Chapter 9
AIDYN
I swallow the shame building in my throat. What if we get caught? What will people think? That I’ve abandoned Emily? Betrayed her by fucking around with her brother.
Once Garrett finishes cleaning up himself and the floor, he raises an eyebrow at me. I’m still leaning against the door and doing nothing. He pulls me toward the sink and washes my hands. Shaking my thoughts loose, I dry my hands and give him a sweet kiss.
“We need to draw this out until she gives up or the other restroom opens up,” I say in a soft voice. “It’s our only chance.”
I kiss the corner of his strong jaw and make my way across his cheek to the freckle above his brow. And then I kiss the side of his nose.
“Aidyn,” he says softly. “What are you doing?”
I almost make something up. But I can’t. “Memorizing you.”
He catches my mouth in a searing, frantic kiss. But then his next kisses are light and sweet. Almost harder to take. Because I’m not sure I deserve his tenderness. I’m not sure I deserve any of this. We make out for a bit, and then he rests his forehead against mine. “It’s time.”
I know he’s right. Jane must have gone by now, and if we wait too long, we’ll lose our chance. My clothes are a little rumpled, but at least they aren’t stained with cum. After I wash my hands, Garrett fixes my tie and combs his fingers through my hair.
“You look gorgeous, princess.”
I shake my head at him and swat his backside.
He looks like he’s holding in a laugh as he presses himself against the wall. At his nod, I pull the door open, saying a silent prayer.
Jane is gone. Thank fuck. But another girl is standing in front of the women’s restroom. She glances at me, and I can see the hope in her eyes. Shite.
“I wouldn’t go in there if I were you,” I say with a shake of my head. “The roast beef tore me up something fierce.”
She bounces on her feet, but her nose wrinkles. The other door suddenly opens, and she darts in with a relieved expression. I step all the way out and wander off, but not too far. When I realize no one is watching, I text Garrett.
Coast is clear.
Thank fuck.
I laugh as I walk away. Staying apart for a while is probably a good idea.
“Da?”
My head snaps up to find my daughter staring at me as if I’m an alien. I swallow the hysteria bubbling in my throat. Her dad smiling shouldn’t be a cause for concern. “Hey, lass—”
“I’ve been looking for you,” she says, and it sounds like an accusation. “I couldn’t find you anywhere.”
“Oh, well, I was in the restroom.”
“You were?” She glances past me, toward the restroom, and I follow her gaze. Garrett is stepping out of the men’s room. My stomach flips, but her eyes are clear when they return to my face. Thankfully, she’s too young to put anything together.
“Are you and Zoey having fun?” But just in case, talking about her best friend is always a good distraction.
Her face lights up. “Yes! And I promise, we’ve been good.”
Now I’m distracted thinking about what trouble they could have gotten into. “What did you—”
“Hey, Tato. How’s it going?” Garrett kisses the top of her head, and I resist glaring at him. I didn’t tell him that we should stay apart for a bit, but it should have been understood.
Lanie grins at her uncle. “Great. I was just gonna ask Da if Zoey can spend the night.”
The heat of Garrett’s body draws me in, and I have to physically plant my feet not to go to him.
Can others sense this thing between us? It burns just below the surface.
How could they miss it? I try not to think about Garrett’s mouth on me.
Or the way he kisses like he’s all in. Not a moment’s hesitation.
“Sure, lass,” I say, agreeing with Lanie’s plan mostly to get rid of her for a bit so I can work all this out.
She squeals, gives us both a quick hug, and runs off. Mission accomplished.
My relief at being able to focus on Garrett is short-lived. I’m not prepared for the frown on his face or the frustration in his eyes.
“What?”
“Is that a good idea, Aidyn? It’s difficult enough with just Lanie— Oh.” His face clears, and he ducks his head. “Sorry. I misunderstood.”
The pain in his voice guts me. “Garrett—” And then I put it together. He was hoping to spend the night with me. It never crossed my mind. Well, it had, but I’d dismissed it just as quickly. Lanie would find out. I’m not ready for that. And neither is Garrett.
“It’s fine.” He crosses his arms and turns as if he’s leaving, and the panic threatens to choke me.
“You said you wouldn’t ignore me.”
He sighs. “What do you want me to do, Aidyn?”
And that hurts more than it should. “Sit at a table with me. Talk to me.”
He nods, and I lead him through the crowd, keeping my eyes forward. He’ll follow or not. My hand itches to grab his and close this gap between us. Someone knocks into me and my feet get tangled. Garrett’s hand moves to my back, steadying me, and emotion floods through me.
“So sorry, Christy,” Mrs. Weppler says, swaying a bit.
Her breath smells like peach schnapps. She slips again and grabs my sleeve.
Garrett tries to steady her, but she ignores him and pats my arm.
Christ, she’s hammered. “I’m glad you could use the cake you made for—” She chokes back a sob.
“It was so beautiful.” She shakes her head.
“I’m sorry. This is a celebration. Let’s drink! ”
We manage to extract ourselves from Mrs. Weppler and find an empty table. Garrett grabs drinks for us, and we sit close together so we can talk without being overheard. People are giving us looks, but one glare from me seems to settle their curiosity.
Garrett chuckles. “You being grumpy is so normal that no one bats an eye.”
I don’t laugh. I can’t. Did I fuck everything up? I gulp my beer. “What’s bothering you?”
My eyes connect with his over the top of my glass.
He glances away. “I think you know.”
“I do,” I admit. “But I’m not exactly sure why.”
“Why do you have to be an ass? Is that your question?”
I almost smile. “No. That’s just who I am.”
The music slows and couples move to the dancefloor. I can’t remember the last time I danced with anyone. What would it be like to dance with Garrett? Hold him in my arms? In front of everyone? It would be life-changing. And terrifying.
He leans forward, resting his arms on the table and putting his hands together. “I thought… I know we can’t tell people. Not—” He sucks in a breath and his eyes dart to mine and away. “But I thought we’d get tonight.”
“How?” I lean down and catch his gaze. “How did you think we could do that? Me sneaking to your hotel? You sneaking into my house…with Lanie there? What you told me before…about how you feel.” I fucking love you, Aidyn Christy. “I’m not ready for anyone to know. But this has to be hard for you.”
“Stop,” he says in a hard voice. His back is rigid, like a wall between us. “I never expected anything. That’s not why I told you.”
“Then what do you want, Garrett?”
“Nothing.”
“Don’t do that. I’m asking, okay?”
He rolls his shoulders and relaxes, but only a bit. The tension is still in his eyes and the tight line of his mouth. “I want more than a quickie in the restroom.”
Ouch. I lower my voice. “I want more than that too, darlin’, I do. But I just don’t see how.”
He smiles. But it’s his customer service smile. The same one he used to give me. “Fine.”
“Garrett…”
He scoots his chair around toward the dancefloor.
We’re facing opposite directions now, and he leans over so his face is close to mine.
“That’s how we’re different, Aidyn. I want you so much that even if it’s only one night, I’d do everything in my power to make it happen.
” Then his eyes find mine, and although only inches separate us, we’re miles apart.
“I guess you just have to want it bad enough.”
He stands. Oh God, this is it. Fuck. I grab his hand, but let go before anyone can see. The brief hope in his eyes vanishes.
Fuck, fuck, fuck. “Are you leaving?”
“Not yet.” He smiles, but sadness lingers at the corner of his mouth. Resigned. As if this is the outcome he expected all along. “But soon.”
He walks away, and panic shoots through me. I’m fucking this up. But what else can I do? As I watch, he’s swallowed by the crowd. Here one second. Gone the next. Pain stabs my chest, and I can’t breathe. What if he leaves? I can’t lose Garrett—but I’m not ready to tell anyone.
What would that even look like? Surprise, everyone. I’m into men. Or maybe, So, I’m in…lust…with my wife’s brother. That’s one way to shock your daughter and family.
“Want to talk about it?” Jane slips into Garrett’s chair and studies me.
“You should be enjoying your wedding.”
She gives me a sad smile. “Emily would have loved this. Although I suspect she wouldn’t have wanted the wedding in a VFW hall.”
I don’t want to talk about Emily. Not now. But I owe Jane this. “She’d have made sure it was outside. Although she might not have scheduled it in the middle of July.”
“Yeah, well, things don’t always work out the way you think.” Jane rubs her belly.
“She would have spoiled your wee one something fierce.”
“Yeah.” She smiles to herself, and then her eyes are on me. Calculating. “She would have wanted you to be happy, Christy. And Garrett.”
“I’m sure Garrett’s happy. He’s got his job in New York.”
Jane watches me, and I try not to squirm. “Garrett’s senior year in high school, he had a crush on this guy. He didn’t think anyone knew, but Emily figured it out.”
My pulse speeds up, and I can almost hear the swishing in my head over the music. “Is that right?” What else can I say?
“Garrett has always been good with people. I wish I had that trait.”
“You do, lass.” I pat her hand.
She glances over at Isaac. “Yeah.” But then she takes a drink of her water and focuses on me. “But when my brother likes someone, he ignores them.”
“That’s…” I clear my throat. “That’s interesting.”
“Isn’t it?” She grins at me. “Garrett’s been ignoring you for a while.”
I take a deep breath. Is there a way to stop this? “Jane, I don’t know where you’ve come up with this notion—”
“Emily told me.”
My head jerks up. “What?”
“She felt terrible that her finding the love of her life meant her brother…didn’t.”
“That’s not— Why would she say that? Did Garrett—” I clamp my mouth shut before I give more away.
“Garrett has no idea Emily figured it out. And, at first, she thought it wasn’t serious. But over the years…with Garrett staying away and not finding anyone, I think she realized it wasn’t just a crush.”
“You’ve known this for a while.” I sip my beer, barely tasting it. How is this possible? My mind keeps turning, but nothing makes sense.
“I didn’t say anything because you knowing wouldn’t help anyone. And it wasn’t my place.”
“And now it is?” I can’t keep the anger out of my voice. Not sure why I’m even pissed. Maybe because Jane had something from Emily that I never got. Or betrayal that this was kept from me by fucking everyone.
She takes my hand, and I don’t jerk away. It’s her wedding day after all. “Now it’s no longer one-sided.”
I blink away the rush of emotion—fear—as I watch couples slow dancing. Mrs. Weppler stands off to the side, swaying back and forth. I clear my throat again. “You’re mistaken—”
“I saw you together.”
My eyes dart to her face, and she laughs.
“Not like that. Although you were both in that restroom for quite a while. You’ve been smiling at each other. Laughing. I just knew.”
“Oh.”
“And now you’re messing it up.”
I swallow. “Did he—” The words are there, but saying them is like jumping off the cliffs of Dublin.
She pats my hand. “He didn’t need to, Christy. You’re even more miserable than normal.”
I rub the back of my neck. “Any suggestions?”
“Yes.” She pulls herself out of her chair and leans over to kiss my cheek. “Stop fucking it up.”
My heart pounds furiously and my stomach wants to revolt. Jane knows. What if she tells someone?
Stop being stubborn and ignoring what’s in front of you. Emily used to tell me that.
Jane knows. And she doesn’t hate me. The world hasn’t ended. The tightness in my chest eases bit by bit as I allow myself to believe it. Feel the truth. It’s followed by a need to do something. I still can’t tell everyone. Or anyone. Especially Lanie.
But I can’t lose Garrett. And maybe that’s selfish. He wants more. He deserves more.
We can’t have forever. But maybe we can have right now.