Chapter 12 #2
When Cam sits down, he turns to talk to me, while Hawk stares at the back of my neck with this little smirk. I’m hyperaware of all three of them and can’t help thinking about the three of them on Hawk’s bed with me, making me theirs.
Is it even possible to see them tonight? They have hockey. I have play rehearsal. Cam is effectively on lockdown during the week. The tutoring idea should make it so he can come over, or I can go to him, and we can spend time together.
I’ll see Hawk at rehearsal, but usually with Chase, which is kind of a killjoy.
Chase has texted me all morning. Just random shit. Saying I look pretty today. That he can’t wait until lunch. He misses me. At least he’s respecting my boundaries today.
At the end of third, I make my way to the cafeteria. I kind of wish Hawk would sweep in and offer to buy my lunch and want me to sit with him. But I have to face Chase.
I have to give him my rules if he wants another chance with me.
Part of me hopes he’ll say fuck that and ride off into the sunset, fucking whoever he wants for the rest of the year.
I’m sure Damon will find another way to get his revenge, and I won’t have to pretend to be the sad sack willing to take back her cheating boyfriend.
Though I do relish making Chase grovel for me.
I grab my salad and sit at my table. For a second, it feels like last year and nothing has changed. I nod to the other Anteros students at my table, but we all keep to ourselves. If it weren’t for the delicious ache between my legs, I could believe nothing is different. That I’m still the same.
My phone buzzes and I unlock the screen.
Cam:
Give him hell, gorgeous
Me:
Thanks
Cam:
Let me know if you need cheering up after
My cheeks heat thinking of what Cam would do to cheer me up.
“Babe!” Chase sits down next to me and I scoot a little to give him room, flipping my phone over. “I’ve been waiting to talk to you all day.”
Setting my fork down, I turn to meet his winsome smile. No more playing games. “I don’t know if I can do this anymore, Chase. I thought I could trust you, but I was wrong.”
His smile falls. “Give me a chance to prove it to you, EvanAnn. I can be the guy you need. I swear. I’ll do anything.”
When I search his eyes, he seems sincere. But why? Maybe he really thinks that. It doesn’t matter because I’ll never trust him again. Maybe he could pretend to be the guy I thought he was, but that isn’t the guy I want. I don’t think it ever was. But for now, I have to pretend it is.
I clear my throat. “If you want to prove it to me, I need to go slow.”
I blow out a breath and he reaches for my hand, setting his on top.
“Anything.” He seems so fucking sincere. Let’s see how he feels about my demands.
I lift my gaze to his. “You can’t have sex with anyone else. But I don’t think I can even kiss you right now. You hurt me too deeply.”
Forget hurt. I’m fucking enraged. He left me stranded in the middle of nowhere. At night. He’s not someone I would ever trust again. He deserves a swift kick to his junk, not forgiveness. But for now, I’ll let him believe what he wants to believe. That I‘d be naive enough to take him back.
He bobs his head. “That’s fair. I never should have fucked other girls. I just didn’t want to make you feel like you had to fuck me, so I took care of the need.”
Resisting the urge to roll my eyes, I arch an eyebrow. “If you need release, you can masturbate.”
He smirks. “It’s not the same. I know you haven’t had sex, but it feels different with someone else.”
I cross my legs. If he only knew. Clearing my thoughts of Damon, Cam, and Hawk, I breathe out.
“I’ll only meet you on dates. I can’t trust you to drive me anywhere.” I glance at him like I’m afraid.
“That’s on me, babe. I never should have left you. I was coming back when the police took me in.”
More lies. Damon told me Chase was coming back to the party without me. He would have gotten fucked and then maybe came back to find me. Part of me is curious what his excuse would have been if he hadn’t gotten taken to the police station.
I raise my gaze to his. “I have to know, Chase. Do you think maybe you have a sexual addiction? If so, there’s help for that.”
He laughs. “No, I’m just a healthy teenage guy who likes to have sex.”
“Did you use condoms?” I ask.
He rubs the back of his neck and looks away from me. Obviously not.
“I can’t even think of being with you until you have an exam and your tests come back STI free. It’s a few months after your last sexual partner. So...” Is he going to be honest with me or will he say it’s been a month, so he won’t have to wait as long? Not that I’d be willing to go shorter.
“I can do that. We can schedule it from today so you can be confident in the results.” He reaches out to try to tuck my hair behind my ear, but I draw away from him. He frowns at his hand as he lowers it.
Good. He needs to feel this.
“I don’t know if this will work.” I exhale, pretending to be a girl who wants this man more than her own self-respect. Fuck, if he believes me, maybe I’m a better actress than I thought. “Maybe this is too difficult.”
“I’m willing to try if you’ll let me.” He rests his hand over mine again since I didn’t pull away last time. “I’m serious about making this work. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me.”
My brow furrows as I look down at my food. We’ve only been dating a few months. How can I be the best thing that’s happened to him? What exactly is he getting from this relationship? There has to be something.
He clears his throat as he takes a bite of his sandwich. “Are we good to have lunch together?”
I look toward the outside where I know Damon, Hawk, and Cam are. I wish I could eat with them, but that’s not part of this. They’re the kings of the popular students. I’m nowhere near their level. I don’t know if I would ever be welcomed out there.
Hawk walks into view of the windows talking with some girl I don’t recognize. She’s in a Deimos uniform. Maybe she’s in one of his afternoon classes. I blow out a breath.
“Yeah, we can have lunch together,” I say, playing my part.
We sit beside each other as we eat our food. After a few minutes, Chase asks, “What’s happening with your house?”
I swallow my food hard and take a drink from my water bottle. Giving myself a minute to figure out my thoughts. Stick as close to the truth as possible.
I lift my gaze to his. “The rental was sold before Mom signed a lease. She moved us in with her new boyfriend.”
“How are you coping with that?” He seems genuinely interested.
“It’s not bad. I don’t feel comfortable having anyone over because it’s not really my house. You know?” I pick at my salad.
What would have happened if I’d let Chase in from the beginning? If he’d been there at the beginning of the year and I told him about my mom moving us in with Damon’s dad? Would things have been different? Or was this always the path I would have walked?
Of course, if Chase had been faithful, he never would have run Damon off the road. Damon would have gone off to whatever hockey thing he had, and I would have been alone in that huge house. Alone in that massive bed.
Lonely enough to stay with a boyfriend I kind of liked.
“That makes sense.” He looks around. “I want you to know I won’t do anything to jeopardize the play. I know you didn’t cast me because I’m your boyfriend. I can keep things professional if the worst happens and you don’t forgive me.”
“I appreciate that.” I may not believe it because of how he acted when he left me in the woods, but I can appreciate the sentiment. It’s the correct thing to say, but it’s just part of his script.
He nods and begins a story about football practice like it’s old times and I want to sit and listen to his prattle. I give him about thirty seconds, but I’m not his girlfriend. And I’m not obligated to listen to him.
“I need to work on some things for the play now.” I rise, and Chase stands with me. “Alone, Chase.”
I resist the urge to smile when his eyebrows dive together like he doesn’t understand.
He lowers back into the chair. “I’ll support you however I can. Can we meet for dinner on Wednesday?”
“No. I have dinner with my mom. I’m not seeing her as much with the play.”
“I’ll figure something out to spend some time together.” He gives me a smile. “Go do your work. Be brilliant.”