Chapter Twenty
Brynn
I’m up studying until nearly three in the morning.
When Killian still isn’t home, I take a shower and climb into bed alone, but it feels scary to be here all by myself.
Toast is here, of course, but she sleeps in the living room at Killian’s place, so I don’t even have her for company.
I haven’t heard from him since he left.
I’ve resisted all my urges to reach out since I didn’t want to bother him, but now it’s so late that I’m getting worried. He did warn me that sometimes he would have to go out like this, but I don’t know, I thought there would be more notice.
He didn’t tell me his friends were coming. I had no idea there was any chance of him leaving tonight until it was happening.
It was just so abrupt.
And it’s so late.
And I don’t know where he’s at or what he’s doing.
It’s 3:13 when I give in to the impulse and text him to ask if he’ll be home soon.
I wait until 3:27 for an answer, and when one never comes, I give up and plug my phone in to the charger on my nightstand.
What is he out there doing? What if something bad happened to him?
Pouting and worried, I roll over and hug the spare pillow for comfort. I try to wait up for him, but remembering how he said some nights he may not come home at all, I decide not to.
I can certainly see how dating a Blue Blood can be stressful, especially if you don’t know what’s going on or why he’s out all night. If he hadn’t told me about all this ahead of time, this would be the only red flag I’d need to bail on… whatever this is.
I need to get some sleep.
There’s no point lying here tormenting myself with crazy made-up scenarios when I have class in the morning.
And besides, I’m sure everything is fine, and I’m worrying over nothing.
___
It’s still dark when my eyes open.
I’m groggy but some part of my brain remembers my earlier anxiety and calls my attention to movement on the bed. I start to move, but as soon as my leg shifts, it’s pushed right back down against the mattress.
As soon as I become aware of the sensation of my leg being held down, I become aware of another sensation.
Pleasure.
Warmth and wetness between my spread thighs.
Experimentally, I try lifting my thigh again, and once more, he pushes it back down, pinning it to the bed with more force since it was my second attempt.
Killian.
He’s home.
A faint moan slips out of me when his tongue laps at my pussy, and while this is the first time he’s woken me up this way, the pleasure of his mouth on me is starting to become familiar.
I’ve been such a ball of anxiety for so much of tonight, I close my eyes and let the pleasure consume me.
My hand drifts down and I slide my fingers through his hair.
His wet hair.
He must have taken a shower before he came to bed.
He is doing damn fine work, completely devoted to my pleasure, and I feel the intensity rising as he teases my clit. I writhe, fisting my hand in his hair. The sounds ripping from my throat become more urgent.
And then he stops, and I groan with disappointment.
“Why?”
He chuckles and pushes himself up, climbing up the bed so he’s looming over me. “Because I don’t want you to come yet.”
“No?” I murmur.
“No,” he murmurs, leaning down to kiss my lips.
“Well, I think that’s mean,” I inform him, causing him to laugh.
Even though it’s dark, I know his eyes are twinkling. He eases down until his weight is pressing down on me, then he slides a hand between my legs, resuming his teasing with his finger instead of his tongue. “Yeah? Does that feel mean?”
I wrap my arm around his neck and pull him close. “No,” I murmur softly, sighing at the pleasure that starts right back up.
He teases me a bit, then he shifts his fingers, pressing his thumb against my clit and sliding a finger deeper inside me. I gasp at the foreign sensation, but it’s just one finger so my body adjusts pretty easily. Just when I’m getting used to the feeling, he rumbles, “I like having you here.”
My heart lightens and my tummy jumps with pleasure. Between his words and his hand, he’s making me feel incredible. I smile with my eyes closed. “I like being here,” I tell him.
He pushes his finger deeper into me, and I shift my hips instinctively. “I also like being inside you,” he murmurs, unleashing a swarm of butterflies in my tummy.
I’m a little shyer admitting this one, but I do. “I like you being inside me, too.”
He kisses me again before humming against my mouth, “Good.”
My heart is already racing before my mind reads into why he’s saying this, then he speaks again and my attention snaps back to him.
“You know what I don’t like?”
I shake my head.
He smirks, shifting his gaze to the button-down pajama top I’m still wearing. “You wearing clothes in my goddamn bed.”
Before I can offer to remedy the situation, he withdraws his finger from my pussy and starts unbuttoning each button. It’s a silky pink top with black piping and black buttons. It has matching shorts, but he clearly pulled those off along with my panties while I was asleep.
The cool air hits my exposed breasts when he undoes the last button and pushes my shirt open. I shiver at the change in temperature, but the chill doesn’t last long.
Killian lowers his mouth and kisses my breasts softly, like he’s worshiping them. It feels so good, I can’t keep my eyes open, so I let them close as I slide my fingers back into this dark hair.
His hot tongue shoots out and he drags it over my nipple, causing it to harden instantaneously. Once it’s beaded, he runs his thumb over it and I feel a thrill in my pussy.
Seeing I like that, he does it again, then again. He’s a little rougher the fourth time, and by the fifth time, I can’t keep from writhing on the bed, arching closer to his touch.
He does the same thing to the other breast, but that time, as he’s kissing and teasing my nipple, he slides his hand back between my legs.
Oh god.
He slides his finger into me, and I spread my legs a bit more.
“Killian,” I moan, my voice cracking with need.
“You like that, songbird?”
“Yes,” I breathe, my voice barely audible.
He chuckles, and the sound sends shivers down my spine. “Then you’re going to love what I do next.”
My heart skips a beat as he pulls his finger out of me and shifts positions. I’m unsure what he’s going to do, but then I hear him rip open a packet and my stomach does a somersault.
Is that…?
A burst of panic rises inside me when he sits up and rolls the condom over his dick.
“Wait,” I say uncertainly, propping myself up on my elbows.
His gaze flickers to me, but he finishes putting the condom on and climbs between my legs, anyway.
My heart drops and I start to scramble away. “Killian, wait,” I say again. I know he heard me, but he’s not even pausing, let alone stopping.
I try to scoot away from him across the bed, but I don’t make it far. He grabs me and pushes me down, making my heart leap as he climbs between my legs.
“Killian,” I say, my voice shaking uncertainly.
“I won’t hurt you,” he says. “Not more than I have to, anyway.”
What does that even mean?
It’s not like I haven’t thought about it being him, but this is happening too fast, and he’s not making me feel like I have a choice. He came home at god knows what time and decided he was going to fuck me, because he also didn’t have to reach into his bedside drawer for a condom. He already had one when I woke up.
The panic is clearing away the fogginess from the desire, but just as it’s starting to get harder to breathe and I’m pre-panicking about how awkward it’s going to be after I have an actual panic attack in bed, Killian speaks, and the rough vulnerability in his voice stops every thought racing through my head.
“I need you right now, Brynn.”
I look up at him, eyes wide, heart heavy, but the panic subsides like storm clouds clearing on a suddenly sunny day.
A moment ago, I panicked over him wanting to move faster than I’m ready to, but he used the magic word.
He needs me.
I lick my lips uncertainly, but then I look up into the handsome face of the guy I’ve spent the past several nights in bed with. He has been great, and we like each other, and the only thing I said I was waiting for was something special.
Maybe this is special enough.
Looking into his eyes now, I can see that vulnerability. I don’t think I’ve seen it before, but I can’t… I can’t say no.
It was probably going to be him, anyway, so does it really matter if it’s a little sooner than I expected?
I nod slowly as I convince myself, sliding my fingers through his dark hair. “Are you okay?” I ask softly.
He nods briefly, then comes down on top of me. He’s still between my legs and I’m a little anxious about it, but he isn’t advancing on me in that way just now. He slides his hand along the side of my face, cradling my head and leaning in to kiss me.
God, I love his kisses.
It’s easy to get lost in them.
Then he leads me even further down that labyrinth, sliding a hand up my side and palming one of my tits.
I sigh against his mouth, and he kisses me until I forget why I would ever say no.
Then he reaches his hand down between us. I gasp when I feel him push against my entrance, tense up when he uses his fingers to spread me open like he does when he plays with me.
“Relax,” he says, kissing my lips.
I try, but it’s hard. He eases just the tip inside me, and just that much feels foreign and invasive. Once he’s inside me just that little bit, he turns his attention back to distracting me.
He’s good at that, apparently.
I don’t lose my awareness of his hardness prodding my entrance, but some of the tension eases out of me.
That’s what he’s waiting for, I guess.
He shifts his hips, pushing just a little deeper into me.
I gasp and grab onto his shoulders when he hits a barrier. “Wait.”
“Sh,” he murmurs against my lips.
I’m afraid it’s going to hurt, but I’m afraid to try stalling him again, too. That wasn’t tremendously successful last time, and I don’t want to ask him to stop again when I’m not sure he will.
I tell myself this is an inevitable part of the experience and I’ll be fine, but I still pull back enough to look into his eyes and beg wordlessly for him to be gentle.
Probably realizing I’ll drag this out if he lets me, Killian stops letting me.
He kisses my lips to let me know he cares, then he says, “The only thing I want to hear out of this pretty mouth again is you moaning my name. Understood?”
My eyes widen at the order, but something about it makes my tummy jump with excitement. I bite down on my bottom lip and watch his hungry gaze drop to my mouth, then I nod my understanding.
This is going to happen.
It’s okay, I tell myself.
I’m glad it’s him.
I trust him, and I’m obviously very attracted to him. He’s a great kisser, and I’ve enjoyed everything sexual he has done to me, so surely I will enjoy this, too.
It’s hard not to tense up as he sinks his cock deeper because it hurts a little when he does. I relax when he slowly eases back and focuses on kissing my neck, but then I gasp at the shock of pain when he drives his hips forward, driving right past the resistance and biting my neck. I shove against his chest instinctively to push him away, and I’m shocked when he grabs my wrists and pins them over my head, looking down at me, his eyes burning with intensity.
“No,” he says, his voice velvet and steel at the same time. “No more saying no to me. No more fighting.” He pushes his cock deeper until he’s all the way inside me, and the fullness is incredible. It aches to hold all of him in me, but it feels pleasantly intimate to be connected this way, too.
I wait for him to let go of my wrists, but he doesn’t.
He eases his hips back and then pushes deeper again. My body fits snugly around him like a glove, and it feels uncomfortable at first when he moves inside me, but the more he does it, the better it starts to feel.
He holds me down and fucks me just like that until I can take him without pain, and without fighting him. He can tell when it starts to feel good because of the noises I make, then he picks up speed, driving his cock deep over and over. The friction is incredible, and though I can’t do much to participate with him pinning me down the way he is, it feels so fucking good, I can’t complain about my helplessness, either.
“Fuck, Brynn,” he says, pumping into me with his eyes closed and his head hanging down. His steely grip on my wrists tightens almost painfully. I moan, but it’s mixed with the pleasure from him using my body and if I can’t tell the difference, then he probably can’t, either.
The pleasure building up inside me intensifies as he fucks me harder and faster. I pull at my hands, trying to free them so I can grab something to hold on to, but he won’t let me go.
I whine between moans and pants, and when he finally releases my wrists, it’s only so he can grab my hips, his fingers digging into my flesh as he lifts me up and holds me where he wants me.
I cry out sharply as he drives his cock into me from a different angle, struggling to draw enough breath into my lungs.
“Killian,” I half-cry, half-gasp as I feel the pressure building. “Oh, god, Killian.”
“That’s it, baby. You say my name all you want to.”
I don’t know what I’m doing, but I let my hips rock against him in the rhythm they seem to find natural, taking him deep inside me and chasing the pleasure I know is coming.
My eyes roll back in my head and I moan as he fucks me, then he does the most amazing thing.
He slides his thumb up to tease my clit, and the pleasure increases exponentially. I gasp, then draw a hitching breath as he starts fucking me and stimulating my clit at the same time.
“Killian,” I cry brokenly.
“Almost there, baby. You’re doing a beautiful fucking job taking my cock.”
Oh god.
I whine, clawing at the bedding. My mind feels like it’s splintering, like I’m going crazy as every stroke brings me closer to the brink of ecstasy. As he teases me with those expert fingers of his, reigniting the pleasure he stoked with his mouth before he decided that wasn’t enough tonight, that he needed to possess more of me.
He needed to possess me completely.
And I feel fucking possessed.
Abandon is so close, I can feel myself starting to break apart.
Slam. Slam. Slam.
“I can’t,” I whisper, but my words get lost, my voice breaking as he drives his cock deep and forces me over the edge.
I cry out, grabbing at the bed sheets as my body convulses, my pussy squeezing his cock as he keeps pumping into me. Pleasure erupts like volcano, seemingly bursting open inside me and shooting everywhere until my limbs are weak and my body is limp. I’m weightless and floating, disconnected from reality but in a nice way, not in the traumatic way I’m most used to.
He’s still using my body for his pleasure, and it’s the best fucking feeling in the world.
Killian drives into me a few more times before he comes, but when he drives deep and groans, his fingers digging into my hips, I feel a totally new kind of satisfaction.
My body made him feel that good.
I like that.
No, I love it.
I’m lost in a haze of tenderness and satisfaction when he pulls his cock out of my pussy, then collapses on top of me.
I smile dazedly, wrapping my arms around him to hold him close. His skin is hot against mine, and all I want to do is kiss him and love on him. I’m feeling so good, I tenderly kiss his forehead, then slide my fingers through his hair.
Damn, that was nice.
I feel better than I ever have, and the weight of him on top of me somehow intensifies the feeling of contentment.
My body is so relaxed, holding my eyes open becomes difficult.
I fight sleep until I can’t anymore, then I drift off with Killian in my arms.