Chapter 21
TWENTY-ONE
age 17
The house was quiet.
When I’d returned last night, my parents were gone. That wasn’t unusual but it was odd that, upon waking, the background noise of their TV was absent. My parents don't wake up early but they usually fall asleep to the sound.
Strange. It was oddly disturbing, and the loneliness always at bay now edged in around me.
I placed a hand to my chest.
I ached, right there in my heart-hole. The space where Knight used to occupy, now empty.
God, I was so alone.
Except for my good friend, la cava blanca . Always there for me when I needed it most.
Pushing down the encroaching darkness, I forced a smile to my face and stretched across my creaky bed towards the nightstand, looking at my phone.
"Shit!” My alarm didn’t go off; I was late for school.
I jumped to my feet, the tile cold on my bare feet as I grabbed the first pair of clean underwear and bra I could find. Slamming the dresser drawer shut with my hip, I threw off my nightgown and slipped on my bra.
My hand landed on top of the cracked laminate of my dresser, my finger pressing into the peeling top as I hopped on one foot, then the other, changing out my underwear.
Then, my body froze, my eyes tracking down my arm to the silky sensation under my fingers.
Sitting on top of the cracked fake wood was a red ribbon.
My heart pounded loud in my ears.
Memories slammed into me, moving so quickly I couldn’t grab ahold of a single one but a wave of warmth washed over me.
It had been six months since I’d seen him .
Without thinking, I curled it around my finger, hope springing without my permission. Knight was here.
Or, he had been.
He’d been in my bedroom, and he didn't wake me.
He was probably the reason my alarm didn't go off.
I clenched the ribbon tight, wondering what that could mean.
Was he coming to save me?
True to his word, Raul had offered his hand in marriage to my parents, and they were in the process of working out the contract. I'd overheard them talking about it.
And, now that Abuelo was gone, my father was shut out of the business.
Just like that, anything he'd ever done for the familia was discarded, like trash.
He'd given years to those men, and they acted like he was nothing.
I hated them.
Then, I’d overheard my parents talking about marrying me to Raul; they weren't even going to wait for me to turn eighteen.
And, even though they hadn't asked me, I'd decided I wouldn’t fight the decision.
My whole life, I’d been subjugated to my parents’ whims, and for once, I was going to make this choice on my own.
I would walk down that aisle. I would be the doting wife he expected.
And, I was going to make him fall deeply, madly in love with me.
Then I would have all the power. For once in my life, I would be able to dictate the choices in my life.
But, Knight's sudden appearance in my life meant something, I knew it.
Trying, and failing, to squash the hope inside me, I strode towards my door. Still clutching the ribbon in my hand, I made my way down the hallway.
It was so eerie to not hear the TV.
I checked my parents’ room first; they usually slept in until at least noon.
Empty.
Eyebrows furrowed, I walked past the only bathroom towards the vintage, teal-colored kitchen.
Maybe they woke up early and were eating?
At the sound of a noise scraping behind me, I stilled, then turned towards the living room.
We had one sofa, and on it, sat a man I’d never seen in my house: Pablo, Knight’s cousin.
No no no. This wasn’t good.
My heart tumbled in fear as he rose at my approach.
He was wearing an expensive suit and, even though he was a little overweight, his face was handsome. But it was hidden by the serious look on his face. I swallowed down the lump in my throat. "Where are they?"
A family man in my living room could only mean one thing.
At the small, pitying look he gave me, I shook my head in anger and repeated myself. "Where are they?"
"There was an accident," He started and I laughed in disbelief.
"An accident ." I bit out. “Please have the courtesy not to lie to me.” He didn’t speak, so I spoke for him. “Are they dead?”
"Yes." So curt, so lifeless--his expression. I’d discovered my parents were dead by a man who really didn’t give a shit.
I suddenly couldn’t breathe. My chest was so tight. What was I going to do now?
My parents made all the appointments for me. And the familia rented out this house—my parents had always complained about the exorbitant rate—I’d probably have to leave.
"How much time do I have?" my voice choked with emotion. I had nowhere to go. My parents never allowed me to have friends, with the exception of when Knight was in town. And only because he was El Abuelo's heir.
The man's eyebrows furrowed. “How much time?"
An angry tear tracked down my cheek and I rushed to wipe it away. I wouldn’t let him see my pain. I had to be stronger now.
"The house," I managed to make my voice strong. "How much time will you give me?"
"Oh," he says, like kicking me out on the street wasn’t a big deal. “You don’t need to leave.”
“What?"
"The house is yours, as well as this," He gestured his head towards the floor, and my eyes followed it. For the first time, I realized there was a black, canvas bag on the floor by his feet.
I froze, my breath halting. "What's in there?"
Instead of answering me, the man leaned over and unzipped it. In it, was more cash than I’d ever seen in my life.
And it wasn’t Cuban pesos, but American dollars.
“You belong to the familia , now, you understand?" he asked me.
I shook my head, my hand to my mouth in shock at the exorbitant amount of money.
“I am sorry for your loss.” His expression was stern, though meant to be sympathetic. “We’ll be in touch.”
The man began to leave and I suddenly panicked. As he moved to pass me, I reached out, clutching the arm of his expensive suit. "When--" I stuttered, stopping, suddenly afraid, because he’d frozen like he wasn’t used to being touched, "I mean," I tried again, slowly, carefully letting him go, “how do I..." I was all mixed up. "What about Raul?"
I didn’t think my parents signed a contract with him, but if they did, I knew I’d have to fulfill it, even if they were dead.
I just hope he’d give me a couple of years first—at least let me finish high school.
“For now, you do nothing," the man answered, “finish school. When you are done, we'll reach out to you.” Then he leaned forward to kiss me on the cheek. It didn't feel sexual but almost fatherly. He pulled back and began to walk towards the door. "Let us know if you need anything, any time."
When I didn't answer him, he stopped to stare at me sternly. "Say you understand, Tatiana. If you need something, anything, you come to me . No one else, okay?"
I nodded, still not understanding but too much in shock to know what else to do.
"Good." It wasn't until he was steps out the door that I raced towards it, shouting from the doorway. "And Raul?"
"Raul's dead.” Again, a pronouncement without emotion. He drove off in his sleek black car that looked out of place in this neighborhood.
I stared after him, watching him drive off, hoping that he would give me more information but he didn't even look my way before disappearing down the street.
I stood there for a long time, then shut the door, walking in a daze towards their room.
It was so still and so quiet ; I didn’t like it.
I was used to their noises. The sound of the TV, the radio, or their bickering.
Suddenly, I remembered the money. I rushed back, irrationally afraid that someone had already snuck into the house and taken it.
Relief overflowed me at the sight of it still sitting there. I grabbed the handle, my mind racing.
Where was I going to hide it? If word got out that I had all this money, I'd become a target. My neighbors would kill me for this cash.
Racing to my room, I shoved it into the back of my closet, knowing I’d have to find a better place for it.
I was all alone now.
The thought hit me suddenly.
My parents were dead.
I collapsed to my knees, breaths heaving, staring into the back closet wall.
I was all alone.
Tears began to run down my face. My parents were gone.
I expected this day to come, my papa, at least, but the reality of it hit me in the chest like a bullet.
Knight wasn’t returning, mama and papa were dead, and I had no one.
No one.
All the emotions of the past years and years came rushing, surging from me in great, heaving sobs. An empty, aching stomach, days and days on end. My parents talking and scheming about me as if I wasn’t even in the room. The loneliness aching inside me, building up and flowing over. My only friend the voice in my head, reaffirming all the negative things my parents ever told me.
And then the helplessness.
Not making the choice to use heroin.
Then being violated in the worst way. Over and over and over and over and over and…
And yet, Knight’s presence in my life made it all worth it.
I had something to look forward to, the small strings of hope binding my heart like the strings to my ribbons.
Until…even that was gone, because he was.
I cried for a long time, as the shock of it slowly began to ebb out of me and reality set in. I was alone .
Okay.
What next?
At least, he hadn’t left me to fend for myself on the streets.
I stood.
I was strong enough on my own. I had money, and could finish school.
I could make it on my own.
I would figure it out, like I always had.
I went to the bathroom to dry my tears and, reaching for the toilet paper, I realized that I was still clutching the ribbon in my hand.
I froze.
It couldn’t be a coincidence that the same evening Knight came to visit me was the same night my parents had an 'accident'.
Thoughts racing, I ran back into my room. Grabbing the bag, I hauled it out of my closet and into the middle of the room.
Unzipping it, I dug inside, looking for any kind of clue. If Knight did something to help me, he would’ve put it in here.
I pulled out a small tin, the same kind that mints come in. I opened it.
There were two rings inside. My parents’ wedding rings.
They really were gone.
Gritting my teeth, I held back the emotions that threatened to burst from me again, and dug deeper into the bag. When I didn’t find anything, I frantically dumped it all out onto the floor, not caring about the money now.
Stacks of bundled money fell out, and…and…and nothing more.
That's when it hit me.
Knight didn't come to save me.
This was all him.
If he had been my knight in shining armor, come to save me like he'd always promised he would, he would be here right now, instead of Pedro.
The red ribbon.
He did this.
Knight killed my parents, then fled back to his cozy house in the States like a coward.
He'd broken his promise to always protect them, and had given in and done the thing he'd always wanted: to kill them.
I knew he was killing the men who bought me. He did it discreetly and in a way they couldn’t be connected.
But I figured it out, because I never forgot those men.
And now, he’d killed my parents.
He left me an orphan, just like him, except he didn’t even have the courage to look me in the eyes and confess his sins.
If he’d had, then maybe…
Maybe I could’ve forgiven him.
As I sat there, thinking about what Knight must've done, anger sparked inside, and turned into a raging inferno. My parents may not have been the best people, but at least their noises in the house made me feel not so alone.
Knight had broken his word. He promised to always love me. To protect me and keep me safe—if I put my trust in him.
And then, when I’d done all that and more, agreeing to marry him—he publicly shamed me, abandoned me, then killed the only other people in my life who even thought about me.
I hated him.
He didn't care about me.
No one did.
I stood, throwing all the money back into the bag and shoved it into the closet.
Then, I got dressed.
I would go to school today. And the next day. And the next and the next.
I would get off heroin, graduate, and figure out how to take care of myself. I was stronger than everyone gave me credit for, and now, I had the opportunity to prove it.
Not to them, because, fuck them .
I was going to prove it to myself.
I was a strong woman. And I would never, ever need anyone to protect me ever again.
And then, when I was strong and independent, I was going to show Knight what he’d lost, and go tell him to fuck himself in the ass.
From here on out, I would rely solely on myself.