Chapter 39
39
Aviva
A t least this time Jack had told the truth.
An hour after he’d left my apartment, workers showed up and repaired it without saying a word. By the time Tovah had gotten back from an allnighter at the newspaper, it was like Jack had never knocked it off its hinges.
Like he’d never been here, period.
It was for the best. On Monday, I’d ask Professor Johnathan if I could finish the semester up as an independent study. I doubted Jack would fight me on it. Even as he’d admitted he loved me, even as he’d fucked me into confessing it back, there was a desperation in his touch that made it obvious: he knew we were done, too.
Better for him to disappear out of my life altogether. I’d pick up the pieces.
Tomorrow. I’d pick up the pieces tomorrow.
I wasn’t home when the car he’d ordered for me showed up. Tovah had sent me a text:
there’s a car here?
for you?
to take you to the hockey game?
????????
CAN I FINALLY MURDER HIM?
I’d ignored her texts.
Just like I’d ignored Jack’s texts and calls. Instead, I’d hidden out at the library, trying to focus on classwork. It was impossible. I kept picturing the look on Jack’s face, the feeling of him inside me, as he told me he hated me and loved me with an intensity I’d never heard before. Terrifying, exhilarating, both at once.
But he still didn’t believe me, and even though it hurt, hurt, hurt, ohgodithurt , I had to put Asher first. Had to focus on school and completing my mission to get him justice. Not worry about what it would do to Jack, because Jack was done and we were done and?—
The words in my textbook swam in front of my face.
I wasn’t getting work done.
I was bone tired, and all I wanted was my bed. Even though it smelled like him, and maybe because it still smelled like him.
I trudged home, checking the hockey score on my phone. The Kings were behind by two points. It was weird. I doubted Jack was playing shitty because of our…breakup, or whatever it was. He was too focused on the game, too determined to win, to let some girl he thought he loved but didn’t believe throw him off. I loved that truth, and hated it at the same time.
The door was unlocked when I got home .
Weird, because Tovah had a shift at the bar tonight.
Shit.
Had someone broken in?
I glanced at my phone, not sure who to call. Who could help? Asher was too far away, Tovah wouldn’t see her phone, I didn’t trust the police, and Jack was at the game and might not help, anyway.
Double shit.
No way was I going into my apartment when god knew what could be waiting for me.
I turned, and someone grabbed me around the waist.
I screamed.
“Shh, little fury. It’s me.”
I smelled him, his spice, ice, and whiskey scent. Felt the terrible comfort of his arms.
But how was he even here?
I craned my neck to look at him. He looked terrible—eyes bloodshot, face almost haggard.
“Shouldn’t you be at your game?”
He shook his head. “I got penalized before it even started. Kicked out. Sent home. But not before my brothers talked some sense into me.”
What did that mean? Why was he penalized?
I started to ask, but he stopped me with a hand on my mouth. “Can we go in your apartment? It’s better we talk in private.”
He was asking? Not demanding?
“I’d rather be in public with you,” I told him. Even through my shock, I knew nothing good happened when we were alone in my home together.
He shook his head, and then I was up in his arms, bride style once again.
“Jack, put me down. ”
“I like carrying you like this,” he said. “It’s good practice for our wedding.”
Okay.
None of that.
Especially not the way his words made my heart race.
“Jack, stop. Put me down. You’re being completely crazy again. You can’t say shit like that to me and?—”
He silenced me with a kiss. It was sweet, tender, and maybe even…
…sorry.
And then we were inside my apartment and he was shutting the door with his foot and carrying me over to the couch, lowering me onto it…and kneeling in front of me.
My heart froze.
“Jack, what the hell.”
“Aviva, little fury.” He swallowed. “I’ve only ever apologized to you, but once again, I’m so, so sorry.”
I gaped at him. In some ways, they were almost more shocking than him telling me he loved me. And settled something inside me.
“Sorry for what?”
“For not believing you.”
I couldn’t speak for a moment. So he did.
“I should’ve believed you about the Co—about Josh Jensen. You were right. Your brother wasn’t lying. He was. I’d ignored it, like you said. I fucked up, and didn’t give you what I so desperately wanted from you—your loyalty. And for that, I’m sorry.”
He captured me with this gray eyes, wet pools of silver. I stared at him.
“So you believe me.”
“Yes.”
“And Asher. ”
“Yes.”
“And understand that just because the coach treated you with dignity and care and respect doesn’t mean he wasn’t capable of hurting someone else.”
“I know that, little fury, believe me, I know that. And I believe you. I’m sorry I didn’t.”
I didn’t know what to say. I’d never expected an apology. Desperately wanted one, but never thought it would happen. Instead I asked, “Why do you call me that?”
“In Greek mythology, they were fierce and determined to see justice, and so glorious, so beautiful, it hurt to look at them. I won’t call you princess because I know how much it hurts you, and I refuse to hurt you anymore. I can’t tell you how it felt, when you told me that I hurt you. I won’t do it again. Not to you, not my little fury. ” His face went hard. “And anyone who has hurt you will pay.”
I swallowed, cupping a hand around his cheek. He leaned into it, and the physical connection between us was everything I’d ever needed. Filled me with hope.
“Including you?” I asked.
He turned his head, kissing my palm. “Including me. I donated eight million dollars to a charity for young men who’ve been abused. In yours and Asher’s name.”
I startled. Eight million dollars? I couldn’t imagine that much money. Couldn’t even imagine what it would feel like to part with eight thousand dollars, much less eight million.
“Why? That’s so much money.”
“Because you deserve it yourself, but I know you won’t take it from me. So I did the next best thing. I’ll do whatever I have to do to show I’m sorry.”
I stared at him. “What are you sorry for?”
“I’m sorry for everything—except for keeping you. ”
It was hard to breathe. Hard to believe. Hard to trust that this was real.
He wasn’t done. “Oh, and I called your brother and apologized to him, too. Told him I’d make sure he got his spot back on the Kings and his scholarship back. And I mean it, little fury. If I have to use up every favor I have to make sure it happens, I’ll do it.” He grinned. “By the way, he’s pissed at you for not telling him you’d transferred. I told him I was keeping you safe.”
My eyes got big. “You didn’t.”
“He’s coming up this weekend to see you. I think it’ll be good for him to be back on campus, don’t you?”
It would be. Exposure therapy and all that. But I was still stuck on the fact that he’d called Asher at all.
“Why would you even call him? That can’t have been comfortable.”
“It wasn’t comfortable. I don’t give a shit though. Your brother is important to you, which means he’s important to me,” he said simply. “Everything that’s important to you is important to me. It’s going to be that way for the rest of our lives.”
“Our lives?”
“Fuck yes. I know I messed up, did terrible things, hurt you, but I am not giving you up, Aviva. I meant what I said last night. You’re mine, and I’m yours. Forever.”
“And you’re sorry.”
He nodded. “I am.”
“On your knees? You’ve never been on your knees for me before.”
My heart was in my throat. This man, who never apologized to anyone, had told me sorry. He kneeled for no one, but here he was, kneeling in front of me. He’d hurt me, bullied me, doubted me, forced me to have sex with him so many times.
And gave me more pleasure than I’d ever known. Allowed me to be myself. Admired me. Protected me. Used all his power to give my brother his life back. And now?—
“I’d crawl on glass if it meant keeping you safe and happy,” he told me.
God. This man.
“You can call me princess,” I told him, because it was true. I’d hated that I loved it, but I loved it. “It’s different when you do it.”
He kissed my hand again. “Good. Because you’re my princess and I’m going to treat you like one from now on.” He smiled. “Outside of sex, at least. I’ll still fuck you like you’re my whore.”
My thighs clenched at his words, but I forced myself not to get lost in lust. It was time to broach the harder subject, to see if he was for real.
“So if you believe me about Coach Jensen, what does that mean?”
“It means that he’s going down. Anyone who hurts you…” he shook his head. “I don’t really know him, can’t trust him. I let my past cloud my instincts. And since he hurt your brother, he hurt you. I’m right, aren’t I? This isn’t just for your brother, this is for you. ”
I swallowed. “Yes.”
He was right. I’d told myself for so long I was doing this all for Asher, but it was for me, too. My family had been hurt so much over the years, and I couldn’t take any more. I’d had to prove to myself that I was powerful enough to stand up to the injustice in the world—and win.
“Who else hurt you, Aviva? Tell me, and I’ll rip them apart. ”
So many people. The men who’d murdered my parents. The Gold family, for never helping us. The world at large, for making me feel so small.
He watched me. “Tell me. Who hurt you. Besides me.”
If he truly wanted to know, I’d tell him. “I don’t know. Society? The patriarchy?” I stared at him, needing him to hear the last part. “Institutions that put men in positions of authority and never hold them accountable for the terrible things they do. Take your pick.”
He didn’t say anything for a moment, and I worried that I’d crossed a line, it was too much, that even with all we’d been through, this was when he’d walk away.
Instead, he stared at me, his eyes so silver, I almost gasped. There was love there, trust, determination. Loyalty.
“Then let’s burn it down together, princess.”