Chapter 10
A half hour later, Ulayna walks back into her bedroom with a satisfied grin on her face. That had been easier than she thought it would be. The man had turned out to be Mikhail—the one Ruger and Phoenix were betting over.
So much for being one of the top contenders for team placement, Ulayna thinks smugly. She’d barely lifted a finger, and he’d happily given her all the information she needed.
A venomous thought seeps into her mind. What if it was too easy?
Quickly thinking back over their conversation, Ulayna tries to pick up any hint that he might have been deceiving her.
He’d seemed reluctant to talk to her at first. He’d acted almost as if he were frustrated with her behavior, rather than ensnared by her spell. At the beginning, he’d acted like he was completely impervious to her charms, but then he’d answered her questions.
Why? The thought nags at the back of her mind.
Had he really fallen for her charms that easily? Or was something else going on? If she hadn’t manipulated him into giving up the information, why would he have told her where Hawk’s room is and the best access points? Could he have been trying to betray her?
She shakes her head. That doesn’t make any sense. What would he stand to gain from giving her the information on Hawk? The only thing she can think of is that he’d given her the information, hoping she’d either make a fool of herself or get hurt.
Again, she replays the conversation in her mind. His deep voice, sounding so much like the Russian men from her past, had slithered along her skin, and she’d had to force herself not to react to it. Vaguely, she wonders why his Russian accent hasn’t faded or softened like the rest of Alexi’s men.
She can’t put her finger on it, but something definitely seems off with Mikhail.
She shakes her head and brushes her worries aside. She must be imagining things. All her training must be making her see threats where none exist. She played her part well, she reassures herself. That’s why he gave her the information she needed, not because of some nefarious plan.
Yes, she’d have to be careful around him from now on.
Even Alexi admitted he didn’t know which of his men he could fully trust yet.
But she’d gotten what she wanted. And she’d proven to herself that she could be desirable, that she could use her body and her “womanly wiles,” as Phoenix called it, as a tool.
That thought is like the tone of a gong resonating through her.
It shakes her loose and wakes her up somehow.
With an epiphany, she realizes that her body doesn’t have to be a curse.
Yes, men had coveted her body in the past and used it shamelessly for their own depraved pleasures. But now she can use it against them.
And she’s not going to hide her body anymore, she decides. She likes how she looks and how she feels powerful in her own skin. No more baggy sweaters to try to hide her curves. As Phoenix and Hadley both suggested, she’s finally willing to embrace her sensuality.
And if she can do that, maybe, just maybe, she’s ready to take the next step, too. Because if she wants to fully reclaim her body and wash away what was done to her in the Program, she needs to have sex. On her terms. No one else's.
She needs to know what it’s like to pick a man and use him to find her own pleasure.
A thrill of power and need washes over her. Yes, she might finally be ready for that. And she knows exactly the man she wants. She might still be pissed at Alexi for the way he was behaving earlier, but that doesn’t mean she’s not still attracted to him.
Full of restless energy, Ulayna hops up from where she’s been sitting on her bed and heads into the bathroom to shower. This feeling of desire, so new and thrilling, has her skin feeling too tight and sensitive. Hopefully, a long, hot shower will help.
She sets her gun on the counter and starts shedding her clothes. As has become her habit, she flicks on the little speaker next to the sink and selects an upbeat pop station from her phone. Yet another simple joy of life that she finally gets to have.
When music fills the small space, she smiles and tries to rid herself of that small kernel of doubt leftover from her interaction with Mikhail. She steps into the shower, singing along to the music.
As she massages shampoo into her hair, she decides it doesn’t matter whether Mikhail was playing her or had his own nefarious reasons for giving her the information. She got the information she needed to finally get that damn ring from Hawk.
Yes, she’ll have to be more careful to avoid a trap.
But she can do that. She can plan her attack on Hawk with contingencies in place.
Plus, she knows that Hawk would never actually hurt her.
These little games she’s been playing with the team have been great for her training, but she’s never been seriously injured.
She smiles ruefully.
Though she’s been handed her ass a few times in the sparring ring, there’s no real threat to her here. Alexi’s compound is locked down tight. There’s no way anyone could get inside.
Reassured, she finishes her shower and steps out. Steam billows around her as she grabs a fluffy towel off the rack and wraps it around her, tucking the ends under her arms.
When a favorite song comes on, she turns the volume up and sings along. Grabbing a second towel off the rack, she flips her head over and runs it through her long, damp hair. Securing the towel around her hair with a few twists, she stands up.
She grabs the portable speaker like it’s a microphone and dances in front of the mirror.
Simple joy radiates through her. Was it really less than a year ago that she was held captive in the Program and subject to the whims of cruel, evil men?
Back then, she never could have imagined something as wonderful as enjoying a hot shower and listening to pop music.
No matter what happens in the future, she’ll never take this for granted.
And she’ll never stop loving Alexi for giving it to her.
She sucks in a startled breath at her own thoughts. Love? In the mirror, her eyes go wide with shock.
No, she can’t possibly love him. She can’t have somehow moved from caring about him to loving him, right?
Gratitude, respect, even attraction, sure. Of course she feels those things for him. But not love. She has no idea how to love because no one has ever loved her.
At that thought, a darkness threatens to swamp her, stealing the joy she felt just seconds ago. But she fights it. She fights for that joy and takes a deep, calming breath.
So what if she’s never been loved? That doesn’t mean she’s not capable of giving love to others.
She won’t let fear of the unknown take that from her.
If she’s falling in love with Alexi, then so be it.
She can’t think of a man more worthy to give her heart to.
Despite his moment of assholery this morning, she knows that’s not him.
His protective instincts got the better of him, and she knows that he’ll see reason and let her continue training.
She knows that because she knows him. He’s the ruthless leader of the Bratva, but he’s also a good man.
The world isn’t black and white. She’s lived in the shades of gray her entire life, watching politicians, businessmen, and supposed pillars of the community present the face of goodness to the world—while playing out their most insidious fantasies behind closed doors.
That’s not Alexi. His instinct isn’t to harm or to use. It’s to protect.
She takes a deep breath, with a hand pressed to her quivering belly, and stares at herself in the mirror. As the panic recedes, she lets hope and joy filter back in.
She’s in love with Alexi! A smile breaks out on her face as she embraces the possibility.
But when there’s a sudden noise from her bedroom, her smile vanishes, replaced by anger in a heartbeat.
She goes on high alert.
She’s furious. She told Shade her room was off-limits! If he’s trying to break in again, she really might shoot him this time.
She narrows her eyes, but sings along to the music as if she didn’t hear him. Quickly, she sets the speaker back down on the counter and picks up her gun instead.
With silent steps, she walks to the bathroom door. She waits a few seconds, trying to pick out any further noise from the other room. She flings the door open and steps out, gun raised.
Her intruder whirls around to face her.
“Alexi!” She gasps in surprise and quickly lowers her gun. “What are you doing in here?”
He dips his chin and stares at her for a beat too long, his brows scrunched together in an unreadable expression.
She flushes from head to toe, realizing her mistake in calling him by his given name. “Pakhan,” she says, correcting herself.
In Russian culture, and especially in the Bratva, using his given name is incredibly informal and could easily be seen as an insult.
The use of the Pakhan’s given name should be reserved for family, close friends, and…
lovers. Even his team doesn’t call him Alexi to his face. They simply refer to him as boss.
Despite her growing feelings for him, she knows better than to use his given name. He’d once told her to call him Alexi, but she’d assumed it was a test. She’s not sure how he’ll react to her use of it now.
She swallows nervously before remembering that she’s still mad at him for what he said this morning.
She clutches the towel tighter around herself and lifts her chin slightly in defiance.
Alexi huffs out a short laugh and sits down on her bed. He plants his forearms on his thighs and drops his head.
Ulayna stands there awkwardly, waiting for him to say something. The towel on her head comes loose and starts to fall. Annoyed, she yanks it off and tosses it to the floor, letting her wet hair spill around her shoulders.
Alexi tips his head up, arms still braced on his thighs, and regards her.
She struggles not to squirm under his unreadable stare.
The look goes on and on. He holds her gaze with his, unwavering, not giving anything away. She refuses to be the first one to look away, but she’s all too aware that she’s standing before him in nothing but a towel.
Her blood heats and thickens. Goose bumps break out across her skin, and her nipples pebble. But she still doesn’t look away.
Alexi’s face remains stoic, but in a thick voice, he says, “I owe you an apology.”
She drops her jaw open in shock, but then recovers quickly and schools her face into a mask of indifference. “For what?” she asks.
“For trying to control you,” he says simply, his voice flat. “For trying to take away your freedom of choice.”
She nods, unable to speak as emotions riot through her.
“Tell me one thing you want, Ulayna,” he demands. It’s the same thing he says every evening they have dinner together when she tells him one thing she wants to do the next day.
Body thrumming like a live wire, she carefully sets her gun down on the vanity table next to her, then turns back to face him. She takes a cautious step toward him.
“I want…” She bites her lip and summons all her courage. “I want you to admit that I’m not a child. I want you to admit that you see me as more than that.” She drops the towel at her feet.
Alexi’s breath whooshes out of him in a flurry, but he holds perfectly still. The hard expression on his face remains unreadable.
Ulayna takes another two steps toward him until she’s standing right in front of him. “I want you to tell me what you see when you look at me,” she says.
A pained expression washes over Alexi’s face. “I can’t,” he groans and closes his eyes.
“Look at me,” Ulayna demands.
Alexi’s jaw clenches tight, and his shoulders tremble as if he’s under great strain.
Ulayna begs. “Please, I need you to look at me.”
His eyes pop open, and she sucks in a startled breath when she sees the fire there.
His eyes burn as they rake over her body.
Like living tendrils of flame, she can feel the heat of his stare as he looks at her.
Across her shoulders, down the slim column of her throat, over her breasts, and down to the apex of her thighs, his gaze scorches her.
Slowly, his hand reaches for her. She holds her breath as his calloused palm lands on her hip.
Gently but firmly, he pulls her forward until she stands between his spread knees.
His hand skims down her side to caress her butt cheek. His other hand comes to her waist, his thumb just below her breast.
A sound forces its way past his lips like he’s in pain.
He locks eyes with hers, that burning stare still searing her from the inside out, as he slowly lowers his head to her breast.
She watches, entranced, as his tongue flicks across her tight nipple. She sucks in a shocked breath at the sensation, and heat pools low in her belly.
Eyes never leaving hers, he pushes her breast up to his greedy mouth and sucks her nipple inside.
He bites and nibbles and licks it with abandon, and she can only stare as her world realigns itself.
There’s nothing but the erotic sensations pulsing through her blood.
He’s barely touched her, and she feels like she could explode into a thousand embers of heat and passion.
His hand on her ass circles around and dips lower. And when his fingers brush her sex, her head falls back.
“Alexi.” His name slips across her lips like a prayer.
Alexi freezes for a heartbeat before shoving her away from him.
“Fuck!” he roars before marching to the door of her bedroom. He shoves his way through it and slams it shut behind him, the echoes of his frustrated yell still reverberating around the room.
Shivering and panting, Ulayna tries to make sense of what just happened. She was in the middle of the most erotic moment of her life, and he just… left?
He’d shoved her away and left. But why? Was it because she used his name? She hadn’t meant to say it. But she’d been out of her mind, lost to the sensations of his hands and mouth on her, and it had slipped out.
She can still feel the ghost of his touch. Her blood continues to hum with desire.
“Well, that didn’t go as planned,” she says ruefully to the empty room around her.
But a huge grin spreads across her face. That may not have played out the way she thought it would, but one thing is very, very clear—Alexi definitely doesn’t see her as a child.