Chapter 9
He told her frankly about the discoveries by his men.
"Could it have been vagrants?" She was propped up on his chest, hair spilling over one shoulder. She had completely ignored her nighttime ritual of twisting the strands and left it hanging loose. He itched to slide his fingers through them.
"We thought of that. It was a senseless destruction as if the perpetrators had malice in mind.
I can see the need to pillage for food and certainly shelter from the storm, but they cut several fences and some of the cattle are missing.
Among other things. It was as if someone had it in for us.
And wanted to prove that they could do whatever the hell they wanted.
"Circle M ranch is vast, and we never really have enough men to patrol the grounds. In the past when my father was in charge, he pissed off enough people to have them wanting to get back at him." He shook his head, hand lazily running up and down her back. "But not since I took over."
"Have you contacted the police?"
"I did, yes. Routed the poor man from his bed to come over. There's nothing he can do until morning. I'm hoping to God that it's some assholes passing through and are already gone."
"You have a lot on your plate." Her statement had him lifting his brows.
"I do."
She shrugged as he continued to stare at her. "I never realized how much. What I'm saying is that you don't have to keep babysitting me."
"I'm afraid I do." His hand crept up to cradle her neck.
"You're not accustomed to lying flat on your back and doing nothing.
I'm aware that this is a sacrifice for you.
You said yourself, you did not ask for this, and I can't help but feel guilty.
I want to apologize, but I'm happy that you're here and carrying my baby, Julianne.
If that pisses you off, then." He lifted one broad shoulder in a shrug.
"Then what?" she asked softly.
"Then you'll be pissed off. I was bloody miserable without you and tried to tell myself that I was doing great. I had the ranch and that's all that mattered."
"You're forgetting one more thing."
"What's that?"
"The woman you were involved with."
His eyes never wavered. "You know better than that."
"Do I?"
"Yes." His fingers tightened on her neck.
"It was just a diversion, a desperate hope to get you out of my head.
Tear you from my heart. You know damn well that it's always you.
I used Sara-Lee and she did not deserve that kind of treatment.
" He eased out a harsh breath. "I should never have gotten involved with you, but I was bloody desperate and pissed off when I thought you had moved on so quickly.
That I apparently had not meant that much to you. That it was all a lie."
Lifting a hand, she skimmed a finger over his hair-roughened jaw and his sensual lips.
"You know better than that. I was pissed off too," she countered softly, feeling the familiar tingle inside her.
"I wanted to forget you and I wanted it to be fast. I was a fool to think that something so powerful, so intense would fade away just like that.
I dreamt of you. Every single night I would wake up in a cold sweat and discover that you were not next to me.
" She drew in a deep breath. "I longed for you.
The feel of your mouth, your hands and your body, I longed to feel you inside me.
" While she was speaking, she was drawing closer, until her breath was touching his lips.
"Baby..."
"I could not bear to feel another man's touch." The tip of her tongue brushed over his bottom lip, just the tip, slight and yet significant, potent.
The need he had been trying to keep at bay poured through his body like a wildly rushing river.
"We can't," he whispered hoarsely, body going rigid.
"I know." She trailed kisses across his cheek and his lobe, nibbling on the flesh until he felt as if he was going to die from longing. His hand fisted at her back and it took a lot out of him to stop from touching her.
"Julianne..." He tried again to stop her but could only watch helplessly as she renewed the path to his lips.
Her tongue parted his lips with only a paltry resistance from him.
His heart was pounding, his skin already clammy with sweat.
His thighs were already rigid. And that was before she decided to take it further.
Ending the kiss, she touched her lips to his chin, tongue tracing the indentation, before advancing down to his neck where his Adam's apple was bobbing in nervous anticipation.
She slid further down, fingers toying with the dark hairs covering his chest.
She watched in delight as the muscles quivered beneath her touch.
He was strong. Years of handling horses and working the land had honed his strength.
That this powerful man could be reduced to nothing but a trembling mass under her touch had always managed to humble her.
He had men who ran to do his bidding, but with her, he was vulnerable. When she closed her mouth over a tight nipple, he reared up in shock, his fingers flying to her hair.
He should stop her, he thought dazedly, as desire poured through his body.
She was just out of the hospital, and he would be a bloody monster to want to drive himself into her, after she had almost lost their baby.
He should be the responsible one and tell her to stop, demand that she did.
But oh, good God, he was starving for her.
He had been without her for more than a week and even though he was weary to the bone, he felt revived and raring to go.
He needed her. Growling fiercely, he flipped her over and covered her body with his.
His hands were all over her. Tugging the nightgown over her head, he devoured her nipples with his mouth like a man who had been starving for days or even weeks and was now presented with a lavish banquet.
His control was shot to hell. It was as if a cloud had descended over him, obscuring everything else.
There was no common sense, no reasoning, rational or otherwise.
He just knew that he needed her with a fierceness that had his blood boiling.
His mouth drifted down her quivering stomach as he nipped at the flesh. She was shielding his child inside her womb, his baby, the seed he had planted... his baby. Suddenly the dark cloud lifted and with it came the reasoning and the awful realization of what he had been about to do.
Lifting his head slowly, he eased off her, his breath backing up in his throat.
"Bryson?"
"I must be a madman," he muttered harshly as he swung his legs off the bed.
Scrambling up against the pillows, she gripped the sheets to cover herself with. Her body was still vibrating.
"We can..."
"No!" Swinging towards the recessed cabinet near the massive fireplace, he jabbed at the button. As soon as it glided out, he snatched a bottle of blended whiskey. Pulling out the cork, he drank straight from the bottle.
"You almost had a miscarriage." He turned towards her, eyes flashing. "I'm not some animal that cannot control himself when faced with... Just no, okay? I'm sorry, I'm going to sleep in the other room."
"You can't..."
"If you need anything, just call. I'm sorry, I can't stay in here with you." Taking the bottle with him, he left through the adjoining room, slamming the door shut behind him.
Flopping back on the pillows, Julianne closed her eyes and blew out a breath.
She had initiated it. She had known exactly what she was about and had initiated the foreplay.
She had wanted to feel him inside her. Her flesh quivered in acute awareness.
She could still feel his mouth on her skin, the tingle of her nipples where he had feasted.
Shoving the sheets off her, she reached for her nightgown and slid it over her head.
And felt the loneliness encompassing her.
It was pathetic that she was learning that she was having a very difficult time sleeping without him.
He stood by the side of the bed staring down at her.
She was mushed up on the pillows, one hand clutching the pillowcase.
The sheets had slid down around her hips and she had one shapely thigh drawn up to her waist. Her hair was streaming over the white cotton.
He could see her by the aid of the light from the full moon, the same light he had used to navigate around the room stealthily as he got dressed.
He had barely gotten three hours' sleep and the pounding in his head warned him that the three-quarter bottle of scotch he had imbibed was a very bad idea.
But he had needed something to get him through the night.
He was accustomed to sleeping next to her.
It was funny how that had fallen back into place.
After she left, he had bunked with his men in the barns or out in the open, because he had not wanted to face the big empty bed where they had shared so many wonderful nights.
Now she was back and it was as if she had never left. She had fitted right in. He could not sleep without her. It was disturbing how much he depended on her. How much he needed her. It scared him to his very bones.
She had admitted finally that it had been hell for her to be without him, but she still would not commit.
But he was still anxiously dreading that she would decide that it was time for her to leave.
To his shame, that had been his greatest fear when she was miscarrying.
That she would lose the baby and decide that there was nothing keeping her here after all.
He wanted her with him. He wanted to convince her that they should get married, make things permanent, but he was afraid of scaring her off.
Leaning forward, he gently drew the sheets far enough to cover her shoulders. Touching her cheek gently, he relished the feel of her satiny skin before turning on his heels and leaving the room.