CHAPTER 7
Sutton
“Crap. Oh, crap, crap, crap.” I parked in my driveway and covered my face with my hands. “You’re so stupid, Sutton! What were you thinking?!”
I’d had the chance to get Dad the best care money could buy but I couldn’t go back and face Dominic after what we’d done.
There was no way I could ever look at any of them in the eye again.
I was horrified by my behavior. He was going to be my boss!
I’d spread my legs for my boss and whined for him.
I’d let him spank my downstairs area! He’d said filthy things to me, things that I couldn’t even think without turning bright red.
“Fickle sticks!” I slapped the steering wheel and then patted it like I’d hurt it. I was on the verge of apologizing to it when I came to my senses and groaned.
I just couldn’t believe my actions. I couldn’t believe how good it felt to have someone touch me there.
I couldn’t believe how uncomfortably wet I still felt.
It was exactly what I’d been afraid of. A guy looks twice at me and I basically throw my legs over my shoulders and shine a flashlight down there.
Maybe I was my mother’s daughter after all.
The lights came on in the kitchen and I watched Dad shuffle to the window.
He lifted his hand in a wave and then motioned for me to come in.
After what my mother had put him through, he would’ve been so ashamed to know what I’d been up to.
He’d done his best to raise me up a good and decent woman.
Then I’d gone to a sex club and let the owner do what he’d done to me.
I wasn’t sure I could face Dad until I saw him jerk forward in a coughing fit. I was being selfish and it was time to stop. I hurried in the house and tossed my purse down on the counter on my way to Dad.
He was stooped over, coughing hard enough to burst blood vessels in his throat.
It no longer scared me as much when I saw blood in his spit because the doctor had explained that little tidbit in great detail after I’d left six messages for his office to call me back immediately the first time I’d spotted the blood.
“Oh, Dad. Let me get your nebulizer set up. Come sit down while I do.”
He brushed my hands away and tried to stand up straight but he immediately doubled over in another coughing fit.
I saw the frustration and pain in his eyes that he did his best to hide.
Between coughs, he let me lead him to the old kitchen table I’d thrifted years earlier.
He always bragged when his friends came over about how I’d found it for so cheap and refinished it to make it look brand new.
While I rushed to get his machine set up he coughed harder than I’d heard in a while and I felt like my own lungs were crushing in on themselves.
I was terrified of losing him, terrified of how much pain and anguish he’d be in if I couldn’t ever let him go.
He was a fighter and he’d fight to give me what I wanted just like he had my entire life.
Even if it meant he’d suffer for one more day, one more week.
I had tears in my eyes as he got the mask to his face and started breathing in the steroids. I sank to my knees next to him and rested my head on his knee the same way I had for over two decades. He ran his hand over my hair in the same tradition, comforting me even as his lungs tried to kill him.
We sat there like that until he’d breathed in all the vapors he could and set the mask down on the table. The hose would need to be cleaned out but I’d take care of it later. After Dad had fallen asleep and while I couldn’t sleep from worrying over him.
“One of these days you’re going to admit that you wait until I can’t talk to show up, knowing I have questions to ask you.” Dad smiled at me and patted the table to motion me up off the floor. “Sit with me, honey. Tell me how your interview went.”
Shame flooded me. Shame at what I’d done and shame at how I’d planned on backing out of the job because I didn’t want to face Dominic again.
Dad was dying and I’d been ready to turn away care for him because I was worried about what would happen to me if I gave in to whatever it was Dominic wanted from me.
How incredibly selfish of me. What did it matter what happened to me if Dad could get healthier?
“It was okay. He offered me the job. I’m going there in the morning to meet the kids.” I couldn’t meet his eyes but his energy was draining fast so I knew he wouldn’t notice. “I’m going to call Betty to come over tomorrow since I’ll be gone and have no clue about when I’ll be home.”
He was still awake enough to cut his eyes at me.
“I don’t need Betty to come over and sit with me. She annoys the shit out of me, Sutton.”
I hid a smile and stood.
“You like her. Don’t bother denying it. Now, come on. Let’s get you to bed. That way you can get your beauty rest and be well-rested for her.”
He mumbled something at me but when I asked him to repeat himself he wouldn’t.
He just winked at me and let me help him to bed.
Just like always, as soon as he was stretched out in his bed his eyes slid shut and he was out.
The medicine he was on kept him ready to sleep.
The only thing that would wake him up through the night was yet another coughing fit and that night held three more for him.
I hovered over him, watching his chest rise and fall, wondering just how much longer I had with him before his lungs just gave up.
The sun came up as I sat there, feeling like a piece of crap for even considering throwing away a chance to help Dad. It didn’t matter what I had to do. I was pretty sure I knew what that meant at Club Devil, but I’d face anything if it meant Dad would get better.
That was why I called Betty on the landline and had her come over early.
I showered and dressed in my normal uniform of an oversized t-shirt and skirt before most people were awake for the day.
It was a thirty-minute drive to the club and I spent the whole time driving with my fingers crossed that Dominic hadn’t changed his mind.
Maybe he’d expected me to return the favor last night? Maybe he thought I was weird or something and didn’t want me near his children. Maybe the offer to help Dad had been a time-sensitive one and I’d missed it.
I was in such a panic that I parked directly in front of the oversized front doors to the mansion and almost left the car running in my haste to get out.
There was no guard at the front door so I had to knock.
When no one answered I had the unhinged thought that they’d packed up and left, taking the club on the run so a prude like me wouldn’t ruin things for them.
I knocked harder and paced. What had I been thinking? Why hadn’t I begged them for the job the night before? Dad needed better care. I should’ve offered up anything and everything to get help.
I was going to throw up. I dry heaved once and looked up at the sky, doing my best to hold my panic inside. I didn’t think throwing up in their bushes would make them want to hire me.
Finally, I sank down on the steps and slumped over. Who needed good posture when I’d messed up so horribly?
“Well, hello there.”