20. Summer
20
SUMMER
I t took an entire month to prepare for this, practicing my fake smile. To come up with a few ways of deflecting perfectly reasonable questions I would never be able to answer. The sort of stuff people always asked on red carpets. What did this project mean to you? What was your favorite aspect of the experience?
Claudia was my rock through all of it. She stood with me beside the car, which the studio had sent to the hotel to pick us up. At least they were holding up their end of the bargain when it came to accommodations. Any planning had gone through her since she knew there was no way I could handle it.
I was barely handling it now after weeks of psyching myself up, including weeks of ignoring Lex’s attempts at communicating. All I had to do was get through this. I could go back to licking my wounds in San Francisco while struggling to figure out what came next.
“I don’t think I can do this,” I whispered, eyeing the crowd. How was I supposed to string a few words together for reporters when I could barely breathe? I looked down, ready to see my heart burst out of my chest and all over the simple, sleeveless black Gucci that Claudia had forced me into buying for the occasion. She’d battled me on a lot of things, but there was no getting around my color choice. Black seemed the most logical option.
“You can,” she reminded me in a fierce whisper, gripping my hands tight. “And you will. Get your ass in there, show them they haven’t beaten you.”
That was the problem. They had. They had beaten my dreams out of me, which was even worse. Eric had started it, but Lex and those brainless ass-kissers at the studio had delivered the death blow.
Going through it was one thing, but letting them see it was something else. I called on my breathing, focusing only on it for a few moments. The least I could do was control my nervous system. “Okay,” I whispered, giving her a nod. “Let’s do it.”
“Attagirl. I’m right here with you.” But she dropped a step behind, anyway, letting me take the lead. The red carpet stretched out in front of me, chock full of people jockeying to have their faces captured on camera when all I wanted to do was hide.
It was surreal the number of people unrelated to the project who had come out tonight. I recognized one famous face after another. They were here for my movie. What a shame it wouldn’t be my movie they watched.
I didn’t have it in me to read the preliminary, spoiler-free reviews. It hurt too damn much. Now, walking the carpet with my best friend at my back, I wished I had at least skimmed them if only to get an idea of what the general consensus happened to be. Claudia swore up and down people liked it. I couldn’t see how.
There was one major blessing on the way into the theater. Nobody recognized me. They might by the time the movie was over, if I were given any recognition after the screening, but I was prepared to run if I had to. Lex could deal with the fallout of his director fleeing the event. After everything he had put me through, he deserved it.
“Oh, fuck me,” Claudia muttered, touching my elbow. I slowed down, turning my head so she could murmur in my ear. “Eric is here. Ten o’clock.”
I looked in that direction, and sure enough, there he was, speaking to a reporter who’d shoved a microphone in his face. His golden hair gleamed, his smile was blinding. He had gotten veneers that looked ridiculous like a set of shiny, white horse teeth awkwardly crammed into a hamster’s mouth.
“I need to get inside.” It was my sole mission now to keep my head down, stay unnoticed, and sidestep the cluster of people around Danica as she was photographed and interviewed near the entrance. She looked stunning and was clearly soaking up the attention.
Did she care that the best part of her performance had been cut from the film? I ached for her and everybody else and wanted so much to apologizeorat least make sure they knew it wasn’t my fault. I had done my best.
It was a small miracle that I was able to sneak into the theater, dashing straight to the restroom to calm myself. I was shaking, dizzy, and almost tripped and fell in my haste but caught myself in time. Dampening paper towels with cold water and touching them to my pulse points helped cool me down before nervous perspiration turned to sweat.
“You’re doing great.” Claudia pulled out a comb to touch up my hair. A few soft tendrils had fallen free of the knot at the back of my head. I looked like a ghost with only a slash of red over my lips, giving my face any definition.
“This was a huge mistake,” I whispered, meeting my best friend’s glance in the mirror.
“I don’t think so,” she whispered, giving me an awkward side hug. She then adjusted her pinned-up curls and checked out the dark blue, full-length Prada she had picked for the occasion. “I think tonight is going to be a good night. I feel it in my bones.”
Then she was delusional. Either that, or she was trying way too hard to pick up my spirits.
“All you have to do is sit in the back of the theater, try to keep a pleasant look on your face, and answer questions if anybody stops you. You don’t even have to participate in the Q and A.” That was one of my hard-and-fast demands, which she had negotiated for me. I would owe her for the rest of my life, end of story. She had come through in ways I couldn’t begin to repay her for.
“What about—” I cut myself off before his name fell out of my mouth.
Not that it mattered. He was the elephant in the room. “You know he’s going to be here.” With a grimace, she added, “And he has asked about you in his emails. More than once.”
“Good for him.” The subject of Lex Landry had been off the table at my insistence. I didn’t want to hear his name. I didn’t want to hear anything about him. It was bad enough thatI missed him with every cell of my being. Bad enough, I couldn’t close my eyes at night without seeing his face in front of me. I would wake up and swear I caught the whiff of his cologne, that I felt his touch against my skin, lingering, tingling.
But he would be here tonight, along with his wretched father and the entire team of investors. And they’d look me in the eye and try to be buddy-buddy for the sake of the press. And I would have to play along with the charade or risk making myself into a pariah in front of the entire free world.
The door swung open, and a group of women came in, gossiping, making comments about themselves and pretty much everybody else around them. Who wore this, who said what, who looked like shit. We ducked out, cut across the lobby, and sidestepped photographers. All I had to do was get through this.
We were some of the first people in the theater, but it filled up quickly. Taking a seat this early meant watching people as they walked in. “Oh, there’s that guy that owns the hotels and restaurants,” Claudia whispered, nodding toward a tall, handsome guy with dark hair and piercing eyes. “Clayton, something. He helped throw the party on the first day of shooting.”
“I know who he is,” I whispered. He’d let us stay in his hotel before it opened. A full-body shudder ran through me when I recalled standing on the roof, staring down at a city that would never be mine. It had been a nice fantasy while it lasted.
So Lex had invited his friends. How nice for him. How nice for Eric, who walked in with that bastard, Clyde Harris. They didn’t see me, too busy waving and shaking hands. I even recognized a couple of the investors who watched the finished movie with us.
“There he is.” Claudia covered a hand over my cold and clammy hand. She was kind and didn’t remark on it while staring down at the stage in front of the screen where Lex stepped out.
A wave of red-hot emotion swept over me and left me biting my tongue hard to hold back a cry of pure longing. Oh God, I loved him. I still loved him. I couldn’t lie to myself anymore. Setting eyes on him was all it took to know for sure that I’d never, ever get over that man. What we found together, what I thought I found with him, made what I thought I had with Eric look like child’s play. Compared to Lex, Eric was a child.
But it wasn’t right. It was not meant to be. I would have to continue watching him from a distance. He was the epitome of casual cool, wearing a dark tailored suit with no tie, the top two buttons popped.
Was he wearing that cologne I loved?
“Ladies and gentlemen.” His rich voice rang out as he worked the microphone out of its stand. “Thank you so much for being here tonight.”
The energy in the room practically crackled as the last few stragglers took their seats. I focused harder on my breathing, keeping myself calm.
Lex smiled in the light of so many beams trained on him. Claudia gave me the gossip about Alexander naming his son as head of the studio. Yet one more thing Lex had lied about—all of his posturing and bullshit. All it took was Daddy handing him the key for him to forget everything he told me about what he really wanted to do with his life. What really mattered.
Once the room went close to silent, he continued, “What you’re about to see tonight represents my first executive producer credit. I can’t tell you what a gratifying journey this has been.” Warm, gentle applause rose while I fought back the bile rising in my throat. The pretentious prick. It was very gratifying for him, wasn’t it? I had made it too easy.
“You’re about to see something else, as well.” Some of the sunshine drained from his voice. Was I the only one who noticed how serious he got all of a sudden? “This film represents passion. Dedication. Single-minded focus. It was directed by a young woman whose artistic vision is uncompromising. Unflinching. And you’ll see the results of that in the completed director’s cut we’re about to screen for you this evening.”
“Director’s cut?” I whispered while the same question echoed with confusion behind the looks and whispers flying around.
“All I ask is that you have a little faith.” His gaze swept the auditorium like he was looking for something. Someone. “And that you understand this was a labor of love.”
I couldn’t. It was too much, too confusing, too conflicting. Everything in me screamed at me to bolt, so I planted my feet, ready to jump out of my seat and run all the way back to San Francisco if I had to.
“Nope.” Claudia’s hand was a claw around my wrist, holding me in place. “Sit your ass down and watch.”
If anything, I was too stunned to move. “What is happening right now?” I hissed as the lights went down and the screen went bright. She wouldn’t answer, but she wouldn’t let go, either. She turned her face toward the screen the way everybody else did.
I couldn’t hold back the tears that filled my eyes as the first shot appeared on the screen. As the credits began to roll, we watched Danica go through the motions of her morning in the apartment above the garage where she worked. Her grim, tiny apartment was actually a set on the soundstage across from my old office.
I was too busy feeling overwhelmed to realize the obvious. It took a minute or two of me being pulled back and forth between heartache and embarrassment to realize what I was watching.
“My movie.” I earned a few curious looks from the people around us, but who cared? It was impossible, but it was true. I turned to Claudia and whispered, “My movie. This is my movie!”
“No shit, Sherlock.” Her eyes sparkled with unshed tears. “Watch it. Enjoy it. You deserve it.”
My movie.
But how? How did he do it without me knowing? And how the hell did he get away with it? I looked around, convinced everybody was in on it but me. All I saw were people watching a movie, sinking into the world I created.
My world.
And now I was glad I sat in the back so I could watch everybody react. They laughed at the right times and cried a little during the dark moments. I soaked it up like a sponge, still dazed, unable to believe it was happening. It was real. Somehow, Lex had found a way to screen my movie instead of the monstrosity someone tried to turn it into.
When it was over, when the crowd got to their feet and cheered, they weren’t cheering for Danica winning the big race.
“Stand up!” Claudia was weeping as she pulled me to my feet and waved an arm overhead. Lex stepped up to the microphone and found me after shading his eyes with one hand.
“Ladies and gentlemen, the director, Summer Strawbridge!” Lex pointed straight at me, and all at once, the lights swung my way, blinding me while the applause swelled. I didn’t know where to look, what to do, how to feel. It was a dream come true.
“It was all him!” Claudia shouted, wildly applauding. “He made it happen! He made me swear not to tell you!”
I would kill him. I might kiss him to death, but at the end of the day, he would be dead.
This was everything I’d ever dreamed of—being swarmed, mobbed, congratulated after being swept up in the crowd and practically carried out to the lobby. I probably looked like hell after bawling my eyes out, but that didn’t stop the photographers and the journalists from peppering me with questions andshouting their praise.
“Look who it is!” A group of surprise guests cut through the wall of journalists, and suddenly, I was caught up in Mom’s embrace. My sisters and dad were there as well. I had made them swear not to come, expecting to be humiliated, but somebody had gone behind my back. He had gone behind my back on a lot of things. I couldn’t bring myself to be upset when having them with me made everything perfect.
“It was beautiful. I’m so proud of you!” Mom was more of a mess than I was. “We didn’t know anything about this until yesterday after you had already flown out here. He sent a jet and everything!”
I didn’t have to ask who she meant. Not when I found Lex watching us, ignoring the reporters asking him questions. I had seen it in movies dozens of times, the rest of the room going blurry and foggy as the two leads locked eyes.
I didn’t know it happened in real life.
I didn’t know any of this was the sort of thing that happened in real life.
What was there to say? A million questions, of course. A million thanks. A million kicks in his shins for making me think he was dragging me down here to rub my nose in my biggest failure.
“Summer?”
Before I could snap myself out of the hold Lex’s gaze had over me, I found his father standing behind me. He extended a hand, wearing a smile that to the rest of the world might look triumphant, but to me appeared… apologetic? Something close to it?
“I don’t say this very often,” he offered. “But I was wrong. You were right. Can you forgive a stupid old man?”
I knew how much it must’ve taken for him to put that together and in public. Rumor had it he was going through some health issues. I might have avoided the topic of Lex, but that didn’t mean my head was so deep in the sand I didn’t notice anything else going on.
Taking his hand, I nodded while flashes went off all around us. “Of course. Thank you for saying that.”
“I can honestly say I have hope for the direction this studio will go in.” Looking around, he sighed. “New investors, for one thing. New blood.”
At my arched eyebrow, he explained, “When the former investors wanted their money back after Lex announced he would release your version, Lex and his friends put up the cash.”
Now I understood why Lex’s friend was there. They wanted to see what their money went to. “This is all a lot,” I admitted, overwhelmed.
“No doubt.” His attention shifted to something over my shoulder, and a corner of his mouth pulled upward. “I’ll let my son explain the rest.”
He was behind me. Somehow, even in the middle of so many people, I could identify Lex’s cologne. My heart sang before I turned to find him there, looking contrite. Handsome and contrite. “Surprise?” he murmured.
Throwing myself into his arms would be a mistake. I couldn’t make it that easy. “You kept this a secret all this time, and all you have to say to me is surprise?” I asked.
“How about I love you?” he asked, keeping his voice low. “Is that better?”
My heart couldn’t take much more of this. Everything I wanted, everything I had missed these past lonely, miserable weeks was now in front of me. Mine for the taking.
Instead of bursting into tears, I replied, “It’s a start.” I had told myself over and over to forget him, that I was fine without him, better off alone. Funny how all of that evaporated now that he was in front of me, and I knew he had saved the movie and my dream. He protected my dream.
“Whatever it takes, Summer. Everything I have. Everything I’ll ever have. All of me.” His warm, dark eyes cut from one side to the other. “I’ll even throw myself on your mercy in front of half the world. What can I do to make you forgive me?”
I was still frozen by indecision when someone tapped me on the shoulder from behind. “I’ll keep the family entertained,” Claudia whispered close to my ear. “You two can catch up.”
That was exactly what I needed to hear. I threw her a silent, grateful look. We would have words later about her keeping secrets, but for now, I was too busy basking in the joy of the moment. “Why don’t we get out of here to discuss this in private?” I suggested.
It probably looked suspicious, the two of us leaving, but I couldn’t bring myself to care. I was too busy feeling almost delirious. Could this be real? Was this my life?
Before we could escape, however, the last person I ever wanted to see barged through the crowd, brimming over with false cheerfulness. The man was as transparent as cellophane. “Well, well, well,” Eric crowed, all smiles and empty laughter. “I taught you everything you know. Where’s my thanks?”
Incredible how many things could go through a person’s mind in the blink of an eye. How many ugly, hate-filled thoughts. How much emotion—outrage, disgust, disappointment. All of it and more, raced through me and heated my blood until it boiled.
My mouth opened in preparation to vent every last thought. But it was Lex who spoke. “Your thanks must be somewhere with the invitation you never received,” he replied in a clipped, professional tone. Raising a hand, he signaled one of the security guards standing nearby. “We’ll take care of that right now by having you escorted off the premises.”
Two burly men dressed in black took hold of him. “Hey, wait a minute…”
Just when I thought the night couldn’t get any better. I had the pleasure of watching Eric removed from the building, red-faced and quietly protesting, before Lex led me out by the hand and helped me into his waiting limo.
The second we were alone, I turned to him with questions brimming over. “How—” I blurted out, but he cut me off with a deep, searching kiss, my face in his hands, his body pressed close to mine. I had never wanted anything more, but I couldn’t let it be so simple. There was still part of me that wouldn’t give up.
“Wait.” With my hands against his shoulders, I pushed him back, shaking my head when he leaned in for another kiss. “We’re skipping over something important.”
“I did try to contact you these past few weeks.” His ravenous gaze traveled over my face. “I would’ve told you. Claudia wanted to, but I thought it should come from me.”
“All you had to do was tell me?—”
He shook his head, touching his fingers to my lips. “Enough fighting, arguing over who should’ve done what. This was my gift to you and my deep, deep apology. I should’ve been fully honest with you from the beginning, but I didn’t want to spoil things by telling you there were issues between Dad and me. I thought I could handle them on my own. I was that arrogant. We both were,” he concluded with a sigh.
“He told me about your new investors.”
“New investors, new everything,” he confirmed. “I have you to thank for that. It makes the most sense, but I wouldn’t have considered bringing them on if it hadn’t been for you providing the impetus.”
Tracing the outline of my mouth with his thumb, he whispered, “I’ve missed you. It was like living the past month with part of me missing. You’ll never know the torment.”
“I don’t think I would go that far.” I closed a hand over his, then took a deep breath. Time to be brave and take the first step into the future. “I’ve missed you too. And what happened back there…”
“Are you happy?” he asked, tender, sweet. “That’s all I need to know.”
Was I happy? That was a no-brainer. “Why don’t you raise that privacy divider?” I whispered, eyeing the front seat. “And we can talk about that.”
I didn’t have to tell him twice. He leaned over and pressed the button, raising the tinted glass. That and the tinted windows meant no one could see me hiking my dress up around my hips to straddle Lex’s lap.
“I guess this means you’re forgiven,” I announced, kissing him as hard aspossible, with every moment of longing, aching, and missing him behind it. I poured it all into him, emptying myself to make room for what came next.
“I love you.” He skimmed my neck with his lips, leaving fire in his wake while running his hands up my legs. “I love you so much.”
“I love you too.” With my arms around his neck, I held him close enough to feel his heart pounding like mine did.
“You know this is just the beginning.” His hands moved while he whispered, sliding up under my dress, cupping my ass, andmaking me moan with my face pressed to his neck. “Now the world knows your name. Nothing is going to stop you.”
“Us.” Lifting my head, I kissed him gently before staring into his dark eyes. How did I think I could spend the rest of my life without doing this again? “Nothing is going to stop us.”
And then I was swept up again, lost in his kiss, his touch, and the thrill of grinding in his lap while riding down the brightly lit streets of Hollywood.
“I need you.” He probed greedily at my pussy, working his fingers under my thong, his lips and his tongue lavishing long, searing kisses over my chest. When I pulled down the top of the dress, he eagerly lapped at my nipples, taking me close to the edge after so many long, lonely nights denying myself what I craved most.
I reached between us to unzip him with a trembling hand. “Fuck, yes,” he groaned out against my skin. He fumbled in his back pocket with his free hand while I withdrew his thick, rigid length from his pants.
“What do you want me to do with this?” I whispered, lost in lust and the thrill of coming home. Where I belonged. Nothing in San Francisco felt right, but this? This was meant to be. This was forever.
“I want you to ride it,” he growled out, unrolling a condom before pulling me back into his lap. “I want inside you. That’s the only place I ever want to be. I love you, Summer.”
I paused with him at my entrance, staring down at him, wanting to hold this moment for as long as I could. We were taking the first steps down a new road together. This was it.
“I love you.” I sank down, taking him inside me, both of us gasping as our bodies reconnected for the first of many times to come. It took nothing to set me off, and before I knew it, I was shuddering, clinging to him, and moaning his name, riding him for all I was worth.
Claiming him. Claiming us as we cruised down Sunset Boulevard with the world at our feet and nothing but the entire future ahead.