Chapter 37
Chapter Thirty-Seven
RILEY
The cracks in my armor are starting to form as I watch Kieran walk away.
I know that this isn’t goodbye, and yet the pit in my stomach is making it feel like I’m never going to see him again.
“Kieran.” I’m on my feet and running after him before Ronan can stop me.
His shoulders tense at the sound of his name, and I fear for a moment that he’s going to walk out without saying goodbye. But then he turns and closes the distance between us so quickly that I barely have time to realize until I’m wrapped up in his arms and breathing in his musky cologne.
“You’ll be safe with Ronan.” He sinks his fingers into my hair and holds me tight against his chest.
The soft thud of his heartbeat soothes me, reminding me that he’s here, that he’s alive.
But for how long?
“Let me come, I can help—”
“No.”
I pull back just enough so I can look up into his eyes. “Why not?”
“Because I said so.”
“Please—”
“It’s not an option!”
His tone is sharp, and I flinch.
His eyes close. “Fuck, I’m sorry. It’s just…”
Something like pain flickers in his eyes, and another crack forms.
“Kieran.” I reach up to stroke his cheek, the stubble rough against my palm as he leans into my touch.
“I can’t focus with you around, little dove. You consume me in every possible way. It is both a blessing and a curse.” He takes my face in his hands and leans down to rest his forehead against mine. “You are everything to me.”
When he presses his lips to mine, the tears finally start to fall.
His thumbs gently brush over my cheeks, wiping them away before he’s gone, and I’m left standing alone in the foyer, feeling as if my heart has been shattered.
The sound of footsteps has me furiously wiping at my face in time for Ronan to appear, looking grave.
“This is the right move for us to make.”
“It doesn’t feel like it.”
“That’s often how you know.”
The drive to the safehouse is quiet. Ronan doesn’t speak, and Ciara rests one hand on her belly as she leans her head against the window.
I sit in the backseat, staring at the blur of trees as they pass, thinking of Kieran.
That ambush earlier was too close. Whoever was behind it is clearly one step ahead, and next time, we might not be so lucky.
When the car finally pulls up in front of a two-story, red-bricked house tucked back from the road, a brief sense of relief washes over me at the fact I’m not being forced to live in a reinforced underground bunker for God-knows how long.
This place looks normal, almost boring.
But this isn’t normal.
Nothing about my life is anymore.
A tall man wearing a crisp white shirt and tan slacks opens the door and steps out onto the top step.
As I climb out of the car, his eyes land on me, and he offers me a warm smile that I find I don’t have the energy to return.
A woman appears beside him, wiping her hands on a flour-covered apron, and I notice her eyes widen as she takes in the sight of Ciara’s swollen belly.
“Dr. Allen,” Ronan greets as he places a firm hand on Ciara’s waist.
“I wish I was meeting your wife under different circumstances.” Dr. Allen steps aside to let Ronan and Ciara pass.
I follow behind, keeping my eyes down to avoid the sympathetic looks from both the doctor and his wife.
The house smells faintly of antiseptic and freshly baked bread. The combination makes my stomach churn, and my mouth fill with saliva.
I force myself to breathe through my mouth. The last thing I need is to vomit all over the doctor’s expensive rug.
“My wife needs to rest,” Ronan says firmly to Dr. Allen once we’re safely inside.
Ciara nods, though her lips curve in a soft smile. “I’m fine, Ronan. Really.”
He doesn’t answer, but his arm tightens around her waist in a protective manner.
I understand now the fear that has been weighing on Ronan. The fear of losing someone you love.
When Ciara is settled in one of the bedrooms, Ronan lingers in the doorway, his gaze flicking between me and his wife.
“Promise me you’ll keep an eye on her.”
I don’t even have to think about it. “I will.”
“If anything feels off, anything, you tell Dr. Allen immediately.”
“I promise.”
His eyes soften slightly as he looks back at Ciara, and for a moment, he reminds me so much of Kieran that I almost burst into tears.
The way he’s all hard edges and sharp lines, except for the eyes. They’re the eyes of a man who would burn the world down if it meant saving the woman he loved.
“Ronan.” Ciara sighs.
He’s at her side in an instant, dropping down beside the bed and taking her hand in his.
I stand awkwardly in the doorway, feeling my own heart ache as I watch the two of them say their goodbyes.
When Ronan gets to his feet, I can tell it costs him something to walk away, and the look in Ciara’s eyes tells me it costs her just as much to watch him go.
“You would think I was made of glass,” she mutters once his footsteps have disappeared down the stairs.
“He just loves you.” I cross over to the bed and perch on the edge.
“Smothers me, more like.” But there’s warmth in her tone as she strokes her belly.
I fiddle with my hands in my lap, thinking of the tiny life that is growing inside me.
Ciara is so close to becoming a mother and finally meeting her babies that jealousy burns a bit. I’m barely four weeks along, and giving birth seems like a lifetime away. But Ciara probably thought that too once. And now look at her.
A soft knock sounds at the door, and I glance over my shoulder.
The doctor's wife, who introduces herself as Mari, is standing there, holding a tray of food.
“I thought you both could use something to eat.”
The last thing my stomach feels like it needs right now is food, but I nod and smile regardless.
She sets the tray down. “If there’s anything you need, please just ask.”
“Thank you so much.” Ciara rubs her belly. “My husband and I really appreciate you helping us out on such short notice.”
“It’s no bother.” Mari smiles. Her eyes crinkle at the edges, and I notice the longing in them as she glances at Ciara’s bump. “I’ll be right downstairs if you need me.”
After Mari leaves, I pick up one of the sandwiches and force myself to nibble at the bread in the hopes that food will help settle the nausea that’s not just from nerves.
Ciara picks at her sandwich too, but after a few bites, she sets it down. Her face has gone pale, and a deep crease appears between her eyebrows as she places a hand on her lower belly.
“Ciara? Are you okay?”
“I don’t know. It just feels tight, like someone is squeezing my belly.”
My pulse spikes. “You mean, like a contraction?”
“I don’t know, I’ve never had them before.”
If anything feels off, anything, you tell Dr. Allen immediately.
I’m on my feet in an instant, yelling for the doctor as I quickly move the tray of food out of the way.
Dr. Allen comes quickly, and he remains calm and steady as he checks Ciara over.
I hover near the door, feeling completely useless and terrified at what Ronan would do to me if something happened to his wife or babies.
But after listening to her pulse and asking her a few murmured questions, he concludes it's nothing but Braxton Hicks.
“I’m sorry, what does that mean?” I look nervously at Ciara.
“It means they’re false contractions. It’s common this close to term.”
“They don’t feel false.” Ciara grits her teeth as she’s hit with another one.
“It’s perfectly normal, so try not to worry.”
That’s easier said than done when I’ve made what feels like a death promise with Ronan Sullivan to protect his wife at all costs.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you,” Ciara says once Dr. Allen leaves.
“Don’t apologize. It’s better to be safe than sorry.”
“It’s funny, I’ve had almost nine months to prepare for birth, and yet, I find it no less terrifying than the day I found out I was pregnant.”
Maybe it’s the reality staring me in the face in the form of Ciara’s bump, or the fact that I just need to spill the secret that is burning a hole in my chest, that has the words tumbling from my mouth before I can stop them.
“I’m pregnant.”
Ciara’s hand, which was rubbing soothing circles on her bump, freezes as her eyes widen.
“You’re what?”
“Pregnant. I’m…pregnant.” It feels strange to say it out loud, and I let out a laugh that quickly morphs into a sob as I collapse onto the end of the bed.
Ciara is quiet for a moment as I try to collect myself, but the silence only makes me cry harder.
“Are those happy tears?” she asks tentatively.
“I-I don’t know.” I wipe my eyes. “I think so… But I haven’t told Kieran yet.”
“You haven’t told him?” Ciara’s tone isn’t judgmental, just surprised.
“I only found out yesterday, and I haven’t had a chance to tell him. He’s so stressed and weighed down with everything, and I just—” My voice cracks, and I suck in a breath as I try to hold myself together. “What if he doesn’t want this? What if this baby is just another burden?”
Ciara studies me for a long moment, then pats the bed beside her. “Come and sit up here with me.”
I crawl up the bed and curl myself up against her. But when she puts her arms around me, the sisterly comfort only makes me cry harder as I think of my own sister.
It’s been years since she died, and yet, every time I go through a milestone, like graduating high school or getting the internship, I’m hit by a wave of guilt that I got to experience such things, and she didn’t. But now that I’m pregnant, her absence feels even greater.
She won’t ever get to meet my child, or Kieran, or have a family of her own, and that thought makes my heart ache.
“You need to tell him, Riley,” Ciara says gently. “As soon as you can. Keeping secrets like that never ends well. Believe me, I know.”
“I know. I wanted to do it last night, but the timing didn’t feel right.”
“The timing will never feel right, and the longer you leave it, the harder it gets.”
I swallow hard, blinking against the sting in my eyes. “I’m scared.”
“Of course, you are. But it’s worth it.” She takes my hand and places it on her belly. “Can you feel that?”
“Feel what?”
“Just wait.”
Ciara adjusts my hand, and that’s when I feel it, the faint fluttering of tiny feet kicking at her belly.
“Oh, my God.”
She smiles. “That’s baby girl. She’s pretty quiet and doesn’t kick me too often in the ribs or the bladder.”
“That’s nice of her, I guess.”
“Baby boy, on the other hand…” She sighs as she moves my hand to the other side of her belly. “…is Ronan’s little doppelganger."
“How can you tell?”
“Because he’s stubborn and doesn’t like to go to sleep when I tell him to.”
I laugh as he kicks my hand.
“See? He thinks he’s in charge, but really, I think his sister is going to be the boss.”
“It’s amazing.”
Ciara laughs. “You won’t be saying that when there’s a foot in your bladder all damn night. But I love the idea of the twins having a cousin close in age.”
My eyes sting once more, but this time from happiness as I picture Kieran and Ronan running around after the children in the enormous garden at the Sullivan estate as Ciara and I lounge by the pool.
It’s a future I never pictured for myself, and yet, it’s one I’m not ready to give up on.
I just have to hope that Kieran feels the same way.