Chapter 18 #2
After a second, he shakes his head. “No. Not really. But it’d be hot to watch.
You are an actor, Trevor, whether or not you think of yourself that way.
I’ve been noticing it more and more in your videos.
The way your tone changes. How you kind of embody whatever persona you think the viewer wants. You’re good at it. And I guess…”
“You guess what?”
Isaac meets my gaze before running a hand through my hair, something he seems to enjoy. “I guess I like knowing I’m the only one who gets the real you.”
I catch his hand, pulling it to my mouth. “My marshmallow.”
“Nooo,” he groans, shifting his palm to cover my lips. “If you care for me at all, you’ll never, ever call me that again.”
I chuckle against his hand. “Sure, brat.”
He gives me a look, but I can tell from the flush on his cheeks that he’s pleased by that particular nickname. After clearing his throat, he pats my chest once. “Now, if I’m not getting railed, I should probably get off your lap. You sure you’re good?”
“Better than good,” I promise.
He nods, accepting that as his feet hit the ground.
He leans against the table, his hands braced on the edge.
I have the sudden thought that if this were a porno, I’d be on my knees for Isaac first. I’d worship him for a good long while, until his legs could no longer support himself. Then I’d rail him over the table.
Or maybe that’s my own personal fantasy. Because Isaac deserves to be worshipped before he’s taken apart.
“What are you thinking about?” Isaac asks, his voice hoarse.
I lift my eyes to his, not hiding whatever nuances might have been playing across my face. “You.”
He swallows. “And?”
“Your cock in my throat.”
“Jesus.” He shifts and clears his own throat. “There’s a window on the door, you know.”
“I know. It can wait until we’re alone.”
The sound Isaac makes sounds like agreement, even as his face shows something else entirely. Not disappointment exactly. Eagerness.
I stand, swiping my backpack from the ground. “You’ll let me know about going out?”
He nods. “You sure you’re okay?”
“Yeah, Red. I’ll be fine.”
He sighs before pushing off the table and taking the two steps needed to reach me. His hug is tight, his arms around my middle reminding me just how much shorter Isaac is than me. I wrap my arms around his shoulders in kind and kiss the top of his head.
“I’m not small,” he mutters, as if thinking the same thing.
My laugh is loud, a fact Isaac seems to find some measure of happiness in if his begrudging smile is any indication. “No, you’re not small. I’m just a little extra, and we both know it.”
“A little extra is not how I’d describe you. You’re a beast, Trevor. In the best way.”
I hum, running a hand along Isaac’s back. He still hasn’t let go. “Are you okay, Red?”
“I’m allowed to be affectionate,” he says, almost like a grumble.
“Yes, you are.”
“I’m just pissed.”
“Okay?” I say questioningly.
He huffs. “I don’t like the idea of people being mean to you. This isn’t the first time you’ve mentioned being judged unfairly, and the idea that anyone could look at you and just…not see you pisses me off.”
I let out a slow breath, my chest tight in the best way beneath Isaac’s cheek. “‘For every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind.’”
Isaac’s sigh is soft. “Emerson.”
“Mhm. It’ll all work out, Red.”
He looks up at me. I’m not sure he believes the words, but I do. More so with him here in my arms, willingly and rather forcefully.
I want my degree, yes. I want to finish out this semester with the credits I’m due and walk across the stage to collect my diploma.
But if I don’t?
I’ll still walk on. And I’m fairly certain I’ll have this man walking with me.
“Tell me something honest,” Isaac says, not yet stepping away.
I run my fingers through the hair at his temple, both soft and stubbornly determined to stay put, like Isaac himself. “Did you know some plant species need fire in order to grow?”
Isaac nods slowly, looking curious. “I think I’ve heard that before. Why?”
I pass my thumb over a freckle above Isaac’s lip. Another at the edge of his jaw. “In a forest full of ash, I would find myself cracked open, sunlight spilling across my skin. I would know, at long last, my birth.”
Isaac doesn’t say anything for the longest time, his hand at my side rolling my shirt between his finger and thumb. “I guess you can do nature-related poetry after all, huh?”
My chuckle ruffles Isaac’s hair. I make to step back, knowing he has another class soon, but Isaac doesn’t let go.
“I’m starting to think I need you, too,” he says, voice small. “And that scares me.”
“Then we can be scared together.”
“You don’t seem scared.”
I close my eyes, my face pressed to Isaac’s hair. “I’m scared shitless, Red. There’s a lot I could stand to lose. Not this.”
I’m not surprised when Isaac resorts to sarcasm, the humor in his tone intended to disguise the wobble. “It’s because I’m so warm and cheery, right?”
“It’s because you’re you.”
He doesn’t combat that, but his inhale is proof enough he heard my words.
I could lose my degree. The final validation of all I’ve been striving towards these past six years. I could miss my chance to walk the stage. To frame a piece of paper that would tell others of my merit.
I could lose all of that and be fine.
But I’m realizing I’m not prepared in the least to step away from this man.
I pray I never have to.