Chapter 49
Chapter forty-nine
Alisa
Dmitri carried me into his apartment while I clung to him like he was my lifeline. Silent tears dripped down my cheeks.
He laid me down on my favorite couch, but when he went to move away, I gripped onto his shirt like it was a life raft drifting back to the sea.
“Please,” I whispered.
Dmitri stared at me, his eyes unreadable.
He sat down on the couch and pulled me into the warmth of his lap. I curled into his broad chest. We just laid there in silence while I continued to clutch onto his shirt like he might leave any minute if I let go.
White snowflakes pierced the dark night, and I smiled for the first time since Natalya’s death.
Dmitri followed my gaze, an unspoken question in his eyes.
“I guess, I’ll have to stay one more night,” I said.
A dark light shone in his eyes. He chuckled quietly, the rumble of his chest a soothing beat.
“If that’s okay,” I added.
My lungs tensed up at the thought of having to go back into the cold world alone, and spend the night curled in a ball at my freezing apartment.
“It’s okay, kotenok.” Dmitri absently played with my hair, and I leaned into his touch. “Honestly, I thought you’d be too mad at me to want to see my face for a while.”
I reared back, immediately missing the comforting warmth of his body. “Why would you think that?”
“I murdered your friend,” he said with a shrug. He said it so simply, without even a hint of remorse in his eyes.
“She would’ve tried to kill me if you hadn’t,” I said woodenly. All the sadness and emotion numbed my system as I spoke of it for the first time since it happened. “I wonder if I could’ve done anything differently.”
Pain lanced my stomach.
It was done. No matter how long I thought back on the possibilities it still wouldn’t bring her back.
“No,” he said, a finality in his voice. “If you didn’t obey, the Pakhan would’ve just killed you both.”
There was an unspoken reminder in his sentence: Just like he would’ve killed you and your brother if I hadn’t picked for you.
“I hate him,” I said, anger swarming through my body like a hive of gnats.
“Who?” Dmitri asked, playing with my hair again.
“The Pakhan and his egotistical fucking game.”
Dmitri’s hand froze in my hair, and his entire face hardened.
“Never say that again.” He gripped my hair so tightly that it was almost painful.
I stared at him incredulous. “You can’t seriously be okay with all of this? He could kill any of us tomorrow just because he feels like it, and there’s nothing we can do.”
“Everything the Pakhan does is for a reason,” Dmitri said, his voice hard. “So the real question is: Why did he send out a kill order on you?”
His gaze was penetrating as he stared intently at me. I understood how so many of his prey must’ve felt moments before he pounced and ended their lives. Fear swallowed me as I imagined that’s exactly what I’d become if I admitted what the Pakhan had asked of me.
I also knew if I hid this from him, it’d just broaden the distance between us. Maybe this was just temporary, but when I was with him, it felt like I could finally let my guard down and feel safe.
What I said was true: the Pakhan could kill me just because he felt like it. And I was sure it wouldn’t help my chances if I revealed that he was snooping around for dirt on Dmitri.
Despite that, I refused to let the Pakhan destroy this little slice of happiness I’d carved out in my life.
“He asked me for information on you,” I said.
Dmitri went completely still. That was more terrifying than if he’d lashed out with anger. He was like a panther that could pounce at any moment, and then slowly gnaw on your bones.
“What did you say?” His expression was controlled, devoid of any hints of what he was thinking.
“Nothing he could use against you.”
“What did you tell him?” Dmitri’s voice was unreadable, but the demand was clear.
“Both times-”
“You met him more than once.” Anger seeped into his voice, and my heart thudded. “And you didn’t tell me.”
“I thought I had it under control! I was careful to only reveal things that couldn’t hurt you.”
Dmitri swiped his hand across his face. It was like a panther violently slashing with his paw. “You’ve been staying in my house, spying on me for God knows how long, and you didn’t think to tell me because you had it under control.”
“I protected you!” I said, jumping to my feet. “I could’ve told the Pakhan a million little things he could’ve used against you, and I didn’t! He was pissed when he left. The Pakhan told me if I’m unable to help him, he’d find someone else who will.”
My voice rose, fear slamming against my insides. “You think it’s a coincidence he says that, and then a half hour later Natalya’s coming to kill me? I could’ve died protecting you. Don’t you dare accuse me of betraying you!”
“You should’ve come to me,” Dmitri said through gritted teeth.
I threw my hands up. “Why? So you could throw me out, because you think I’m spying on you.”
A dark laugh rumbled out of him, surprising me.
“You think I’m throwing you out?” A humorless smile appeared on his lips. “You have no idea what I have planned for you.”
Confusion swirled in my mind, but light filtered in through the haze. Warmth softly spread through my veins at the hope that I didn’t have to leave.
“What do you mean?”
Dmitri stood up, and grasped my jaw firmly.
“Alisa, you should’ve come to me. You’re playing a game you don’t understand the rules of, and if you misstep again, I might not be able to save you.”
“You don’t think I know the rules? I just have to keep following the Pakhan’s orders in this never-ending competition.”
“It’s ending.”
The breath rushed out of me. The competition was ending? Was I finally going to be free of this nightmare?
My building excitement tapered off when I noticed the grim expression on Dmitri’s face.
“That’s a good thing, right?” I said, frowning at the dark look in his eyes.
“No, Alisa. Everything is about to get more dangerous.”