8. Sparrow
It’s been a week filled with King bringing us breakfast every morning. I can tell it bothers him that Telle still isn’t talking to him, but I see my son thawing. I know that I hurt King’s feelings when he asked me what I told the kids about him, but what was I supposed to say? There isn’t a manual for what I went through; I’ve been winging it and hoping for the best for the past eight years.
“Knock, knock!” Skye calls out as she enters my house. I somehow was talked into going to King’s house today for a cookout. I really don’t want to go, but Loch talked me into it. It seems that she has turned into a daddy’s girl in the last week. She asks to call him every night before she goes to bed, and if she's up before he gets here with breakfast, she wants to call him.
I tossed and turned last night, stressing out about being around everyone today. Sure, we see King every morning, but I haven’t seen King’s dad or brothers in over a week. I don’t know if it’s that they don’t want to rush me, or if they're angry with me.
“Hey. Maybe you could just take the kids, and I’ll stay here,” I quickly spit out.
“Mom…you promised!” Loch yells from the couch.
Uggg…I did promise, but I was sort of hoping they would forget.
They never forget.
“Fine, give me a minute to get changed,” I mutter as I make my way to Loch’s room. I have a dresser in there, and I took up a little bit of space in the closet.
Flipping through the few clothes that I own, I settle on black skinny jeans, and an old Harley Davidson T-shirt that I cut into a loose tank top. I’ve lost so much weight that nothing looks good; I don’t have enough ass or boobs. A lot of my scars will be on display, but they aren’t going anywhere. I covered up the worst one on my arm with tattoos, and unless you touched it, you wouldn’t be able to tell. Cam actually gave me the money for the full sleeve, as it cost more than I ever thought I could afford.
After putting in some braids, I walk back into the living room.
“Alright, let’s go,” I mumble, before we walk out to Skye’s car. She insisted on driving us, I suppose she knew that if she didn’t drive me, we wouldn’t be going.
A few minutes later, we are pulling up to…a school. Why the hell are we at a school? Summer break just started, there isn’t a reason to be here.
“Skye…why are we at a school?”
“King didn’t tell you that he and the guys live here?”
“They live in a school?” Surely that isn’t what my friend is telling me.
“Oh, Jesus. Why are men so fucking stupid. Telle, never grow up to be a dumb man, use that beautiful brain of yours,” Skye tells my son with laughter in her voice. “Sorry. And don’t cuss like your aunt.”
“There’s King,” Loch exclaims before she gets out of the car, and runs over to him. The rest of us slowly get out of the car and walk over to join them.
God, the years have been damn good to him.
“Thanks for coming, guys. Follow me, I have something to show you.” We wordlessly follow King behind the school…his house, I don’t know. Telle stops walking when he spots the soccer goals that look suspiciously brand new.
“So, truth, I’ve never played soccer. But I’ve been watching videos, and we have the goals at the regulation length. Anytime you want to practice, these are here for you,” King tells him, redness creeping up his neck, as he grips the back of his neck.
This side of King was always impossible to ignore. He doesn’t let his walls down often, but he really tries for the people he cares about. King will always figure out a way to help the people he cares about.
Maybe that’s why I haven’t thought about leaving Chapel Falls again.
I need all the help I can get.
And I don’t hate seeing King every morning.
I nudge Telle, silently urging him to say thank you. Even though he’s still not a fan of his father, I’m not raising my kids to be rude.
“Thank you, King. Do you think…do you maybe want to play later?” Telle softly asks, surprising me with his tone. My kids, Telle especially, has unfortunately had to grow up quickly. I hate that my kids haven’t had the best childhood so far, but I’m trying.
“Of course, we can probably get your uncles out there too. But watch out for Ace, he likes to cheat in any game. He’s a sore loser.”
“Uncle Ace told me you were the sore loser, King!” Loch shouts.
King picks Loch up and throws her over his shoulder and begins to tickle her. Loch is extremely ticklish, so she starts flopping around on the top of his wide shoulder. I start to feel anxious when I can tell people are looking at us. King somehow notices my discomfort, while he is putting Loch back down. “Let’s get you guys some lunch. Pop should be pulling everything off the grill.”
Following behind King, I take in my surroundings. I’m still unsure about his living situation, living in a school sounds…strange. We walk up to a picnic table and Telle immediately goes to sit next to Skye and Cam, while Loch sits next to River. I choose to sit on the other side of Cam, not wanting to sit next to King. There is too much history there, I can’t get sucked back into this man and need the physical distance.
After all the food is passed around the table, King’s dad sits down across from me. I straighten my spine, because I have a feeling this man is going to piss me off. Good for him if he got his life straightened out, but in my opinion, it was a little too late. His sons raised themselves, and lived in conditions I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.
“How are you settling in?”
“Fine, thanks.” Jack holds my stare from across the table. If he thinks I’m some wilting flower, he needs his ears cleaned because he wasn’t listening when I told my story. I don’t need to be his friend, and I don’t need him to like me.
“What is it that you do? I’ve noticed that you go to Cam’s every day,” he asks before taking a bite out of his burger.
“Pretty sure that’s none of your business. As long as you get rent on time, it doesn’t matter how I get it.”
“Hey, I was just making sure you have everything you need. You can put the claws away,” Jack states as he holds up his hands.
Well now I feel like a bitch. But better he finds out now, I guess.
Whatever version of me that King told him about is long gone.
“I design book covers for authors. I have my own business, Little Bird Designs. I go to Cam and Skye’s for their internet.”
The table falls silent on my admission. I haven’t told anyone what I do for work, I’m sure they think I don’t work. When in actuality, I’m busier than I have ever been and not having internet is killing me. At our old apartment, I used my neighbors Wi-Fi…without permission. I’m not proud of some of the things I’ve had to do to survive, using someone’s internet is not high on the list of bad things.
“You have your own business? Why didn’t you say anything?” This comes from King, and if I had driven here, I would be leaving. This is too much.
“Again, what I do doesn’t matter. You want to get to know the kids, fine. But don’t push me.”
I’m so torn. I want to open up to him, but there's a part of me that keeps getting through, that has been let down by men again and again, that lashes out.
Glancing at Loch, I notice that her cheeks are getting red, meaning me fighting with King and his dad is upsetting her. Looking back at King, chips some of the ice away from my heart. I know I’m not making it easy on him, he just found out he was a dad and has gone above and beyond for them.
I need to do better.
“I started my business about six months after I got out of the hospital. Cam helped me figure out the LLC stuff, and Skye bought me a new iPad. I also have an online shop where I design stickers and bookmarks. Right now, I’m finishing up four covers. I’ve been very lucky.” Underneath the table, Cam quickly squeezes my hand in silent support. He knows that just that little bit of information took a lot out of me.
“You should show Uncle River your portfolio, Mom,” Loch shouts from the other end of the table. That’s Loch for ya, wants everyone to be friends. She doesn’t know that River and I used to spend hours sitting in silence, drawing. She also doesn’t know that after King and his brothers left, I didn’t draw for years, not wanting to open up the wounds.
“Maybe someday, Loch,” I reply to her.
Loch is drawing away in the sketchbook River gave her, while the guys are getting ready to play a game of soccer. Skye and I are sitting in lawn chairs they put out near the makeshift soccer field.
“So, when are you going to thaw out to them?” Skye asks as she cracks open a seltzer water.
“Skye, I don’t know if I can. It’s a miracle that I let you and Cam in. I’m not the same person they knew. This version of me would disappoint them.”
There is a part of me that wants to let them in, but then I open my mouth and bitch comes out. I don’t know how to let my guard down when my brain tells me it’s because of King that I went through hell. If I chose to be rational, I would know that we were both kids, doing the best we could.
But I don’t seem to be rational when it comes to King.
“You will not disappoint them, don’t be an idiot. Also, I think King is just waiting to knock out Cam.” Looking at my friend, I can tell she is being serious.
“What? Why?”
“A man’s ego is a tricky thing. He never asked you who the kids’ dad was, if he had, King would have found you sooner. Also, because you open up to Cam, and not to King.”
Well, when she says it like that, I can sort of see where King is coming from. Telle is King’s twin, and Cam never put two and two together. The topic of the twins father was always off limits to everyone but Skye. And Skye and I have always kept each other's secrets in a vault.
It doesn't help that Cam's last name isn't Bluff.
I don’t get a chance to respond because the guys finally pick teams, and the adults…start taking off their shirts. If Loch was paying attention, I would need to find her something else to do, because holy shit, you should need to pay for this show. Chiseled chests, tattoos, muscles stacked on muscles.
“Holy shit,” I mutter as I put my sunglasses on.
“Agreed. I think Cam is trying to get me pregnant,” my friend lightly says, but I know that’s a sore subject.
I didn’t need King to be more appealing, but when he throws his T-shirt aside, I think I can feel the dust start to fall out of my vagina.
It’s been a while…okay, it’s been years.
River throws his hair into a man bun before throwing his shirt off, and if I didn’t at one point think of him as a little brother, that move would be attractive. I didn’t know it was possible for someone to be as tattooed as him. I guess it makes sense, given that’s what his profession is, but every square inch of visible skin is inked.
“I didn’t know Cam had all that going on underneath his uniform,” I tease my friend as I nudge her. His upper chest and most of his back is done in different designs.
“Why do you think I locked him down? I’m not a dummy, no ma’am.” We both laugh as the game starts.
The shock of the day comes from Jack, he definitely doesn’t look like a dad of three adult men. The older man is still quite fit and is running up and down the field with everyone else. He has a few years to fifty, so he’s still young, but you can tell he takes care of himself.
“Hi, ladies!” Jumping in my seat, I turn at the voice. Of course I don’t know her, but that’s not surprising.
“Hey, Marge. This is Sparrow. Sparrow, this is Marge, Cam’s mom,” Skye introduces.
“Hi, Marge, it’s nice to meet you. This is my daughter Lochlyn, and my son Teller is out there playing with the rest of the guys.”
This woman is technically related to my children.
This is such a weird feeling.
After she shakes my hand, she takes a seat next to me. “I’m so glad I got here in time. I work in the emergency room; I didn’t want to miss you guys. Jack has gone on and on about how happy he is to be a grandpa.”
Looking down at my hands in my lap, I let the guilt wash over me. I have not been nice to Jack, and he has been gushing about my kids to anyone that will listen. The man doesn’t deserve my wrath. He obviously wants a relationship with the kids, one that I should support.
“Loch, come meet Marge.” When she doesn’t immediately answer, I look in her direction but find her lying down. “Loch.” When she doesn’t respond this time, I quickly get out of my chair and kneel down next to her. Her face is red and splotchy, and her hair is stuck to her face. It isn’t too hot out yet, but she has never dealt well with the heat.
Standing back up, I look over at Skye. “I think we need to go; she is overheating. Can you grab me some ice?” She shoots out of her chair and runs to the cooler while I bend over and attempt to pick up my daughter.
I’m surprised when King runs up, barely out of breath from the soccer game. “What happened? What’s wrong?” He scoops Loch up into his arms, her head immediately resting on his shoulder.
“She doesn’t do well with the sun and heat. I thought we would be fine today, but she’s starting to overheat. Skye is going to take us home.” I go to yell for Telle, but I notice everyone is walking up to us, the game forgotten.
“I want to stay here,” Loch mumbles from King’s arms.
“Loch, baby, I can bring you back another day.”
“I want us to stay with Dad, Mom.”
Skye chooses this very moment to bring the ice. I knew this time was coming, when one of the kids started calling King Dad. A part of me wants to celebrate, but the other part of me is crying on the inside.
They should have always had this.
I need to do what’s best for my kids, and right now, the best thing is to stay here. Looking up at King, I let the bitchy side take a break. “Is there anywhere inside that she can lay down?”
“Of course. Follow me, I’ll take you to my wing.”
His wing…this is so weird.