Chapter 6
SIX
age 12
The water was murky today, but it was clear enough that I could see the outline of Tatiana's face, her red ribbons bright and fluttering as she peered over the edge of the dock.
It was her eleventh birthday, and I’d convinced my mom to send me to Cuba early as a surprise, wanting to make it special.
As soon as I’d arrived, I threw my stuff in my room, then ran straight for her house, singing happy birthday at the top of my lungs. She’d jerked open her door, a surprised look on her face. She had squealed in excitement then jumped into my arms, demanding I start all over again.
I’d immediately headed down the street, singing and laughing until I finished it with a big breath and a flourish, my chest swollen with pride at the happiness on her face. Then I took her shopping, demanding she pick whatever she wanted for her birthday.
As we walked, I’d threaded Tatiana’s fingers through my own, pointedly ignoring the looks of disapproval on Father Hector’s face, as well as the tutting scowl from Maria Angela Lupita, the old hag who ran the elementary school, as we passed them by.
I’d been lectured a hundred times from each of the two that a boy of my background and blood shouldn’t hang out with Bogdan Krapivnik’s daughter, a lowlife, and an immigrant, no less. But those people didn’t bug me, I could do whatever I wanted and they couldn’t touch me, the jerks.
In less than an hour, Tatiana had turned down two dresses, a pair of diamond earrings, real ones , and a stuffed animal.
Ughhh . Girls, they were so annoying. When I’d demanded she tell me what she wanted, she said she wanted something perfect , something special. Something that no one else could get her.
So now, the water above me flickered and danced as the waves crashed against the slimy green posts. I swallowed down the air bursting to escape my lungs and dove deeper, my eyes straining along the sandy bottom.
There was a flash of pink and I reached out, ignoring the curious school of yellow and black fish flickering around me. I picked up a shell—it was the perfect round shape but it was too small. I tossed it to the side and headed further into the ocean, brushing away a broken up fishing net.
I didn't glance upward, but I could feel Tatiana's presence behind me. I really wanted to get her something no one else had but I was already running out of air—my lungs were about to burst.
Finally .
I grabbed the biggest shell I'd ever seen and pulled it close to inspect it. It was a soft cream with an iridescent inside. It also had a bunch of ridges, like a funky mohawk. There was no way anyone else had a shell like this one.
Grinning, I pushed off the sand and swam upwards and towards the dock, where Tatiana was waiting for me. I swallowed down the pressing air in my lungs, needing to hold it for a minute longer.
Something grabbed my ankle, stopping me from moving. The air in my lungs burst from my lips as I exhaled in surprise, the air bubbling upwards. I looked down, frowning when I saw that it was the net, tangled up in my foot and then stuck to the dock. Panic made me crazy. My lungs burned and my fingers fumbled as I struggled with it, taking forever to release myself.
Ahh! Finally ! I got if off and rushed towards the sky.
Her face split into a grin when I popped up out of the water. I drug in a big breath, about to die here.
Pretending nothing bad had happened, I climbed up onto the dock and handed her the shell.
“It's beautiful." Her eyes were filled with awe and her finger traced the spiraled edges.
“Shit.” I grabbed it back, just now realizing that a piece was busted off. "It's broken.” My eyebrows furrowed. I should’ve checked it better first. “I’ll get another one.” I tried to throw it back into the water but she grabbed it from me.
"It's perfect." She hid it behind her back, her expression defiant.
"But it's bro--"
"I don't care," she proclaimed. "It might be broken but it’s perfect to me."
The stubborn look on her face told me she wasn't going to let me throw it back and find another one.
“Fine,” I grunted out, exasperated, but let her keep it.
“It’s so beautiful.” She smiled brightly. “Thank you so much!”
“You’re welcome.” I brushed a finger across her cheek softly, then tugged on her pigtail playfully.
“Here,” her hands went to the red ribbon on the bottom of her pigtail, and she pulled it off, then held it towards me.
I looked down at it. “What’s that?”
“Your birthday present. I never got you anything.”
I frowned. “I can’t take your stuff.”
“Yes you can.”
“No,” I pushed her hand away. “That’s yours. And I don’t need a ribbon. I’m a guy .”
“I can give it to you if I want.” She scowled, and her hand went to her hip. "Besides, I know you want it.”
“Why’d you think that?”
“Because,” she said haughtily, “You keep staring at them.”
"That doesn't mean I want it." My face was red.
She stepped in closer to me, her hand going to my cheek. "You can't hide from me, Knight. I know you better than anyone else." She placed the ribbon in the palm of my hand and folded my fingers over it. "Keep it." Then she kissed my cheek.
I looked away. "Are you sure I can't get you a better shell?”
"No." She held it to her chest. "I love this one."
"Okay." I tried to pretend that her words didn't make a warmth fill me, even more than her kiss on my cheek. I shoved the ribbon in my pocket, then wrapped an arm around her neck, holding her close as we walked. “Let’s go to your house, I bet your mom and dad are making a birthday cake for you.”
She glanced away from me and towards the ocean. “I don’t know.”
“They have to. I heard your parents are working for my Abuelo now." I was so excited Abuelo finally hired her dad. I’d been pestering him for years to do it. Now they would have money to buy her clothes when she had a growth spurt.
"I know." She stared at the ground as we walked.
"Aren't you happy about it?” I asked.
“Of course,” she nodded, still not looking at me, but pretended to study the shell closer. I frowned, but didn’t say anything as we made our way down the street. When we got to her house, she led me around to her back door. "Wait here."
I shoved my hands in the pockets of my shorts and shrugged. “Kay.”
She disappeared, the screen door slapping the frame behind her. As soon as she was gone, I pulled my hand out of my pocket and studied the ribbon she'd given me.
She'd been right, I was obsessed with those ribbons because they reminded me of her.
And now, she'd given one to me, when she probably didn't have money to buy another one.
Well, that was going to change. I knew for certain that the men who worked for Abuelo had lots of money.
I fidgeted while I waited for Tatiana to return, and tied the ribbon around my wrist, liking how something of hers looked on me.
The other girls might make faces at me because of it, but I didn't care.
They could go fuck themselves for all I gave a damn.
I liked hanging out with Tatiana. She talked back to me whenever I was being a jerk, instead of just taking it like all the other girls. She also had a sweetness and innocence about her, and didn’t know things lots of other girls her age knew. I liked to see her blush. Those were only a few reasons I liked to hang out with her.
I got tired of waiting and walked up to the doorway, listening in.
I wasn't sure why, but Tatiana didn't like coming here that much.
I know she didn't have much but I didn't care about stuff like that, and I was bored, just waiting here.
Making sure to be real quiet, I snuck inside, closing the door softly behind me. The kitchen was empty, and there was no smell from the oven. No sign of presents or a birthday cake.
I heard a bumping noise towards the living room.
"Tati," I whispered, creeping around the ugly, puke green table and chairs. The orange flooring had several broken tiles, and there were dirty scuff marks on the bright mint walls. I peeked around the corner, and saw Tatiana standing there, her back to me.
"Tati," I whispered again, a little bit louder this time, but she didn't answer. She just stood there, frozen, staring into the living room.
I crept up behind her, my eyes going to the small room, and suddenly I understood everything.
There were no preparations for a birthday party, no bright pink or purple wrapping papers, no red ribbons lying about. No birthday cake or lit candles.
And, no need to whisper.
Both her parents were on the couch. They were awake but their eyes drooped; they stared beyond us like we weren’t even there. On the table next to the couch was a spoon, blackened in the middle, a lighter, a tie, and a needle.
Fury rushed through me.
With the new money working for Abuelo, they’d gotten heroin and shot themselves up, instead of having a birthday party for Tatiana.
And I’d forced her to come home, getting her hopes up. They probably didn’t even remember it was her birthday.
Tatiana was just staring at them with wide eyes. Her face was really pale, and her chest was fluttering in and out with short breaths.
"Tati," I knew I needed to take charge. I'd been around this plenty of times but Tatiana was still innocent.
I was wrong.
It wasn't going to be better that her parents had gone to work for Abuelo, because now, she would grow hard, just like all the other girls around here.
I suddenly hated that her parents were too weak to protect her.
Wrapping my fingers around her arm, I pulled her away. "Let's go to your room."
“No," she shook her head. "I don't want to go in there." She finally looked away from her parents, her eyes going to me. "Can we go back to the docks? Or downtown." She saw my face harden, and her voice turned pleading. "Please, Knight. I don't want to be here anymore."
I shook my head, knowing she had to grow up now, and fast. "No."
Turning around, I pulled her away from her disgusting parents and into the hallway, down to where I knew her room was. She didn’t argue with me like I thought she would, but stumbled behind me until we made it into her small, mint-green room.
I walked her over to her twin mattress, covered by a simple white sheet, and sat her down on it. Then I shut her door firmly behind me, and turned to look at her. She was staring at her black and white checkered floor, and her fingers were brushing across her cheek, wiping at a tear that I knew she didn't want me to see.
I didn't say anything but let her collect herself. When she finally looked at me, her nose was red and there were unshed tears in her eyes.
"Are you okay?"
She nodded, not saying anything, and I went to sit next to her on the bed. I took her hand, and her eyes went to my wrist, where I'd tied her ribbon.
"Tatiana, look at me."
She met my eyes, and I hated the pain in them. Hated that her parents were hurting her. Hated how weak they were.
"I'm going to take care of you from here on out. You understand me?"
She just looked down, not answering, but instead stared at my chest, her face still so pale. I took her chin, firmly forcing her face upwards so she would look at me. "I'm serious, Tati. From here on, you need anything, you tell me, and I'll get it for you."
"How about you get me new parents?"
"I can't." I swallowed hard. "Not yet."
She jerked her head out of my hold. "That's the thing, Knight. You'll be gone at the end of the summer. You can't take care of me."
"I'll bring you money. We'll find a place to hide it from your parents. And any time you need something, if I'm not here, you'll use that."
"You'd do that for me?" She finally looked at me, and a tear escaped her eye.
I brushed it away. "I would do a lot more for you, Tati." My words were fierce. "I swear. All you need to do is ask."
Reaching forward, I untied the other ribbon from her pigtail and stood up, walking to her window. "If, for some reason, your parents won't let you come talk to me, tie this ribbon to your window," I showed her the spot where I was sure I could see it from the road, "and I’ll know you need something."
She nodded, her tongue coming out to lick over that freckle by her lips. She did that when she was nervous.
She didn't like lying to her parents, but I knew that her life was about to get harder, and she would have to learn to be harder too.
"Promise me you'll do it. Anything you need, you'll tell me."
She nodded, another tear falling down her cheek, and something burned inside me.
I wanted to kill her parents for being so selfish.
They finally had money to buy her stuff and they'd spent it on drugs.
"Knight?" Her star-blue eyes were wide, her voice pleading. "Will you kiss me?"
I narrowed my eyes at her, thinking about my answer.
She'd never let me kiss her before, only that one time, and I knew she only wanted me to kiss her now because she was upset.
I shouldn't do it.
I wanted her to kiss me because she wanted me to kiss her, not because she wanted to forget about her parents.
"Please, Knight.” Her voice was so soft, it cracked. “You just promised you would give me anything I wanted."
I came to stand over her, my fists clenching. "And that's what you want? Me to kiss you?”
She leaned her head back to stare up at me, her throat bobbing, and nodded. “That’s the last birthday present I want from you.”
I studied her, carefully considering it, but really, how could I say no?
“Okay.” I sat down and leaned against her wall, then pulled her into my lap. I took my time, not wanting this moment to be ruined by thoughts about her stupid parents. I began to sing, something I rarely did, threading my fingers through her hair to undo her braids. I sang a song I’d heard in the States, about growing up and falling in love with your best friend. I think the lyrics were about a dog but what did I know? As I sang, I ran my fingers through her braids, loosening them, and she began to relax.
She closed her eyes, humming softly along with me while I played with her hair.
Then, when the song was over, I leaned over and pressed my lips, not to hers, but to her nose. She wrinkled it, smiling softly, and I moved towards her cheeks, along the top of her forehead and temples, until finally, I grasped her chin. “Look at me.”
She opened her eyes and I stared into them. “Tatiana Krapivnik, my polva , I swear that, from this day forward, I will do anything you ask. Including kiss you.”
Then I kissed her, and in that moment, I fell head over heels in love with my very own best friend.