Chapter 30
ETHAN
“Did you two get things sorted?” I asked Rosalie as we sat in her room in our apartment.
“No,” she murmured. “If anything, it’s really messed up.”
“What happened?” I knew something had happened because they were both acting oddly. The fact that Rosalie was in our home, and Cole wasn’t, screamed volumes that something was very wrong.
“He didn’t tell you?”
I shook my head. “No. He’s barely been here. He’s staying at a hotel across town right now.”
Her bottom lip trembled, and she wiped at her eyes.
“Did you sleep with him?” I whispered.
She nodded, a tear leaking down her cheek.
My heart clenched.
“I-It was the sugar. He gave it to me for the pain. We both smoked it. Then… we woke up naked together. I was sore. I-I know we messed around.”
“Fuck,” I snarled, taking her face in my hands and staring down at her.
“That ’s-That’s my fault. He grabbed the wrong ones.
I wasn’t paying attention. I don’t want you to think he did this on purpose.
He didn’t. It’s my fault. I called him, but he turned his phone off.
I sent him a text, but I guess he didn’t get it in time.
Fuck. I’m so sorry. I-I didn’t know he had you. Had I known…”
“I-I have to tell my guys what I did. I’m scared.”
I pulled her close and held her. “They love you. If you’re scared they’re going to break it off with you, they won’t. I know they won’t. Especially… Evan. Fox.”
“I’m sorry.” She sobbed softly into my neck as she clung to me. “I’m sorry. I-I couldn’t tell you—”
“I know. I know you couldn’t. I’m not mad. I’m hurt, but that’s from him, not you. I-I haven’t told. I won’t tell. He can if he wants, but I’m done, OK? Know that I’m done.”
“What are you done with?”
“I want to be your friend, but I know that once you leave here, it’s all over. Church won’t allow it. Enzo entered into a contract with him long ago. I want to enter into it and take Cole’s spot so he’s free for you and Ellis.”
“What? What contract?”
A soft knock sounded out on the door, and Enzo poked his head in.
“Downstairs. They’re coming.” He left without another word.
I sighed and looked at Rosalie.
“It’s the big show now,” I said. “Come on.” I held my hand out to her, and she took it, thankfully not pressing me on the contract she clearly didn’t know about. The last thing I wanted to do was open another can of worms.
While Church and I had gone way back to my early days, I had no interest in creating a situation where I was forced to be around him too much.
It honestly brought back ugly memories from when I was a kid.
As bright a spot as he tried to be in my life back then, the dark grit from the underground overshadowed it all.
And I was trying to move forward, not fall back into that bottomless pit.
She wobbled and winced, and that was all it took for me to lift her into my arms to help get her downstairs. She fit easily against me, all the trust in the world in me not to drop her.
“Ethan?” Rosalie asked as we walked.
“Yeah?”
She ran her fingers lightly against my jaw as I carried her, making butterflies jolt to life in my chest.
“Could you… I mean, would you…”
I slowed to a stop and looked down at her.
“What?” I asked gently. She wiggled in my arms, letting me know she wanted down, so I placed her gently on her feet before I reached out and cradled her pretty face.
“Enzo hates me. I-I don’t know what I ever did to him. Is there… I don’t know… Do you know what I did to him? Would you tell me?” A tear slipped down her cheek. “I’ve always wondered what I did—”
“Fuck, Rosalie. It’s not you, OK? I promise it’s not,” I said fiercely, swiping away the tears on her cheeks with my thumbs as I stared down at her. “This is me. Him. Us. Completely fucked up, OK? It’s not you, I promise you that. You did nothing wrong.”
“Then why…”
I sighed. “Sometimes it’s easier to walk away if we try to convince ourselves we hate someone. That it’ll never work. It’s not the right thing to do, but it’s a way to protect the heart.”
“So he does hate me,” she whispered, looking down.
I redirected her attention back to me.
“He doesn’t hate you,” I murmured. “He’s never hated you a day in his life. He’s just trying to move on, and it’s hard when you’re right here. It was a surprise. He’s trying to navigate it.”
Her throat bobbed as she swallowed. “OK. I just don’t want people to hate me—”
“Many people would blame you or hate you if they weren’t smart enough to understand you,” I said, my voice low.
“They’ve called me weak and pathetic, but didn’t know shit about my struggles and the nightmare it took to get me here.
Sweetheart, those people don’t fucking matter.
I’m surprised they can even tie their own shoes in the morning because complicated matters seem to confuse them.
In a world with superficial, fast-paced filler material, we’re the real deal.
The deep plots, Rosalie, and not everyone is made for those, so let them fucking hate.
Let them bitch and moan about what we do.
What we feel. How we react. Fuck them. They can walk away if they don’t like it.
Let the weak weed themselves out. A wolf shouldn’t concern itself with the sheep, sweetheart.
And you’re a wolf. You always have been. ”
“Do you believe that?” she asked, sniffling.
“I do. I believe people like that aren’t good enough to give a damn about, so don’t.
If people hate you, then they hate you. It’s their loss because I know you’re incredible.
And I know that Enzo knows that. He’s floundering in a new world just like I am.
Like you are. Anyone who knows you, who truly knows your story, could never hate you. I could never hate you.”
“Promise?”
“On my life, sweetheart. On my death. On the things between. You will always be my girl.”
“Don’t,” she whispered, more tears streaming down her cheeks. “Don’t tell me that. It hurts.”
“I know.” I winced, feeling a painful ache in my chest at knowing she wasn’t mine and couldn’t be again.
“But it’s true. You were my greatest love, Rosalie.
No one will ever change that.” I wiped her tears and pressed a kiss to her forehead.
“No tears, sweetheart. It’s showtime, and the stage wasn’t made to cry on. ”
I pulled away from her, glad to see she’d put on a determined face. I lifted her into my arms again and carried her, my damn heart breaking.
Fucking Cole.
But really, fucking me.
I wanted her, but I knew it could never happen. I’d rather she walk away from me without knowing my sins.
That was fucked up of me, but it took me a long time in my journey to realize I wasn’t a good guy.
I actually might be a really, really bad guy.
At least it was starting to look that way.