenever I hear that person’s name, I can’t help it. I’m still jealous, even though he told me he has no interest in her.
I don’t want to ruin this for him, though. This drive means too much to Ronan for me to be petty about the nanny.
“What about her?” I ask through gritted teeth and a forced smile.
“She’s into these signs you can get from people who aren’t around anymore. She told me to ask my mother for a sign, and Kate, I know this is going to sound crazy, but I think I got one. It was a rabbit just like the one my mother and I saw when I was a little boy. You probably think it’s stupid. I did too, but then that rabbit came out of nowhere, and I swear it nodded at me when I asked my mother to show me she’s not disappointed in what I’ve become.”
I rest my head on his shoulder and smile at how unbelievably sweet this man is. Like my sister said, the world is full of clowns. It needs more men like Ronan, though. How could I have ever doubted him?
“Your mother would be so proud of you, baby. Look at what you’re doing right now. I bet she was looking down and made sure you weren’t under pressure getting onto the highway. It sounds like something a mom would do.”
Cars zoom past us again, but Ronan continues to drive the speed limit, oblivious to everything else but how incredible he feels. I even notice he loosens his grip on the steering wheel.
He’s going to be okay. I know it now. And I couldn’t be happier.
“We’re looking for room eight fourteen,” he says as we walk down the hotel hallway checking out the numbers on each door.
The two of us pass room eight twenty-five, and I wonder if we turned the wrong way coming off the elevator. “Does this hotel go completely around in a square? If not, we might be in the wrong hallway.”
Ronan looks over at me and gives my hand a squeeze. “No worries. I just handled driving on the one road that used to terrify me. We can deal with this.”
I snuggle next to him and press my cheek against his left arm. “I know, but I think I’m sort of in a hurry to get back on the bike, if you know what I mean.”
He stops and looks at me strangely for a second or two before a smile lights up his face. “My Kate with another sex joke. I think I like this new you.”
“It wasn’t a joke.”
His eyebrows shoot up into his forehead. “Then we better get moving. There’s bike riding to get to.”
As we continue to search for our hotel room, he quietly asks, “Kate, why didn’t you want to go to your apartment?”
Afraid he may think I’m trying to hide him or us being together, I stop and step in front of him. He looks down at me with worry in his eyes, so I quickly explain why I wanted to come to a hotel for our first time together instead of my apartment.
“I wanted it to be like it was on prom night. Do you remember?”
He smiles and leans down to kiss me. “I do. You were the most beautiful girl there that night in that pink dress.”
“Well, that’s the only reason why.”
We start walking again, turning off the hallway we were on to another one. In no time, we find room eight fourteen, thankfully. I’ve waited years to be with the man of my dreams again, and some crazy hotel set up wasn’t going to stop me from finally getting what I’ve been thinking about from the moment Ronan kissed me.
The door closes behind us, and I look around the hotel room. It reminds me of the room we had that night after senior prom.
Before I can mention that, Ronan comes up behind me and nuzzles my neck. “I think I should warn you it’s been a while for me.”
I turn around and look up at him, charmed by his honesty. Most guys wouldn’t tell a woman that for fear they’d be seen as odd. Not Ronan, though. I love the way he just says it because it’s the truth.
“Well, then that works because it’s been a while for me too.”
Surprise fills his eyes, which I guess is flattering. “Really? Are all the men around here out of their minds?”
I stand on my toes and kiss him sweetly on the lips. “Either that or I’ve been giving off some go away signals. The reality is probably the second choice.”
Ronan smiles and shakes his head. “Then they’re crazy because I’d fight through every one of those signals if it meant being with you.”
He’s the same boy I fell in love with all those years ago. Yes, some things have changed with him and with me, but the love I felt for him is the same I feel right now looking up into those soulful brown eyes staring down with such sweetness at me.
“I love you for saying that, Ronan.”
With a shrug, he begins to slip off his t-shirt over his head. “It’s the truth. I’m glad they’re all blind or stupid.”
He pokes his head out from under the shirt and smiles in a way that reminds me of a pirate. “Better for me.”
Running my hands over his chest and abs, I can’t help but adore this man. I push his shorts down over his hips. He’s hard as a rock underneath his boxer briefs, and I palm his cock over the thin fabric still covering it.
Ronan groans above me and then eases me back onto the bed. Burrowing his hands under my sundress, he pushes it up over my ribs and stops.
“Arms up. We need to get rid of this dress.”
I do as he commands, and a few seconds later, he’s got my yellow dress with the daisies on it in his hands. He tosses it onto the other bed and returns his attention to me.
“The woman at the front desk probably wondered what a beautiful woman dressed in that was doing with a guy dressed like me.”
I shake my head at how clueless he can sometimes be. “Because you were in a pair of shorts and a t-shirt? You do realize you look like a billionaire even dressed like that, don’t you?”
He genuinely looks surprised when I say that. “What’s a billionaire look like?”
Amused he truly doesn’t realize what he looks like to the rest of the world, I poke my fingertip into his abs and chuckle. “Uh, you?”
That Ronan King actually believes people see him as just another guy because he wears something other than an expensive Italian suit is just another reason I love this man. He has no idea how gorgeous and sexy he looks just being himself.
Smiling down at me, he leans forward and kisses me. “I think you’re crazy.”
“Only about you.”
When he plants kisses down the side of my neck before moving down my body worshipping every inch, I swear I feel like I’m going to explode. In my wildest dreams, I couldn’t imagine being with him like this again. I wanted to more than I could say, but after waiting for so long, I didn’t know if I’d ever have Ronan back in my life.
He stops at my waist and looks up at me. God, he’s so sexy I can barely take it.
“So I think from this point on you should stop wearing underwear. What do you think?”
I laugh at how funny that sounds. “Um, okay. Where did that come from?”
Ronan slides his finger under my panties. “I think we’re going to be busy catching up for a while, so it would just be better if you ditched these from this point on.”
“Very logical. Okay. I can do that. Let’s just hope there isn’t ever a gust of wind, or everyone around is going to get a glimpse of the goods.”
I’m not sure what about that makes him pause, but he shakes his head after thinking for a moment. “Okay, maybe that’s not a great idea.”
Curious, I ask, “Why?”
Ronan’s expression gets very serious, and he answers, “The last thing I want is for Marius to get to see you like that, so the underwear can stay.”
“I don’t think your brother even likes me, so I wouldn’t worry.”
Moving down to between my legs, Ronan softly kisses the inside of my thigh as he looks up at me. “I think he does. He’s always talking about how sweet and virginal you are. I just don’t think I want to give him any chance. That’s all.”
Even though I don’t think Marius has any interest in me, I sit up and cradle Ronan’s face. “You’re the only King I’ve ever wanted. Let ‘em look. It won’t matter. I’m yours. Forever.”
That’s all it takes to make him smile again, and he kisses me long and deep on the lips. “Mine. It’s been too long since I could say that. Time to start catching up on all the years we missed.”
Ronan slides down my body again and positions himself between my legs as I say, “We don’t need to make up for that. We can just make new memories from this point on.”
With a devilish twinkle in his eye, he says, “Then I say we start with making you come so hard your eyes roll back in your head.”
No woman in her right mind would say no to that with this beautiful man’s mouth just inches away from her pussy. Leaning back on the bed, I close my eyes as the first slow swipe of his tongue nearly sends me into outer space. Damn, he’s gotten even better at this since we were together.
For a fleeting second or two, I’m jealous from thinking who he was with to make him better at sex, but that’s just silly. He had every right to move on after I broke up with him. Now I get to enjoy the benefits of that time away. That’s all that matters.
Like he warned when we got to this room, it doesn’t take long for me to come. The combination of not having sex for months and his talented tongue expertly lashing my clit makes my orgasm rage not even a minute after he begins going down on me.
When I finish coming and my thighs are still quivering, he sits back and looks up at me. “I don’t have to ask if you came. I thought your thighs were going to squeeze my head off.”
“Sorry. I told you it’s been a while.”
He slides up my body again and kisses me on the lips. “No need to apologize. I just like seeing you come. It’s the sexiest fucking thing I think I’ve ever witnessed.”
I wrap my legs around his waist and press my heels into the small of his back. To me, he’s the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen. He always has been.
Ronan rests all of his weight on his left hand and slowly tilts his hips forward, easing into me and making my body feel like it’s going to explode again. Bigger than any of the other men I’ve been with, he always made sure to take his time with me, just as he is now. I love how caring he is that he worries about hurting me.
But he never would. I could always trust Ronan. Yes, he made a mistake, but when it’s just the two of us together like this, I know he’d never hurt me.
Like before, he fills me completely, nearly taking my breath away. He falls still and stares down at me, almost as if he’s waiting for me to say I’m okay.
I reach up and stroke his cheek before running my hand through his dark hair. “I’ve missed you so much, Ronan.”
He kisses me, and against my lips, he whispers, “Nobody else has ever made me feel the way you do. Like I’m home when I’m with you. I never want to lose that again, Kate.”
Burying his head in my neck, he slowly thrusts into me, touching a spot no other man has ever reached. It’s like Ronan King was made for me. I never want to be without him again.
We make love in a hurry, almost as if we can’t wait to make our relationship again like it used to be. He lasts longer than either of us expected, but when I come for a second time, it makes him come.
Afterward, he gently eases out of me and rolls over onto his side, hiding his right arm. I don’t know if he’s sensitive about it, but I decide now’s the time for us to acknowledge the truth of who he is.
“I want to talk about your arm, Ronan.”
With a big smile, he lifts up his left hand. “This one?” He tries to joke, but in his eyes, I see he understands what I’m saying.
I roll him over onto his back and kiss him. “No, the other one. You don’t have to hide it anymore. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. I just wanted to tell you that.”
He looks over to his right arm and winces. “It’s taken me a long time to come to grips with it. I can’t tell you how many mornings I woke up and looked down at it, hating how it looked and felt, and all I wanted to do was pull the covers up over my head and hide away.”
I look at it too. Yes, it’s hard to see knowing what he used to look like and how much his right hand meant to him, but that’s only one part of the whole person I love.
“It’s who you are, and because of that, I love it just like I love the rest of you.”
For another moment or two, he stares at what’s left of his arm and then turns to face me. “I don’t know if I’ll ever love it, but I accept what my life is with it now. My therapist says that’s a big step in the right direction.”
“It is.”
“I told her about you too,” he says with such sweetness I can’t help but kiss him.
“Oh, yeah? What did she say?”
Ronan hesitates for a second but then answers, “She said to take things slowly. I think I’m going to have to tell her that plan is out the window.”
“My father said pretty much the same thing. I told him he didn’t have to worry.”
Pulling me to him, he wraps his left arm around me, and I rest my head on his chest just above his heart. “They don’t understand. It’s us, Ronan and Kate. We never took things slowly, did we?”
I shake my head as I remember how we were barely dating for two weeks before we said I love you the last time. “No. We’ve been in love since about ten minutes after our first date.”
He squeezes me to his body and presses a kiss to my forehead. “You’ve always been the one for me. My Kate.”
I close my eyes as a feeling of complete bliss washes over me. I’ll always be his Kate.
And he’ll always be my Ronan.
“So, I have a surprise for you,” I say softly against his chest.
“For me?”
Lifting my head, I look at him and smile. “Yeah. Just tell me when you want it.”
He thinks about it for just a brief second. “Now’s good.”
“Okay. We have to go into the bathroom for it, though.”
Ronan cocks an eyebrow and looks at me strangely. “The bathroom is where my surprise is?”
I get up off the bed and hurry over to my bag. “I got it when we stopped at that store on our way here.”
Still unsure what I’m doing, he sits up. “Since this is the first time we’ve been together in years, it’s not a pregnancy test. Or do they have tests that show you immediately after you had sex that you’re pregnant?”
I grab the white plastic bag and start walking to the bathroom to set the bag of goodies in the sink. “No, I don’t think they have those yet. Follow me.”
He gets off the bed and comes into the bathroom behind me. I point to the toilet and say, “You can sit on either the toilet lid or the bathtub. Your choice.”
Ronan stands in the doorway naked deciding where he wants to sit for a moment before walking over to the toilet. I quickly grab a towel and throw it over the seat to cover it.
“Just in case they don’t clean well enough all the time.”
As he sits, he says, “You know, I would have never thought of that. Guys just sit their naked asses down anywhere.”
“Ready for the surprise?” I ask as I eagerly wait to show him what I secretly bought.
“Sure! I’m sitting in a hotel bathroom, so why wouldn’t it be a good time for a surprise?” he says with a chuckle.
I lift out a can of shaving cream and a men’s blue disposable razor from the bag. “Ta-da! What do you think?”
He gives me a big smile. “I think one of my fantasies is about to come true.”
Relieved he’s pleased with my idea, I get everything ready and then walk over to stand in front of him. Once I have a dollop of shaving cream in my palm, I rub my hands together to coat them and then rub them over his jaw and chin.
I hold the razor up in front of his face and tell him the truth about what I’m about to do. “I’ve never shaved anyone, so forgive me in advance if I cut you. I promise to be careful.”
He’s so sweet and lifts himself up to kiss me, getting shaving cream on my face too. “You’re going to do great. It’s easy. If a fifteen-year-old boy can do it, you can too.”
“Okay. Let’s do this!”
As I run the razor over his stubble that’s a few days old, he watches me like every move I make is important and he doesn’t want to miss even a single one. I’m focused so I don’t cut his face to ribbons, but I see in his eyes he likes me doing this for him.
“You know, Kate, she never meant anything to me. Sabrina, I mean. I only let her shave me because I wanted to look nice for you.”
I smile as relief fills me. “I know that now. I’m sorry I got jealous.”
One final sweep of the razor under his chin and I’m done. Tossing the razor in the sink, I step aside so he can stand up. “Take a look and let me know if it’s okay.”
He leans against the vanity to inspect his face in the mirror and then looks over at me. “You did a great job! Thanks!”
When I start to clean up, he takes me in his arms and kisses me, getting what’s left of the shaving cream still on his face all over mine. Grabbing a washcloth, he wipes off my face and then does the same to his.
“For future reference, any time you want to shave me, I’m all in.”
I throw everything back into the plastic bag and take it out to my purse as he lies back on the bed. He beckons me over to him, so I curl up beside him, loving how warm his skin feels against mine.
This is what I’ve always dreamed of but never found with anyone but Ronan. Other people can have nights out at bars. I have all I want right here.
We lie there silently as I revel in how happy we are, and then Ronan breaks the silence in that adorable way only he can do. “By the way, that fantasy I have of you shaving me. We only got it half right.”
I lift my head off his chest and look up at him. “Oh? You said it turned out great.”
He smiles and shakes his head. “You definitely did great, but for it to really fulfill my fantasy, we have to have sex while you’re shaving me. So, technically, that didn’t count.”
“You should have told me.”
Shrugging, he says, “Next time.”
“Would it count if we had sex now?” I say with a tiny giggle.
Ronan looks up at the ceiling. “I’m not sure the judges would say that’s the same.”
I lie back down next to him and set my head on his chest. “Oh, well. Then I guess we won’t.”
Of course, I don’t mean that. Being with Ronan is one of my favorite things in the world. I do like teasing him, though.
He rolls me onto my back and kisses me long and deep. “I told the judges to fuck off, so it counts.”
“To hell with the judges anyway. We decide what counts, right?”
“Right.”
It’s been nearly five years, but it feels like no time has passed at all when it comes to us. Ronan is still the same boy I fell in love with that first night when we talked for hours and he kissed me in the park.
And I’m still madly in love with him.