Chapter 10 - Patrick #2
“No. It’s not. I’m not trying to excuse what I’ve done or what Thornridge has done.
I’m trying to explain how it happens. How ordinary people become monsters one small compromise at a time.
How you wake up one day and realize you’ve crossed lines you swore you’d never cross, and you can’t even remember exactly when it happened. ”
Caelan’s arms have finally unfolded. Her hands rest on the table now with her fingers interlaced, and her posture has lost some of its rigid hostility.
“Why didn’t you leave sooner? If you knew it was wrong, why stay?”
My brother’s face swims into my mind, all earnest eyes and misplaced faith, and the familiar ache of guilt settles into my bones like an old friend.
“Jonas. My younger brother. He was only eight when Thornridge took us, so he was too young to really understand what we lost. I remembered everything. Jonas only remembered what Thornridge taught him to believe.” I drag a hand through my hair.
“I practically raised him after our mother remarried. Gregor had no interest in another man’s sons, and our mother was too busy trying to survive to give Jonas the attention he needed.
So I stepped in. I taught him to hunt, to fight, and to read tracks in the forest floor.
I was more father to him than anyone else ever bothered to be. ”
“And he’s still with Thornridge?”
“He’s twenty-four now. Smart, loyal, and absolutely devoted to the pack that raised him.
Jonas believes every word Mordaunt tells him.
He was young enough when we were absorbed that Thornridge is the only home he really remembers.
The propaganda didn’t have to overcome his memories the way it did mine.
It just filled in the blank spaces where our real history should have been. ”
“So you stayed to protect him?”
“Partly. Leaving would have meant abandoning him to wolves who would use his idealism until there was nothing left of the boy I raised. Mordaunt loves believers like Jonas because their faith makes them fearless, and their deaths make good propaganda. I kept telling myself I’d find a way to get us both out, that I just needed more time to make a plan, but I’m still here, Jonas is still a true believer, and nothing I’ve done has made a damn bit of difference. ”
The fire crackles in the silence that follows. Somewhere in the forest, an owl calls out, its mournful cry echoing through the fog.
Her pale blue eyes search my face, looking for something I can’t identify. “You could have warned me. When you found out Bastian was planning to use me, you could have just told me to run. You didn’t have to marry me.”
“My wolf wouldn’t let me take that risk.
” The admission scrapes against my pride, but I owe her the truth.
Every ugly piece of it. “The moment I recognized you as my mate, every instinct I have demanded I protect you with absolute certainty. Warning you and hoping for the best wasn’t enough.
The bond needed more than hope. It needed a guarantee that you’d survive no matter what happened next. ”
“So you took away my choice because your wolf was impatient?”
“I couldn’t bear the thought of losing you before I’d even had a chance to know you. You can hate me for that. You probably should hate me for it. But I’m not sorry, Caelan. Even knowing how much you despise what I’ve done, I’m not sorry for making sure you’d survive.”
Her chair scrapes against the floor as she stands. For a moment, I think she’s going to storm off, but she just walks to the window and stands there staring out at the fog-shrouded forest.
“I don’t know what to do with any of this. You’re asking me to feel sorry for a Thornridge warrior. You’re asking me to believe that the man who kidnapped me and forced me into marriage is somehow different from the wolves who tried to destroy my sister.”
“I’m not asking you to feel sorry for me.
I’m asking you to understand that not everything divides neatly into good and evil.
Thornridge has wolves who deserve to die for what they’ve done, and I might be one of them.
But it also has wolves who are just trying to survive, who never wanted any part of this and don’t know how to escape.
Those wolves deserve a chance to be something better. ”
“Like your brother?”
“Yes. Like Jonas, and like dozens of others who follow orders because the alternative is death. I’m not trying to save Thornridge.
That pack is rotten to its core, and it needs to be destroyed.
But when that destruction comes, innocent wolves are going to die alongside the guilty ones unless someone speaks up for them.
Unless someone helps the allied packs understand that not every Thornridge wolf chose to be a monster. ”
She turns from the window toward me. The firelight catches her features and makes her pale eyes look almost luminous against the shadows.
“And you want to be that someone? The voice for the innocent Thornridge wolves?”
“I want to try. Whether I succeed depends entirely on whether anyone will listen to a wolf with blood on his hands.”