Chapter 19
Helena
Daniel didn’t come back.
I hate that I’m disappointed by that.
I expected to wake up the next morning to him sitting on the edge of my bed ready for another round of whatever it was that he was going to do. I expected him to show up and attempt to punish me for escaping. I would be lying if I said I didn’t have one or two dreams about him spanking me until my ass was bright red in penance for what I did.
But he didn’t come.
Not on the first day, and not on the second. If I didn”t know any better, I”d assume something bad had happened to him. One of his men comes in three times a day to bring me food. Trying to get information from any of them is pointless. They don”t even look me in the eyes. When they replace my empty food tray with a new one, I”m lucky if they give me a grunt. Another smaller man was brought in twice on the first day to check my ankle. He stated that he was asked to ensure that things did not worsen, but Daniel still did not appear. When I woke up the next day, there was a cello on the ground beside the bed.
But no Daniel.
He could be sneaking into my room while I”m sleeping, but I like to think I would sensehim. I haven”t even seen him out walking around the grounds as I expected from the window. I don”t see anything out there. Boredom is driving me insane. There are no books. No TV. There is no internet. Nothing will entertain me, and if I sit here alone with my thoughts for another day, I”m going to jump out the window for a completely different reason.
Without any other options, I’m playing my fingers raw. It’s hard to sit for long periods of time because the blood pooling in my ankle makes it swell up pretty bad, but soaking it seems to help. So, I bounce back and forth from tub to cello and back again.
Clearly, he doesn’t want me to be in pain. If he has chosen to give a damn about my wellbeing and not kill me… then why doesn’t he come in here and at least tell me that? I don’t see the point in dragging all of this out. Since he wants me to be his property, I thought he’d want me on hand to satisfy him, but that’s not happening either.
Not that I want to.
Well, maybe I do a little bit.
It would at least put a pin in my boredom for a little while.
One of his men should be in with lunch any minute now, so I pull the cello from between my thighs and place it down into the open case beside my bed. It’s weird that it does somehow feel like my bed. I can’t actually be accepting this, can I? Maybe it’s just nice to know that I’m caught. I guess there is a strange sort of peace in knowing which door danger is going to come in through—and not having to watch over my shoulder every second of every day. I don’t have to pretend to be someone else.
Just Helena locked in a room. As a prisoner. Sort of.
The door opens, and I scoot back on my bed the way that his men have instructed me to for the past two days. I think it’s pretty silly since I’m not going to be able to get very far past them with my bum ankle like this anyway. It’s getting better, but I wouldn’t dare run on it for a little while longer. I wrap my arms around my legs and wait. I prepare my most menacing glare just in case they do look my way.
Maybe if Daniel doesn’t show up tomorrow, I will try my luck. I’ll try darting past one of his little guards just so that he will have a reason to show back up and ‘handle’ me.
Yet, as if summoned by my thoughts, it’s not one of his men with my lunch cart… but Daniel.
He is somehow even more handsome than I remembered. My heart dances in my chest and sends a flurry of butterflies down through my gut. Stupid body. He’s dressed more casually than I’ve seen him before: a simple pair of sweatpants and a sweater pulled over his head. I’m sure both of those items cost more than my teacher’s yearly salary, but he wears them effortlessly.
Wearing a silk nightie and nothing underneath makes me feel horribly underdressed. I hadn’t seen the point in getting dressed since I spend most of my time in bed, and everything in that closet covers less skin than the nightie does anyway.
My mouth goes dry as I wait for him to say something. He’s probably just been using our time apart to plan something terrible for me. Instead of allowing his passions to take over like the other night, he’s plotted and schemed. I should probably be afraid.
“Good morning, pet,” Daniel says flatly. Something is off. He looks almost as if he’s looking through me instead of at me. “This is the part where you say good morning back.”
I swallow hard and nod. “Good morning.”
Daniel looks at me expectantly, forcing me to correct myself.
“Good morning, Master,” I answer dryly.
“That’s much better.” Daniel walks into the room slowly. The closer he gets the clearer I can see the subtle bags under his eyes. “You’ve been surprisingly well behaved these last couple days,” he remarks.
I hate that his compliment feels good. I hoped that he was watching me. I found myself looking for the various cameras hidden around the room, wondering if he was watching and when. Though, I won’t ever admit to it.
“Have you figured out what your next daring escape plan is going to be yet, or did you decide to become docile while in captivity?”
There is no good way to answer that question, so I don”t. If I admit that there are aspects of this place that I enjoy, he will assume that I am submitting to him, which I am not. If I disagree, he”ll probably put more guards on me... or take my cello away. I don”t think I”ll be able to handle that.
“Is that why you had somebody come look at my ankle? Making sure that I’m not in running shape yet?”
Daniel smirks. It’s not the warm and captivating gesture that he’s made so many times before. It’s not the sort of expression that makes me wonder what he’s planning next. This is a cold smirk, something that tells me I need to watch my words carefully. I don’t want to make the situation worse for myself.
“I could have you permanently hobbled if you prefer.”
“No… that’s not what I?—”
“Torturing and punishing you will be all the more fun for me if you’re fully healed. I enjoy being able to break a bitch when they’re still whole,” he speaks as he moves closer to where I’m sitting on the bed. I feel like if I move too fast, it’s going to trigger something in him. It’s hard to sit still when my fight or flight is currently primed for me to run.
“Are you ready to tell me your true name yet, pet?”
My lips part and I shake my head. “What?” I don’t understand what he means. He knows who I am. He knows what I’ve done. He has to. Why are we back to playing this game again? If there was something else that he needed to know, something else that he’s found out that he wasn’t supposed to… Well, I sure as hell am not going to add more kindling to the fire he’s going to use to burn me.
“At some point, you knew that somebody was going to find you again. There was nowhere that you could run. No corner of the earth secluded enough. No hole deep enough for you to crawl into. Nowhere you can truly be safe. But I will admit that you were able to hide the truth about your family for years, and that’s pretty impressive. The truth will come out, I always say. One way or another.”
“I don’t… I don’t understand what you’re?—”
“No more lies, pet.” Daniel’s eyes dart to me in warning. My jaw snaps shut audibly as a cold dagger of fear lances through me.
“It doesn’t matter who I am. Y-you’ve already caught me,” I stammer, fumbling over the words.
“Oh, but it does,” he bites. “If I had known that you were Alek’s sister, I would have killed you with your own cello strings the moment I found you.”
My blood runs cold. My eyes widen in shock and disbelief. How does he know that name? Alek’s name isn’t tied to anything. All records of him were sealed a long time ago. Abram made sure of that. He made sure that we didn’t use any names or documents that made mention of my birth name. He couldn’t have traced Alek back to me. It’s impossible.
Isn’t it?
“I don’t know who you?—”
The back of Daniel’s hand collides with my face before I even see him move. Pain explodes across my cheek and spiderwebs outward as I am hurled sideways on the bed. I scramble to put distance between Daniel and myself, but he grabs hold of my good ankle, and pulls me right back where I was. He balances on one knee on the bed, and I am not stupid enough to speak again.
“No. More. Lies,” Daniel grinds out between his teeth.
I want to cry. I feel tiny and trapped. My heart is a hummingbird in my chest, and I can’t pull my hand from the side of my face.
“Okay!” I say too softly. “I don’t know how you know Alek… but I haven’t spoken to him since I was fifteen! I swear it! I don’t know where he is… he won’t care where I am or what you do to me. I’m no good to you if you have history with him!”
I”m speaking too quickly. My tongue is lagging behind my mind, and I”m stumbling over my words. I hate trembling, but I can”t stop myself. I want to wipe Daniel”s hateful expression away. I want him to soften once more. I want him to appear challenged and aroused—thatI can handle. I want him to look at me like he did when he was fixingmy ankle.
My hand trembles violently as I reach toward Daniel. I don’t know why I did it… I guess I thought that if I touched him, maybe I could make him believe me. I would be able to get through to him or something, but he doesn’t give me the chance.
“So, you’re saying that if I sent word out right now that I had you captive, he wouldn’t even bother trying to come and get you? You really expect me to believe that?!”
“I don’t know! He didn’t care the last time the world thought I was dead! Not a word. Not a letter. Nothing since I was fifteen Daniel, I swear…. I swear.” My fingers curl into a soft fist as I pull my hands back toward my chest. Daniel puts his other knee on the bed and moves forward, pinning my thighs between his legs as he stares down at my face. I feel completely vulnerable.
“Keep talking,” he commands, but he doesn’t seem half as angry as he did before.
“My f-father never wanted us to be close. Alek was the favorite. He was the one who was indispensable. I wanted to prove myself to our dad—I wanted somebody to be proud of me. When father finally gave me a mission, I was determined to prove myself. I had to see it through to the end. He said that it only made sense for me to kill Nikolai’s father since nobody knew that I existed. He never publicly claimed me so that I could be kept safe… or so he said. Then Alek left, and I was all that he had. I wanted to be a good daughter. I thought that I was ready… But I failed… I failed…”
Now the words have started pouring out of me, I can’t stop them. I can feel the tears running down the sides of my face, but I can’t wipe them. I’m rooted to the spot.
“I ran home… and he followed me. At least, I think he followed me. I don’t know how else he would have found the way to our estate—and he murdered my father with his own two hands. I don’t see how else he could have broken in. My father liked to work late nights. I usually brought cocoa into his study when it was getting late to encourage him to go to bed. But that night something was wrong. I heard shouting and noises from all the way down the hall. I ran to see what was happening, and I saw everything through the crack in the door.”
I’m sobbing as I speak. I’ve never told anybody this. Not even Abram knows all of the details because it’s always been too hard for me to talk about. I don’t have a good reason to tell Daniel, but I guess if I’m going to die, then somebody might as well know the whole truth.
“I saw everything.” I hiccup and power through it. “My father was choking on his own blood. The bastard had tortured him. My father was black and blue… the sounds he made…” I want to cover my ears like that’s going to block them out. I can’t drown out the sound, not even now. It still gives me nightmares. “My father tried his best to keep me hidden… he loved me. He’s the only person who’s ever loved me… and then he was gone.”
I bring my arms up to cover my face and block out as much of my surroundings as I can.
“I promised that I would get revenge. It was the only thing I could do. I wanted him to suffer like I did, like my father did. His father, he’s… he’s the only person I’ve ever killed. I didn’t know what I was doing. I was seventeen. My mother had just died from cancer… and I was all alone.”
That was the day that I started to become the woman that I am now. A woman who hurts and uses people. A woman who puts herself first. Perhaps it would have been better to stay that way… but then Nikolai happened, and I started to regret what I did.
Not that Daniel will believe anything that I say.
People only believe what they want to believe.