Chapter 18
EIGHTEEN
age 17
It had never been so miserable in all of Cuba.
Not the day I'd gotten off the plane from Russia, with no friends or family; the landscape and language, foreign and strange.
Nor the day Knight broke my heart, telling me he would never marry.
Not even the day that man arrived at my house, taking my innocence and virginity in one swoop.
People had taken to the streets, traveling in mass waves on foot or in car, if possible, to the graveyard. The mood was grim, made heavier by the tropas de choque who’d created a barrier around the cemetery, forcing many of the people of Havana to mourn outside it.
Crowds of Cubans wept, falling to the ground, in oracion , clutching their rosaries and praying, not only for the great El Abuelo’s soul but for their own. The Capitan of the choques was a hard and violent man, and el Abuelo had protected the people from his savage ways.
Knight stood next to the Capitan at the front of the mourners, a solemn look on his face.
Three caskets lined up before him, like omens of doom, waiting to be lowered into the ground. There was no emotion on his face as he stared at his family: Abuelo, Lita, and his own mama. He was officially an orphan.
Many other caskets were missing, respectfully holding off until after today to be buried, with the last one waiting to be shipped to the States.
A bomb had exploded, implanted in the dulce de leche cake. In one fatal swoop, Abuelo’s old enemies from Veracruz killed Knight’s parents and grandparents, plus many others in the community.
A lump formed in my throat when I thought of that night. It should've been the happiest night of my life, having been proposed to by the man I loved with every fiber of my being.
Now, it was luck that we were even alive. Had we not left the main room, ensconced in the back hallway, our bodies could’ve been lined up next to theirs.
And now, Knight was crowded by uncles, cousins, and women, all vying for his attention. I forced my way through them, pushing people out of the way until I made it to his side.
"Knight," I took his hand, speaking quietly, not wanting to interrupt the catholic priest blessing the caskets. “Are you okay?"
He looked so cold, so closed off. A wall of indifference masked his face. I had seen him wear this look before, but never so intently. He didn't look at me, or acknowledge my presence by his side, making my chest ache with pain for him.
He had so much on his shoulders now, I knew that the world expected so much of him, but all I cared about was him . His family had closed ranks, and we hadn't had the chance to speak or even see each other since that day. I needed to know how he was doing.
"Tatiana. What are you doing here?” Raul, Knight's uncle and El Abuelo's right hand man, spoke loudly, not caring that everyone around us could hear him.
“I have a right to be here, just like everyone else.” I narrowed my eyes at Raul, though my cheeks burned red with the attention.
It had been a long time since I'd blushed, but I felt the eyes of so many people on me, even the priest.
"Knight?" Raul cocked a head at him.
When Knight didn’t answer, I squeezed his hand tighter, whispering, “I’m here for you.”
His eyes briefly fluttered closed, pain etched in them, but he recovered quickly. “Go with him, Tati,” he bit out, and my embarrassment burned through me. He didn't even look at me, treating me like the stray dog at the dinner meal.
“Come along,” Raul grunted. He was a large, imposing man, and people moved for him quickly.
Letting go of Knight’s hand, I turned away, holding back the sob in my throat. My thoughts tumbled as we made our way from the freshly dug graves and towards the line of empty parked cars. Where was Raul taking me?
The air was sticky with humidity and, as we walked, the rain began to come down in torrents. No one moved to leave, even though we were drenched in seconds--it was Cuba, after all.
Anger and shame burning through me, I followed Raul to the black limousine parked in front. The driver, dressed in a black suit, leaned against the front wheel. A stream of water spilled from his hat but he still managed to smoke a lit cigarette in his hand. As soon as he saw Raul, he flicked it to the ground, stepping on it, then raced to open the door.
"Get inside," Raul motioned with his head at me.
I hesitated, but knew better than to disobey him. Maybe Knight wanted me to wait for him here. He probably shouldn't announce that we were engaged so shortly after the death of his whole family. I didn’t care if people saw us together; I just wanted to be here for him.
Leaning over, careful not to flash him, I tucked myself into the car. Raul pat the roof twice, speaking to the driver. "Take her home."
Home? Not even to Knight’s house?
“Wait." I jumped out, aware that people were staring at us. “At least let me pay my respects.”
“You came. Saw the caskets. That’s good enough.”
“But I want to be with Knight."
Raul shook his head. "That's not happening, Tatiana."
"But he would want?—“
"Knight has a lot on his mind now. No time for side bitches. He'll marry soon, then maybe you can see him."
I reared my head back like he'd slapped me. Didn't Knight at least tell him—something?
He was probably too preoccupied; I could understand that.
Still, I hesitated, not wanting to leave. Hating that he was shoving me to the side so easily. I wasn't some fucking stray dog.
"I'm not his whore," I growled out.
He crooked his eyebrow upward, "Aren't you?"
"No, asshole," I hissed.
His eyes took me in, roaming down my body, and for the first time in a long time, I hated that the only thing I was allowed to buy were revealing dresses that showcased my long legs and cleavage.
His eyes settled on my breasts. "Could've have fooled everyone else."
Without thinking, I slapped him.
He blinked, his eyes jerking to my face, and I gasped, my hand going to my mouth.
His eyes were black, a cold wall, unfeeling and callous and his eyebrows furrowed. He stepped forward and grasped my chin, his lips twisting with a sneer. "Now I understand why your parents charge such a hefty fee." His hand slid down my neck to my breast, squeezing it. "Maybe I'll consider being your next client.”
I didn't slap him again, I didn't have a death wish, but I stared into his eyes, an indignant look on my face. "Get your hands off me."
"Or what?” His other arm wrapped around my back, jerking me to him. His fingers squeezed my breast even harsher. "I'd love to see what kind of pain you can take."
I tried to shove him away but he was stronger than me. "Or Knight will kill you,” I spit out viciously.
“You’re deluded little girl, if you think that Knight will ever love anyone.”
My mouth slacked, the old fear inside me rearing its head. See? All these years, Knight was only being polite. You’re not worthy of love.
Besides, you tasted alcohol on his lips. He was only drunk when he asked you to marry him.
I slumped, the fight leaving me, and Raul’s sneer grew wider. “Go home, Tatiana.”
After unceremoniously dumping me into the car, I decided I would wait for Knight to come to me; he always did.
"Take her home."
The driver nodded, and Raul peered down at me from the curb. "And don't come around looking for the new boss. He's too busy." Then he slammed the door in my face.
I waited until we were down the street, away from the prying eyes of everyone, to let go. Tears tracked down my face and I had to bite down on my lip to keep from sobbing. I felt worse for Knight, knowing what everyone was expecting of him.
He didn't want to take Abuelo’s place; he'd told me this several times. He liked living in the States. He always said he'd find a way out of it, but hadn't worried much, since El Abuelo was strong and healthy. He thought he'd have years before he'd have to take on the mantle of leadership.
When we pulled up to my house, I didn't wait for the driver to open my door, but burst out and ran up to my door, with him calling after me. "Have a good day, Miss Krapivnik.”
I simply waved a hand at him before disappearing into my house.
Hours later, way after the sun had set, my parents had returned, drunk and high.
That night, Knight didn’t come.
I waited two days, giving him time to take care of his affairs.
The next night, I wanted to sneak into his bedroom at night. I even walked by his house, staring at his window hoping he'd tied a ribbon to it, asking for me like so many times I'd done for him.
Yet, the glare of the guards kept me away.
On the fourth night, I decided enough was enough.
Like I had as a kid, I used the side path to jump over the fence, then climbed through the patio.
This time, I knew how to move through the house without being discovered. Sticking to the shadows, I waited outside the living room door, instead of peeking in, and listened.
Raul was laughing, his loud boisterous voice booming through the room.
"What an idiot," A voice I recognized, a cousin named Pedro, said.
Raul's laughter quickly died. "He's not an idiot. Have some respect for the man, he just lost his parents."
"I'm sorry," Pedro’s voice was quickly sober. There was an awkward pause. "Do you think he'll return?"
My insides froze. Was Knight gone? My heart pounded loudly in my ears.
Raul only grunted, then there was the breathy moan of a woman’s soft voice. "If he doesn't, that means you'll be the boss.”
Fucking Valentina. I hated that woman. How she made it out of there alive, I didn’t know.
“I will,” Raul answered. I shook my head in horror, considering what the world would be like with Raul in charge.
“I doubt he'll ever return,” Pedro interjected. “He's too busy burying his father, then he’s going to take care of the men from Veracruz.”
“He could still return.”
“He won’t.” Raul said. “He enjoys his work in the States too much to return here.”
"If you want to be the boss, you'll have to marry," Valentina giggled expectantly but Raul only grunted noncommittally.
"You've had your eye on the Krapivnik girl.” At Pedro's words, I stiffened, my heart in my throat. "Think you'll marry her?"
"Maybe," Raul replied, causing Valentina to hiss.
"What about me?"
"You?" Raul said. "You're a good fuck, is all.”
Valentina shrieked in anger, and I took the commotion as my opportunity to run away. I couldn't stand there any longer. I had to discover the truth with my own eyes.
I raced up the stairs, taking two at a time in my rush to know the truth.
Knight’s door opened easily, and I stepped inside, my eyes searching. The bed was empty, the floor was empty—no empty suitcases with clothes thrown about.
I raced to the closet, relieved for a brief moment when I saw a line of suits.
Then horror washed over me as I realized that these were the suits he always kept here. The rest of the closet only held empty hangers.
I ran back into the room. The top of his dresser was bare, save for some used candles—candles we'd lit, the last time we were together in his room.
I shook my head, my mind careening. Not caring if they heard me now, I jerked open the drawers, one by one, my stomach twisting as each one revealed there was nothing inside.
Empty , everything fucking empty, like my chest right now.
I felt his presence before I saw him.
Not Knight, but Raul.
I stiffened, closing off all emotions and I straightened, turning to look at him. His large presence filled the doorway.
"Is it true?" I asked, hating myself.
"Yes," Raul confirmed. "He left yesterday to bury his father and to take care of business."
My chest burned. Knight had left without saying a word of goodbye.
"Did he--" I hesitated, my self loathing growing, but forcing the words out anyways, "did he say anything about returning?"
Raul shook his head. "He left everything to me."
I inhaled a sharp breath, my voice coming out a squeak. " Everything ?"
His lips twisted upwards into a wolf-like grin. "You mean, did he leave you to me?"
"No," I argued, "I meant the business. Did he leave you in charge?"
"Si, Tatiana. I'm in charge now."
"And--" I couldn't make myself say the words but stared him down silently.
“He didn't say anything about you, if that's what you're wondering.”
"I don't believe you."
Raul's shoulder came up. "Suit yourself. Call him if you want."
"I will," I growled out, knowing I wouldn't. How could I? In a matter of a week, Knight had proposed, then dumped me without even having the decency of telling me to my face. I wouldn't beg him for anything.
I had to go.
I moved towards the doorway but Raul didn't move.
"Let me leave."
Raul's eyes roamed over me once more, just like he had at the funeral, lingering on my breasts.
"I hope that once you realize Knight felt nothing for you, you won't fight your parents' negotiation with me."
In that moment, I knew what Raul said was true. If Knight really did care about me, he wouldn't have left me with the wolves, with men like Raul.
"I will never marry you," I snarled, but Raul only laughed.
“You still don't understand," he said, speaking to me like he would a child, "money talks in this world."
"Not to me."
He shook his head. "Maybe not to you, but it speaks a great deal to your parents, and you're too loyal to them to go against their wishes."
I stepped to move past him, and he stood to the side, allowing me to leave. I snarled as I past him, hoping he couldn’t hear the pain in my voice. “We’ll see about that."