Chapter 12
CHAPTER TWELVE
LOGAN
I wanted to hate how easily Ander could touch Raven, but I didn’t. It was hard to hate him when I could see his affection towards her written all over his face.
If he was lying, he was damn good at it.
Once I was alone with Raven, I toyed with my food, not knowing what to say. She’d been getting my texts, so she knew I was sorry.
What else could I say?
“I miss you,” she mumbled after a few minutes of silence, and I tried really hard not to get excited about those few words, but it gave me hope.
“I miss you too,” I said calmly, wishing I could just tell her I loved her and make a bunch of promises that I knew she wouldn’t listen to right now, so I kept them to myself.
When she turned her body slightly to face me, I gave her my full attention so she knew whatever she wanted to throw at me, I’d accept it. I was a piece of shit for how I spoke about her to Reid that day, so if she wanted to tell me so, I’d take it.
“Would you have wanted me to get an abortion if I hadn’t been run down by the car?”
That wasn’t at all what I was expecting her to say.
“What?” I asked with confusion, wishing I could shake her a little. Did she really think I was grateful for her getting hurt?
“We couldn’t afford a baby, right?” She sounded firm, like she was trying to convince herself that it was a good thing that had happened.
“We would’ve figured it out.”
“But we?—”
“Raven. We would’ve figured it out,” I repeated, needing her to hear me. “I’m not the type that takes the easy way out, so I never would’ve asked you to get an abortion. I wasn’t careful that second time we slept together, I obviously didn’t pull out fast enough. I would’ve done everything in my power to make sure you and the baby were looked after.”
She turned her attention back to her food, wanting a second to process my words. I wasn’t lying, I would’ve been the best damn dad I could’ve been to that baby.
The familiar ache in my chest started, just like it did every time the subject was brought up. I hadn’t really dealt with my grief, continuing to push it down and focus on my worry for Raven instead.
“I didn’t pass it all. They had to do a procedure to remove what was left,” she said as she pushed a piece of pasta around her bowl.
“You had to have surgery?” I asked, my eyes dropping to her stomach as if I could see scars from it.
“No. The D&C basically just scrapes it out. It was way too invasive for my liking,” she shuddered. “It didn’t hurt, but the cramps after were really uncomfortable.”
“I should’ve been there.”
“Yeah, you should’ve,” she said, not bothering to hide the hurt in her voice.
“I know sorry doesn’t take it all back, but I really am. I wish I’d just shut my mouth and been there for you instead. You’re not some kind of prize. He just made me so mad and it all came out.”
She pushed her bowl away, and when her eyes met mine and I saw the tears in them, it was like a punch to the stomach. I hated that I’d done this to her, causing her so much grief and mistrust.
“I need you to tell me the truth, Logan. Did you actually have feelings for me, or was I just convenient?”
“Bab— Raven. I love you, one hundred percent. I know you might not believe that, but it’s the truth. If I could pick any woman in this world, even before we started seeing each other, my answer was always going to be you.”
I thought I’d scared her off when she stood, but she almost knocked me off my damn stool as she threw her arms around me. I hugged her back, closing my eyes and savoring these few seconds, knowing my words weren’t a magic fix and things still weren’t okay.
She pulled back after a second, wiping her eyes and trying to hide the fact that she’d obviously let tears escape.
“You really fucking hurt me,” she said sharply, getting control of her emotions now that she’d let her walls down for a second.
“I know. Right now, I just want to be your friend so you can come to me when you need help. I won’t try to force you to be with me again, I just want to be able to check in with you so I know you’re okay,” I said as she took another step back. “I definitely want to be with you, but we can work on us later once we’ve built trust again and you’re ready.”
I wanted to throw her over my shoulder and take her back to Beckett’s, but something told me that would be counterproductive.
“Okay,” she agreed, relief hitting me. As long as I could check in, I was happy.
She sat back down, and we continued eating in comfortable silence until our bowls were empty.
Ander walked in, acting like he wasn’t being nosey as he rinsed his bowl, taking ours to rinse too. Raven excused herself, most likely wanting to lean on Zavier a little until she had a better grasp on her emotions, leaving me with Ander.
“Since my kitchen is intact, I assume you two played nice?” Ander asked lightly, eyeing me curiously.
“Yeah.”
“I know I probably don’t need to tell you this, but don’t show up here uninvited. This is her safe place, and if she starts to feel uncomfortable?—”
“I know. I appreciate you protecting her peace,” I answered, knowing that even if I couldn’t visit whenever I wanted, I knew she was okay here. “Me and her aren’t going to just go back to the way things were, tonight was just about being able to get some things out on the table.”
“I’m a little impressed that you or Reid haven’t gone apeshit and ruined it even more,” he said in a taunting tone, and I rolled my eyes.
“I’m aware you’ve slept with her, so don’t even bother trying to cause trouble with that. Take my advice and wrap it up.”
“Why? She’s on birth control now,” he smirked, my eyes narrowing.
“Wrap it up anyway.”
“Sorry, man, but if my little Bluebird’s on my cock, then I’m stuffing her to the brim with my cum until it's dripping out of her,” he answered as he walked back into the living room, a pang of jealousy burning inside me.
Was she letting him do that? I was supposed to be the one teaching her confidence in the bedroom, letting her explore her kinks and other desires.
It sounded like she was more than comfortable letting Ander have his wicked way with her though, and I was more annoyed that I was missing it than I was about him being the one to do it with her.
I joined them in the living room, finding Raven curled up on Zavier’s lap on the couch, and instead of sitting down beside them like I wanted to, I pulled my keys out.
“I’d better get going. Thanks for dinner.”
“I’d say anytime, but then I’d be lying,” Ander chuckled, lifting his fist to bump knuckles with me.
“It was good to see you.”
“Likewise,” he nodded, and I wasn’t sure if I should say anything else to Raven tonight, but she saved me from wondering.
“I’ll text you,” she said with a small smile, hesitating before lifting her knuckles to bump mine. I tapped mine against hers, smiling back.
“Sounds good to me. Later, Lopez,” I said as Zavier lifted his knuckles to mine too, forcing myself to leave before I did something dumb like drag Raven with me.
I tried to focus on the positives, like the fact that she’d spoken to me in the first place and hadn’t sent me packing.
Ander
Raven’s emotions were shot to shit once Logan left. She kept checking her phone as if she was waiting for him to message her, not joining in with mine and Zavier’s conversations. She was withdrawn, and I really hoped that a good night’s sleep would help her after the stressful day she’d had.
Seeing Raven so torn down was hard. She was usually so strong, and as much as part of me was glad she could obviously be vulnerable around me, I also hated that I couldn’t fix it.
When Zavier got up to go to the bathroom, I reached out to snag Raven’s wrist, tugging her towards me across the couch. She came willingly, moving to straddle my lap and bury her face in my neck as she got comfortable.
“If you’re tired, you can go to bed,” I offered, loving it when her lips teased my neck in light kisses.
“Can you come with us tonight?” she asked, surprising me.
“You want me to sleep in the bed with you?”
“Yeah. I don’t feel like doing anything, but?—”
“I’d love to sleep next to you,” I said before she could change her mind, my hand moving up and down her back. “Being in bed with someone doesn’t mean sex, Raven. I’m more than happy to mess around with you and Zav another time, but right now, I’d like to just hold you. Promise.”
She leaned back to hold my gaze, seeming to like whatever it was that she saw there since she kissed me a second later. There was no rush to it, her hand moving to the back of my head to run her fingers through my hair.
My tongue slid across her bottom lip and she opened for me, her hips rolling absently as she deepened the kiss.
I was aware of Zavier returning to his spot on the couch beside us, but he didn’t say anything as Raven continued to kiss me. It took her a second to notice him and she went to pull back, but I grabbed her chin and forced her mouth back to mine, speaking against her lips.
“Let him see how much you want me.”
She shuddered, giving me what I wanted as her tongue darted out to tease mine.
Could I fuck her right now? Of course, I doubted she’d say no, but I wanted her to see how good this could be without bringing sex into it.
Being intimate with someone didn’t always mean getting naked. If she wanted to come, I’d get her off, but there was no way I was fucking her. Tonight was just about light touches.
Possibly a tongue in her cunt.
She ground down on my lap with a groan, and I’d bet money on her panties being soaked.
Zavier seemed to get the memo about this being about her as he leaned closer to trail kisses along her neck, one of his hands moving to cup her breast as his thumb moved back and forth across her nipple.
She was practically vibrating on my lap, her breath catching as my fingers slid up her shirt to trail lightly across her skin.
Zavier got impatient and took her throat in his hand to pull her mouth to his, a moan leaving her as I dropped my mouth to where her neck met her shoulder and sucked gently. I alternated between sucks and licks, my breath on her damp skin causing her to shiver.
“You want Zav to tongue your dripping cunt?” I murmured by her ear, making her nod. “Go lie on the bed. Keep your clothes on.”
She seemed confused by that but did as she was asked, climbing off my lap and practically running into the bedroom.
“What’s the plan?” Zavier asked, having no issue going along with whatever I was planning.
“Tease her senses. I told her no sex tonight, so be creative but keep your dick to yourself,” I instructed as we stood and started walking towards the bedroom. “We can make her come a million times with our mouths though.”
Raven was impatiently lying on the bed, her cheeks flushing as I took my time looking at her. She was just in a tank and shorts, her nipples hard and her chest rising and falling rapidly as if we’d already devoured her.
Zavier moved towards her first, straddling her and giving her lazy kisses before making his way lower, trailing his lips down her body until he reached the elastic of her shorts. He took the material between his teeth and slowly dragged them down, making her squirm.
I didn’t move, watching him do his thing. I’d seen him with girls before, but he was savoring every damn second with Raven, and I couldn’t blame him.
“Ander?” she questioned, uncertainty filling her eyes when she realized I wasn’t making a move. When she seemed to become tense, I walked towards the bed to join them. I wanted to tease her, not make her uncomfortable.
The last thing I wanted to do was make her feel like I didn’t want her.
I devoured her lips, knowing the second Zavier put his tongue to use because she arched up and gasped against my mouth. Her fingers threaded through my hair to keep me close, soft sounds leaving her as Zavier slowly worked her towards climax.
I kissed her neck, pushing a hand under her shirt to tease her nipples, and when she really started squirming desperately, I leaned down to gently bite one through her tank.
She came with a startled cry, not expecting the slower buildup to have such a strong effect, and by the time she was coming down from it, I had her shirt off and my tongue trailing around the curve of her breast and down her stomach.
Zavier took the hint and moved out of my way, Raven’s fingers going to my hair to stop me. “I can’t?—”
“You’ll come as many times as I want you to,” I answered before she could finish her sentence, thankful when Zavier removed her grip on me and pinned her arms above her head before kissing her.
I considered going all out to make her squirt again, but tonight was supposed to be slower paced, so I controlled myself. Her hips lifted to chase my touch when I left light flickers of my tongue over her clit, a needy whine leaving her when I didn’t give her what she wanted.
I kept it slow, pulling away when she got close, starting again when she sank into the mattress with defeat.
My dick was so fucking hard, but she needed this to be all about her. She was way too worried about pleasing people and doing things right.
She needed to let loose and soak in the pleasure without worrying about fucking things up.
She fought Zavier a little when she came this time, not having the use of her hands like before. Her hips lifted off the bed, giving me no choice but to pin her down as I kept rolling my tongue over her clit again and again until she was begging me to stop.
Then, we switched places and started all over again.
“I think she’s done,” Zavier murmured after I’d given her a sixth orgasm, and I glanced up to find her eyes fighting to stay open as he lightly stroked her cheek with his fingers.
I pulled back and grabbed the blanket to cover her before climbing off the bed to strip down to my boxers, hesitating before sliding in beside her as Zavier switched the light off and did the same on her other side.
Raven rolled over to face me, burrowing her face in my chest as she got comfortable, and I wrapped an arm around her to keep her close. The sudden pang of guilt was unexpected when I had a flashback of holding Blake like this, and I almost got back out of bed, but Zavier reached over Raven and placed a hand on my side.
He met my eye in the dim room, his voice quiet. “Stay.”
“I—”
“I know, man. Just stay,” he repeated, shuffling closer to Raven’s back to nuzzle into her neck.
If Raven woke up and I wasn’t here, she’d probably feel like I didn’t want more than the fun stuff. Actions spoke louder than words, so I stuffed my guilt down and stayed, managing to somehow fall asleep with ease.
That was until something woke me up.
The click of a door sounded so loud in the silent house, my eyes flying open as I strained to listen for any other sounds. A footstep had me easing away from Raven and reaching for the gun I kept in my bedside drawer that had a silencer, then I crept towards the bedroom door to poke my head out.
I saw a glimpse of a person walk past the hallway and through the living room, putting me on high alert.
Had Stefano found us?
I stepped out of the bedroom and silently closed the door behind me, slowly moving through the house to see who the fuck had the balls to break in.
They were distracted as they searched the tiny house, not hearing me step up behind them until I’d pressed the barrel of the gun to the back of their head.
“Who the fuck are you?”
“Mr. Ricci sent me to find out why you’re here. You were supposed to stay in Italy,” the man said, all of it in Italian. He didn’t cower from me, Stefano would never hire cowards who weren’t willing to die for him.
“I have unfinished business to deal with,” I replied quietly in Italian, pressing my gun harder against his head. “I told him I didn’t tell anyone shit. He’s wasting his time going after a bunch of nobodies.”
“Nobodies, eh? You were on a flight here before that bitch’s body had barely bounced off the hood. Do I need to tell Mr. Ricci that you’ve forgotten your place? He wouldn’t be pleased to know you’ve turned on him.”
I was vaguely aware of the bed creak down the hallway, and there was no way I’d allow Raven or Zavier to walk in on this conversation. I doubted Raven spoke Italian, but I wasn’t sure about Zavier. I couldn’t lose them, not now.
The bedroom door opened and the hall light went on, my time running out. I pulled the trigger, the man’s body dropping to the floor with a thud.
“Ander?” Raven croaked out, and I turned to see her behind me in the doorway, her eyes on the body at my feet. I went to reach for her and she slapped my hand away, confusion and worry in her eyes. “What the fuck? Who’s that?”
“He broke in. He’s one of Stefano’s men. He was here to hurt you and Zav.”
The guy didn’t seem to even know they were here, but Raven didn’t know that.
“I heard him talking in another language. You understood him?” she asked, glancing towards the door.
I had to make her trust me again before she bolted. If she knew the truth, there was no way she’d stay.
“Bits of it. You know I’m friends with Dante. He taught me some Italian so I could eavesdrop on Stefano’s conversations with his men when he visited me to check on business.”
The living room light switched on and Zavier appeared, taking in the scene in front of him with a frown. “What happened?”
“Stefano sent a guy. Can you stay with Raven while I check the perimeter? I want to make sure he was alone,” I explained as I slid an arm around Raven. She was stiff, but she allowed my touch.
I was pretty sure dead bodies weren’t a common occurrence around her, so I wasn’t surprised if she was in some kind of shock. It took a lot of exposure to that type of shit before you became numb to it.
“Shit, should we find somewhere else to stay?” Zavier asked as I dropped a kiss to the top of Raven’s head and guided her over to him.
“Stefano will give his guy a few days to return before going looking for him. I’ll see what I can do about finding a new place,” I answered. “Take Raven back to bed. I’ll handle this.”
He nodded and did as I asked, and I blew out a breath as I looked down at the mess once they’d left the room.
It was going to be a long night.
It wasn’t a cold, so I held my gun out in front of me and stepped outside in my boxers to walk the perimeter, then I headed back inside to call a cleanup crew to remove the body.