Chapter 11
Chapter Eleven
Maddie
The safe house is cold and sterile; it smells like nothing at all. There are no photos on the walls, no personal belongings, nothing to make it feel like a home.
After we arrived, Rhodes grabbed a spare set of clothes from a bag in the SUV and handed them to me—a black T-shirt and sweatpants that were way too big. I turned on my heel without a word and stalked to the bathroom to get changed.
Now I’m drowning in clothes that smell like him, and it’s infuriating how comforting it is.
I’ve shut myself in the first bedroom I could find, not waiting for his explanation, nor do I want to hear his apologies or justifications. I need to be alone.
The adrenaline from the escape wore off about twenty minutes ago, and now I’m sitting on the edge of the bed, trying not to lose my mind.
How long—how long have they been lying to me? Was it them every single time? It had to be, but I was too stupid to figure it out.
There’s a knock on the door, and though I attempt to ignore it, the knock comes again.
“Go away,” I call out, not even looking up.
Another knock.
“Go away!” I shout. “I don’t want to see you.” The door swings open anyway, and I look up, ready to tear someone a new asshole.
It’s Vander. Of course it’s him. The man who somehow always knows exactly what to say, even when he says nothing at all. I hate that they sent him.
“Don’t,” I say, holding up a hand. “Whatever you’re about to say, I don’t want to hear it.”
He steps into the room and closes the door behind him, then leans against it. I can see that he has showered.
“We caught him,” Vander says. “Your stalker. The police have him in custody now.”
I blink. That’s not what I expected.
“Your father is downtown dealing with the legal stuff,” he continues, moving to sit on the edge of the bed. “The threat is now neutralized.”
“Congratulations,” I say flatly.
Vander just looks at me, and we sit in silence.
“I should have known it was you guys,” I say bitterly. “I should have figured it out sooner. How stupid am I?”
“You’re not stupid.”
“I am. You’re around me every day. I should have known.” My voice cracks, and I stop. I can’t do this; I can’t fall apart in front of him.
Vander shifts on the bed, and I think he’s going to leave. Instead, he moves a little closer.
“I don’t talk much,” he says quietly.
I look at him, confused by the sudden subject change.
“It’s not because I don’t have anything to say,” he continues, his blue eyes fixed on mine. “It’s because I learned a long time ago that words can be used against you. That every word you speak can be twisted, recorded, used as leverage.”
“Vander—”
“Let me finish.” He shifts slightly to face me better.
“I spent three weeks in a cell where every word I said brought someone else pain. My girlfriend at the time, a friend, people I cared about. My captors would ask me questions, and no matter what I said, it ended up hurting the people I wanted to protect.”
My chest tightens, and I hold back the emotions flooding me right now.
“So I stopped talking,” he says. “I learned fast that silence can’t be used against anyone. Silence is safe.”
“That’s not safe,” I whisper. “That’s lonely.”
“Yes,” he agrees. “But it kept people alive.” He pauses, and I wait.
“When we decided on the Wild Steps thing,” he continues, “it was supposed to be controlled and safe. But somewhere along the way, it stopped being about that and started being about you. About being close to you without the complication of you knowing it was us.”
“That’s still lying,” I say.
“It is,” he agrees. “We were wrong. I was wrong. But I’m telling you now because I’m breaking my rule. I’m using words and I’m trusting you with them.”
I let that sink in. Vander is trusting me, and he doesn’t realize how much that means to me.
“Ace and Rhodes are waiting for you in the living room,” he says. “They want you to understand why we did this. But first, I needed you to know that my silence isn’t a wall. It’s how I protect people and keep them safe.”
“By not talking to them?”
“No, by choosing every word carefully. Only speaking when it matters.” He looks at me. “This matters. You matter to me.”
My throat feels tight.
“Come on,” Vander says, extending his hand. “They’re waiting.”
I take it and let him pull me to my feet.
The living room is too bright after the darkness of the bedroom. Ace is standing by the window, while Rhodes is pacing. They both turn when they see me.
“Before you say anything, I want it to be clear that I’m still furious with you.”
“We know—” Ace says.
“No, I’m not done,” I cut him off. “I don’t want to hear any apologies, and I don’t want to hear your explanations. But I want you to know that what you did was wrong. It was a violation of my trust.”
“Maddie,” Rhodes tries to interrupt.
“Just stop!” I shout, all the rage and hurt from the past few hours pouring out. I pace, moving back and forth across the living room. “You lied to me. Though you knew I didn’t want complications, you decided that didn’t matter. You decided you knew better than me what I wanted.”
“We were trying to protect you,” Rhodes says, clearly unable—or unwilling—to keep quiet.
“By lying to me?” I whirl around to face him. “That’s not fucking protection, Rhodes. That’s manipulation.” I pace some more, unable to stay still. “Do you have any idea how violated I feel right now?”
“We didn’t mean to hurt you,” Ace tries.
“Stop!” I hold up my hand. “You don’t get to do that. You don’t get to say it was about feelings when you were orchestrating everything.”
“Your safety was always our priority,” Rhodes adds.
“I know it was about my safety!” I’m practically screaming now. “That’s what makes it worse! You could have asked me. You could have told me no or told me my only option was you . . .”
Then it hits me. The stalker is caught, and the threat is over. There’s no reason for them to keep protecting me. I stop my pacing mid-stride.
“You’re going to leave me,” I mumble.
“Maddie.” Ace takes a step toward me.
“You’re going to leave,” I repeat, my voice shaking. “Now that he’s caught, you’re going to leave. There’s no reason to keep the security detail anymore.”
“That’s not—” Rhodes tries, but I cut him off, putting all the pieces together.
“That’s why Vander came to get me.” I can feel the panic rising in my chest. “That’s why you’re telling me the stalker is caught. Because you’re going to tell me the job is done and you’re finished and I’m supposed to go back to my life like none of this happened.”
“We’re not leaving,” Ace says firmly.
“You have to,” I say, tears rolling down my face. I’m not ready for this. “Your job is done.”
“Listen to me,” Ace says as he strides over and grips me by the shoulders, forcing me to look at him. “We. Are. Not. Leaving. Not unless you tell us to.”
“You’re lying,” I whisper.
“I’m not,” he says. “I know we lied before, and I know we have no right to ask you to trust us. But I’m telling you the truth. We’re staying.”
“For how long?” I ask, my voice soft and croaky. “Until my father decides he doesn’t need you anymore?”
“We will stay for as long as you want us to stay,” Rhodes assures me.
“I don’t believe you.”
Vander sits down on the couch and runs a hand over his head.
“Your father spoke to us tonight,” Ace says. “He told us that our contract can extend as long as we need it to. That he trusts us with you.”
“He did?” I say, with an embarrassing amount of hope in my voice.
“He did,” Vander confirms. “We’re not going anywhere, Maddie. Not unless you ask us to.”
“I need time to process all of this.” I am overwhelmed, my body exhausted and wrung out.
“Okay,” Ace says.
I sink onto the couch next to Vander, my legs unable to support me anymore.
“But you’re staying,” I say.
“We’re staying,” Ace confirms, and he sits down across from us.
“Even if I tell you I don’t want to see you for a while?”
“Even then,” Rhodes says.
“Even if I’m pissed.”
“Especially then,” Vander says quietly.
I pull my knees up to my chest, wrapping my arms around them.
I’m so tired. Physically. Emotionally. Mentally.
“Okay,” I whisper.
And for now, that’s enough.