12. Amber
12
AMBER
Heat.
Scorching heat.
That’s what I feel running through my body. I haven’t felt that way for… well, I’ve never felt that way. The shock and immobility I felt surrendering to the moment like that? It was like an epiphany.
I’ve never taken charge in my life; I never make the first move. It wasn’t planned, more like a spur of the moment thing. I intended for the kiss to be a quick peck; mainly to keep the crowd happy, and so the kiss-cam would move on. But then things took a drastic turn.
The scene was set: Bronco looking and smelling like a dream, our mouths colliding in a kiss so sweet and sincere, I felt it all the way down to my toes. There was no tongue, but there didn’t need to be; his soft lips were enough. And that scruff? Oh, boy, did I imagine his mouth somewhere else, not that I would even know what that’s like because no guy has ever gone down on me. I’ve only read about it in romance books. That, along with using my imagination, has had to suffice for the last few years. The kiss wasn’t longer than a few seconds, but it left me hungry and desperate for more. I wanted Bronco’s rough hands on me. All over me.
When he said that whole thing about sex complicating things, I know he’s right. But a spark lit inside me at the idea of us sharing a bed. I imagine what sex with him would be like, and I’ve no doubt he’d be good at it. Him and all of his nine inches. That surely has to be him just bragging, either that or he truly is gifted.
We leave the arena and take a detour because part of the main highway is closed off due to an accident.
Wrapping my arms around him doesn’t help, in fact, it only makes my libido that much worse, and with the rumbling of the straight pipes underneath me? Kill me now! This is gonna be torture.
I try not to take in his big, strong body, and the subtle scent of his faded cologne; it’s not like I could forget that woodsy aroma; I think it’ll be ingrained into my brain for the rest of time.
When he kissed me back… goddamn, that was magic. My heart rate quickened like I couldn’t breathe. With my eyes squeezed shut, I let my hair down and enjoyed every single second of Bronco’s sexy mouth. It took me places I thought had been long abandoned. I’ve kissed other guys, albeit not many because the emotional scars from Vince mean that I can’t form any kind of lasting relationship, nor would I probably want to. But with Bronco? He’s safe. He’s like home. That’s what it is. I feel safe in his arms; I know he won’t let me down, or expect anything, or hurt me. He lets me be myself.
I contemplate all these crazy thoughts as we speed through the city and back to my apartment. When Bronco pulls up outside my building, he doesn’t kill the engine. A flood of disappointment runs through me that he doesn’t want to stay, or even talk about it, or the kiss.
Maybe it’s just me. He’s kissed way more people than I have. What if I’m just not that good at it? Then again, he did show me his giant wood… My skin prickles at the very idea and I groan out loud, biting on my lip, needing to squeeze my legs together, but I can’t. Instead, I unfasten my helmet, anything to spend another minute with him.
“It’s late, I should get goin’,” he says as I climb off.
“Bronco, I think we need to talk about the kiss,” I say bravely.
He piques an eyebrow. “Here I was thinkin’ I was the only over-thinker around here.”
I note the challenge in his tone and smile. “If you wanted to come in, that would be okay.”
He scratches his chin, his bandana pulled down to his neck. He looks good enough to eat, seriously. But I fear I sound needy, and I hate myself for it.
“I probably should take off. I’ve gotta take the long route home with the highway backed up.”
“You could stay here,” I blurt. Oh, God, I didn’t even mean it like that, but now I sound desperate! “I meant, on the couch, if you want?” It isn’t like he hasn’t slept on my couch before. Usually it’s when he’s a little drunk, and doesn’t want to drive. Still, we hadn’t just kissed when that happened, and all the feelings I’m now having weren’t swirling around in my head like a runaway freight train.
“I don’t wanna impose.”
I roll my eyes. “So now you’re a big shot because I kissed you?”
Relief engulfs me when he kills the engine. “My head is pretty big; I just hope everyone at the clubhouse saw it on TV.”
“You mean Cupcake? I think Cherry was also checking you out not so long ago.”
“I don’t care about them.” His words are soft as I swallow hard and hand him back the helmet.
Don’t come up. Don’t come up. But it’s too late, I already asked him, and by the way he’s now swinging his leg over the motorcycle, it didn’t take too much convincing.
“I just don’t want things to be weird.”
“Zero weirdness,” he says, taking the foam fingers I wanted to bring home off me, brushing a lock of my hair off my shoulder. His fingers still. “Ah, shit .”
I chuckle. “So I think we failed our fake date, don’t you?”
His eyes meet mine. “I think we could do better at fakin’ it, but you puttin’ your mouth on me wasn’t part of the plan.”
“Come inside, I can make us hot chocolate.”
“You know how to seduce me,” he laughs, swiping one hand through his hair as I feel his other hand on the small of my back, escorting me off the sidewalk.
Awkward silence ensues as we walk toward my building, and I let us in. Of course, the apartment is quiet; just as I left it. I switch on the main light as we head through to the kitchen. I place the foam fingers down on the bench and discard my bag as Bronco follows silently behind me.
“Cat got your tongue?” I can’t hide my smirk. I wickedly like the idea that he’s become a little unglued since I planted one on him. I wonder if he’s feeling the same thing as me, but won’t admit it.
“I didn’t wanna make you feel uncomfortable tellin’ you what Nevada said,” he says out of nowhere, surprising me.
My back to him, grabbing the milk out of the fridge, I take a breath. “I mean, he’s got it all wrong. I agree with you; sex complicates things, and let’s face it, has anyone you know successfully been fuck buddies and made it work without someone getting hurt in the process?”
He shakes his head. “No such thing.”
“So leaving it alone is probably the right thing to do.” Uh, what? My libido is not a happy camper right now, but I feel like he wants to be let off the hook. For the first time since I’ve known him, Bronco looks uncomfortable.
“Exactly.” The words are like poison because I don’t believe a word of it.
I shouldn’t have kissed him! Then I’d be none the wiser to how freaking amazing his mouth feels. Imagining his hands on me? That is pure torture.
Shit, shit, shit! When did I begin crushing big time on my best friend?
Then again, he did bring up the whole fuck buddy subject, not that I like that term, but I guess it describes the situation perfectly. Not that I’ll ever get to find out.
“One person may feel something the other one doesn’t, then things get weird,” he says, the final nail in the coffin. Meaning, me?
He stares at me as I avoid his gaze, busying myself at the coffee machine as I froth the milk. Thank God I have this as a distraction, otherwise, I may very well just will the ground to swallow me whole. I try not to notice every single inch of him, but that’s a little hard. He’s so fucking sexy standing there in his sweats, his cap back on, and he has this kinda lost puppy look about him. It’s making my insides turn to jelly.
“And you’re totally right. When feelings come into play, things can get weird,” I prattle on. You also don’t want to be the one being rejected . “We’d get deeper into it, and one of us would probably want out, or we’d meet someone else and then complicate things even more. One-night hook ups rarely work, not if you’re friends.”
“Sounds like you’ve put some thought into it.”
“Well, like you said before, how many couples remain friends after they’ve had sex? Not many, I’ll bet.”
He doesn’t say anything, but he’s also not smiling like his usual self. He’s just watching me carefully. I didn’t know kissing him would throw us this off course.
Eventually he speaks. “You’re right on all counts, which rests my case, and the whole reason why I told Nevada the exact same thing.”
“Or.” I swallow hard. I just can’t seem to shut the hell up. Without thinking, I power on. “We could just do it and have no feelings, no emotions, just enjoy the sex.”
It’s a bold statement, one I’m not sure that I mean in its entirety.
Even though he hasn’t moved a muscle, I know something between us has changed. He just won’t admit it.
“No feelings or emotions?”
I know it sounds cold, but it’s pretty much a regurgitation of what he already said, and a part of me needs to know if he’s just wanting a way out. Maybe the kiss threw him off? If that’s the case, then it’s pretty pathetic. I’m a big girl, I can take the truth.
“Yeah, I mean, we care about each other, but it’s not like I’m asking you to marry me in the morning.” Oh, no. I’m babbling. I sound like a desperate, pathetic, horny chick who is too scared to ask her best friend to bone her. And maybe I am. I don’t want things to change between us, but I feel the desire deep within me to know what it would be like to be in his arms for one night. “It’d be one night, theoretically.”
“Just sex?” He takes a seat at the counter.
“Yep.” I pop the ‘p’, getting a little annoyed, truth be told. Okay, I get the idea he wants no strings attached, but I thought he’d have a few more words.
“Huh.”
Embarrassment floods through me. “Clearly by the look on your face, and your body language, I’ve just poured cold water on the fire.” I’m assuming there was fire, but maybe I imagined that, too?
“It’s not that?—”
“Then what is it?” I continue to make the hot chocolates, the humiliation point is fast approaching. I’ve made the wrong decision. I’m such an idiot for propositioning him like that.
“It’s like you said; it could ruin what we have.” His voice is low, defeated, and that just highlights how dumb this entire thing was to begin with.
“Okay, I get it, you don’t want to. It’s fine, Bronc.”
His eyes darken somehow when I slide his drink over to him. I stand still in my tracks, trying to gauge where this is going. “It isn’t that I don’t want to.” Wow. Just wow.
“But you’re a man,” I finish for him. “Apparently the only one who doesn’t think with his dick, because that’s how all other men think, right?”
“So, you want me to think with my dick, Princess? Is that it? Cause I can do that without even blinkin’.”
“That’s not what I meant, and here we are fighting about it already. Case in point.”
I don’t know what’s going on, or why he’s looking at me like that, but I choose to remove myself from any more humiliation tonight.
“We’re not fightin’. We’re discussin’.”
I take a slow inhale of breath. “I’m tired, it’s late.” I’m far from tired, but I can’t stand here in front of him looking this desperate. Screw me for being honest. I guess he’s proved my point with 100% accuracy: men and women can’t be friends and be intimate.
I walk down the hall to the laundry cupboard and pull out a blanket and a spare pillow, and he just watches me the entire time. I’ve never known Bronco to be this quiet, and I’m not sure I like it. “I’ll see you in the morning.” My words almost shatter on the last word, but I somehow manage to keep it together.
“Amber—”
“Thank you, I had a great time tonight.” I don’t wait for him to say anything more. Instead, I take off with my hot chocolate to hide in my bedroom until the end of time.
“Wait—”
“Tomorrow,” I say without turning back. “We can talk about it tomorrow.”
Did we just have our first real fight?
It’s late and I can’t sleep. Usually, I’d put myself to sleep with my vibrator, but that isn’t an option with Bronco in the house… or is it? I’m aching; my heart rate hasn’t calmed down since the kiss, then me wrapping my arms around him as we rode back to my apartment on his sled. I heard him walking around the living room, and I almost thought he was going to leave, but he didn’t. He’s out there on the couch, and I’m in here telling myself what a loser I am. How did I get the signals so wrong?
I listen closely, but I don’t hear any sound. In any case, he’s not right next to my bedroom, and it’s my house. If I want to get off in my own bed, then I will. I’m not gonna be loud or anything, and my bullet will literally take a few minutes… then I can sleep.
I fumble around in the dark, my hand reaching into the side table until I find the small but powerful bullet. I press the top button and it springs to life silently.
I press the flat, round edge to my clit and work in circles, careful to not move too much in case the bed creaks… and nothing happens. I keep going, trying to focus, but my mind keeps wandering. Another minute goes by, and while it feels great, I can’t get over the edge as much as I try. I persist, closing my eyes, letting the bullet work its magic… except it doesn’t. It’s not working.
I sigh out loud, huffing as I switch the thing off, my clit pulsing and my pussy slick as I lay an arm over my eyes. This fucking sucks.
I flip the covers off to go use the bathroom and grab some water. This is insanity! Now my vibrator won’t work because my mind is playing tricks on me?
I also hate the idea that we went to bed on a sour note. I felt as if I were putting myself out there, and he just sat there like a goldfish; mouth gaping, eyes wide. I didn’t realize that kissing me would leave such a bad taste in his mouth. Rejected and humiliated, I creep out of my room to the shared bathroom. Checking the coast is clear, I tiptoe across the hallway, pee, and wash my hands. I take a few calming breaths, annoyed, frustrated, and clammy from the heat surging through me. Stepping out, I shriek when I run into a brick wall in the hallway; Bronco yelping just as much as I do. I place my hand on my heart, step back and try to calm myself.
“Bronc! You scared the shit out of me!”
“You scared the shit out of me!” he fires back. Even in the dark, I can see his chest rising and falling rapidly — and my eyes stay on his chest. Holy fuck balls. Okay, I’ve seen him without a shirt plenty of times, but as my gaze lowers, I’ve never seen him in just his underwear.
There’s a considerable bulge at the front of his white boxer briefs, and my eyes snap back up quickly.
“I was trying to find the toilet,” he says, waving a hand. “My phone is lost down the back of the couch, and I didn’t want to turn a light on to disturb you.”
“That’s big of you!” I fold my arms across my chest, adding dramatically, “Well, it’s all yours.”
I go to stomp off, but his hand finds my elbow and he pulls me back. “Don’t go to bed mad,” he says.
“Well, you were being a jerk.”
“I didn’t mean to. I just got to thinkin’ about what you said—” He runs one hand through his hair, and I cannot keep my eyes in my head. His body is so damn fine, rippling muscles and that deep V at the hem of his briefs with a dark smattering of hair…. Focus! You’re mad at him.
“Hard to have a conversation when you keep lookin’ at my dick.”
I narrow my eyes. “You should be so lucky! As if I’d even be interested in—” I’m cut off with his next move; walking me backward until my back hits the wall and he’s caging me in. Then he dips his head and his mouth is on mine. A small squeak leaves my throat as I give into his kiss. Holy shit… He feels so good, smells so good. It’s maddening. I reach up, stroking my hands up his arms, feeling his muscles as he groans low and huskily.
“I thought you weren’t affected by me,” I pant when I pull away.
“You’re mistaken if that’s what you really think.” His low rumble sends shivers all the way down my spine, and right between my legs.
“So why didn’t you say something earlier? You left me hanging.”
“I was tryin’ to hold back, to not ruin things between us. I care about you, and if we go there, things will inevitably change forever.”
“Did you want the kiss?” I can barely get the words out. “Or did I fuck up?”
He braces one palm against the wall next to my head. “You’ve no idea how much I wanted it.”
I don’t care what he says, I don’t want him to stop. “So prove it.”
He cups one side of my face. “You’ve got a mouth on you.”
“Don’t I know it.”
His mouth crashes to mine once more and this time, the moan sounds feral. His mouth is perfect; soft, sweet and sexy, all rolled into one. His tongue finds mine and I feel it deep in my core. My nipples pebble and he lowers one hand from my face to cup my breast.
My breath hitches as he sucks in air. “You feel so perfect, Princess.”
I squeeze his biceps, unable to keep my hands off him. “So do you.”
“Whatever happens, we’re always gonna be best friends, you have to promise.” He stares at me, and even in the dull light, I see the earnest way his eyes twinkle.
“I promise,” I whisper. “Always. It’s just sex.”
He crashes his mouth hungrily, pushing his body flush against mine, and that’s when I feel the steel rod pressing into my stomach. So, he really does have a nine inch cock.
“These tiny little sleep shorts,” he says in between kisses. “And this tiny little tank top? If you’re tryin’ to give me a fuckin’ heart attack, you’re goin’ the right way about it.”
We’re all hands as he lifts me, and I wrap my legs around his waist, his cock digging into me as I clutch onto him for dear life. “Yes, Bronco,” I cry when he kisses my neck roughly. “Right there.”
He’s heading for my bedroom, and when he bounces me on the bed, I know there’s no going back now. I want this. I want this more than anything.
He stares at me from his standing point, and I sit up, pressing my hands into the mattress. “Come here,” I coax. “I want you, Bronco. I want all of you.”
He presses one knee to the bed, and it dips as his eyes find mine. I know that after tonight, we will be irrevocably changed forever, and I’m okay with that.
Right now, I just want to feel his body wrapped around mine. I just want to be enveloped in his warmth, his safety, his love. Even if it’s on a friendship level. Isn’t that better than with some guy I don’t really care about?
“Remember what I said about vanilla?” he whispers. His voice is so low and sexy, I can’t even form words. I just nod. “I lied.”
He crawls over the top of me, and my breathing is so ragged, I can barely contain it.
I’m about to have sex with my best friend. This is a big deal.
Don’t overthink it. Enjoy it. Enjoy him.
His mouth finds mine, and it drowns out any doubt I ever had about fucking my best friend.