Chapter 34
I was in the seventh circle of hell. It had been five hours since I’d lost sight of Tatiana. She had been hanging onto life by the thinnest of hairs as she was rushed into surgery.
When I’d come to, Max and Thad were working on her injuries and Declan was performing CPR.
If she pulled through, it would be because of them.
And Tex. Not me. I’d laid there passed out while my woman was bleeding out, slowly dying, as she protected me.
Max, Thad, and Declan had saved her life for obvious reasons, and Tex because he’d been watching the area using drone footage and saw the attack.
He was able to call in backup and a medivac.
If it weren’t for him, she would’ve died right there on the floor of that fucking house.
With me watching, too stunned to do a goddamn thing.
“It’s Tex,” Declan announced, holding his phone out.
We had the small waiting room at the North Armed Forces Trauma Center all to ourselves. The food Kyle had gone out to get remained untouched on the small table. The team was surviving on coffee and energy drinks.
“Go ahead. You’re on speaker.”
“First, I wanted to tell you I dialed into the hospital’s database.
There're no updates, but I’ll keep checking.
” That was a nice way of saying he’d hacked into the hospital records.
“There’s a Delta team ready and waiting for my go-ahead.
Shit time to ask, but I have to know. Should I give Ghost the green light or are you going back in? ”
His question was a punch to the gut. Another reminder we’d failed our mission.
Al Issa was still breathing, even if the small army he’d sent to take us out weren’t.
I’d never forgive myself for letting my team down.
While they’d been battling for their lives, I was of no help.
Truth be told, I was the weak link. I could’ve gotten them all killed.
Tatiana had covered the rear of the building, only finally laying her gun down when the last man was dead.
The team had told me when they came into the hallway, she was standing over me; sheet white, panting, arm shaking, holding her AR. But she’d not given up. It wasn’t until Declan told her they were clear that she had dropped. Literally, like a ton of bricks, she just collapsed.
She was a motherfucking warrior queen. A hero. And I hated myself that she’d had to be one because my pansy ass was asleep.
Fuck.
Now another team was on standby to finish a job we should have completed. No, Tatiana should have the pleasure of doing. She deserved the honor of removing Al Issa from the face of the earth. He’d wronged her.
But she’d never get that option.
“Send in Ghost’s team,” Declan instructed Tex.
“What?” I turned from the window I’d been mindlessly staring out to face Dec.
“This is ours,” I reminded him. Suddenly an irrational thirst for blood rose up. The need to maim and kill was overwhelming.
“Being here is more important. Tatiana is more important.”
“Taking out the man who put her here is important,” I returned.
Declan leveled me with a stare that could only be described as demonic. It looked like the devil himself had graced us with his presence.
“Al Issa will be put down like the pig he is. It just won’t be us who sends him to hell.
You’re needed here, we all are. I’m not leaving my teammate, not even to avenge her.
You feel like you gotta be the one to take him out, I won’t stop you.
I’m sure Ghost would have no problem with you joining him and his team.
But I’m gonna warn you right now, that fire you feel in your belly, that desire to kill for pleasure is a dangerous path to go down.
It’s a stain that never goes away. You have two options, but there is only one right choice. ”
“I already got hashmarks on my soul. What’s?—”
“Bullshit. Don’t dishonor what we do. We protect.
We serve. We are selfless, not self-fulfilling.
You go out there right now and take him out, it will be for one reason only.
And it will not be for the betterment of humanity.
That’s all we have, brother. In our line of work, we take the hashmarks but we do so with a clear mind and a clear heart.
Morally sound. Once you take that shot in hate, you’re no better than them.
” Declan stopped and took a deep breath and shared.
“I know because I live with it every day.”
That was the most personal information Declan had ever shared.
I stood eyeing my friend and wondered what he’d been through, and if I could live with myself if I wasn’t the one to dole out retribution.
But the one thing I did know was, if Tatiana woke up and I wasn’t here with her, that would be unforgivable.
She’d sacrificed herself to keep me safe. My place was by her side.
“Send in Ghost,” I told Tex.
“Good call. I’ll let them know and keep you updated.”
“Thanks.” Declan’s voice was still gruff. He was locked away in some memory I was sure he wished he could forget.
“And, Brooks?”
“Yeah?”
“There’s one thing I know about Tatiana Jones. She’s as tough as they come. She’s gonna pull through this. I’m just sorry I couldn’t get anyone there faster.”
“You saved her life. The guys were keepin’ her breathin’ the best they could but she was gone when the medevac got there.
Dec couldn’t get her back. Not without the AED.
If she lives through this, it will be because you were watching.
Thanks isn’t enough.” I was barely choking out the words, remembering Declan trying to get her heart to beat.
“Never need to thank me for having your back. I gotta make some calls. Out.”
Tex disconnected and silence ensued. What was I going to do if Tatiana didn’t make it?
It was hard to believe I’d only met her the month before.
It was like my life before had never mattered.
I was happy, going through the motions, but I’d never known love.
What it was to love and be loved. I wouldn’t survive if she didn’t make it.
“She’s gonna?—”
“Don’t say it.” I cut off Kyle. “You heard the doctor. She’s lost too much blood. He said to be prepared for the worst case.”
“Yeah, the man had no bedside manner whatsoever. He also said he’d seen worse and had been successful. You, me, and Thad gave blood, she has enough. You can’t give up.”
Giving up wasn’t in my DNA. It wasn’t who I was. I’d never quit anything in my life. The last thing I would ever do was quit Tatiana. But I was fast running out of hope.