Chapter 14
As Buck was leavingthe police station after wrapping up the reports with the local guys and the PCD, Russ stopped him.
“Hold up, Buckard.”
Bracing himself for another contentious exchange, he turned.
“Look. I was out of line in trying to exclude you from interviews and in general, giving you a hard time. You were right. Losing my man, the crash, you guys in danger, and now the Navarros caught up in this drug trafficking crap just got to me. We work so hard to get these guys, and it’s frustrating to know more will most likely take their places. It becomes a never-ending grind full of violence and greed with innocents caught in the crossfire.” He shifted and scrubbed his weary face. “This country is beautiful, the people friendly and hardworking, and it’s slowly being chewed up and demolished. I let it get to me, and I’m sorry for the way I acted. You were right about leadership.” He reached out his hand and Buck nodded and shook.
“Thank you, Russ. We will continue to fight the good fight. It’s all we can do, and we’re persistent bastards.”
Russ laughed softly. “You got that right, Buck.”
Russ pushed out of the station, and Buck found that exchange to be surprising and unexpected. There wasn’t one of them who didn’t feel that frustration during any given mission. Once outside, he headed for the SUV and climbed inside.
“How did it go?” D-Day asked.
“Diego and Mari were cooperative, but I got a bad feeling Diego is still holding back.” He rubbed his face like Russ had a few moments ago. “We’ll know more when the FBI finishes with the shipping and processing records.”
Most of the guys looked grim. They all had a soft spot for the Navarros for obvious reasons, and none of them wanted the family to lose their livelihoods and maybe face prison time. The Costa Rican government was ruthless in meting out their punishments.
When Joker emerged and climbed inside, Blitz put the vehicle in gear, and they pulled out. His boss slipped him a glance, then looked away and Buck got the distinct feeling there was something on his mind. Hell, he was sure there had been something brewing in Joker ever since he woke up in the hospital.
He had shown this team he was a fair, even-keeled man, not one to fly off the handle or be at all moody. But the Joker he’d known before the crash wasn’t the same man who sat next to him. He had changed, and Buck was at a loss to know exactly why. The way he’d reamed him out over Mari still stung a bit. It wasn’t that he had ordered Buck to do it. It was that he hadn’t seemed at all sympathetic to Buck’s internal struggle in the matter. That’s what had rankled and put a wedge between them.
He hated like hell it was there, but he’d learned to let sleeping dogs lie. Things had a way of working themselves out. Like his mom liked to say, Give it time. It always works out in the wash.
Once they were back at the plantation, there was a short debrief. Things were still ongoing with the FBI’s investigation. As everyone rose to head to the house for dinner, Joker said, “Hold up.”
The guys sat back down. He stood in front of them for a moment, then took a hard breath. “I haven’t been the best leader these past two months.” He met Buck’s eyes without flinching, and there was the glimmer of the old Joker. The man who stood ready to discuss whatever needed to be resolved. “I apologize for that.” There was the beginning of a low rumble, but he held up his hand. “No excuses, but I appreciate your support.” He braced himself against the table behind him. “Our last mission was tough. You all had to step up and take over since I was incapacitated. I’m extremely proud of you for the way you carried on. This team has been one who challenged me from the beginning. Something I cherish. But I’m not too big to point out when I’ve been a dick.” There were some chuckles. When they quieted down, he continued. “Suffice it to say, I was going through some personal struggles, ones that centered around my wife, Pippa, and I didn’t handle them well with her or with you. My luck is that she’s married to me, and youre under my command. So, for the time being, you’re all stuck.” He folded his arms across his chest, a ghost of a smile touching his mouth. “I was reminded that a good leader doesn’t take his problems out on the people around him.” He looked at Buck again, who nodded slightly. Joker gave him a grateful look. “My single-minded need to get Nacho has driven me. I’m no less motivated now than I was before, but I recognize that I’m letting him destroy me. That stops now.” He straightened. “We’re going to protect these people to the best of our ability; we’re going to bring that bastard down, and his whole network. That’s a promise.”
There was nothing but respect, nods of agreement, and a couple of hoo-yahs.
“Now, go get some grub,” Joker said. Everyone rose and started for the door. “Buck? Could you stay for a moment?”
As everyone filed out, Buck walked up to his CO, his chest tight. “It’s not necessary?—”
“Yes, it’s goddamned necessary,” he growled, his expression intent and introspective. The lines of tension carved around his mouth deepened. “Maybe I heard some things I needed to hear.” Again, he kept Buck’s gaze, a frown appearing as he continued, his voice quiet and quite strained. “Most of my mood has been sour because of the way Pippa looked when I woke up. She was overwhelmed with emotion, scared mostly, and that hit me hard.” He looked away, working at keeping his own emotions under control. “No one can prepare our loved ones for what happens to us on the battlefield. We all keep that under wraps because we have a job to do, but I don’t have to tell you, it exacts a heavy toll.” He released a hard breath. “I’ve been a bastard to her these last two months while I was recuperating.”
“SEALs make lousy patients, and I’ve been there this past month, too, with my own family.
“She didn’t complain one bit, which only seemed to set me off even more. Her commitment—” Joker exhaled heavily, his profile set in troubled lines. “...is so deep, it humbles me, Sam. I didn’t feel worthy of being her husband or your CO for some time.”
Stricken by his words, Buck felt denial bubble up inside him. “That’s bullshit, Elias. Fucking unadulterated bullshit and you know it. That crash was out of our control. We don’t sweat that. We push through it. We did that because that’s what our training, and you, taught us to do. Were mistakes made? Hell yeah, the DEA didn’t anticipate a few things, and we all paid the price. But that’s not on you.”
“I know that now.” He finally met Buck’s gaze, his face drawn, a disturbing expression in his eyes. He stared at him for a moment, then looked down. “Your comment cut me and brought me to my senses. I’m very sorry about how I treated you when you were only trying to make me understand how much this mission compromised your principles.” He looked up and met his gaze. “I realize I’ve been cold and unfeeling about your relationship with Mari. It must have been difficult to switch gears after getting involved with her on a personal level.” The muscles in his throat worked, then he swallowed.
“It doesn’t change anything,” Buck said, “But I appreciate your words. It was difficult, and I feel this mission tested me and compromised me on a personal level. I’m not sure yet whether it damaged our relationship or not,” he said gruffly. “She’s special to me, and I hope after all this is over, she understands that.”
“Make sure she does,” Joker said. “Nothing about our job is easy, Buck, but we know what we signed up for. It’s just a matter of making it clear to anyone who gets involved with a SEAL where we stand and where we fall.”
“Ain’t that the truth.”
“Let’s get up to the house before those knuckleheads inhale all of Mrs. Navarro’s delicious food.”
Buck chuckled, but the knot in his gut told him there was so much more to talk to Mari about. The thought of losing her made that knot tighten.
* * *
Her bedroom was dim,the light had faded a while ago, and supper would be almost over. She stood at the French door, looking out.
The longer she was away from Buck, the more her uncertainty grew. The more she realized that her whole family situation dropped firmly on her shoulders, and she lost that sense of herself all over again, only infinitely painful this time, the more she felt disconnected. How could she choose anything different than her family business? The risk to them was too great to even contemplate handing their fate over to someone else, someone who she wasn’t sure of all of a sudden.
She pushed away her need to confide in him, squeezing her eyes shut as her vision blurred, her throat so tight she couldn’t even swallow. She wasn’t angry at Buck, not really. He hadn’t been playing games. He’d been doing his job, and the kind of man Buck was, there wasn’t anything remotely easy about his assignment.
Her. His assignment had been her.
For an instant she doubted him. She knew Sam Buckard, and if he was handling her, he was doing it under orders. She knew what kind of man he was—the kind she wanted, the kind she needed, and so help her God, the kind of man she could fall in love with.
And when that assignment was over. What then? Some impossible relationship? He would do his job here and go back to San Diego, or on to his next deployment, and she would continue on with her plan to expand the Golden Grain and fulfill her responsibility. Right? What was she thinking? Coffee heiress meets Navy SEAL. Yeah, like that was ever going to work.
The memory of him sprawled naked in the sheets in LA flowed over her like molten lava. She pushed it away.
It was only now that she realized how careful he’d been not to be alone with her, and when he was, he was careful to keep himself in check. Maybe his passion for her had fizzled out when she’d become part of his mission.
She gritted her teeth and gathered her courage. She was going to need it for tomorrow. She left her room and made her way through the kitchen. She could hear the noise of the gathering, the laughter, and the teasing banter. She wished she could feel as light-hearted as she’d been the first night she saw the SEALs on her family’s patio and realized Buck was here.
She paused as she came out of the house, her stomach in knots. She wasn’t sure she could eat a bite. Even without thought, she sought him out.He was standing at the post again, like the first night she’d seen him with one shoulder braced against the frame, and she could tell by the way he was standing, he was deep in thought.
As Mari watched him, the earlier feelings of uncertainty rose up in her, and she experienced an unaccustomed sense of insecurity. That by itself was very unsettling. During her time with Buck, insecurity had been as foreign to her as was loneliness. But now her immunity was gone, and her apprehension bred an uncertainty that left her feeling strangely exposed and even more threatened. Desperately needing his assurance, she ached to go to him.
Then she caught glimpses of her family plantation stretched out behind him to the still-bright horizon, purple shadows and silhouettes darkening the landscape. She knew where her loyalties needed to be placed. No matter how much it hurt, she had to stand by Diego, stand by her family.
Even from here, she could sense his pensiveness, which only made it harder to deny herself the shelter of his arms. She went to the table and sat down between her mother and her brother Diego. He was quiet, subdued, and it was clear Fernanda noticed. She gave Mari one of those looks that asked what was going on. She could only shrug. She didn’t have any answers.
She served up the lettuce and tomato salad, rice, beans, fried plantains, vegetable hash, and pork. She grabbed a tortilla, then dug in. Her mother’s food, which was always delicious, tasted like ash in her mouth. She only ate half, then rose. Buck pushed away from the post, but she drew her eyes to her family. “Good night,” she said. Without a backward glance, she left the patio.
“Mari,” Buck said flatly, then desperately, following her into the house. She ignored him, but he persisted and caught up to her. “Why won’t you talk to me?”
Feeling fearfully tangled up in her emotions, she clenched her hands into fists, her heart pounding so hard. Taking an uneven breath, she put everything on the line. “It’s more complicated than we thought it would be,” she said. “I need time to work through all of this…and you.”
He stared at her, the muscles in his jaw twitching, the pain in his eyes, making her ache like she’d never ached before. He reached out, and she stepped back. He dropped his hand looking hurt and sad and it broke her heart.
“I asked you to trust me, even when you thought you couldn’t.”
“I know. You’ve earned my trust. I won’t say you haven’t, but I’m tied up in knots, Buck. This is my family, our business built on generations of our kin. I just need time to work it out, and I know you’re the type of man who will let me, in my own time, and in my own way.”
“Goddammit, Mari,” he said, and she wanted to go to him, but she knew if she did where they would end up, and getting physical with him now would only make things worse, confuse her more. “Thank you,” she whispered.
“Let me walk you to your room.”
Mari looked at him, uncertainty racing through her, and she tightly folded her arms in front of her, shaking her head. “No, I can’t trust myself around you.” Gripping her forearms, Mari tried to will away the thickness that was growing in her chest, a thickness that was rooted in monumental pain, confusion…and regret for how she was hurting him. Her voice surprisingly firm, she said quietly, “I need to be strong so that I can understand what all this means to me, to my family…to us.” She took a shuddering breath. “I do care for you, deeply, and I want to trust you…completely.”
“But you don’t,” he whispered. His rib cage expanded and contracted. A taut silence hung between them. His voice was raw and strained when he finally said, “I can’t say I don’t understand. I was caught, Mari, in my duty and how I felt about you. It would have been treason to tell you classified information without approval. Everything about this op with you goes against every principle I hold dear, but I work for Uncle Sam, and as much as this kills me, it’s where my loyalties are. I would be a shell of a man if I betrayed my country and my team.”
She heard his agony and felt his pain, and something broke loose in her. Her vision blurred, and she tightened her arms. She wouldn’t have expected anything less of him. That would have made her trust him less. Her throat so cramped that her jaws ached, she took a deep, unsteady breath, her voice breaking. “Believe it or not,” she whispered, “That makes me only fall for you harder.”
Buck bent his head and dragged his hand across his eyes, then inhaled raggedly. He looked away, the muscles in his throat convulsing, and she nearly broke down and went to him, but she held herself back.
“If you need me at any time, day or night, I’ll be there,” he said fiercely. “Day or night, darlin’.” With that said, he gazed at her, his expression alternating into something strong and intense as he stared at her. He held her gaze for a moment, then his jaw tensed, he turned on his heel, and walked away. Recognizing the tension in him, she watched him go, a fierce longing spilling into her bloodstream. A longing to touch him, to be held and touched back, to feel his warmth and strength around her. She almost ran after him, her heart aching for him, both of them caught up in circumstances out of their control, and their commitments and obligations burdening each of them. Buck had character, deeply ingrained and admirable. Like she said, it only made her want him more.
A half an hour later, she climbed into bed, and wrapped her arms around herself, feeling that deep loneliness almost engulf her.
She finally let the tears come—tears that welled up from the bleak emptiness inside her.
She felt terrible in the morning as she got up and got dressed, ready to talk to Kevyn Sanchez. It was a grim morning. Nearly crushed with anxiety, Mari felt disassociated from everything. Thinking it might be a good idea to have Diego go with her, since he knew Kevyn better than she did, she called him.
He answered and she could hear one of the kids crying.
“Is everything all right?” she asked, concerned.
“No, Leyla is sick, and Fernanda is over at the hotel. What’s up?” he said sounding frazzled.
She bit her lip, knowing that it would be good to have Diego there, but having to wait for him to be free wasn’t going to be smart. It would be an easy trip. In and out. She could handle this. She was the face of the brand, and she’d been able to handle anything thrown at her.
“No. I’m good.”
“Mari—”
“I’m good,” she emphasized firmly. “I thought it might be helpful if you came along, but I’ll be fine.” Of course she would be. Kevyn was an employee, trusted enough by Juan to train him, and she was offering him a promotion and more money. What could possibly go wrong?
“Are you sure. I could probably get someone to babysit?—”
“No, not when Daddy’s little girl is under the weather. You take care of Leyla, and I’ll call you when it’s done.” She disconnected the call after Diego reluctantly agreed.
When she left the house and headed for the garage, Carmen came rushing out calling her name.
Mari turned back to her, her smile only half forced. “What shoes do you want to show me now?”
Carmen’s bottom lip thrust out and she said, “None. I’m still looking, but are you going into town?”
“Yes, but?—”
“Please, can I go with you? I had some jewelry made for the dance, and I need to pick it up to make sure the pieces are going to work. We can do some shopping and have lunch. How about it?”
Mari thought about how fast Carmen had grown up, and it wouldn’t be long before she was working and getting a life of her own. She could stop by Kevyn’s house after lunch while Carmen waited in the car. She nodded, thinking her sister’s enthusiasm would keep her mind off Buck. “All right. Girl’s day out.”
* * *
The jumbleof thoughts racing around in his head, and Mari’s refusal to talk to him last night, had him tossing and turning. He awoke at sunrise, relieved to be awake, realizing his last dream had been about her and his morning wood was so hard, it would draw sparks.
He hurt like hell, more than he’d ever hurt in his life. More than when his uncle had died. He had to be true to himself, to his oaths, what he pledged his life to, regardless of what it did to their relationship. A relationship he wanted so much, unable to understand how that was going to pan out.
But he wasn’t a quitter, and he wasn’t going to allow what happened last night to get him down.
He relaxed in the hammock, thinking about her, and how they had meshed so damn well. In bed, out of bed, in his heart, in his mind, in his body.
He’d denied himself since he’d gotten here. He wanted to think he was strong enough to do the right thing every single time, no matter how difficult, no matter how challenging. But he was far from perfect, and he was far from perfect with her.
He wanted to see that look in her eyes again…and again. He wanted to see it when he was inside her, when he was taking her to the edge, when he was the one who pushed her over. He wanted to be the only one who saw that look, ever, and it was that fierce, ridiculous surge of possessiveness that almost gave him back the edge he so desperately needed. Getting in his PT with the guys, he cleaned up afterward and headed for the house with them for breakfast.
He was used to handling adverse situations with ease, but this thing with Mari was tying him up in knots. He understood she needed time to sort through everything, but he wished she would talk to him.
He was disappointed when he sat down to breakfast to find Mari absent. He asked Anna where she was, and she said that Mari had gotten up early and headed to town. She said she had some errands.
Or she was continuing to avoid him. Just as he was finishing up, Blitz showed up and said, “Brief in fifteen.”
Buck rose and followed him back to the warehouse. He had to wonder if the FBI had finished their assessment and if everything was about to hit the fan.
* * *
The shopping had takenher mind off Buck for a short period of time, but now that lunch was over, it was time to get to Kevyn’s house and talk to him about this mess with shipping and Diego. She would offer him the job, and they would go from there.
When they pulled up to a modest, cute little house just on the outskirts of La Cruz, Mari noticed how neat and tidy it was, a surfboard was near the front door along with a skateboard. That was interesting.
“Where are we?” Carmen asked, craning her neck to get a better look.
“We’re at one of our employee’s house, Kevyn Sanchez.”
Carmen shrugged. She didn’t interact much with the plantation staff, unless it was time for harvest, but if Kevyn was in shipping, Carmen wouldn’t have met him. She unbuckled her seatbelt, but Mari shook her head. “You wait in the car. I won’t be long.”
“Oh, okay. I’ll search for shoes while I wait.” She smiled, her enthusiasm was back and that made Mari chuckle.
“Nothing will stop her from her mission.”
Carmen laughed. “Nope.”
Mari got out of her car and crossed the stone driveway up to the concrete path. She knocked on the door and waited, her palms sweating a little. She had no idea how this guy would handle the conversation, but if Juan picked him, he had to be someone Juan trusted. That was saying a lot.
The door opened and Mari stared at the man standing there. He was big, with short dark hair and very well-defined features, chiseled high cheekbones, a strong jaw, firm mouth, and young. Younger than she expected and strikingly handsome.
“Mr. Sanchez?” she asked.
He looked from the car to her, then back. She could feel the power of his personality in his gaze even while she could read nothing of his thoughts. “Yeah. How can I help you?”
“I’m—”
“Maritza Navarro. I know who you are.” He had the most soothing voice, deep and calm and certain.
“Oh, I’m sorry we’ve never met.” She reached out her hand, and he took it, a shiver of something running up her arm almost like electricity, a shock of warning. She started to draw her hand back, but he held on to her—lightly but firmly, closing both his long, elegant hands over her much smaller one.
“Who’s in the car?”
She brought her chin up a notch and looked him hard in the eye. “My sister, Carmen. She’s just waiting for me.” She moved into his line of sight. “I would like to talk to you about your shipping job at La Buena Tierra. Do you have a moment?”
His eyes slid to the car, and she didn’t like the flash she saw there for her baby sister.
“She’s still in school,” Mari said.
He abruptly let her go, then smirked. His cool eyes held fast on her speculating. “For the boss’s sister. Sure. Come on in.”
Why did that sound eerily like what the spider said to the fly? She chalked it up to her nervousness about working out the particulars to protect Diego and her family.
His living room was immaculate except for a bunch of papers on the coffee table. They looked like they’d been thrown there. “Have a seat,” he said, indicating the couch.
She moved away from him and took a seat. He sat in a chair across from her. “So, what about the shipping?”
“It’s my understanding that you’ve taken over for Mr. Barrantes.”
He shook his head in sorrow. “Poor Mr. Barrantes.” He looked relaxed and yet she had the impression of leashed power beneath his calm facade. Her stomach knotted with tension. “He taught me everything I know.”
“I see and you’ve kept meticulous records? Judging by his home, he was a clean, neat guy.”
“Is there a problem with the records?”
“Not to my knowledge, but Diego was remiss in offering you the manager’s position. You’re doing the work, so you should receive the salary.”
He hadn’t smiled much, so when he did, it was dazzling—a quick grin, a boyishly lopsided curve of white teeth accompanied by a twinkle in his eye. He had those kind of eyes, dark and utterly depthless. “You want to offer me the manager’s position?”
“Yes. We need someone to be responsible for the work.” She cleared her throat. “As you know we’ve had some problems with the cartel, and the DEA and American military are assisting our government in providing us protection.”
“Yeah, Diego explained the situation.”
“Well, they are investigating us—our finances, production, shipping—every aspect of our business.”
He narrowed his eyes, and she blinked, something shifting in him, make a cold shiver trickle down her spine.
“You need a fall guy?”
“What? No.” She stared at him. “Whoever did the work, needs to be responsible for it. Don’t you agree?”
“I took over for him when he disappeared. Your brother didn’t seem interested. But I?—”
His cell phone rang, and he grabbed it. “I’ll be right back.” He moved into the kitchen away from her. Her palms were still sweating, and she really wanted to get away from here. All of a sudden, there was something about this guy that made her want to flee.
She couldn’t hear the conversation, only a low rumble. She looked around the room, her gaze snagging on the papers. It was so strange that everything in the place was so neat except this pile. She leaned forward and blinked a couple of times. The edge of a document peeked from the papers, and she leaned in to get a better view. It looked like a passport…wait…no there were two passports. His?
Unable to help herself, she reached out and lifted the papers, revealing not two but four passports, and her blood froze. All of them had Sanchez’s boyish face on each. All of them held different names. Gabriel Pérez, La Cruz, Costa Rica, Peter Donovan, Miami, Florida, and Marco Bianchi, Venice, Italy. But it was the last passport that made her eyes go wide and her heart pound. Santiago Vega. She knew that name. Everyone knew the name of the alleged Sombre Sindicato’s drug trafficking boss, the notorious SS-1.
She jumped up, hastily covering the passports, and headed for the door at a quick walk. When her hand touched the knob, he emerged from the kitchen. She was breathing hard from the fear that clutched at her heart.
“Where are you—” He looked toward the table and swore softly. She threw the door open and ran for her life. But she didn’t get far. A gunshot boomed behind her. She stopped dead and turned around. Santiago was holding a semiautomatic pistol, but he wasn’t aiming at her. He was aiming at her sister. Carmen’s eyes were wide with terror.
“You and your sister. Back into the house.” She closed her eyes and motioned to Carmen, who got out of the car and started walking toward her. She was visibly shaking. What had Mari gotten them into?
He came up to them, grabbing Carmen who screamed. “Do that again, and I’ll break your jaw.” Carmen burst into tears, but he was unaffected. He shoved them both into the house and forced them onto the couch. He zip-tied their feet and hands, then made a call. He spoke rapidly, and she realized it was to his gang. “No,” he said into the phone, giving her a very cold look.
They had all been getting played, and it was easy to see why with this charismatic monster who hid behind a beautiful mask. Another grin curved his mouth…only this one was pure wolf.
Then she understood why the fine hair stood up on her neck when she’d met him, understood that she had entered the viper’s den—understood much too late. She hadn’t comprehended the shade of darkness in his eyes. He was a deception, and his warmth was a deception. Pure ice ran through his veins and the shadow she felt breathing death down her neck.
“We’re going to be pals for some time. You’re going to tell me everything you know.” For a killer, his voice was very calm, very measured. He continued to hold her gaze, his eyes growing flatter and deader with each passing moment, as if they weren’t worthy of even his lowest contempt. “If not, I’ll kill your sister, slowly. A death unlike you could ever imagine, then I’ll do much worse to you.”