Chapter Nineteen
Evan had retreated to Ravenhurst’s closed carriage with Hannah in his arms as soon as she’d collapsed. No doubt she’d been strong for far too long, and the events of the evening were rather much to take in if one wasn’t used to subterfuge or death.
They’d rested in the relative privacy of the vehicle for a quarter of an hour.
Though his cheek still stung from her clap, he couldn’t help but grin. His plan had been carried off brilliantly, and now he was free to choose his own future. When he rapped on the carriage roof, he gave the driver the address of Hannah’s townhouse.
As soon as the conveyance lurched into motion, she roused. He’d laid her in his lap while the rest of her was stretched out on the well-sprung bench, so she stared at him in confusion.
“Where am I?”
“In Ravenhurst’s carriage that I borrowed. I’m conveying you home.” Though he spoke as if the events of the night were commonplace, in reality, he was trying to remain calm for both himself and her as he gathered his thoughts. Would she think him a monster?
She peered up at him. “Tonight wasn’t a a nightmare?”
“I’m afraid not.”
“You truly shot and killed Mr. Littleton.” It wasn’t a question.
“I did, and I maintain why.” He shrugged. “If that isn’t something you can square with, I respect that, but I don’t regret it. Besides, the authorities can’t bring a dead man to trial, hmm?”
“Do you think everything is a game, for you to manipulate?” Once Hannah struggled into a sitting position next to him with her stained and dirty skirting disheveled around her, she met his gaze.
“What I saw tonight?” She shook her head.
“I’ll have night terrors for years, and that was without you falsifying your own death. ”
He deserved that. “I apologize. Some things are unavoidable.” Would she forever hate him, then? “I hope you can forgive me for what I’ve done.”
“It will take time for me to sort everything out in my mind.” Silence reigned in the carriage, broken only by the sound of the wheels on the road.
Finally, after she searched his face with her gaze, she spoke.
“That is only one reason I’m furious with you.
The other is that you gave up your birthright to your half-brother.
Why? It’s what you’ve wanted for years, it’s what you’ve been since a child. It is your destiny.”
“No, it was fate. Destiny is a man’s own making.” He couldn’t help but grin. The feeling of freedom was quite appealing and the weight he’d worn unconsciously about his shoulders had lifted. “It was simple, really.”
“What was?” A frown turned the corners of her kissable lips downward. “I don’t understand.”
“Suffice it to say, I finally realized what I wanted from life.” When she didn’t appear convinced and was certainly not following the direction of his thoughts, he sighed as he took one of her hands in his.
“Yes, it’s true I wanted the title all these years, but I never got over you, Anna.
Never forgot you.” She would either believe him or she wouldn’t.
“Returning to London, seeing you again?” He shook his head, for he wasn’t sure if it made sense to him either.
“Everything came hurtling back. The moment I kissed you, bedded you, I fell into your web, and I was glad for it.”
“You were?” Doubt and confusion shadowed her eyes, only visible when they passed a gas lamp once they reached the perimeter of Mayfair.
“Yes. Then I found your letters, saw the sketches of our child…” Emotion graveled his voice, and the rumble of the carriage wheels over the cobblestones competed with it.
“The lock of Charlotte’s hair broke me, hearing the stories of her shredded my heart.
I missed everything, and for that I will always hate myself.
” He forced a swallow into his suddenly dry throat.
“I… I knew then, knew it deep in my soul…”
Hannah’s frown deepened yet her chin trembled. “Knew what? I’m quite confused right now, but I need to hear the words.”
“No doubt you are. It’s been a long, trying night.
” Needing more of an intimate connection with her, Evan encouraged her onto his lap until she straddled his waist. He wanted to peer into her eyes when he confessed everything, but the warmth of her was distracting.
“I knew I wanted you, over everything else, regardless of what it would cost, and I also knew I could never have you in all the ways that mattered if I were the Duke of Bettington.”
“Good heavens.” Shock reflected in her expression. “Why would you do that? I’m not worth giving up your birthright for, Evan. I never was.”
How much did he adore this woman? “Poppycock. You have learned to think that because of society. They don’t value you because of your past, so you’ve adopted devaluing yourself, and that is quite a false narrative.”
She continued to frown. “Yet you are pretending to be dead.”
“Indeed.” With a wink, he slipped his hands about her waist to cup her buttocks and pull her flush against his body.
God, she felt so good. “After we spoke of Charlotte, thoughts plagued me in a jumbled mess, but earlier tonight, at the rout, I began to formulate a plan with some of the men at the club. That’s why we retired to Foxcroft’s study for a bit.
We needed this to be convincing.” Even now, he still couldn’t believe they’d done it so splendidly.
“We needed James to fully believe that I was good and dead this time.”
“This time?”
“He tried to have me killed a few times over the years while I was away. No doubt to solidify his bid to become the duke.” Then he shrugged.
None of it mattered any longer. “Even if I gained the title, he’d still try to kill me, because he lusted after the title more than anything else, and life is far too short to live in fear or constantly look over my shoulder.
I would never be free of him otherwise, and neither would you. ”
“Meaning?”
Surely, she had an inkling of what he hinted at. “Meaning, I let James shoot me during the duel. I needed that to happen, and I needed witnesses to that fact.”
A snort issued from her. “Friends who lied for you?”
“Well yes, that was a vital part of the plan.” He couldn’t help but chuckle. “What is the point of having powerful friends if they can’t help out now and again?”
Hannah shook her head as she stared at him. “This is insane.”
“Perhaps, but a man needs to be a little mad in order to win the woman who has had his heart all these years.” Daring much, he brushed his lips over hers then pulled away when she didn’t immediately respond. “You have a rebuttal.” It wasn’t a question.
She nodded. “Of course it’s all lies. It’s what you are apparently skilled at.”
“Not all I’m skilled at, or have you forgotten the scandal we’ve indulged in together over the past week?” He winked when a blush stained her cheeks.
“What happens when it all comes crashing down and someone sees you about Town?”
“None of that will occur, for I don’t plan to linger in London.”
She gasped. “You are leaving? After you promised not to?”
To quell her budding hysteria, and desperate to convince her, Evan held her head between his palms. “Let me finish. All of that to say… I love you, Hannah. Deeply. Profoundly. Outrageously. Hopelessly. You have my heart and soul. Perhaps you always have, and like a nodcock, I ignored that fact.” It was the most truth he’d ever told anyone.
Doubt lay etched through her expression. “But… your future…”
“I have no future unless you are in it. Don’t you see?
” Why wasn’t she convinced? “I only need you. Nothing else matters to me. Not the title, not my place in society, not the things I can buy. I want you; I’ve always only wanted you.
As the duke, society would never let me have you, marry you, let you be my duchess without serious repercussions and perhaps shun the pair of us.
Frankly, society and their ridiculous rules can go hang.
You are worth far more than those.” A self-conscious laugh left his throat.
“And perhaps I want a family with you. I also want the sea, but I have a feeling that will come eventually.”
“What?” She scoffed but a sparkle of hope glimmered in her clear, gray eyes. “There is every possibility I’m too old to bear another child.”
“You aren’t that ancient, sweeting, but I understand your concerns.
If that is true, then we’ll adopt. There are so many unwanted children in London, in England, in the world.
We’ll gather them and form our own family, just as I have done for myself at the club.
” Would she believe him now? “If being a mother is what you wish for, I will move heaven and earth until you have it, but I want that with you. There is no one else for me.”
“You gave up your birthright in order to be with me.” Tears welled in her eyes. When they spilled to her cheeks, he wiped them away with the pads of his thumbs. “I don’t know what to say.”
“Say yes. Marry me. Travel the world with me once my ship’s repairs are completed.
Hell, if you never wish to return to England, we don’t have to, and frankly, since I’m dead, we should probably stay out of London anyway.
” A laugh left his throat. It was ridiculous to finally be free of all of it, made him feel so light and almost carefree.
“The future hasn’t been written yet, and for once in my life, I don’t know what it may hold, but I do know that I want to take care of you; you’ll never need to work as a courtesan or a mistress again. ”
“So tempting…” Her brow furrowed. “Where will we live?”
“Wherever you want. If that’s on the ship or elsewhere it doesn’t matter, as long as we are together, because I’m not giving you up this time nor am I walking away.” Would she believe him? “Never again will you be alone.” And neither would he.
She laid a hand on his shoulder and her other one on his chest. “This is all like some fantastical dream. After so many years…”