Chapter Twenty-One #2
“I regret hurting your mom. I regret the choices that led to you growing up without knowing me. I regret the pain I caused everyone involved.” Jeremy pauses.
“But I can’t regret it entirely, because if it hadn’t happened, Emma wouldn’t exist. And despite everything, she’s the best thing I’ve ever done with my life. ”
“What about me?”
“You’re the best thing too. I know that sounds like a cop-out, but it’s true. You and Emma are both incredible people, and I’m proud to be your father even if I haven’t earned the right to that title.”
The waiter comes by to refill our water glasses and ask about dessert, breaking the intensity of the moment. We both decline dessert but order a soda instead.
“Can I ask you something that might be hard to answer?” I say once the waiter leaves.
“Of course.”
“If Mom had let you be in my life, would you have been a good father to me? Or would I have been the daughter you felt guilty about while you focused on Emma and Lilly?”
“I’d like to think I would have been a good father to both of you. But honestly, I was immature and selfish and making terrible decisions left and right. You might have been better off with Robert raising you instead of me fumbling through learning how to be a decent parent.”
“But you figured it out eventually. With Emma, I mean.”
“It took me years to figure out how to be the father Emma deserved. She was patient with me while I learned, but there were times when I failed her too. Times when I was so wrapped up in my own guilt and problems that I wasn’t fully present for her.”
“She seems to adore you.”
“She does now. But there were some rough years when she was younger, when I was trying to balance my relationship with Lilly, my regrets about you, and my responsibilities as Emma’s father. I made plenty of mistakes with her too.”
The soda arrives, giving us both a moment to process the conversation.
“What about now?” I ask finally. “If you could design the perfect relationship with me going forward, what would it look like?”
“I’d like to be a real part of your life, if you’ll let me.
Not trying to replace Robert or compete with him but being available as someone you can call when you need advice or support or just want to talk.
I’d like to know about your college plans, your career goals, your relationships.
I’d like you and Emma to have a real sister relationship, not just weekend visits and awkward phone calls. ”
“Even if it complicates things with Lilly?”
“Lilly will have to learn to live with the reality you exist and that you’re Emma’s sister. I’ve spent too many years letting other people’s discomfort control my decisions.”
“Mom said she took care of the Lilly situation. Do you know what she meant by that?”
He sighs. “Nothing good,”
“What did she do?”
“Your mom called Lilly yesterday morning. They had what Lilly described as a ‘very intense conversation’ about Emma’s ultimatum and the threats she’s been making.”
“What kind of conversation?”
“I don’t know all the details, but apparently your mom made it clear that she has documentation of Lilly’s financial manipulation and emotional blackmail of Emma.
She also pointed out that Emma is seventeen, almost eighteen, and that courts tend to listen to teenagers who want to escape controlling parents. ”
My stomach drops. “Mom threatened legal action?”
“She threatened to help Emma file for emancipation or help me get custody if Lilly follows through on cutting off her college funding. She also mentioned that she has eighteen years’ worth of support payments from me that could be used to help Emma with college expenses if necessary.”
“She can do that?”
“Legally, yes. Practically, it would be expensive and complicated and potentially damaging to Emma’s relationship with her mother forever.”
“How did Lilly react?”
“According to Emma, her mom spent most of yesterday crying and making phone calls to family members asking for advice. By evening, she’d backed down from the ultimatum. She’s still not happy about the situation, but she’s agreed not to cut off Emma’s financial support.”
“So Mom essentially scared her into backing down.”
“Your mom can be very persuasive when she’s protecting someone she cares about.”
I think about Mom’s intense cooking yesterday, her tight bun, her cryptic comments about taking care of Lilly. It makes more sense now; she was dealing with the stress of having made major threats on Emma’s behalf.
“Is Emma okay with that? Having my mom fight her battles?”
“She’s relieved that the immediate crisis is over, but she’s also worried about the long term implications. Her relationship with her mother is going to be complicated going forward.”
“Because of me.”
“Because of choices Lilly made about how to handle this situation. You didn’t create this problem, Olivia. You just gave everyone an opportunity to show their true colors.”
We finish our drinks and Jeremy pays the check, despite my protests. As we walk out of the restaurant onto the pier, the afternoon sun is warm on our faces and the ocean breeze carries the scent of salt and seaweed.
“Want to show me around town?” Jeremy asks. “I’d like to see some of the places that were important to you growing up.”
We spend the next hour walking through downtown, with me pointing out the elementary school I attended, the ice cream shop where Derek and I had our first unofficial date, the bookstore where Mom used to take me for story time when I was little.
Jeremy listens to every story, asks questions about details, seems genuinely interested in understanding the world that shaped me.
At the beach overlook where I used to come to think when I was upset about something, we stop and lean against the railing. The view stretches for miles—sandy beaches, rocky outcroppings, waves that roll in with hypnotic rhythm.
“This is beautiful,” Jeremy says. “I can see why your mom chose to build a life here.”
“It’s home. I can’t imagine living anywhere else.”
“Even for college?”
“I’m looking at schools within driving distance. UC Santa Barbara, maybe San Diego. I want to be able to come home on weekends, see my family.”
“Your family,” Jeremy repeats. “Does that include me and Emma now?”
I consider the question. A week ago, family meant Mom and Robert and the stable life they’d built together. Now it’s more complicated, broader, including people I barely know but feel connected to in ways I’m still figuring out.
“I think so. It’s going to take time to figure out how everyone fits together, but yes. I think you’re family now.”
Jeremy’s smile is brighter than the afternoon sun. “I like that very much.”
We walk back toward the parking lot as the afternoon starts to wind down. Jeremy pulls out his phone when we reach his rental car.
“Would you mind if we took a photo together? I know it’s silly, but I’d like to have something to remember this day.”
“It’s not silly at all.”
We stand together with the ocean behind us, Jeremy holding his phone at arm’s length to get us both in the frame. I lean against his shoulder slightly, and for the first time in my life, I’m posing for a photo with my biological father.
“Got it,” he says, showing me the screen. “We look good together.”
We do. Same eyes, same stubborn chin, same slightly crooked smile. There’s no denying we’re related, even to a stranger looking at the photo.
“Will you send that to me?”
“Of course.” Jeremy’s fingers fly over his phone screen, and a moment later my phone buzzes with the photo. “First official father-daughter selfie.”
“Hopefully not the last.”
“Definitely not the last.”
As we drive back toward my house, I feel something settling in my chest that I haven’t felt before.
Not the desperate longing for a father I never knew, but the quiet satisfaction of beginning a relationship with someone who wants to know me as I am now.
There’s still a lot to figure out—logistics, boundaries, how to maintain relationships across distance—but for the first time, those feel like solvable problems rather than impossible obstacles.
Jeremy is right about one thing. I can’t change the past eighteen years, and neither can he. But we can decide what the next eighteen years look like. And sitting in this rental car, looking at a photo of us smiling together against the California coast, I think I’m ready to find out.