Chapter 6
GARRETT
“I’m ready. More than ready.” Aidyn pulls off his tie, rolls it up, and stuffs it in his pocket.
Uncertainty skitters down my spine. Where is my fury from a moment ago?
I’d cultivated that anger while I waited for him, and then he’d returned freshly showered.
His skin pink. His hair damp. Gorgeous. And unattainable.
And then he ignored me.
“Is this what you want, Garrett?” He unbuttons the top button on his shirt, and my throat goes dry at the thought of how much I want him. “You’ve been itching to do it for years. Now’s your chance.”
“What…? What are you doing?” I can’t process his words. His actions. Is he undressing? I swallow, fighting the desire and nausea as I clasp my hands at my side.
“I’m not ruining another shirt by getting blood on it.”
Relief surges through me, wrapped in disappointment.
Of course. This fucker wants to fight. Slamming my fist into his face sounds like a fantastic idea.
He’s down to the third button, and red chest hair peeks out from the neckline of his undershirt, taunting me.
Fuck. Years of frustration—wanting something I can’t have.
Hating myself and him in the process. Wanting to hurt him.
Get his attention. Break through the wall between us—it boils over, and I move without thinking.
Unable to stop as I slam him into the fridge, grab the edges of his shirt, and rip it open.
Buttons ping around the room, and he stares at me as if I’ve gone crazy. His eyes flash with something else.
Hunger.
That’s what I respond to. Damn the consequences. I yank him closer and slam our mouths together. The kiss is hard. Punishing. Unyielding. Daring him to push me away.
He doesn’t. Thank fuck.
Aidyn devours my mouth, and a warning flashes in the back of my mind: you can’t recover from this.
But future me can fuck off. I want this.
All of this. Aidyn’s mouth as he kisses me.
His sexy grunt as he grabs my arms and takes control.
He spins us around and presses me against the fridge, his body hard against mine.
I gasp, and he chases it with his mouth.
His tongue. Licking inside until we’re kissing and sucking and biting.
I’ve kissed plenty of men. But none like this. “Aidyn, I—”
“No. Fuck no. You started this.” He growls his words, and fuck, that has me harder than anything we’ve done so far.
He sandwiches my face in his large hands and kisses me deeply until I’m lost. So fucking lost. I’d know the scent of him anywhere, and now it surrounds me.
I’ve dreamed of this moment—never believing it would happen—but the details were missing.
The rapid beating of his heart under my fingertips.
The lost look in his eyes. The scrape of his beard against my face.
The whimper—fuck the whimper—as he grinds his cock against mine.
When he pulls away, I chase his mouth, afraid to let this end. What if he rejects me? Pushes me away? His hands tighten on my face as he searches for something. He brushes his thumb over my cheek…and I can feel it then. The tears on my face. Fuck.
“Tell me what you want, Garrett. Do you want me to stop?”
This is my chance. Admit this was a mistake and walk away intact. Mostly intact. But I can’t. This will destroy the wall I put between us, but I don’t care. I’ll do whatever he wants if I can have this. Have some part of him. I slump against the cold steel in surrender. “No, I want…you.”
“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.” His frantic words send jolts of lust through me. He sounds wrecked. And I did this. “Touch me, Garrett.”
I grip his waist. His skin is hot through the fabric. Muscles firm.
“Touch me like you mean it.” He catches my gaze, his eyes hot with desire, and it breaks my resistance.
I grab his ass and squeeze the generous mounds as I pull him against me. I’m so fucking turned on.
I frantically touch as much of him as I can until he sucks on my neck, and I almost lose it.
Keeping control is a struggle as I imagine his hot mouth on my cock.
I squeeze my eyes shut, but it doesn’t help.
He kisses and bites his way down my neck.
My head drops against the fridge to give him access.
He fumbles with my shirt, and I look down in time to see him ripping it apart with a growl. And fuck. That’s so hot.
His big hands circle my waist and the skin-to-skin contact leaves me weak.
Aidyn is bigger than me, although we’re about the same height.
His strong grip has me feeling vulnerable, almost dainty, and a surge of want tears a moan from my lips.
I need him to overpower me. Take what he wants. “Please, Aidyn…”
“That’s it, darlin’. Beg me. You want me to hold you down and fuck you?”
I can’t speak. Don’t dare speak, but I frantically hump his leg at the thought. The embarrassment at his words. Over admitting what I want… What I’ve wanted for so long. A minor thing now, but something I’ll regret later.
“Say the bloody words, Garrett. I want to hear you.”
I swallow the dryness in my throat. “I want…” But I can’t admit it.
“Tell me.”
“You.” I close my eyes. It’s easier to speak the truth without looking into his eyes. Heat flushes my face. “I want you to fuck me with your…” Oh God. I swallow my nerves. “Your giant cock.”
“How do you know it’s giant, darlin’?” There’s a hint of amusement in his voice.
“Can feel it.” And I can, but that’s the easy way out. And now that we’re here, I don’t want to take the easy way. “Saw it…once.”
He rubs against me, and I feel the hard line of it. Can still see it in my mind. The thickness. The length. The throbbing veins.
“Checking me out in the men’s room were ya?”
I shake my head, and he grips my jaw, holding me in place so I have to speak. “No. I… It was an accident.”
His brows furrow as he kisses my mouth. Not as punishing but not quite sweet. “Tell me, Garrett.”
Can I admit this? “It was a week after the funeral.” I keep my eyes on his chest. “We’d been fighting. Again. You stormed away.”
His hand circles my throat as he pulls back and stares at me. “You followed me?” The hurt and betrayal in his voice almost stops my words. But it’s a secret I can’t hold in anymore.
“Yes. I didn’t know, Aidyn. I didn’t mean…”
He starts to back away, and I wrap my arms around his waist to hold him in place. Pain sparks in his eyes, followed by shame. “That was…private.”
“You were upset—I could hear you kicking things in the storage room, and then it got quiet. The door wasn’t locked.
” He’s shaking his head, but I don’t stop.
I can’t. “You were standing there with your dick in your hand.” I can still picture it.
So big. And hard, with veins standing out and drops of precum beading on the tip.
“That— I didn’t hear you.”
Tears had been streaming down his face. I couldn’t say anything. “Aidyn—”
“No wonder you hate me. One week after my wife—your sister—is buried, and I’m getting hard thinking about— I loved her so much, Garrett.” He doesn’t say the words “I still do,” but they’re there between us.
Aidyn backs away, holding his hands in front of him like a shield. Then all the energy seems to drain out of him as he slumps against the island and buries his head in his hands.
“I don’t hate you.”
“You left right after that.”
No sense in admitting I had to get away so I could jerk off to thoughts of him and his huge cock. But I did need to confess. “That’s when I knew I had to leave, Aidyn. And stay gone.”
“You were disgusted—”
“Yes. With myself.”
His green eyes dart to mine. “You followed me, but you couldn’t have known.”
“It wasn’t that, exactly.” I touch the back of his neck.
His skin is hot even with the air conditioner going.
“It gave me hope. A hope I couldn’t trust. You were grieving, Aidyn.
” I spread my fingers over his back. So many freckles.
“You’ll always belong to Emily. But in that moment…
I wanted you for myself.” I choke back a sob. “I’m so sorry.”
Aidyn stands and wraps his arms around me.
This feels different from before. It isn’t about sex.
Or love. It’s a shared grief of someone we both loved and lost. As he clings to me, my defenses crumble.
I hold him close and let the tears fall.
Aidyn sniffles, and it guts me. He’s still trying to be strong and not break down.
“Hey, it’s okay.” I rub his back and squeeze his nape. Not pushing. I want him to know I’m here for him. Aidyn goes still in my arms, and the moment shifts from comforting to awareness. I kiss his shoulder. I need to say this now or I never will. “I have thirty bar coasters.”
His chuckle sounds confused, but it loosens some of the tightness in my chest. “I remember you have a thing for them.”
My fingers tingle with nerves. I bury them in his hair because in this moment, I can. But it won’t last. And I need to remember that. “I don’t actually.”
When he pulls away, I miss the heat of his chest against mine. “You just said you have thirty. That’s not exactly normal.”
“I’m aware,” I admit, rolling my eyes and then being brave and letting our eyes catch. “I collected thirty. I only cared about one.”
“One?” His eyes narrow in question, but he knows. I know he knows.
“Christy’s Pub in Dublin, Ireland. Where we first met.” I glance away, not wanting to see the pity. “It was the best few moments of my life. Then you met Emily, and…” I sigh. “You were great together. I don’t mean to imply…” I step away, but Aidyn grabs my arm, and I can’t go far.
“You should have told me.” And there it is. The pity I don’t want.
I shake his hand loose and put distance between us.
Room for me to breathe. “Tell you? Sure. Hey, Aidyn, I know you and my sis hit it off and all, but I’m…
” I clamp my mouth shut and shake my head.
But that only lasts a second because fuck it.
Those words are right there. They might as well be said.
I reclaim the distance between us and cup his face in my hands.
Swallowing the lump in my throat, I stare into his beautiful green eyes.
“I’m in love with you, Aidyn Christy. I have been since the moment we met. ”
His eyes soften, and fuck, I can’t take it. I step back, and he grabs my hand. “Garrett, I’m s—”
“Don’t fucking say it.” I try to get my hand back, but he holds tight. “I don’t need your pity.”
“It’s not pity.”
I give him a pointed look. I also don’t need his bullshit.
“Not pity,” he says again. “But I am sorry. I felt something between us, but then Emily—” His face melts, and I get it. I fucking get it.
“Yeah. We should head back.” Not that I want to, but it’s better than—what? Aidyn feeling sorry for me? Is that why he kissed me?
“Not pity.” He slots our fingers together and kisses my palm. My dick fattens, thinking this is more than it is. But I know better. Or I should at least. “God, Garrett, stop feeling sorry for yourself and use that brain of yours for something other than whatever it is you do in New York.”
“Hey.” I again try to pull my hand away, but he catches my eye and moves my hand to the bulge in his pants.
I grip him without even thinking, and he bucks into my hand.
He’s still so fucking hard, and it’s suddenly not enough.
I want to touch him. Feel his hard length in my hand. The weight of it. The heat.
On my knees, gagging on his cock. A needy whine slips out as I imagine the feel of him. The taste.
He crushes our mouths together, one hand gripping my hair as he controls the kisses. The other pushes against my hand as I stroke him. The kiss is sloppy and desperate. And it’s one of the best kisses of my life.
“I want you, Garrett. I tried not to, but it’s there between us. And if I’m being honest, it always has been. I’m so tired of fighting it. Of being lonely. Of missing Emily, yes…but also missing you.”
His words feel honest and real, and I’d like to think I’m a better person, but I’m not.
Even if this is just loneliness. Even if he doesn’t mean it, I can’t turn him away.
And I never could. “I need you to fuck me, Aidyn. Right here in your kitchen. So you’ll remember this moment. Remember fucking me.”
His lips are on me. His hands. His body crowds me against the edge of the countertop as he devours me with his mouth. He slips his hand in my pants, under my briefs, and cups my ass. But, fuck, I need more. I wrap a leg around him, needing him to touch me there.
“Please,” I whimper against his neck, past the point of caring how I sound.
His thick calloused finger scrapes along the sensitive skin of my crack and stops. He taps my hole once. Twice. I squirm, trying to get more, and he chuckles.
“Fuck you, Aidyn.”
His laugh deepens. “Hold on, darlin’.” He brushes a kiss over my mouth. “I need you to be sure about this.”
I hold his gaze. “I’m sure, Aidyn.”
“Thank, fuck.” He pulls my pants and underwear down past my ass and pushes his finger against my hole. Fuck, I’m so turned on that I could come from just this. Sweet Jesus. We kiss messily, and it’s intense, and I can’t believe I get to have Aidyn Christy, even for one moment.
Briinnng. Briinnng.
My phone. Shit. Where is it? I lean back to check the counter. Nope.
“Ignore it,” Aidyn growls and kisses me again, pulling my leg higher so he has better access. He teases my rim, and fuck, I want to impale myself on his thick fingers—with or without lube. “So fucking hot.”
The blare of his phone startles me. What are we doing? We have a wedding cake to deliver. And lives that don’t quite mix.