Chapter 44
ETHAN
“Dad, do you think penguins have knees?” Laz looked at me as we sat on a park bench. His voice was so soft I had to lean in to hear him.
“Uh, I guess I don’t actually know. I’m sure they do.”
He nodded. He hadn’t been talking much. It was killing me. I had a meeting with his preschool today about the bullying, and had half a notion to find these kids’ parents and end their lives.
But I held back, telling myself it would be a last resort.
I pulled my phone out and looked to see if penguins had knees. Now I needed to know.
“Penguins do have knees,” I said.
He said nothing as he stared out at the pigeons.
“Hey, Laz?”
He looked over at me.
“Why don’t you want to talk to me? You’re so quiet lately. It’s OK to talk.”
He looked down at his hands. “I sound funny.”
“You sound perfect,” I said gently. “Anyone who says differently is just being mean to be mean. They’re not good people.”
He frowned, looking at me. “Why do I have ugly red cuts on me? They won’t go away. I wash them.”
I closed my eyes. I didn’t want to answer this question.
“Because the devil tried to take you away, but we saved you.”
His frown deepened. “Where’s my mommy?”
“She’s gone, bud. She died.”
He looked away from me and focused on the birds again.
“Do you miss her?”
I swallowed. “No.”
“Do you think she misses me in heaven?”
Fuck. That bitch would have never made it to heaven.
“Laz, I think she knows I’m taking care of you with your other dads and that she doesn’t need to miss you.”
“Will I ever get a new mommy?”
My mind flashed to Rosalie.
Hell, she’d be the perfect mom. And Laz would have a sister to care for. I didn’t know Ellis well, but what I did know told me she’d never allow Laz to be quiet. She’d push him out of his shell.
“Maybe someday,” I murmured.
“Dad?”
“Yeah?”
“Will you be mad at me if I don’t talk anymore? I don’t like to talk.”
“Laz, I will love you no matter what. I love talking to you and would be sad if you stopped talking. I’m a safe space, OK? You can always talk to me.”
“Will you be mad?”
I sighed. “No. I won’t be mad at you. I just really don’t want you to think you shouldn’t talk. The world needs to hear your voice.”
“I don’t want to talk.” He went quiet and kicked his feet.
Fucking little assholes at that school…
Maybe I would pay the parents a visit.
“Come on.” I held my hand out to him, and he took it. We went back to my car, and I got him settled inside.
We drove back to the hotel in silence. He only stared at me through the rearview mirror as I asked questions. Finally, I gave up and told myself I’d just let him have the day. He’d always been quiet around others, but now he was doing it to me too. I didn’t like it.
Once at our destination, we got out and went inside. I ordered up room service, and he settled on the couch in the suite with nuggets, fries, and some Turtle episodes.
Deciding he seemed content, I went to my bedroom and called Enzo.
“Hey,” he greeted me on the second ring.
“How is everything?”
He sighed. “Hell.”
“What do you mean?” I took a seat on the edge of the bed.
“Rosalie and I don’t get along. We had an argument last night. She threw her crutches at me.” He paused.
I winced at this information. She likely did hate him. She thought he cheated on her and got someone pregnant. He’d married someone else.
“I’m sorry, man,” I mumbled. “This shit is all my fault. I need to come clean on it—”
“No. Stay the course,” Enzo said. “We need to focus on Cole right now. He’s just so… happy.”
I smiled at that.
“I knew he would be. Is that going OK?”
“Yeah. He bought Ellis a new doll. He fought with Rosalie, too, and missed out on an evening of cookie baking with her and Ellis. He was upset that she kept her from him. Words got a little heated, and Rosalie called it a night. Cole paced the living room half the night. Cried. I found him on his knees in his bedroom, praying, man. He slept outside Rosalie’s door on the floor that night.
That was two days ago. We got things sorted.
I’ve just been hanging out late at the office to give them space. ”
“You can come here,” I offered. “We can get dinner.”
“Yeah, I probably will,” he said, blowing out a breath.
“And Jade?” I prompted. We hadn’t spoken about her, but Cole made his feelings clear. Enzo had dodged me on the subject when I’d asked earlier.
“I don’t know,” he mumbled. “She makes sense.”
“Doesn’t mean it’s the right choice.” I didn’t like her, but I blamed it on my paranoia.
“It doesn’t matter. We’re just talking. Cole scared her, but I smoothed it over. Besides, if Cole leaves…” his voice trailed off before he cleared his throat. “Jade might be interested in you and me—”
“I’m good, man. Thanks for looking out for me, but I’d rather not. This one is all yours.”
“It would be weird alone,” he said.
I nodded. I couldn’t imagine dating alone. It had always been us together.
“You’re a good guy. You’ll do fine, man. I trust in that.”
“I don’t know,” he muttered. “I guess I’ll wing it. She’s going to the gala with me. She’s invited herself over to make me dinner.”
“That’ll be nice. I’d be careful with Cole around. Even if Rosalie is there, it might set him off.”
“I know. I’ll just see how things go. I don’t want to be making waves for them. It’s nice seeing Cole so happy.”
“Yeah.” I smiled, wishing I could be there too. “Anything else going on? Why did Rosalie throw a crutch at you?”
“She met up with that Ryder guy. I said some stupid shit I regret.”
“Did you tell her you regret it and are sorry?” Enzo rarely apologized.
“Not really. I guess maybe in my own way. It’s hard having her here.” He paused. “I’d rather she not be here because it does hurt, but I know what this means to Cole.”
“Maybe come stay with me,” I offered. “This place has three bedrooms.”
“Maybe,” he muttered. “But then…”
“You’d miss out on what little time you can have with Rosalie,” I said softly.
“Pathetic, isn’t it? She’s been gone all these years, and I want to move on, yet I’m stuck hoping she will even look in my direction.”
My heart broke for him.
“This shit is all my fault. I’m so sorry—”
“I knew what I was doing when I did it,” Enzo said abruptly. “And I’d do it again. I gave Fox his dying wish of setting her free, and I helped you. I have no regrets. I made choices that led us here. This is on me. It’s a fitting punishment.”
Fuck. He didn’t even know Evan was Fox. I wanted to tell him, but I promised.
All this shit needed to come out. I was tired of the last five years being what it was, but adding all this to the pile was really fucking me up.
“I was thinking after dinner we could go visit Fox’s grave,” Enzo continued.
I blew out a breath. “Or not.”
“What? Why not? It’s our monthly visit. Maybe Cole and Rosalie would meet us—”
“She’s not going to meet us. She… wants us to forget about him. She wants us to move on, and I think she’s right.”
“What?” I could hear the frown in his voice.
“I just think maybe we’re dwelling on the past too much and that maybe we should try to move forward.”
Enzo was quiet for a long time before he spoke. “I-I can’t. I miss him,” his voice shook. “When shit was bad, I’d go to him and he’d fucking fix it. Fox always knew how to fix things with Rosalie. I-I need him more than ever.”
Fuck.
I swallowed hard.
Enzo was rarely vulnerable or spoke about his feelings. To know he felt this way was gutting me. Fox was alive and well and had our girl. He’d given her what he’d wanted her to have.
“I know. I just think it’s time, Enzo. Maybe letting him go will make things better. He’d want us to let him go.”
“I know,” he said thickly. “I know he would.”
“Let’s get dinner tonight. We can talk more then.”
“That sounds good. I’m pretty sure Cole has this elaborate tea party planned anyway.”
I smiled at that. I was so happy for him.
“Sounds like Cole. Ellis will want for nothing.” I said.
Enzo laughed softly. “I pity the guys who try to date her when she’s older.”
I chuckled. “God help them.”
We shared another laugh before I spoke.
“I took the job at Mayfair,” I said.
“Oh? Hey. Congrats, man!” Enzo said, genuinely sounding happy. “That’s incredible. I’m happy for you, and honestly, pretty fucking proud… Dr. Masters.”
I grinned at the name. I still hadn’t gotten used to it.
I struggled with work in high school, but Rosalie had a gift for teaching, and I’d learned so much from her.
It led me here. I needed to thank her before we said our final goodbyes.
In reality, it had given me this life of luxury.
It gave my son a life of comfort. I owed her for that.
I knew she’d never accept payment, but I still wanted to say the words to her.
“We need to get Cole out to celebrate,” Enzo continued. “Might be hard now, but I know he’d make time.”
“It’s all good, man. I know he’d be happy for me. I don’t want to pull him away from Rosalie and Ellis.”
“It’s wild, isn’t it?” Enzo mused softly.
“He has everything he ever wanted right now. E, man, if you could see him. I’ve never seen him like this.
He has the family he’s always wanted. I-I think he’s going to leave us for good.
I know we talked about him going, but I do think it’ll happen.
He’s not going to let Rosalie and Ellis go. ”
“I know,” I murmured. “And I’m glad. He deserves this. He was most loyal. He held on even when it looked like there wasn’t hope. I admire that.”
“One thing about Cole is that once he commits, he’s in for life.”
I nodded. Enzo wasn’t wrong.
“Well, I have another meeting here in a few minutes. We’ll talk at dinner.”
“Sounds good. Stay safe.”
“Always.” Enzo disconnected the call, and I lay back on my bed, my heart in my throat.
Truth was, I was jealous of Cole. I’d told Rosalie I didn’t want kids all those years ago, and now, here I was, a dad. I wanted her back just as much as Cole did, but I knew our time was over.
It was killing me inside, too.
“Next life, sweetheart,” I whispered as I stared up at the ceiling.
It was a promise I hoped I could keep.