Chapter Forty-two
Brynn
“I don’t know about this.”
Addison grins down at me, putting the last touches on my makeup. “I am. This was the best idea ever.”
“I can see why you feel that way. You get to wear a lab coat.”
Now that she’s done with my makeup, I stand and turn to look at myself in the mirror hanging up on the back of the door. I’m wearing the tightest baby pink strapless dress that has ever existed. It’s satin, and there’s a pretty pearlescent sheen to it, but it’s so tight, if I even try to walk, I feel the need to pull it back down.
Glancing at her, I say, “I’m beginning to think you just like playing dress-up with me.”
She smiles with teasing suggestion. “Well, you are a very pretty doll.”
I roll my eyes, then look in the mirror again.
Since it’s Friday night and we don’t have class tomorrow, we decided to have our Double Ryan night. But Addison invited Cassie and Cassie invited Annabel, and before I knew it, there was a house-wide open invitation.
Ten girls ended up wanting to join us, so instead of setting up in the smaller TV room on our floor, we’re going up to the floor above us where they have a huge sitting area and a massive TV. We’re making popcorn, and Addison made a batch of something she called brookies, and we’re all going to have an amended Double Ryan night.
We decided to replace The Place Beyond the Pines, though, given it was Killian’s pick, and when I asked Addison which Ryan Gosling movie she would like to be our second feature, she said there was only really one choice.
Barbie.
And to really get everyone in the spirit, she said we should all dress up as Barbies to watch it.
I’ll admit, the idea sounded fun.
Until she showed me the dress she picked out for me.
Nearly all my clothes are still at Killian’s apartment, so I’m pretty much at the mercy of Addison’s closet.
And Addison makes much more daring wardrobe choices than I do.
“I feel like a streetwalker.”
“It’s the stilettos,” she tells me, waving it off. “How lucky is it that we wear the same size in everything?”
“So lucky,” I say dryly, looking down at the high heels she put me in. They are beautiful pink heels with a delicate pearl strap around the ankle and a clear band that goes over my toes, so she also painted my toenails. “Unfortunately, if I have to walk down stairs tonight, I will die.”
“It’s the price we pay to be beautiful.”
“Death?”
“No one said it wasn’t expensive. Now, let me find my sneakers and we can go upstairs.”
“You are a cruel, cruel woman.”
She flashes me a smile and opens her closet. Once she gets her much more comfortable sneakers on, we head up to the gathering room. I’m trailing behind since I have to walk a bit slower in this get-up, but when I finally get there and see all the other girls dressed to the nines in their Barbie gear as well, I feel less like an idiot.
“We need a picture,” Annabel states, waving for everyone to join around her.
We all gather around her and squeeze in, then she snaps a picture.
“Double Ken night,” she says as she types.
“Double Ryan night,” Addison corrects her. “No Kens allowed.”
“They are not Kenough,” I agree solemnly.
Addison grins. “Exactly. Let them ride their goddamn horses and stay the hell out of our way.”
“Popcorn’s here.”
My heart sinks like a rock when I look back and see Sloane come in, carefully carrying three big bowls of popcorn with her.
Addison’s eyes widen, then shoot to me. “I didn’t know,” she mouths.
Shit.
Well, I really should have known. Sloane basically is a Barbie; how could she pass up the opportunity to dress as one?
She’s wearing the pink gingham dress with her blonde hair pulled half-back, looking like she’s ready for a picnic she definitely baked cookies for.
Unfortunately, the mere thought makes me consider that if she were packing a romantic picnic, it would be Killian she’d be packing it for.
My stomach begins hurting immediately.
“Does everybody have drinks?” Sloane asks cheerfully, glancing at all her friends already seated on the comfy couches.
“Come on,” Addison says gently, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. “We’ll sit over here.”
We sit on the couch furthest from where Sloane sits, but it’s hard not to be distracted by her. The lights dim and someone starts the movie, and I can feel the people around me having fun, but I’m on edge. I can’t shake my awareness of her, and I can’t think about her now without thinking about him.
We’re a little into the movie and Barbie is on her journey out of Barbieland when Sloane’s phone goes off. It’s on silent; I only notice because I’m aware of every move she makes, but when she smiles at the screen and her eyes seem to brighten, my heart cracks in half.
It has to be a text from Killian.
The idea of him texting her makes me want to die—especially a text that makes her smile like that.
It’s so familiar. So casually intimate. It paints a picture I don’t want to see.
Her gaze shifts to me and I quickly look at the TV, but my face flushes because I know she caught me looking at her.
I try to concentrate on what’s happening in the movie, but my ability to concentrate on anything is irreparably shattered when Killian walks in the room.
What is he doing here?
My heart goes into overdrive, and all the air abandons my lungs.
He looks good in a black T-shirt and jeans, but as my brain is fumbling to understand why he’s here, Sloane stands and brushes her hands down over her skirt. She does a little spin and says, “Like my costume?”
His lips tug up in a little smirk that feels like a fucking dagger to my gut. “I do.”
Ouch.
Addison grabs my hand and squeezes.
Time seems to freeze the same way the screen does when Annabel presses pause.
Sloane approaches Killian, and as she goes in to hug him, he slides an arm around her waist.
I feel like he just picked me up and hurled me out the window, and he’s not even looking my way. I’m not even sure he realizes I’m here, and that’s worse because that means what I’m seeing is how he would interact with her if I’m not around and…
I’m going to be sick.
I yank my hand free abruptly and stand, walking as quickly as I can out of the room. My feet die a little with every step because these goddamn heels are so high, and I hear Addison a little angry, reminding Sloane that Kens are not invited to this screening, but I don’t stay to listen to how it goes. I grip the railing and make my way down. If I fall, it won’t even be the worst thing to happen to me today.
I go to the second-floor bathroom because it’s farther away from the other girls, and it’s the one I’m used to. Tears blur my vision as I yank open the door and stumble inside, gripping the edge of the sink so I don’t fall.
“Stupid fucking shoes,” I say, glaring down at them, but it’s not the shoes I’m angry at.
It’s Killian.
Goddamn Killian.
It’s myself for ever liking that asshole.
I knew it was bound to happen, but to rub it in my face like this. To ruin Double Ryan night even more than Sloane already did by showing up.
“He’s such an asshole.”
The door opens behind me, and I turn, startled.
“You know, I’ve heard that about him, too. Stupid fucker.”
My eyes widen as Killian comes in, closing the bathroom door behind him.
“What the hell are you doing in here?”
He smirks, his blue eyes twinkling, his appreciative gaze moving over my body in this tight pink dress. “What in God’s name are you wearing?”
“Don’t worry about what I’m wearing,” I say, crossing my arms in a useless attempt to cover up.
“I like it. I didn’t say I didn’t like it. Just doesn’t seem like you.”
“All my clothes are at your apartment,” I say, my voice cracking under the weight of emotion overload.
“That’s okay,” he murmurs, coming closer. “I like you better naked anyway.”
“Killian,” I say warily, backing up.
“Songbird,” he says, grabbing my hips and backing me up against the counter.
“Don’t call me that anymore. And get your hands off me.”
He doesn’t. “You know,” he says, letting go of my hips, but only so he can slide his hands around and grab my ass, pulling me tightly against him. “I’m getting a little fucking tired of being told what to do.”
I catch a whiff of an unfamiliar scent on his breath. “Have you been drinking?”
“Mm-hmm. Drinking and thinking of you.” He nuzzles his face into my neck, and my heart nearly gives out. “Do you know how fucking much I’ve wanted to touch you, Brynn? It isn’t right to go this long without touching you. It’s unnecessary cruelty.”
Despite my ire and desire to be let go, I can feel his sincerity, so my tone isn’t as mean as I want it to be when I say, “No, it’s a pretty normal part of being engaged to someone else. Now, please take your hands off me before one of Sloane’s little spies follows me in here—”
“Fuck Sloane’s little spies.” He yanks my dress up and I gasp.
“Stop it,” I say, bringing my hands up to push at his chest, but it’s like pushing against a wall.
With my satin dress bunched up, he slides his hands down the back of my panties to grab my ass, squeezing my flesh possessively like I’m still his to touch.
Fuck, I hate that my body responds to it.
“Get away from me,” I say, heat rushing to my face.
“I’d rather die,” he states.
My eyes widen and shoot to his, and then he’s grabbing me, hoisting me up on the counter. “Killian,” I say uneasily. “What are you doing?”
“Taking what’s mine.”
“I am not yours.” I try to shove at him, but he plants himself between my thighs. “I’m serious, Killian. They’re right upstairs.” I’m afraid of what happens if I let him trap me here, so I try to slide off the counter.
But I just slide into his hard body, and I’m stuck here, my legs straddling him, my pelvis pressed right against him.
“That’s more like it,” he murmurs, sliding his hand under my thigh.
My cheeks flush. “I’m trying to get down.”
“You want down?” he asks. “I’ll let you down.”
I don’t think he means it, but to my surprise, he grips my ass and lifts me, then takes a step back. He carries me away from the counter, probably realizing I can’t land easily in these heels. He holds me up, making me straddle him for a hot moment, then he eases me down.
I lick my lips when my feet touch the floor, my body flushed and responding to the friction of sliding down his body.
But I told him I was off the table if he was going to marry Sloane, and goddammit, I meant it.
It didn’t mean I wanted to be, but if he’s going to marry her…
Reality is like a splash of ice water to the face. I swallow, taking a slow step back, but before I can, Killian reaches out and grabs a fistful of my hair. I gasp in surprise, my gaze shooting to him, and then he meets my gaze and says, “Get on your knees.”
Heart racing, I shake my head no.
“No?” He raises his eyebrows. “All right.”
Then, like that day on the balcony in Paris, he forces me down.
I don’t want to be there this time, but it’s hard to get up in these stupid heels, and his firm grip on my hair makes it hard, too.
“What the hell, Killian?”
My heart jumps when he unzips his pants and takes his cock out.
“Killian…” I look up at him a bit fearfully.
“That’s it, baby.” He reaches down and grabs my jaw. “Open that pretty fucking mouth.”
I seal my lips shut and glare at him.
He smirks.
Then he fists my hair tighter and hauls me forward, rubbing my face roughly against the side of his cock. “I said open up,” he rumbles.
My pussy throbs and I hate myself for it, then he forces his fingers into my mouth to open it, and I moan when he forces his cock between my lips.
I’m revolted by the gush of wetness between my thighs as I grip his strong thighs, struggling to take him as he forces his cock deep in my throat without warning.
“I’m gonna be inside you one way or the other, Brynn. You may as well be a good girl for me.”
Fuck.
I want to bite him, but I want to suck him almost as much.
I never thought I’d feel him in my mouth again, and now that he is…
I’m tempted.
But I don’t move.
I squeeze my eyes shut, feeling my pussy leaking juices into my panties and praying he doesn’t put his hand there and feel how much I want him.
“No? That’s okay. I can do it for you.” He caresses my jaw almost lovingly, then grips my skull tight and forces my mouth back and forth over his thick cock. “You like that, pretty girl? You like to be used and stuffed so full of my cock you can hardly breathe?”
My skin tingles with the need to be free of this dress. I adjust my grip on him, still holding one thigh, but holding his hip too as he guides my mouth back and forth over him.
“Fuck, I’ve missed that mouth.”
He pushes his cock deep and holds it there, and I tighten my grip on him, struggling to breathe.
He pulls it out of my throat, and I gasp around him.
“That’s it, baby.” He sighs, and a shiver of pleasure seems to travel from him to me. My tongue slides under his cock, and my pussy pulses with need.
Fuck it.
He’s still holding my hair, but he doesn’t have to make me take him anymore. I bob forward, wrapping my lips around his thick length and savoring the salty taste that hits my tongue. I suck him hungrily, knowing this time that it’s the last time.
I didn’t know that last time.
One of the worst parts of being blindsided. When I kissed him in bed that night, I had no idea it was our last kiss. The last time he touched me, the last time my bare skin was pressed against his.
I didn’t know it was the last time or I would have tried harder to pay attention. To soak it all in.
But I pay attention now to the way his fingers feel in my hair, the way he tastes, the sounds of his groan of pleasure when I’m doing good work. A tear slips down my cheek, and the floor feels hard against my knees, but all I want to do is please him one last time.
It feels painful, but not physically. This hurts like hell, and I can’t keep more tears from streaming down my face as I take his cock in my throat. At least if he looks, he’ll probably just think my eyes are watering from that.
His hands get rougher as he gets close. He grabs my head, taking control of my movements again. He controls everything and fucks my face until he comes down my throat.
I feel the tension ease out of his body, but he doesn’t release me just yet. He holds me against him like he’s allowed to keep me there, and it’s not until his breathing returns to normal that he lets me go.
My legs feel shaky as I get back to my feet. I grab the edge of the sink so I don’t turn my ankle on the way up, and my breath hitches as I do.
“Are you okay?” Killian asks.
I nod jerkily, gripping the edge of the sink. My makeup is probably a mess, but I can’t bring myself to look in the mirror.
That wasn’t at all like it was in Paris. He wasn’t brutal and forceful in Paris. He wasn’t even the one to initiate. I was craving him, so I wanted to suck him. I made love to him.
This time I was taken.
And I shouldn’t have been, because he’s not mine anymore, so I’m certainly not his.
What the hell are we doing?
“I can’t do this, Killian.”
He comes up behind me, pinning me against the sink. Then, gently, he pushes my hair over my shoulder and leans in to kiss the back of my neck. “What if I don’t give you a choice?”
A shiver travels down my spine and goosebumps erupt across my skin, but I shake my head. “You’ll rip me apart,” I say softly.
And I know he could do it. He could decimate me. He’s been doing it in little bits since I met him, but what he could do to me now…
I meet his gaze in the mirror. “Please don’t do this to me,” I whisper. “I can’t say no to you, and I can’t… do this.”
“Well, that’s gonna be a problem,” he murmurs, sliding my dress back up so my ass is more exposed to him. “Because I can’t be without you, Brynn. Life doesn’t make sense without you.”
I swallow past a lump in my throat. “If I’m so goddamn important to you, then why were you touching her?”
“I had to. I had to see her to get to you. Right now, she’s happy as a fucking clam thinking she’s getting her way. She thinks I’m gone and thinking about her, and you’re crying in the bathroom,” he says, pushing his hand down the front of my panties and palming my bare pussy. “But you’re the one I’m thinking about. You’re always the one I’m thinking about.”
Pleasure rolls over me in gentle waves, and my head lolls back against his shoulder.
“She won’t bother us right now. She thinks everything is fine.”
“That’s cruel,” I whisper, a bit breathless as he teases my slit.
“Maybe. But she shouldn’t have tried to cage me. She knew I wouldn’t fucking like it.”
I gasp as he presses a finger into me, finding my clit immediately and rubbing.
“She knew I wanted you, so she panicked and took you from me, and now, I can never be what she wanted me to be. I don’t work that way. If she knew me, she’d have known that. But she doesn’t know me, does she, songbird? You do.”
This is so fucking twisted.
“And I’m not hers. I’m yours. No matter what she thinks.”
Oh God.
I was so turned on from sucking him, I’m close to coming already, but right before I get there, he takes his hand away.
He’s so fucking mean sometimes.
My body feels heavy and needy, so when he grabs my hips and spins me around, I don’t resist.
When he lifts me up and puts me back on the sink, forcing down my strapless dress and bending to kiss his way across my bare tits, all I can do is hold on to him.
I cry out helplessly when he bites and sucks my flesh hard enough to leave bruises, and I wind my arms around his head, holding him close as his hot mouth sucks on my needy nipples.
This is heaven and hell at the same time.
Then there’s a soft knock on the door and my heart stops, my blood running cold.
I shove him away, but he doesn’t move much. He lets me get down off the sink, but he stays close as I fix my dress, like he may need to shield me from whatever’s on the other side, so he doesn’t want to go far.
“Who is it?” I call, my voice shaky.
“Addison. Can I come in?”
“No! Please don’t.” My heart pounds. “I’ll—I’ll be up in a minute, just wait for me upstairs, okay?”
“I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.”
“I’m okay,” I call back, my voice too panicky to be convincing.
The pause seems to go on forever, but finally she says, “All right. I’ll see you in a minute.”
My stomach twists with the horror of knowing she didn’t have to knock. This is a communal bathroom, and she could have just come in. Anyone could.
I’ve never done a thing like this in my life, and my stomach is wrecked with nerves. “You have to go,” I whisper to Killian, lightly touching his back.
He nods, but doesn’t move. “As soon as I’m finished.”