Chapter 11
Buck cameout of the roll at the same time he heard Mari scream and the splash and splatter of water on his pants leg. He shouted Mari’s name.
D-Day came out of the jungle, running full out with his weapon at the ready, trained on the cat. His teammate had been tasked with shadowing them all afternoon. He placed himself between Carmen and the cat.
Buck looked to the greatest threat, the big cat. The puma’s head emerged from the rippling surface of the pond, blinking. He paddled, transformed abruptly from a snarling menace to a wet and bewildered animal with ears and fur pasted down to his skull. The cat climbed out of the pond and slinked away. D-Day shouted, “She fell! Over there! Go!” D-Day raced to Carmen, giving her instructions and getting her moving back toward home. She ran like that puma was chasing her.
Since D-Day took care of Mari’s sister and had his back, Buck was up and running toward the place where he’d last seen Mari, every molecule of his body trembling. His ears still vibrated with Mari’s scream, and fear clenched like a fist in his gut. He slipped silently into the jungle and saw the place where the ground sloped away. She had to be down there below him where brush and debris had been displaced. He forced his breathing to slow, gaining enough control to think. He had no idea where she’d landed.
He heard footsteps and glanced to his right to see D-Day moving next to him. “The cat is gone,” he said. He looked down the slope. “She must have fallen down here. This is where she was standing.” D-Day’s expression was etched with concern.
Buck nodded, pushing his own concern for Mari to the back of his mind. “Fan out, we’ll have a better chance of finding?—”
The quiet of the forest was broken by Mari’s second scream. Adrenaline drop-loaded into his system. But this scream was different. It was filled with horror and fear. Both of them moved at once, sliding down the embankment on the sides of their boots, displacing dead leaves, rocks, and plants. Taking on the incline like he was going into battle, Buck used trees and larger rocks to slow his descent, the cat scratch stinging now.
Toward the bottom, he saw her braced against a tree, all the blood drained from her face, her stricken eyes frantic and shocked. He looked around for danger but couldn’t see anything that was threatening her. He motioned for D-Day to cover his six. He was so relieved to find her alive.
He hated feeling fear for her. Detested the sick feeling he got when it welled up. It challenged his strength and he’d been hiding his weakness since he was five years old. Hiding it because his grandfather detested it, because to be a man was to be strong, because to be a wrangler, a cowboy who handled big animals, he could show no fear. Even when that wasn’t true. He was deathly afraid of horses after his uncle had been kicked. He’d had nightmares about being dragged, of being kicked, and bitten, of being trampled. He kept them all to himself, so as not to disappoint his father, or send his grandfather into a rage. Even now, in the heat of this country, he shivered with the memory of his fear of his grandfather finding out about that terrible humiliation. That he was defined by his heritage, and that what he feared were the tools he needed to carry on the family legacy was humiliating. His grandfather had expected him to act fearless, unflappable, and invulnerable, and he always thought that to live up to his expectations, he had to be fearless, unflappable, and invulnerable.
He’d hid that shame, learned to hide so much that it became second nature. No woman had touched him so deeply, all the way to that well of emotions. He clenched his jaw, thinking they were more like weaknesses.
Until now.
And he was at a complete loss on how he could let her see all that and still be who he was, knowing with a twisted sense that all those things he despised were him. All facets of the boy he had been, transforming him into the man he was now. There was that fucking fear again, but a completely different kind of fear. The kind that made his heart falter and his mind explode. If he didn’t share his deepest self, then what was the point with Mari? He already knew that fucking her wasn’t enough, not the act alone. She made him want to engage his heart, to surrender to all those weak emotions, to give into vulnerability.
Buck rushed forward, wrapping his arm around her. She blinked several times, then focused on his face. She was trembling, and now that the initial rush of adrenaline had receded, his biggest concern was that she might go into shock.
“Buck…” she whispered, her eyes welling with moisture. He wondered about the funny inflection in her voice, the tension in her, overlaid with fear and revulsion. She looked so damn vulnerable, and so shaken. “He-he’s dead.” She raised her arm, pointing to a pile of rotting leaves, and Buck could make out decomposing facial features. He got so angry he shook with it.
Violence in her backyard…again. A man lay murdered not more than a few feet from her, and that pissed him off. He could still feel the earth she’d put in his hands and curled his fingers around. She and her family had poured their heart, soul, blood, sweat, and tears into this land, but now his world was colliding with hers, and she was powerless to stop it. He wasn’t.
He was goddamned capable, a juggernaut of force, violence of action. He would eliminate this threat that was building behind all this dark, lush paradise. He felt the coiled tension of it in his bones, in his blood, in his tissues. This dead man was just the tip of the iceberg.
He cupped her chin, angling her face away from the corpse, so she would focus on him. She had small cuts, some bruises, her hair a tangle with leaves, and grass, all through it. Dirt smudged her cheeks and chin, embedded in her wounds.
He smoothed her disheveled hair away from her face. That bit of tenderness weaving through his system was new to him. Wrapping his arms around her, he pressed her head against his shoulder. She closed her eyes, and he heard her swallow.
“I fell,” she said as if that was news to him, a dazed, faraway look in her gaze. Sliding her arms around his back, she hugged him hard, and Buck closed his eyes and hugged her back.
“I know, darlin’. Are you hurt?” Dirty and disheveled, she was still lovely.
“I don’t think so.” She tightened her hold and pressed her face against his neck as her chest expanded. “You fought off a puma,” she whispered, so softly that he could barely hear her. She took another deep breath, then tightened her hold even more. “So brave.”
Buck turned his face into the silky tangle of her hair, his arm firm around her torso, the wrench of emotion so profound that he felt as if something huge had opened up inside him.
It took a couple of moments for him to ease his fierce hold, the fullness in his chest almost more than he could handle. Drawing an uneven breath, he caught her by the back of the head and pressed a kiss against the soft curve of her neck. Mari clutched him, trembling still. Softening his hold just a little, he gave her a brief hug to comfort her.
“Are we done with the excitement part of this date?” He pushed her tangled hair off her face, picking debris out of the dark strands. “And, not to sound at all repetitious, but your sister showed up…again.”
She released a shaky laugh and gave him a light squeeze. “What can I say? Shoes are important.”
They stared at each other, the intimacy in her eyes drawing him in, the closeness he felt to her scrambling his brain. He wanted to open himself up and shine a light into the deep, dark well. But would she look away in disappointment? Find him lacking? Too weak?
He heard a whole hell of a lot of noise behind him as Professor, Joker, Gator, Blitz, Zorro, and Bear came sliding down the hill. “What the hell happened? Carmen was frantically shouting about a cat attack,” Joker asked. Still closed down, still angry, and Buck wondered if he was seeing himself in his LT.
“A puma,” D-Day said. “In the chaos, Mari lost her balance and fell.” D-day gestured toward the leaf pile with his rifle. “Found a body, too.”
“She’s been a busy woman.” He surveyed the area, then focused on Mari. Without even glancing at him, Joker said, “Zorro.” Their medic settled next to Buck who had to reluctantly release Mari so Zorro could examine her. She needed to be moved out of this heat and back to the house. “Blitz, notify Kat, so she can get the locals and FBI involved. We’re going to need a forensic team.”
“Hey there, Mari,” Zorro said. “Don’t you know you’re too old to go somersaulting down molehills?” His tone was chastising. He cupped her chin and shined a light in her eyes, then tucking the instrument into his bag, he lifted her upper arm and looked more closely at the gash there. He grabbed some stuff out of his bag. He gave her an injection and expertly put two stitches in her arm.
“I think you’re making molehills out of mountains,” she said wryly. She closed her eyes. “How about cartwheels? Am I too old for those?” she said, that sparkle in her eyes coming back. It was so much better than that flat, dull look. She reached out for Buck, and he clasped her hand, intertwining their fingers. She seemed to relax.
Zorro chuckled, and she grinned. “How about hopscotch? I bet you play a mean hopscotch,” he said, checking both wrists, her torso front and back, then each leg with professional detachment.
She laughed softly. “I challenge you to a match.”
“I think it’s wiser to decline,” Zorro said softly.
“His ego couldn’t handle getting beaten by a girl,” Buck said.
Zorro barked out a laugh, then looked at Buck. “She’s all right. No broken bones that I can see, but we’ll keep an eye on her.” He then shifted to his knees and homed in on Buck’s scratch. “Cat left you a love tap, huh?”
“Tagged him while he was flying over Buck’s head,” D-Day said with admiration. “Never seen anything like it. Using the leverage of the cat’s charge to get enough momentum to flip him right into the pond.” D-Day chuckled. “He looked bedraggled and bested when he slunk away.”
“He doesn’t just handle hundreds of pounds of horseflesh, Professor said, offering his knuckles to Buck who tapped them with a wry look. “He wrangles cats, too.”
“Lion tamer, western style,” Gator said.
“Yeehaw,” Blitz shouted as Zorro stitched up his wound.
They heard the sound of voices, and Kat, the DEA, and several local uniforms came down the slope, followed by two guys with a body bag, and the ME.
“Let’s get her up and?—”
“I’ve got her,” Buck said, rising and gathering her into his arms. He turned toward the incline, shielding her view of the men, who were removing the leaves and putting the body into the bag. His stitches forced him to move slowly. He dug his heels into the hillside and moved up the slope step by step, his thighs bunching and flexing along with his back. He held her close to him like precious cargo.
Getting her out of here was the one thing he could do for her, and his intention was to not let her out of his sight. He looked down at her and she looked so achingly fragile and defenseless that he wanted to keep her in the security of his arms and never let her go. “It’s okay, babe. We’re almost to the top of the hill.”
A small, grateful smile touched her lips. “Are you all right?” she asked. That was also something quite new. Whenever he went through anything violent in nature, especially combat, he was ready for it, prepared for the risk, destruction, conflict. He’d shaken off the puma attack. That was natural, a predator protecting his territory, or looking for a meal. What he couldn’t shake off was her concern for him. It hit him right in the heart, and he could only think how amazing it would be to have someone…Mari…asking him that on a regular basis.
But this mission was a barrier between them. Once again, how could he really open up to her when he was hiding so much inside, including the real reason he was here? Still so fucking torn about what to do or say to her, he just smiled. “Of course, darlin’, I fight pumas all the time.” She deserved to know the truth—the whole truth. “I was more afraid for you,” he admitted in a rush. Her face softened, and she cupped his cheek as he labored up the rest of the incline, balancing her against his chest.
“I’m safe now thanks to you. I’ll be all right.”
“You better be,” he growled, “I’m not done having fun with you.”
When they got to the house, everyone milled around them, but he couldn’t let her go. The sisters, especially Sofia, wanted to check her over, but when he got to her room, only Sofia was allowed inside with them.
She clutched Buck when he went to set her on the bed, whispering. “Don’t leave.”
He nodded and backed up so Sofia could give her a thorough examination. When her sister was finished, she said, “Your medic was right. No broken bones. Just some minor scrapes and bruises.” She closed her eyes, composing herself. Then she reached out and said, “Thank you so much for being there for her.” She bent down and hugged her sister, then said fiercely, “Get some rest.” She gave Buck another grateful look, then left, managing the mob outside. No one bothered them, not even Carmen. Apparently when Sofia spoke, that was the final word.
“I’m going to run you a bath so you can soak a bit,” he said. She nodded. He went into the bathroom, stopping at the doorway. The place was enormous. There was a large soaking tub. He looked through her cupboards and found something called an apocalypse therapy bomb. It smelled like rosemary, mint, and the dark forest, the description saying it would ease muscles and stiff joints.
He ran the water, dropped in the bomb, then went back out to the bedroom. She was still on the bed. He went to lift her, but she said, “I can walk.”
He trailed beside her as she made her way into the bathroom. When she got to the tub, she went to reach back to undo the zipper on her cheery yellow, soiled sundress. She fumbled a bit, and he gently pushed her hand aside and pulled the tab. As the dress loosened around her, she stepped out of it. He unhooked her bra, her silky panties following right after.
He worked at remaining detached and focused on helping her into the tub. But he was a man, and he was attracted to her, so his body had a mind of its own.
He ignored the tightening ache in his groin as she groaned softly when she settled into the hot water. She closed her eyes and he let her soak for a solid ten minutes. She stopped shivering, and he sent his eyes over her sweet body, noting more bruises on her torso, hips, and legs. She was exquisitely beautiful.
To distract himself, he said, “Sit up, darlin’ and drop your head back.”
She complied and he grabbed the handheld spray nozzle from its fixture on the back of the tub near the faucets, turned it on so that the spray soaked her hair. With a low appreciative moan, she closed her eyes as the water cascaded down her slender throat, and across the generous rise of her breasts.
She looked so incredibly sensual, like a water nymph with her sleek, wet skin and the heat rising from the water. His gaze took in her slightly parted lips, then slid down the arch of her throat—and came to a stop on the stitches in her upper arm.
He couldn’t stem the surge of anger that gripped him all over again for whoever had committed violence on her property, and whatever other threat may be hidden from him and the team. He regretted the puma attack that had precipitated her fall when he’d sworn to keep her safe and protected.
He gently washed her hair, rinsed it, then when she leaned back with a weary sigh, he picked up a sponge. He tenderly sponged her clean, and when he was done, he helped her out of the bath, then dried off her body.
“What did you want to wear?” he asked as she started to comb out her hair.
“Something in the second drawer of my dresser,” she responded, caressing his forearm as he passed. He gritted his teeth and ignored the need in him, the craving for her. As he pulled the drawer open, he heard the blow dryer turn on.
Inside was yards and yards of satin, lace, pretty frilly things that seemed way too delicate for his big, calloused hands. His dick got harder standing there, while he looked at all her sweet garments to cover an even sweeter body.
Swearing softly under his breath, he grabbed whatever was on top. Something short, lacy, and a blush pink color, grabbing the dressing gown that was on a chair as he passed. He walked into the bathroom. The blow dryer had stopped while he was ogling all her unmentionables.
She smiled when he helped her into the clinging lacy concoction, then slipped the robe up her arms, tying the belt.
There was a discrete knock on the door, and he went to open it. Sofia was there with her sister Anna, who was absolutely glowing with approval. They were carrying two trays of food, and he accepted one, setting it on her bed, then the other.
“Make sure she gets some rest,” Sofia said with a knowing look mixed in with her doctor stare.
He nodded. “Thank you, ladies. I’ll take good care of her.”
He closed the door as Mari came out of the bathroom. She went to the tray and settled on the bed, digging in. He settled on the other side and enjoyed his own dinner while he watched her eat. God, her mom could cook some delicious food.
Afterward, he left the trays outside the door. Back inside, he pulled down the bed covers, unbelted her robe, and she slipped under the layers. When he covered her up and bent down to kiss her softly on the temple, she said, “Stay with me.”
He smoothed back her silky hair, unable to say no to her. “Let me take a shower,” he said. He made it quick and by the time he got back to the room, she was asleep. He walked around to the other side of the bed and slipped inside. As soon as he settled, she made a soft sound and turned toward him. He gathered her against his naked body, holding her loosely as she snuggled against him.
He wasn’t sure he was going to be able to rest, but before he knew it, trailers of a nightmare faded in his mind as he surfaced from sleep, one from his childhood filled with mad horses, and rampaging cows.
The room was still dark, and Mari was sound asleep, her body half thrown across his. But he knew from his internal clock that it was early morning. Scrubbing his face to rid himself of the last vestiges of sleep, he tucked his head and brushed a soft, lingering kiss against her forehead, smiling a little when she made a soft sound and turned her face toward him.
He stared into the darkness, the urge to share more with her bringing on all those soft and tender emotions again. Being with her, getting more involved with her, made him really think about how he’d conducted his life up to now.
He’d always taken for granted the trust people placed in him. Mention a SEAL, and it was instant respect, instant trust. Their reputation was built on years and years of service, and Buck was proud of that reputation. The same thing went for his cowboy legacy. When people saw the hat, boots, jeans, and spurs, he was placed in a category that screamed independence, honor, integrity, and a trust that spanned decades.
But at this moment, he didn’t care about any of that. He cared about Maritza and the trust she had put in him. It was a silent thing, an important thing, but when it was breached, when it was broken, it was a loud and painful thing.
He thought about his fears, his weaknesses that in the past he had worked hard to hide and to overcome. Weaknesses he felt were not for men like him, men who had two strong and exacting legacies to maintain. Now he wondered if his misconception to see weakness as only a flaw was in and of itself…flawed. That it limited intention, limited a full scope of emotions and awareness. Of living. Of simply being alive and owning who he was.
He was thinking that learning invulnerability was what his grandfather had tried to hammer home, but if his uncle Colton had lived, he believed that he would have gone against his own father’s teaching and told his nephew that he was confusing invulnerability with strength. That what invulnerability did, had done, was make Buck an island where no one else could come aground. All that got him was inaccessibility.
And if he was an island, isolated, resolute, alone, there was really no room for partnership. Which brought him back around to Mari and to the trust she’d placed in him, an invisible, precious gift that was so goddamned fragile.
He was caught between truth and deception, mandated, professional, classified, but still deception in his eyes. He was falling for this woman in a profound way, and without trust between them, there could be no future. And he wanted that future that spiraled out from this tense, dangerous, unknown present.
He lived for adversity, combat, violence of action. He and his teammates were the gatekeepers, the force to be reckoned with if anyone stepped out of line when it came to the United States and all he held dear. They ruthlessly used that formidable reputation to police the impossible and win every single time because that’s really who they were at their core. Serve, protect the innocent, eliminate enemies, bring peace to chaos, stand up for what was right and true.
Releasing a heavy sigh, he gazed at her, his expression tight. Even in the faint light from outside, he could see the shadows under her eyes and wondered what kinds of things she was wrestling with. It was pretty obvious to him that they had shaken each other up. A small, wry smile appeared. He was shaken, the foundations of his life shifting on the unstable sand of his beliefs.
He lightly brushed his thumb along the hollow of her cheekbone, then tucked a loose piece of hair behind her ear. Remembering every sensation he’d felt since he’d met her, Buck tipped his head back and closed his eyes, fighting the urge to draw her against him. He waited for the thick, heavy surge to ease a little. His truth was that he wouldn’t compromise her trust any more than he had to, which meant he was going to be with her without sex being involved. He would face his truth on his own terms, and when this was all said and done, he would be able to look at himself in the mirror and embody integrity…something cowboys and SEALs had in common.
He took a deep, steadying breath and glanced at his dive watch. Four-thirty. The guys would be rousing for PT. It was either that or find another few thousand bags of coffee beans to stack.