Chapter 8
“A little birdie told me that the hottie movie star was running errands for you all of yesterday.”
Placing a protective hand over her bulging belly, Sandra lowered herself into the comfortable sofa facing the window and prayed that she would be able to get up again.
“Little birdie otherwise known as Gretchen?”
Zahra asked dryly as she stirred her hot cocoa.
She had felt the need to escape this morning.
So, after preparing a full continental breakfast, she had grabbed her purse and driven into town to visit her friend.
Last night she had been unable to sleep much.
And to make things worse, this morning she had rose early as usual and gone to the window.
He had gone for a run and stopped in her line of vision.
As if her presence had been felt, he had looked up and saw her framed there.
It had been too late to draw back, so pride had her standing there and returning his gaze.
She had been caught staring at him.
To his credit, he had lifted his hand in a wave and went on his way.
But he was still not wearing the proper clothing.
She had escaped before he came down for breakfast.
Sandra grinned.
“He stopped in at the pastry place to grab a few things not on your list.
And Gretchen of course plied him with questions and fruit compote.
“She looked at her friend curiously.
“How does it feel to have a man like that at your beck and call?”
“He’s not at my beck and call.”
For some reason, which irritated her.
“Bryce Whitlock is not at anyone’s beck and call.”
“And yet, he went out of his way to pick stuff up for you.”
Sandra rubbed her belly when she felt a twinge.
“What aren’t you telling me about this friendship with the man?”
“What else is there? We were there for each other at the lowest point in our lives and that’s it.”
“Uhm.”
“Stop that.”
Leaping up from the table, Zahra went to grab the pot of cocoa her friend had prepared.
Coming back to the table, she poured some more in their cups.
“Honey, if your skin tone was any lighter, you would be blushing.”
Her eyes went wide.
“Oh, Christ in Heaven! You were lovers!”
“What?”
Zahra jerked the cup and cursed as she spilled some of the hot liquid on her hand.
Cursing ripely, she grabbed napkin and dabbed furiously, looking around to make sure that no one else was within earshot.
It was too early for the usual flow of customers, and they were alone in the store, but still… “Don’t be ridiculous.”
Her tone was sharp and this told her friend exactly what she wanted to know.
“I recall when we were just starting out as friends, and you mentioned this guy you were involved with when you were seventeen.”
Sandra’s eyes rounded.
“It’s him.
Bryce Whitlock.” Leaning forward, she gazed at her friend in wonder.
“He was the guy you were never able to forget.”
“No!”
Pushing aside her cup, she clasped her hands in agitation.
“No!” She repeated.
“We had a moment, and it passed when he left.
We’re just friends now.
Besides, there could never be anything between us. He’s a movie star, top of the food chain and even so…” She gestured with one hand. “We’re just friends.”
“Uhm.”
Picking up her cup, Sandra took a sip of her hot cocoa, eyes bright with speculation.
“Have I mentioned how much I hate when you do that?”
“Several times.
Poor William.”
“What? Why do you say that?”
“He does not stand a chance, does he? How could he, against someone like Bryce Whitlock?
The man is a straight-up hunk, gorgeous, not to mention loaded.”
“I am not interested in any of it.”
“Darling, do tell.
How was he?”
She asked, ignoring her friend’s protest.
“We’re not teenagers, so that question will not be getting a response.
Besides, we were awkward and did not know what the hell we were doing.”
She picked up her cooling cup of cocoa, to give her hands something to do.
“The first time maybe, but after that?”
“I am not satisfying your prurient sexual fantasies, get your own.”
“I have to live vicariously through your fantastic love affair with one of the hottest tickets in Hollywood.”
Her eyes gleamed.
“How many of us normal women can say something like that? I have dreamed of him.
He’s on the top of the list of people I would cheat on Brian with.
His of course is Halle Berry.”
She rolled her eyes and made her friend laugh.
“Men are so bloody predictable, aren’t they?”
“Very.”
“So, no details, huh?”
“None.”
“Spoilsport.”
Her friend grumbled, then sobered.
“How do you feel about him now?”
“We’re just friends.”
Sandra gave her a shrewd look.
“You keep saying that and you know what they say about protesting too much.
And you are.
He was the first for you.
Like you said before, you both bonded at the most difficult time of your lives.
You stay away from relationships.
Poor William has been trying since you got here and there were several who ventured and had to withdraw because of lack of interest on your part.”
Zahra had to force herself not to react.
“Bryce has nothing to do with any of it.”
She stated firmly.
“He left without a word, and it took me a while to get over it.
But I have, I did and now we’re on even grounds.
When he leaves this time, we will be saying goodbye as friends.”
“And that’s it?”
Sandra leaned forward and captured her friend’s eyes.
“You don’t lie very well, do you? I guess that’s because you are always straight.
Honey, the man is hot.
So naturally, you feel something.
On top of that, you both shared a history.
There is no way on God’s green earth, you can ever forget that.
And I have seen the way he looks at you.
I have a feeling he has not forgotten it either.”
“That’s utter nonsense.
He’s used to beautiful women, celebrities.
He was dating a European princess.”
“And most of those celebrity types are shallow and selfish.
I am sure he wants something different.
I have seen him twice since he got here and he does not put on airs and graces, which is to his credit as far as I am concerned.
And he loves children.”
“How do you know that?”
Sandra smiled slightly.
“He stopped at the park yesterday and bought ice cream for Danny and Shay.
Sheila said he spent ten minutes entertaining her children.
He’s as human as the rest of us.
Seeing him on the big screen, you do not think that, but he’s a man and I don’t think that man never forgot what the two of you shared.”
Ignoring the painful banging of her heart, she put the cup down.
“You’re wrong.”
She insisted.
“Am I?”
*****
She went for a walk.
Parking the car at the brow of the hill, she made her way up the rise, her thoughts in a turmoil.
Sandra was right.
She was brutally honest, a trait she had not inherited from her parents.
They were used to being cagey and evading the truth, even when it was right in front of her.
But she had vowed that she would not be like that.
She valued honesty above everything else.
And if one could not be honest with oneself, then what good was anything else?
Stopping at the towering oak tree, she inhaled the fresh scent of nature.
This was her home, and she was content, was she not? Picking up a smooth stone, she hurled it into the bushes.
Of all the places in the entire universe, why did he have to come to hers? She had been contented before he came.
Going about her business as usual.
There might not have been any spark with William, and she never would have married him, but at least he made her feel safe.
Safe? The terms struck her as odd.
Was that what she wanted?
Yes! The voice shouted inside her head.
After the turmoil of her childhood, she wanted some calm, some quiet.
That’s why this place suited her so well.
She was done with drama.
She certainly did not need it in her life.
And Bryce Whitlock was drama on a very wide scale.
She did not need any of it.
Besides, he was a movie star who would be going back to his world very soon. It would be foolish of her to wish…
She stopped abruptly and pressed one hand where her heart was beating wildly.
Wish that she could feel his lips on hers again? His body, that lean muscular frame moving against hers…
Stop it!”
She shouted.
“Just stop.
What the hell are you thinking? Are you insane?”
“Great.
Now I am talking to myself.”
The chill of the morning penetrated her light jacket and made her rubbed her hands over her arms.
“Friends!”
She decided.
“Nothing more.”
*****
Jessica told her he was in the library as usual.
Bracing herself, she went to find him and stood there in the doorway, staring.
He was wearing black.
A seemingly casual but discreetly expensive silk sweater and jogging pants.
His hair was unruly, curls escaping over his forehead and he had on a thin pair of eyeglasses that only added to his enormous appeal.
He looked up as if sensing her presence and his smile came readily.
“Here she is.
I was wondering if you were going to spend the rest of the day away.”
“I had some things to take care”
She gestured to the glasses.
“Eye strain.”
He took it off a little self-consciously and put it on the side table.
“What are you reading?”
She came forward and took a seat on a single sofa facing him.
“T.S. Eliot.”
He sent her a distracted smile.
“I have a leaning towards the classics and so do you, from what I have seen.” He nodded to the rows of books.
“My aunt was a fan and so am I.
I have added a few titles to the ones she left me.”
She cleared her throat.
“When are you leaving?”
His thick brows lifted, and she realized how it sounded.
“I mean, isn’t someone missing you and wondering where you are?”
His lips curved, and she wished she could take it all back.
“Are you trying to find out if I am seeing someone, Zahra? All you have to do is just ask.
And no, I am single and disengaged.”
“Why?”
The question was out before she could stop herself and had her cursing silently.
“Please ignore that, it’s none of my business.”
He gave her an eloquent look and she had to force herself not to squirm.
“I decided that I wasn’t going to settle for less than something meaningful.”
For some reason, his steady gaze and intense expression put an added meaning to the words, making them personal.
“I see.
I should…”
She started to rise when he held up a hand to stop her.
“Ask me something else.”
“Like what?”
“Like if I ever had one.”
“Had one what?”
She sank back down in the chair and felt her heart beating unsteadily.
“A meaningful relationship.”
His deep voice had lowered and taken on an intimate quality.
“It’s none of my business and I am sure you have had.”
“Yes.”
“Well…?”
“When I was seventeen.”
The significance of his words slammed into her like a bolt of lightning and had her knees going as weak as water. “Look…”
“I ran away from you, from the most important part of my life.”
“Stop.”
“I was a coward,”
he continued relentlessly, his eyes holding hers, “and I did not know how to handle any of it.” He was rising and coming towards her, and she felt as if she was nailed to the sofa.
“But nothing I ever did gave me that undiluted happiness, the one that we shared.”
“You’re being ridiculous.”
She shrank back when he hunkered down in front of her.
“We have both moved on.”
“Have we?”
His smile was whimsical, and she sat there helpless as he wove his spell and took her hands in his.
“I thought I had.
I thought of you every now and then and smiled when I did.
You were the girl of my childhood, the one who kept me sane.
I wondered what you were doing, if you were married and had children.”
“That’s a damn lie.”
She whispered hoarsely.
His nearness was making her feel things she had never felt before.
Only once, when she was seventeen and it paled in comparison to what she was feeling now.
“You have been involved with hundreds of women…”
“A slight exaggeration!”
He eased her fingers out and studied the unadorned nails.
“I was trying to recapture what we had…”
“It’s this place,”
she interrupted desperately, “it weaves its magic and makes you think strange things.
As soon as you leave, you will realize that this is all nonsense.
And…, and…” Her breath caught in her throat.
“And then you will laugh and shake your head in wonder.”
She tried to pull away, but he held fast.
“I am not having sex with you because you’re bored.
I am involved!”
Her voice rose, and she had to stop herself from wincing at how loud she sounded.
“His name is William and we’ve been seeing each other since I got here.”
“So, it’s serious?”
His blue eyes were like lasers.
“Yes, of course.”
“You don’t lie very well, do you?”
He asked her softly, unconsciously mirroring Sandra’s words.
“How dare you…!”
“Honesty has always been your thing.”
He pressed on.
“You’ve always been brutal about it.
At first, I found it irritating and uncomfortable.
You would tell me things I did not want to hear.
But over time, I came to value your unbiased opinion.
In my world, people tell you what they think you want to hear.
You’re the opposite, have always been.
That’s why I cannot just be your friend.”
“Please don’t spoil this for us.”
She gripped his hands in an unconscious appeal, dark eyes huge.
“We were getting along so well as friends.
And you’re spoiling it for us. Bryce…!”
“I cannot continue to pretend that’s only what I want,”
he went on his knees between her thighs.
“I want more.”
“That’s too damn bad.”
Anger coated her words and made her lash out at him.
How dare he change the rules! “That’s all I have to offer.
It’s that or nothing.”
“I am not prepared to settle for either of those things.”
Her heart hammered, and she hoped desperately that she was the only one hearing the uneven beats.
“Is that how they do it in Hollywood?”
She injected scorn and tried to pull it off.
“You decide that you want something and just reach out and take it?”
“We’re not in Hollywood.”
His deep voice was patient and let her know that he realized what she was doing.
“What was between us was never resolved and that’s on me.
I want a chance to…”
“No!”
She shoved him with enough force to send him sprawling.
Jumping to her feet, she raced to the door.
“Stay the hell away from me.”
He stayed where he was, figuring that she would not appreciate him chasing after her.
Bending his head, he covered his face with his hands and took several deep breaths.
She would find that he was not about to give up.
*****
She busied herself and avoided him.
And told herself that she was not being a coward.
She was just being sensible.
She was going to have to be the practical one here, that much was obvious.
What he had told her was utter nonsense, she thought furiously as she banged pots and pans on the counter.
He had left her without a word and now expected her to believe that after all this time he had feelings for her.
As if she was na?ve enough to believe that.
She wanted him to leave.
She would tell him that he was no longer welcome here.
As soon as she was feeling up to face him again.
In the meantime, she would keep her distance.
Jessica could serve him his meals and deal with his rooms.
She had other guests to deal with and! With a sound of triumph, she reached for the phone.
She would show him.
William had been inviting her to the movies for the past two weeks and she had been turning him down.
“Hi, William?”
She almost wept when she heard his steady voice.
“I was hoping you would be available tonight.
I find myself at loose ends.”
She listened - her eyes bright with purpose.
“You are? Good.
Pick me up at seven.
Of course.
Looking forward to seeing you.” She hung up and felt better than she had felt in several minutes. This was just what she needed.
*****
The dress was new, the burnt orange color highlighting her complexion.
Determined to look her best, she had left the kitchen to Jessca, skirting the dining area and taking the back steps to go to her room.
Jessica had told her that he had taken the meal in his suite, and she told herself she was happy for it.
Smoothing a hand over her generous hips, she stared at her image critically.
The material was clingy and light, shifting whenever she moved.
And low enough to show a hint of cleavage.
It came just above her knees, and she was wearing boots that met the hem of the dress.
Her hair was loose, the coils cascading down her back.
Her makeup was flawless, and she fleetingly wondered if she was going to this much trouble for a simple few hours at the theater.
But she wanted to feel like a woman.
Wanted to soothe her shattered nerves.
Giving herself one last look in the mirror, she went to get her jacket and purse.
A glance at her watch, showed her that William, who was always punctal, would be pulling up just about now.
She almost lost her nerve when she reached the top of the stairs and saw him coming up.
He stopped, blue eyes wandering over her face and touching on her lips.
The jolt that went through her, angered and distressed her enough to have her chin lifting.
“Going out?”
He asked mildly as he watched her descending the stairs.
“I have a date.”
“I see.”
He stood where he was, not moving even though he was blocking her.
“I believe he just pulled up.
Dark blue Honda?”
“Yes. William.”
“You look stunning.”
“I…,”
she floundered for a minute and did not know what to say. “Thanks.”
He nodded.
“Enjoy your evening.”
She stood there while he brushed past her and bounded up the stairs.
And felt the unbidden anger stirring inside her.
It had not affected him one bit, she thought furiously.
She had told him she was going out with another man, and he had been fine with it.
To hell with him!
*****
He was far from alright.
From his window, he could see the driveway and watched with clenched fists as the bastard greeted her with a kiss on the cheek.
He wanted to rip his arms off for touching her.
She was doing all of this to get back at him.
he had told her what he felt, and she was punishing him by going out with that handsy bastard.
Leaning against the windowpane, he took several deep breaths to steady himself.
She had avoided him for the rest of the day.
He knew her enough to realize what she was doing but had never expected her to go this far.
He told himself earlier that he was giving her time to calm down before he confronted her.
Even if he had to kick down her door to get her attention.
Damn her! He thought bitterly.
Damn her for making him feel this way.
Christ Almighty, he needed her.
The yearning inside him was getting worse by the minute.
He watched the tail lights until they disappeared around the bend and still he stood there as if willing her come back.
Should he have changed things? Or go on pretending that all he wanted from her was friendship?
No, shaking his head, he went to sit on the edge of the bed and bowed his head in abject misery.
He had found her again and wondered what the hell he was going to do to prove to her that he would never leave her.
When he done so that time, he had been a child.
Now he was a grown man and knew exactly what he wanted.
And he knew he wanted her.