Chapter 34 #2
My eyes water as his words seep through my chest and embrace my heart. My response leaps from my mouth. “I feel that way about you too.”
Relief cascades over me, making me tremble. I had no idea how badly I needed to let that out.
But I’m not done.
“It’s been torture trying to keep my distance from you all these years because nobody else makes me feel whole the way you do.
Like I’m not broken. Even on these dates, when I know it wasn’t what it seemed, I never felt more at home than I do when I’m with you.
We missed out on so much time. I’m terrified about what the future holds, but all I know is the thought of living without experiencing this connection .
. .” I shake my head, struggling to articulate my thoughts.
I don’t rush out something for the sake of filling the silence. I need to get this right.
Reed does it for me, summing it up perfectly. “I get it, cookie. Not having this connection is like losing a part of your soul. Again.”
“Yes,” I answer, despite him not needing my confirmation.
It’s clear he knows my feelings better than I do.
“Kiss me, Reed,” I plead, cradling the back of his head and urging his mouth to mine.
He complies without hesitation, laying a cherishing claim on my lips. He skims his hand up my body, resting under my chin to angle my head. As we kiss, his aura surrounds me, keeping me safe in a cocoon where only the two of us exist.
The tender swipes of our tongues and delicate smacks of our lips help drive away the anguish of the years we wasted being apart.
Some of the things we’ve shared tonight run through my mind. Oddly, my thoughts don’t pull me out of this kiss. Nor out of this passionate moment.
It settles me. Grounding me and making our connection so vibrant that it brightens the dark room.
Reed could have just said, I love you again. He didn’t. And I don’t need him too. What he did say is worth a million I love yous. In moments like these, much like five years ago when we opened up to each other, I feel Reed in my heart.
I know he belongs there. And despite my nagging insecurities, I can see how I belong in his too.
Our broken parts fit together. It’s tragic and beautiful.
My lips are slick and throbbing as our mouths part. Our racing breaths drown out the silence.
While gazing into his eyes, something hits me. It gives me a jolt, then immediately eases the sting. He said again. That being apart is like losing a part of your soul again.
And I don’t think he meant five years ago when Kenzie callously drove a wedge between us.
Does that mean he fuc—freaking knows?
I can’t resist asking, even if I’m unsure I’m prepared for the answer. “You know, don’t you? About my . . .” I long to force out my sister’s name, but it gets stuck in my throat.
“You’re gonna need to be more specific. I know quite a bit about you.”
Same, Reed.
“About why we fit together in this way.” My sinuses sting as I fight the tears and the rest of my words. “Because of what I lost when I was a child. What we both lost as children.”
His face seems to draw in on itself, pain stripping him raw. “Yes, I do. I know about your twin. I found out tonight.”
I give up the battle against my tears, letting them fall without resistance.“I know about yours too.” When the confession sneaks free, a blade of guilt slips under my throat, hovering there while I wait for the inevitable question he’ll ask.
He doesn’t make me wait long. “How did you find out?”
“Umm.”
Before I untie my tongue, he retreats from his question. “Wait. Forget it. I don’t care. You can keep that secret. It doesn’t matter.” After wiping my tears away, he leisurely twists a few strands of hair near my temple, seeming to get lost in the motion. “I’m glad you know.”
“Me too.”
There are dozens of questions I could ask him about his brother. And a truckload of things I could tell him about Zara. But I think we’ve said all we need to tonight.
As if he also realizes the time for heavy talk is over, he settles on top of me again. This time, he brings both knees between my spreading thighs. His strong body is a striking contrast to my softness. As wrong as it should be, it feels so right.
For a long time, we lie there. Flesh on flesh. Eyes locked. Heartbeats syncing.
“I wish we could make love now,” he whispers before giving me a soft peck.
His strong body presses me into the mattress, and the heat of his skin matches the fire burning through my veins for him. The only thing I don’t like about this situation is the towel separating our fun zones.
“I’m already naked, Reed. Ditch the towel, and your wish can come true.”
He tsks at me, drawing it out to make the scolding sensual. “I didn’t change my mind about fucking you tonight.” His words fan over my lips. “When I reclaim your pussy, I want you sober, so you feel and remember every second of me inside you.”
“Gulp.”
His incendiary smolder cools with his amused chuckle. “Lila, I don’t know if you realize this, but you said gulp. Out loud.”
“And I stand by that statement.” Humor fading, I let my hands explore his skin. I’ve craved touching him like this for years, and I need to get my fill before I confess my crimes. “Why did you take off my shirt if we’re not gonna have sex? And why are you on top of me like this?”
“You didn’t let me finish—”
Tugging at his towel, I interject, “Oh, I’m happy to help with that.”
His laughter makes our chests vibrate against each other, teasing my sensitive nipples. “That isn’t what I meant. You didn’t let me finish explaining my thoughts about this situation we’ve found ourselves in tonight.”
I stop yanking his towel, which wasn’t budging anyhow since it’s smashed between us. “Oh, boo.” I feign a pout. “Please, finish your sentence.”
“I decided that although we shouldn’t have sex, we can do other things. If you’re okay with it, that is.”
“I’m very okay with it. Anything.”
“Anything?” He arches a cocky brow. “That’s a daring word.”
“Reed, literally anything. I’m giving you my heart and throat.” I blink twice, then immediately correct my flub. “Soul. My heart and soul. It comes with my body, and my throat is part of that. So yes, anything.”
He brings his smile to mine, silencing my rambling with a sweet kiss.
Or perhaps he did it simply because he wants to kiss me.
I’m fine either way. He gives me only a little tongue this time, as if he’s trying to stop himself from taking it too far.
I can feel his restraint. It’s horribly frustrating and simultaneously hot. Much like his entire personality.
When he breaks the kiss, he hardly pulls away. His mesmerizing stare burns into mine, making me more intoxicated than the gummy ever could.
Speaking of the gummy, it’s definitely wearing off. I feel more like myself than I have in hours. And even though he’s on top of me, I’m not grinding against my will.
“You want my cock to tickle your throat, Lila?”
He’s killing me with that scorching voice and dirty talk. His erection throbs against my core, enticing me to drive my hips upward.
I didn’t give him oral sex when we were intimate a few years ago. Since it was my first sexual encounter, I was nervous about my inexperience showing. Thankfully, he never asked for it or even hinted that he wanted it. I would have been terrified.
But now?
“Absolutely.”
“As enticing as that sounds, you’re grinding against me, which means you’re needy again. So let me take care of you first.”
Oops. My pesky lower body is living its best life.
Only this time, my hips aren’t thrusting against him out of some drug-induced ache. It’s a different type of need. A purer one. A longing to cement our bond with more than words.
“Reed, I think the drugs have worn off.”
“Psh. When I came in here, you were talking to ghosts about dildo delivery.”
Chuckling quietly, I state my case. “That’s true, but a lot of words have been spoken since then. Some of them were quite sobering. And the neediness I feel now is the usual type I feel around you. Not the drug-induced kind.”
He narrows his skeptical eyes at me, carefully assessing me. “Really?”
“Yeah. Aside from when you turned on the dirty talk about tickling my throat, haven’t you noticed how still I’ve been?”
He rolls his eyes toward the ceiling, as if he’s recalling the last few minutes.
“I’m serious, Reed. The things we’ve shared have me feeling a different type of high.”
“Cookieee,” he drags out my name in his version of a whine.
“Check my pupils. I bet they're normal.”
I squint at the light when he turns the lamp back on, then force open my eyes wide for him. He examines them briefly. I sense the moment his gaze shifts from doubting to surprised and finally to accepting. A satisfied smirk plucks at my lips.
“This doesn’t prove it,” he objects, sounding far less certain than before.
“I almost thought a curse word a few minutes ago and mentally corrected it. Plus, my inhibitions and body issues have returned.”
“What?”
“I got extremely shy when you started looking at me all dreamy-like, studying my body like it was gonna be on a test tomorrow. I couldn’t wait to hide under the covers.”
His features harden, but he’s still strikingly handsome. “You’re perfect. Why do you want to hide from me?”
“Because . . .” I mash my lips together, detesting that he’s making me put my insecurities into words. “Look at you and then look at me. Objectively, we don’t match.” I tip my chin up, feigning the confidence I’m miles from having. “I know exactly how much space I take up.”
After studying my face for what seems like an eternity, he scoops my hair to the sides with both hands and fans it over the pillow. He puts so much care into his movements, as if he’s trying to convey his affection with his actions.
Eventually, he gives me the words too. “Lila, I have looked at you. I’m always looking at you. For a decade now, I’ve envisioned us together in every way imaginable. In all that time, you know what I’ve thought?”
“What?”
“That you’re beautiful, inside and out. And that we’re a perfect match. Regardless of our sizes.”
I’m dead. Dead, dead, dead.
He’s destroying me with his sincerity. Shattering all those walls I’ve hidden behind all my life. The ones I erected for myself because of societal standards and cruel things people have said to me.
And because loving myself never seemed like an option before.
“Really? You aren’t just saying that?”
“You’re it for me, Lila. Always have been. I love everything about you, including your body.” He lifts my hand, resting it on the center of his chest. “The only space I care about you filling is right in here. And I swear you fit perfectly in my heart, body, and soul.”
“And throat?” I squeak out through my raining tears, unable to resist a chance to make him smile.
He doesn’t disappoint, giving me one of those earth-shattering smiles that could make an angel weep with joy.
Then he kisses me, long and deep. It’s the kind of kiss people write songs about. A kiss that bundles all the beautiful words he’s said, binding them in a memory that neither time nor circumstance will ever take away from us.
Gradually, our kiss blossoms from a gentle, adoring burn into a passionate blaze. Still nestled in the apex of my thighs, his cock twitches against me, making me moan into his mouth. As the heat intensifies, we writhe together unabashedly.
When our lips part, his voice is a deep rumble. “Do you still want to make love?”
I crick my head to the side, casting a faux glower at him. “Don’t you dare give me hope, Reed Hayes. Not unless you’re gonna deliver.”
Grinning like the devil, he lifts his lower body off me enough to ditch his towel. “You had me at not being able to cuss.”
I’ve never been big on religion, but hallelujah.