26. Chapter 26
Chapter 26
“So you’re telling me this guy planned an entire trip for you? As a surprise?” Summer asks, not believing me. After weeks of not being able to talk to her, other than a few emails here and there, she was finally able to FaceTime me.
“Yes! Well, no. We—Lacy, Ellie, and I—asked to use Ian’s beach house down in Florida, and the boys—being Ian, JJ and your brother—ran with it! So all us girls had to do was be ready for them to pick us up and drive us to the airport.”
”Damn girl! This guy is a keeper! I can’t wait to meet him!” she says. “Does he have any single friends?”
“Getting lonely there, Sums?” I ask with a wiggle of my eyebrows.
“It’s not even a joking matter at this point. It’s just sad. The desert has nothing on me.”
“What happened to that guy? Jonathan, I think his name was?”
“Ahhh, yes. Jonathan,” she answers with disdain in her voice. “Nothing, but this girl has to keep her options open.”
“Damn.”
“But enough about me. Tell me more about Ian and this trip he has planned! Give me something to live for!”
Abandoning my task of packing for this trip, I think back to the last three weeks—which have been nothing short of amazing. After the conversation we had about where each of us stood on the thought of a relationship, he’s taken me out horseback riding again, showed me his mom’s library, picked me up during another rainstorm, and watched TV as I sat beside him, writing. Just being in his presence makes me all warm and fuzzy.
“And I see that I’ve lost you,” Summer says, laughing, pulling me out of my thoughts.
“I just feel like I might be overreacting with my attraction to him.”
“How so?”
“I don’t know. I feel like a teenager with her first crush. I get butterflies just thinking about him. I feel so at peace when he’s around. The other day we just sat on the couch together as I worked on my book while he watched TV and, honestly, it was the best day I’ve had in forever. It was like I was home. Before you say it, I know how crazy I sound.”
She doesn’t answer for a few moments, making me think I’ve really lost it if Summer is speechless.
“Sounds to me like you’re falling in love with the guy, if you’re not already there.”
“I’m not in love with the guy. I’ve known him for like two months. It took me weeks, months even, to fall in love with Lucas. And the most important part—we’re not in a relationship. We’re—”
Before I can finish, Summer has her head thrown back laughing at me.
“I’m sorry, what?” she asks when she’s calmed down. “You’re not in a relationship? Come on, Hannah, you’re smarter than that! You can’t seriously sit there and think you aren’t in a relationship with the guy. I know you said you had, in my opinion, the most confusing conversation with him about where you stand on the relationship front, and you told him you wanted nothing, but you’re dating the guy, Hannah! You talk to him every day and see him almost every day,” she says. “As for only knowing him for a few months and comparing him to Lucas—that’s my point exactly. The way you feel about this guy is lightyears away from how you felt about Lucas. I’ve never, not once, heard you speak about Lucas the way you’re speaking about Ian right now. I’ve never seen you get that look on your face before, not for Lucas, not for that foreign exchange student in high school,” she says, making me laugh at the memory of Leo, the Italian exchange student. “Just . . . if it wasn’t for Lucas, would you be questioning how you feel? Would you think you were feeling the way you feel too early?” she asks, using air quotes around the word “early.”
It’s hard to think about what my reality would be if it wasn’t for Lucas. I definitely wouldn’t be living in Calgary. Or would I? I always said I’d love to live out here. I just never had the opportunity, until now. I had to stay in Halifax, for Lucas. I probably would have a book, if not more, published. I would have visited Summer more often. I would be doing what I wanted, when I wanted. More importantly, I would trust myself. I would trust my feelings. I would trust my gut when it told me I was on the right track, and when I was doing something I shouldn’t be doing. I wouldn’t be sitting here questioning myself or my feelings. I would just be enjoying the peaceful ride.
“I can see from the look on your face that you got the same answer I did. You would trust your gut, your feelings. What’s your gut telling you about Ian?” Summer asks, reading my mind.
“It’s telling me to enjoy the ride. That this is it.”
“But?” she asks, earning her a look of disbelief. “Don’t look at me like that! You know I know you better than you know yourself.” she continues with an eye roll.
“He’s twenty-three.” I put up a hand stopping her, before she can interject. “I know I’ve brought it up before, but just hear me out, please? Do you remember being twenty-three? All wild and free? Zero care in the world? I know it’s not a huge age difference, but there is a huge difference between being twenty-three and twenty-nine. Those six years change you. You go from living with rose-colored glasses to being an actual adult. You have nothing stopping you at that age, no limits. God, do you remember all the stupid shit we did at that age? Up all night? Living together, spending all our free time planning travels and scraping by eating ramen for breakfast, lunch, and dinner?”
“Sweetie, now you’re just trying to find an excuse. Two seconds ago you didn’t trust your feelings, now he’s too young,” she starts with an eye roll. “But fine, I’ll play along. We were starving students because my parents had like ten kids and you were too proud to ask your parents for help. He is living a completely different reality. He already has a career. He can’t live the life we did. He’s twenty-three but is managing millions, a high profile career, a home, a cat, and has a great relationship with his parents. From what I see, he’s handling all that successfully. You can’t compare him at twenty-three and us at twenty-three. It’s not fair to him to do that. He’s managing more than we were, and currently are, if I’m being completely honest here. If he says he’s ready and wants to do this with you, you’re going to have to trust him. Nothing is guaranteed. You’re so fixated on him pulling the plug, but what if you wake up in six months and decide you don’t want to do this anymore?”
“I can’t see myself ever wanting to walk away from him,” I say honestly.
“Then why are you assuming he’s going to walk away from you?”
“Because I’m me.”
“By that you better mean: hot, smart, dedicated, loyal, resilient, shall I go on?” she asks with a raised brow.
“No, I get it.”
“Good, now go pack your sexist underwear and have all the sex for both of us since there’s nothing going on here. The desert, I tell you!”
After saying goodbye and promising to send her daily updates while in Florida, I do exactly as she instructed and pack the three sets I got while shopping with Ellie and Lacey, along with the bathing suit they made me buy the day we met.
That night, I lie awake in my bed unable to sleep, thinking about my conversation with Summer. Am I still letting Lucas dictate my life over a year after I left him? Would I have a different opinion of all this if he wasn’t a part of my past? Would I even be questioning anything, or would I just jump right in with Ian and trust my heart?
All these questions bring me back to the pep talk I gave myself at the cabin. I need to stop making choices based on what my past says. I need to make choices for the me that I am now. I need to choose to stop letting my past experiences dictate my future experiences. Plus, it’s not fair to make Ian pay for Lucas’s behaviour. Ian isn’t holding back on me because of his ex-girlfriend.
I’m being unfair, not only to him, but also to me. I have the opportunity to be happy. To maybe be the happiest I’ve ever been with someone who makes me laugh, encourages me, believes in me and who honestly is happy just being with me.
The afternoon after my talk with Summer, I’m still lost in thought about Ian, and what I want out of life and him. Being so lost in thought meant I didn’t get to enjoy the flight to Florida, and we flew in a private plane. Never did I think that I would ever say that I flew in a private plane. Summer is going to lose it when I tell her. Still mind-blown by the fact that I flew private, I don’t realize that we’re pulling up to a gated community. Winding down his window, Ian swipes a card against the reader and the gates open for us. We pass a dozen gorgeous homes with impeccable landscapes before turning into a short driveway and parking the car.
Getting out of the car, I’m in complete awe at the house. It’s not what I was expecting—I don’t know what I was expecting, but it wasn’t this. It’s completely different from Ian’s Calgary home. This is huge and modern, and even the house is light and airy with minimalistic landscaping. Two floors of six, big, white-framed windows line the front of the light blue house. It’s gorgeous. I can’t wait to see the inside.
Walking around to my side, Ian throws an arm over my shoulder and leads me up the two stairs to the front door.
“I hope you like it,” he says softly.
“I already do. If the inside is as gorgeous as the outside, I might never want to leave.”
“That can be arranged,” he answers, unlocking the door and letting me walk in first, as the others are still getting their bags out of the car.
“Wow,” I say, dropping my bag on the side of the door before kicking off my sandals and placing them on the mat by the door. Walking past the foyer, I walk deeper into the open-concept house. Just like the outside, the inside is light and airy, decorated in whites and different shades of light blue. White cupboards and countertops line the kitchen walls further in the house, past the light blue sectional couch filling up the living room. The only thing breaking up the openness is a staircase located between the kitchen and a formal dining room.
“I’d like to take credit for it, but my mom is the mastermind behind this place. I sent her out here to decorate it when I first bought it.”
“She did an amazing job,” I say, slowly spinning, taking everything in again.
”You’ve been holding out on us!” JJ says, walking in with arms full of bags, letting out a low whistle.
“You guys never asked to come,” Ian replies.
“And you decided to get a cabin in the mountains,” Lacey chimes in, shaking her head at her brother. “Definitely should have gotten one of these,” she continues with a slow twirl, taking the house in just as I did.
“You haven’t seen anything yet. Wait until you guys see the backyard,” Levi says, carrying the last of the bags.
“How about we do room assignments and change into bathing suits before we go outside?” Ian suggests.
“Sounds good to me. I’d like to take a quick shower before doing anything,” Ellie agrees.
“Perfect, all the bedrooms are upstairs,” Ian says, turning around to grab my bags and his, leading us all upstairs.
Pointing to the first door on our right, Ian explains, “This is the main bathroom up here, but there is a powder room downstairs. This is one bedroom,” he says, pointing to the next door, again on the right. “And there is the other one” he says, pointing to the door at the end of the hall. “I’ll let you guys figure out who gets what room.”
Turning towards the only door on the left side of the hall, he gives me a chin lift, telling me to open the door.
“This is gorgeous!” I say, walking into the room.
“It’s the only place my mom didn’t decorate, so I take that as a compliment,” Ian answers, closing the door with his foot.
Spinning around, I take in the light blue wall with thick white curtains framing a huge picture window overlooking the pool in the backyard. Sitting under the window are two welcoming reading chairs, a small table, and lamp. The king-size bed is draped in white linen and sitting on top of a fluffy white rug. In front of the bed, between two doors, is a fireplace and a large flat screen TV.
“The door to the left is the closet, feel free to unpack your stuff in there, and to the right is the master bathroom, the main attraction of the house, if I do say so myself!” Ian says, opening the bathroom door with a flourish, nodding for me to walk in.
Walking in, I feel my jaw drop. This place, I can’t even describe it. The majority of the back wall is a glass shower with built-in shelves, a marble bench, and multiple shower heads. Right beside the oversized shower, tucked into the corner, is a huge soaking tub.
“Yes, it has jets,” Ian says, seeing me eye the tub. “And I had the lady who keeps an eye on the place to stock up that cupboard,” he says, pointing at the cupboard under the his-and-hers sinks. “Everything you would need to enjoy a bath while we’re here should be there. I know you’ve been trying to sneak into Levi’s but haven’t had the chance yet.”
“You are just the sweetest,” I say, making my way toward him to wrap my hands around his arms and pull him down for a kiss.
“If I would have known all it took was a bath to get a reaction like that, I would have let you use the one in my master bath in Calgary,” he jokingly says before pulling me back in, deepening the kiss as his hands trail lower on my back, and he wraps his tongue around mine.
“What we really should be doing is giving this shower a repeat of the first night I slept over,” I say, pulling away to swipe my T-shirt over my head.
“Now that, I can get on board with,” Ian agrees, pulling off his own t-shirt and tugging his sport shorts down as he watches me take off my leggings and underwear in one go, lust taking over his eyes. Turning around, I unclip my bra, letting it flutter down my arms. I lean towards the controls to turn on the water, throwing him a wink over my shoulder before walking under the spray.
“What are you doing, Pretty Girl?” he asks in a strained voice as I turn around to face him with a loofa in my hands, casually feathering it down my arms.
“Just washing away the flight,” I answer sweetly as I slowly start dragging the loofa down over one breast, eliciting a moan from me. His eyes immediately darken and focus on my chest as he runs one hand up and down his length.
“Is that so? Because it looks to me like you wanna play,” he remarks, getting closer to the shower and leaning a shoulder against the wall. “How about we play Ian Says? Would you like that, baby?”
Feeling a flush of excitement course through my body, I drop the loofa and just nod my head yes, watching without hesitation as he keeps stroking himself.
“That’s my girl,” he says, running his eyes up and down my body. He’s not touching me, but his gaze is heated enough that I can almost feel his fingertips flutter down the sides of my body. “Sit on the bench, with both hands beside you,” he instructs in a breathy voice. “Spread your legs; let me see what’s mine.”
Unable to not do as I was asked, I feel myself flush even deeper as I spread my legs for him, feeling the wetness between my thighs. Who knew I’d enjoy being bossed around a little. I’ve never had issues touching myself, I’ve just always, always done it privately. Never with an audience.
The things this man can make me do.
“Are you wet?”
On a shaky breath, filled with anticipation as to what he’s going to make me do next, I let out a weak, “Yes.”
“And you don’t even have to check? How about you take that right hand of yours and lightly run it down your neck just how I know you like.”
Doing as instructed, my head falls to the side as goose bumps rise on my arms and thighs sending butterflies to erupt in my low stomach.
“Keep those pretty thighs and eyes open for me, I didn’t say you could close them.”
Whipping my eyes open, I look down to notice that I had started to close my thighs, seeking some kind of relief. Speeding them wider, I give him what I hope is a challenging look.
“That’s a good girl, now run that hand lower.” Slowly running my hand lower, I get interrupted by Ian. “No, no, no. I didn’t say you could touch your nipple. I said to run your fingers down your chest, not to play with your nipple.”
Squeezing my other hand against the ledge of the bench, I listen with a groan as I run my fingers down the valley of my breast, keeping eye contact with Ian as he licks his lower lips, eyes fixed where my fingers are leading. Not waiting for further instructions, I keep moving my fingers lower, widening my thighs. Keeping my eyes on him, I see him fisting his hand with white knuckles and his breath quicken. Smirking, I decide to turn the tables and run my fingers down my center, before circling back up to my clit making my head tilt back and a deep moan escape.
“I don’t remember saying you could do that, Hannah.”
Raising an eyebrow in challenge, I bring my other hand off the bench to caress down my neck, then chest, until I reach my nipple keeping my eyes trained on his.
“How about we change things up a bit?”
“What are you suggesting?” he bites out, pushing away from the wall.
“What I’m suggesting,” I start, still twirling a finger around my nipple, “is that you do as I say.”
“And what do you want me to do?” he asks, stepping into the shower.
“Drop,” I say, pointing to the floor between my thighs. “I’ve had just about enough of your teasing.”
Without a word, he drops to his knees in front of me, landing both hands on the inside of my knees, as his gaze lasers in on my drenched center. Wordlessly, he gives me exactly what I want by bending his head and running his tongue along the inside of my right thigh. Stopping short of where I want his tongue the most, he looks up at me with heat mirroring mine in his eyes as he barely gets out, “Now what?”
“You know what I want,” I say, unable to get the actual words out.
“Use your words.”
Meeting his gaze, I feel my cheeks redden and my arousal stall. Here I am, spread out in front of this gorgeous man on his knees for me, after I told him to get on his knees for me; completely exposed. Yet, the thought of asking him exactly for what I want makes me feel more exposed than anything we’ve done so far.
Nudging the outside of my thigh with his fingers, Ian recaptures my attention, bringing my back to the moment. I have the most gorgeous man on his knees for me, waiting, almost uncontained lust in his eyes asking me what I want from him.
“Lick my pussy. Make me come,” I say barely above a whisper. Without missing a beat, Ian takes control of my thighs, and goes right to swirling his tongue around my clit just the way he knows makes me explode. Not one to waste effort, he has me seeing stars within seconds. I’ve barely come back down, thighs still shaking before he has me standing, turned with my hands against the wall and thrusts into me from behind, making me moan out his name.
“That’s it, Pretty Girl, give me another one,” he says in a breathy voice, sliding a hand back to my clit, playing my body as if he’s been doing it his entire adult life.
Increasing his tempo, he hits that spot just right and in time with his finger on my clit. He has my entire body shivering, making him fall off the edge right along with me, stiffening behind me.
He drops a soft kiss on the nape of my neck, giving me another full body shiver before slowly pulling out, making me feel empty, before pulling me into his chest and placing his chin on top of my head.
Basking in the afterglow, I feel his erratic heart beat matching mine. With one last squeeze he pulls away from me, turning me so I’m facing him with water cascading down my back. I had completely forgotten we were in the shower. Somehow he has me forgetting where I am, or what’s my name, even just with one touch. It was bad before we decided to give this a try. Just catching his gaze from across the room or the brush of his hand when passing me a plate or a drink would send my mind and heart in a tailspin, but now it’s like every time he touches me, or gives me any kind of attention he’s soothing me, grounding my soul, making me feel more alive and more confident then I have in years.
“Shit,” I hear him swear as I feel his body stiffen in front of me, distracting me from my thoughts, and from his soft hand threading shampoo through my hair. “We forgot a condom.”
With Lucas, those words would have me in a spiral but with Ian I simply say, “It’s fine. I’m on the pill and I’m clean. I was tested after Lucas and I haven’t been with anyone but you.”
Grabbing the shampoo, I reach up to shampoo his hair, making him relax into my touch, “Okay, good. I’ve never been without . . . and I’m clean as well. We get tested every so often with the team and I haven’t been with anyone, other than you, since my last clean bill of health.”
It makes me happy to know that he’s never been so lost in someone to forget to use protection. It eases my jealousy of thinking he was more than your average player before meeting me. The boost of confidence knowing I’m the only one who gets to see him like this, who can make him forget about the basics of sex is almost sinful, it has me doing an internal happy dance. Lost in the post-orgasmic-sexually-empowered-haze, I don’t realize that Ian has finished washing my hair, conditioned it, and washed my body until he turns off the water and wraps a soft, fluffy white towel around me.
“Thank you,” I softly say, blushing and looking down at my lavender painted toes.
“Welcome back down to earth,” he says with a cheeky smile, earning him a soft slap against the abs. Abs that I have yet to lick my way down , I think to myself as my tongue peeks out to lick against my bottom teeth.
“As much as I love that look in your eyes, and as much as I wanna know what’s going on in that pretty head of yours to make you lick your lip like that—we need to get dressed and meet our friends outside.” Like a switch, his words bring me back to reality, making my blush deepen knowing, without a doubt, that without batting an eye, Lacey will comment on how long our shower took the minute we step outside. Giving my head a small shake, I hear him mumble as he walks out of the bathroom, “Why did I allow them to come with us?”