Thirty-Nine
Thirty-Nine
HER
I yank open the door to the gym, completely pissed. I’m mad at Varius for having tortured me, then tricked me into accepting his proposal before I’m ready. I’m mad at myself for wanting to get married to him tomorrow. I’m mad and I’m happy and I’m mad that I’m happy and I’m just – Ugh! I’m all over the fucking place.
A sudden craving for mint ice cream hits me, and I turn towards the kitchen. I haven’t eaten much in the past week due to being too upset, but now all that hunger hits me with force. My stomach growling, I pass through the archway connecting the kitchen to the living room, then freeze.
Khalid’s girl is standing at the fridge, with her back to me as she looks inside.
We are alone.
My blood chills, my anger becoming cold.
Khalid is thousands of miles away, and he doesn’t have any alexandrite with him. He won’t be able to kill me before I can kill her. I might not have any magic anymore, but I am a trained assassin, and she is nothing more than a human.
I stalk up to her. My footsteps are utterly quiet. I toy with the idea of pulling out a knife as I get closer. It’ll only take one precise thrust to end her life. But I need to be smart about this. I need to make it look like an accident.
Humans trip over all the time... If her head connects just so with the counter, Khalid will suspect another traitor in the house, but he won’t know it’s me. I can grab her by her hair, yank her head back, and then slam her temple into the counter.
My fingers itch with the need to release my anger and jealousy out on her, but she turns before I make it halfway through the room. Dammit.
She jumps when she sees me, dropping the eggs she took out of the fridge. A sharp gasp leaves her, and I curse inside my head. Although I can still easily kill her with her facing me, if she struggles or screams at all, it’ll be a lot harder for me to make it look like an accident.
“Crap. Sorry. Let me clean this.” She rushes over to the sink to grab a sponge, then kneels down to clean up the mess. “But then do you want an omelette?” she asks with a small smile in my direction. “Sau isn’t cooking today as she is planning everything for the wedding, so I was going to make everyone some lunch –”
“Fuck you, you fucking whore,” I growl.
She pales, her entire body freezing.
I step towards her, fire burning inside my fingers. “Do you seriously think you get to talk to me after you fucked my husband?”
She flinches and ducks her head. “I’m sorry, but I could not leave Khalid to face Talon on his own.”
“He would’ve been fine. He’s the fucking reaper.”
Her head snaps up at that, and fierce anger burns in her eyes. “Fuck you,” she snaps. “Fuck everyone who thinks that of him. He is Khalid. He is more than just a weapon to be used. He deserves to know what it’s like to have people who love him.”
“Varius loves –”
“He makes him kill those he loves! He loves Talon. He loves all his brothers so fucking much, and his job is to kill them without mercy. He is not just a weapon to be used,” she repeats, agony in every word. “He is a person. He’s my person.”
Fuck. I hate how that gets to me. I still hate her and want to kill her, but I can understand where she is coming from. The bitch.
“You knew I loved him,” I snarl, holding on to my rage with both hands. I clench my fists.
“I know, and I’m sorry.” Steely determination fills her blue eyes. “But I couldn’t leave him on his own. He’s going to hurt so much after he kills Talon. I don’t want him to be alone or think he’s a monster.”
I clench my jaw, hating how I can see myself in her and Varius in Khalid. The both of us are fighting to make our monsters feel whole.
But there is a difference that only increases my jealousy. Her monster fights to protect her. Mine tortures me.
Turning from her, I snap, “Stay the fuck away from me.”
Then I spin back around, remembering I want ice cream. She scrambles out of the way as I yank open the fridge and take the whole pot with me. I stab a spoon into it and take a bite. I wrinkle my nose; it’s missing something.
Turning to the fridge, ignoring the whore standing in my peripheral, I rummage around until I find it. Grabbing the jar of pickles, I open it and pour a bit into the ice cream tub. I take a bite, nod in approval, then storm out of the room to go enjoy my lunch in peace.
“Hey, bitch.”
My eyes widen as I spin towards the hallway leading to the side door of the house.
Dayne is standing there with a smile on his face and a rucksack on his back. Running towards him, I leap into his outstretched arms. He catches me with a laugh even though I spill pickle juice all over him.
“I’m so glad you’re here,” I say into his neck.
“I almost wasn’t,” he says with a dry chuckle.
I pull back, knowing that tone. I glare at him as I check him over for wounds. I don’t see any, but he could be hiding some under his T-shirt and shorts. “Strip.”
“No.” He crosses his arms.
I roll my eyes. “Fine. Then what happened?”
“I got a hit called out on me while I was in Europe.”
“What! And you didn’t call?” I wince, realizing that he shouldn’t have had to. “Shit. I should’ve checked in on you.” I can feel him through the magical rune I tattooed on his skin; he used to be able to feel me through a matching rune I had on my hip, but Varius made me burn it off.
Concentrating on the bond between us, I notice that Dayne’s heart is beating slightly higher than normal. He’s still on edge. Fuck. How close did he come to dying?
“It’s fine –” he starts, seeing me frown.
“Yeah, because I saved your ass,” a guy says as he steps forward and slaps Dayne’s ass. My friend’s jaw locks as he spins out of range of the newcomer.
My eyes widen as I recognize him. “Torture guy?”
With a charming smile, the guy Dayne (and sometimes I) tortured, thinking he was working for my blackmailer, tips his black cowboy hat. “Name’s Quinton,” he says with a western drawl.
“What were you doing in Europe with him?” My eyes widen as I glance between them. “Oh my gods, are you two fu–”
“No,” Dayne says sharply. “Varius has had him watching me since we let him go. He escorted me back from France. That’s it.”
“Technically, I’ve been watching you since well before I got tortured,” he says as he shifts the two backpacks he has hanging off his shoulders. “Weren’t you in the same room with me for most of that time? Somewhere I could see you? Hmmm?”
Dayne turns his head to glare at him before looking back at me. “Do you see what shit I’ve had to deal with these past few days?”
I roll my lips in as the pain in my chest finally starts to ease. I might not have any magic still, but just being near my bestie is picking up my spirits. Laughing, I shake my head. “I reckon my shit can outdo your shit.”
Dayne snorts. “Nothing can beat the misery of being in Quinton’s company.”
“Hey!”
I grin. “So want something to eat or drink?” I ask. “How long was the drive? Where did you fly in?” I head for the kitchen, and I’m glad when Khalid’s girl isn’t in there. The urge to kill her, knowing my best friend would cover for me, would be way too tempting.
“Orlando,” Dayne says as he follows me. “And just an orange juice. We got lunch on the way.”
My eyebrows shooting up, I grab a knife from the block on the counter and spin around to face him. “Who are you, and what have you done to my friend?”
“Ha ha,” he says dryly.
I grin. “Seriously though. You feeling okay?”
He looks at me dryly. “You can’t drink while pregnant, so I’m giving it up in solidarity.
Awww. I love my bestie.
His eyes drop to my flat stomach. “Fuck. I thought you were further along,” he says warily.
A smile cracks through my anger and pain. I punch him in the shoulder. “I’m fourteen weeks. I just seem to be lucky enough to not have any symptoms.”
“You always were a lucky bitch.”
I shake my head and turn before he can see my smile fall. The last week hasn’t felt lucky at all.
After putting the knife back, I set the tub of ice cream down too, then reach up to get him a cup. I grab one of the custom photographic dick mugs, knowing he’d appreciate the humor. Quinton seems to have left us, no doubt to go check in with his Boss, so I only pour one drink.
I turn to find Dayne warily eying the counter splitting the room in two. “It’s a monster,” I say before I dig into my tub of ice cream and pickles.
“What?”
“Yeah, Sau trapped it in the wood when it was dying. So it’s like the bodyguard of the house.”
“That’s so fucking cool.”
Recalling she’s training monsters at the moment, I say, “If you’re really nice, she might let you help feed some.”
“What!?”
I laugh as I tell him about her preparations for the war. My stomach crawls as I remember why we need them in the first place. Antonio’s sneering face flashes in my mind, but I do my best to block him out. I want to enjoy my bestie’s company for a bit before I bring up all the shitty stuff.
Eventually, we move into the spare bedroom to talk more in private. He drops his bag on the bed. “So how are things between you and Varius?” Dayne asks coyly. The last time he and I talked, I told him I was in love with the Boss of the Shadow Domain.
Gods, that feels like forever ago.
“He is a fucking asshole,” I say as I cross my arms.
He raises a brow as he glances me over, but there are no injuries for him to see. All the damage is on the inside.
“How so?”
Shit. I can’t tell him Varius tortured me; if I do that, he will kill him while Khalid’s away, and that’s something he can absolutely pull off. Dayne might have been my spotter when we worked together, doing most of the admin rather than the killing, but that was only because I was shit at it, and one of us had to do the job.
“He fucked Khalid’s girl for a stupid blood bond ritual,” I grumble instead.
“The asshole,” he says immediately. “Want me to help hide their bodies?”
I grin. “I love you so much.”
“I love you too.” He pauses, then asks, “But seriously. Are we killing –”
“No. And don’t hit either of them for it either.” Khalid would kill him either way. “I can take care of my own shit.”
He frowns, then sighs. Then eventually promises after I wheedle him some more.
“So do you think you two can work past this then? Or do you want to run before the wedding tomorrow?”
I sigh as I flop down onto the bed beside him. As mad as I am at Varius right now, though, I’m not even tempted. I have too much tying me here. Lou is marrying in. He’s the father of my baby. And we’re bonded. If we don’t keep exchanging blood until the ritual is finished, it’ll kill me.
“I don’t know if I can ever forgive him,” I say truthfully, “but I can’t leave him either.”
“Our network –”
I shake my head. Our network is for hiding the children we pretend to assassinate. Those people aren’t being looked for. If there is one truth in this world, it is that Varius will tear this world apart looking for me.
And there is one other reason I won’t take Dayne’s offer.
“I still love the damn fool.”
Dayne looks at me softly. “Okay then. But if you ever change your mind, I’ll always have a bag packed.”
I grin as I turn on my side to look at him. “You’re the best.”
“I know.”
I stick my tongue out at him.
Then I sigh.
I’m going to have to tell him about the werewolf attack. We share everything, and it’ll be good to get the nightmares out of my head. Reaching over to him, I hold his hand as I go into all the gritty details about what Antonio did to me, including his promise to come back.
“Fuck,” Dayne says when I finish. “How are you?” He immediately shakes his head. “Dumb question. Shit, Micha. I’m sorry you went through that alone. If I’d still had the bond –”
“You’d be dead,” I cut in. “Antonio left me alive to fuck with Varius. He would’ve had no reason to keep you alive.”
“Still...” His gaze hardens. “I’m going to ask him to let me tattoo you again. If he wants to torture me to make sure I won’t break –”
“No,” I cut in, my heart hammering in my throat at the idea of Varius torturing my best friend. My hands tighten into fists. I remember the feel of that screw. He did that to me, someone he loved. What would he do to someone he’s jealous of? Dayne might be gay, but Varius doesn’t care. My best friend has a part of me he does not, and that is enough of make him feral.
“Micha –”
“No,” I say sharply. “I don’t want you feeling me if–” When, my brain corrects, remembering the wolf’s promise to me. I tremble. “If Antonio gets to me again.”
“That’s exactly why –”
“You won’t be able to stop him, Dayne,” I say softly, my heart in my throat. As much as I want to protect him from Varius’ jealousy, I also want to protect him from that. If he feels me die, he will kill himself trying to avenge me, and all I want is for him to be happy. “So tell me about you and Quinton,” I say with a false cheerfulness.
He stares at me for a moment, not wanting to change the subject. Then he sighs. “There’s nothing to tell,” he says.
“No? So you two haven’t fucked yet?”
His eyes narrow, but he doesn’t say no…
I laugh. I’m just about to tease him, but then I sit bolt upright as I remember what Quinton said when he first came in. He said it so jokingly though, that it didn’t really register until now. “Wait, did he really save you?”
He looks utterly annoyed. “Don’t tell him, but yeah. I got trapped between three shooters.”
I suck in a breath.
“But I probably would’ve figured a way out of it. I always do. Quinton just happened to be the easy option.” His eyes narrow. “In fact. I’m sure of it.” As he starts to go off about all the different ways he could’ve saved himself, I struggle to breathe.
I would’ve lost my best friend if it wasn’t for Varius.
He’s been watching over Dayne all this time...
For me?
“I need to go do something real quick,” I say, jumping to my feet.
He sits up. “Want me to come –”
“No. I’ll be right back.” I wave as I head for the door, but I don’t feel relaxed at all. All my nerves are fried, and they wind tighter and tighter as I make my way up to Varius’ office. I knock on the door. He doesn’t answer. I knock again. Still silence. Shifting on my feet, I call, “Varius?”
“Come in.”
I step inside. As I shut the door, he shuts his laptop, giving me his undivided attention.
I stand in front of his desk, confused by all the different things I’m feeling. But even if I mostly seem to hate him right now, he saved my friend. Dayne is like the other half of me. The brother I always yearned for. If I lost him, a large part of me would’ve died. So Varius saving him is like he saved me.
“Thank you for saving Dayne,” I say.
His eyes soften. “He matters to you, Micha, which means he matters to me. There are no thanks needed.”
“But you saved his life. I owe you –”
“You owe me nothing.”
“But –”
“You don’t owe debts for saving family.”
“But he’s not your family.”
“He’s yours, Micha. Which makes him mine.”
I look at the painting behind his desk as I swallow hard. Fuck. “Well...I guess, maybe, I will marry you then.”
A small smile tugs at his lips. “I would like that.”
I clear my throat, then nod. “But I’m still mad at you.”
“I know.”
I hike a thumb over my shoulder. “And I’m going back to talk shit about you to Dayne. So I’m going to get all riled up again over what you did.”
“I expected as much.”
“And you still brought him here?” I ask suspiciously.
“You needed him.”
My mouth drops open.
Fuck.
I really did, still do.
“I’m still mad at you,” I whisper.
“I know.”
Nodding, I turn and make my way back to Dayne.
But I leave a part of me in that office with the man I supposedly hate.