Chapter 10
“Theo, let’s go!” Marissa yelled from the kitchen.
She picked her travel mug of iced coffee from the counter and turned toward the bedroom. She had learned to make her own to save money, instead of stopping at the coffee shop drive thru in the mornings.
“I’m coming!” her son called back.
Her patience fraying, she let out a deep sigh.
Almost every weekday morning, she went through the same ordeal, rushing around her small apartment in an effort to get her eight-year-old, Theodore, out the door on time so he wouldn’t miss the school bus. They both knew what needed to be done, but each time her son exasperated her to the point she had to use her ‘not so nice voice,’ as he called it—when she spoke to him through gritted teeth.
As she was about to walk back to his room, Theo came running into the little living room.
“Did you put the permission sheet in your backpack?’ Marissa grabbed her messenger bag from the counter separating the kitchen from the living room and flung it onto her right shoulder.
“Yes, mommy,” Theo replied in a heavy voice.
Why did he sound exasperated, as if she was the problem?
“Little boy, are you exasperated with me?”
Theo giggled. “Eggzaspat?”
She lifted his chin and locked eyes with him. “Exasperated. It means annoyed.”
Her son burst into a fit of giggles. His laughter, like a gentle tide, washed away her anger.
“Silly boy.” She tweaked his nose. “Let me see if you have that sheet.”
Since he already wore his backpack, she unzipped the bag and found the permission slip allowing him to go to the Fernbank Museum with the other kids. She’d never forgive herself if she didn’t make sure and he left the paper at home. Then he’d have to stay at school and miss out on seeing dinosaur bones and the outdoor exhibits—all of which he’d talked about almost nonstop for weeks on end since the teacher notified her about the field trip months ago.
“See Mommy, I told you that I have it,” Theo said.
Because they didn’t look much alike, people often mistook her for his babysitter or nanny. His father was Black, Indian and Caucasian, and Theo looked up at her with curly red hair, the color inherited from his paternal grandfather. He had his father’s lighter skin tone, though in the summer his complexion turned a few shades lighter than her own, into caramel.
“Yes, you did, but I wouldn’t be a good mommy if I didn’t double check. Okay, let’s go. The bus will be here any minute.”
Marissa ushered him forward. With a quick spin, Theo slipped from her grasp and charged to the counter, grabbing his Spiderman lunchbox and running out the door.
His obsession with the superhero had extended beyond toys and the lunch box to bed linens, one pair of pajamas, and two Spiderman costumes, which he wore constantly. He terrified her on a regular basis when he wore the costume and jumped from the couch to the coffee table to the floor, or climbed the huge bookshelf in the living room that reached to the ceiling. She could always count on her son to give her heart a good workout.
Theo opened the door, and she followed behind him but came to an abrupt stop when the world before her appeared out of focus. She had forgotten her glasses. She cursed softly.
Theo looked over his shoulder, and his eyes widened. “Oooh, Mommy, you said a bad word.”
“Yes, I did, and I shouldn’t have.” Marissa swung around, her eyes sweeping the interior of their small apartment.
Where the heck had she left them? Being nearsighted meant she could only clearly see what was directly in front of her. The rest of the apartment was a blurry mix of colors.
“Baby, do you see my glasses?”
Theo stepped inside the apartment. “Over there, by the TV.” He ran to get them.
Disgusted by her own absentmindedness, Marissa shook her head. She didn’t remember placing them there, but the morning had been chaotic as usual. At least she didn’t leave them in the refrigerator again. She laughed softly.
“Why are you laughing, Mommy?” Theo handed her the black spectacles.
Marissa settled them on her face, relieved when the world came into focus. “I’m laughing at myself. Okay, let’s try this again. Let’s go, go, go before the bus comes.”
Theo laughed as she rushed him out the door and locked up.
“Can I go to the park today after school?” he asked.
“If the other kids want to go, then you can go, but you’ll have to ask Miss Carla,” Marissa replied, referring to his babysitter.
Carla lived in the building next door. She used to be a school teacher but walked away from the profession because she disagreed with changes the school board made to the curriculum. Since she missed teaching and loved kids, she had turned her passion into a tutoring and babysitting side business.
Each school day she met Theo and two other kids when they came off the bus and kept them at her apartment, helping with homework until their parents—single moms and one single dad—came to pick them up.
The set up was perfect for Marissa and the other parents, and the kids loved Carla. She gave them snacks and helped with homework at a fraction of the cost Marissa would have to pay for a more formal arrangement.
They made their way down from the second-floor apartment, her heels clanging on the metal steps as she walked behind her son.
“Hold on to the railing and take those steps one at a time,” Marissa said.
Halfway down, the bus pulled up, and Theo’s little legs increased in speed.
“Careful,” Marissa warned.
At the bottom of the stairs, he ran to get in line behind the other kids getting on the bus. He greeted the little girl in front of him, and the two of them chatted about God knows what as the line moved.
Marissa and one of the dads stood nearby and watched them. She was fortunate enough to have a job where she could stick around until Theo was safely on the bus before she left for work.
Before climbing the steps into the bus, her son turned and waved. “Bye, Mommy. Love you.”
Marissa’s heart melted, and she waved back. “Love you more.”
Her baby drove her crazy most mornings, but he never failed to turn and wave at her with a big grin on his face—forcing all the exasperation and frustration of getting ready in the morning to melt from her body.
She’d made a lot of mistakes in her life, one of which was ending up pregnant by the first and only man she’d ever been with. A man she’d learned the hard and painful way couldn’t be trusted. But keeping Theo had not been a mistake.
As the bus pulled away, she said goodbye to the other parent and walked to her white Camry. She placed her messenger bag on the passenger seat and turned on the radio to listen to her favorite podcast, Lindsay the Sexy Diva. Once a week, the host covered issues on dating, sex, and relationships.
Marissa was addicted to the stories of women struggling in their relationships and conflicted about sex and dating, and she appreciated Lindsay’s no-nonsense hosting style. Lindsay wasn’t the typical sociologist or psychologist doling out advice. Her knowledge about relationships came from experience. As a professional matchmaker, Marissa often counseled clients on relationship hiccups, and listening to Lindsay was like taking a master class.
She started her car and pulled out of the parking lot right as Lindsay started reading one of her listener letters asking for advice.
“Okay girlfriends, this one is for the girlies who haven’t dated in a while and want to get back in the saddle but don’t know how.
“Dear Lindsay, I was married for almost ten years, and six months ago my husband and I called it quits. After taking some time for me, I feel ready to start dating again, but I’m afraid. What should I do? Signed, Dahlia in Akron.
Marissa could relate. “It’s normal to feel nervous, but make sure you know what you want,” she said aloud, turning into traffic.
“First of all, it’s normal to feel nervous about dating again,” Lindsay said, echoing Marissa’s thoughts. “Don’t beat yourself up about those feelings, and kudos for taking the time to focus on you after your marriage ended. People often jump into new relationships prematurely, but there’s no set amount of time to wait. Every person is different.”
Marissa nodded her head in agreement.
“Now, regarding your question, here’s what I think you should do. Embrace the journey but take your time. You’re not running a race. The past is in the past. Use what you learned to move into the future with newfound wisdom and strength.
“Make sure you define your dating priorities. Are you dating for fun, or are you looking for marriage? What are your deal breakers? What are the top qualities you’re looking for in a partner? When you can clearly answer these questions, you’ll better be able to narrow the pool of potential dates, therefore you’re not wasting your time or theirs.”
“Amen,” Marissa whispered with a head nod, pulling to a stop behind a minivan. As usual, traffic was bumper to bumper this morning.
“Don’t let fear hold you back from finding happiness with someone new,” Lindsay continued. “Trust yourself and your judgment. Be open to the possibilities that present themselves, whether through online dating, social events, or through connections from mutual friends.
“Most importantly, stay true to yourself. Let me say that again. Stay true to yourself. The right person will appreciate you for who you are.”
Marissa nodded. She agreed with every word Lindsay said but knew from experience that to start dating again wasn’t easy. Especially for someone like her, with a kid, who wanted to give him the world.
Her fantasies were silly, but she dreamed of one day meeting a man who could rescue her from the dullness of her life. Someone she could lean on, so she didn’t have to depend on herself all the time. She’d been taking charge since she was a child. Sometimes she was exhausted. She longed to have a partner, and the man of her dreams would shower her and her son with love.
But that wasn’t her reality. She thought she had found the right man once, Theo’s father, but brutal disappointment had fractured her heart.
For now, she had to be patient and create her own happy ending, which meant giving Theo a better childhood than she had. The roach-infested apartment she and her brother grew up in was a distant memory, but getting away from that life wasn’t enough. She wanted more for herself and her son. A house of their own, a yard to play in, and maybe a dog.
She was almost there already. She’d chosen to live farther away from work to save money on rent, and this year she was on track to achieve her goal of home ownership.
She listened to the podcast all the way to work, with Lindsay wrapping up the broadcast as she pulled into a parking space in the deck downtown.
“Until next time, girlfriends. This is Lindsay the Sexy Diva, reminding you that a healthy relationship begins with you. Be the best you can be, in and out of the bedroom. Until next time...”
Marissa grabbed her messenger bag and hopped out of the car. She had a lot of work to do, not least of which was scheduling dates for Bruno based on the list of three he had given her last night.
Marching into the building, she recalled their first conversation and the blunt way he discussed satisfying his lovers. If he was half as good as he professed to be, one of these women could be the first Mrs. Bruno Santana, and she would be a lucky woman indeed.